by ericparton
Yeah.
The Web. TJ’s video, enhanced by animation with a rap soundtrack. Gotta love the way the thing caught À re online. A lotta creativity went into making sure i would want to stop breathing.
And that’s where my confession of deep thoughts turns back to the story narrative.
Because, Caro decided on intervention and showed the mess to Mom and Dad.
Who freaked.
Shit.
i freaked that they freaked.
A veritable freak fest.
Epic.
Here’s the thing. Don’t you think adults should be able to control their amygdala with cognitive thinking skills? Kinda like what they tell us time and time and time again. Yeah. That word. Time. How many times? Ad inÀ nitum, right? Anger management. Blah. Blah. Blah.
(think people)
(don’t go manic on me)
Dad on a rampage.
30
INVISIBLE-I-AM
31
GREGG DAVIS
He might be a mild-mannered, chemistry professor but his years as an intelligence ofÀ cer gave him a warrior dimension. Yeah. my dad the geek. Real life James Bond. Cover blown when he confronted Jack’s dad, Boyd.
i want your opinion. Should i be mortiÀ ed that Boyd frog-marched his son to my house to apologize to me? Complete with a baseball bat. Talkin’
about stereotypical Southern male balls.
(tee hee)
Let me tell you the story. Cause that’s what i do. Tell you stories.
Dad came home, pleased with how he protected his daughter and everything. We met up with Mom in the library. Disturbed by my father’s louder-than-normal voice, A’ja arose from the depths of a leather chair and stalked out of the room.
“Gregg,” he announced. “You may want to change your clothes.”
“For what?” At this point i felt a little rebellious. “Is the President coming?”
(given my parents’ political activism, not too unrealistic)
“No,” he answered. “Jack is.”
Nya-nyah.
This felt hypocritical to the max and beyond.
i fought back with logic rather than hysteria. Using my strong words like they taught me instead of indulging in a tantrum.
my opening position?
“What about self-empowerment?”
He looked impassive.
i repeated the sentiment in a different way.
“What about letting me handle my life, myself?”
32
INVISIBLE-I-AM
When Mom put her arm around me in an effort to guide me upstairs, i jerked back.
Tried being À rm.“No. Not going to happen.”
“Come along, darling,” Mom said. “You don’t want to face this unprepared.”
UNPREPARED?
WAS SHE KIDDING ME?
my laughter sounded hysterical, even to me.
Which gave her the ability to corral me up the steps and into my room.
A’ja followed us and jumped on top of my dresser.
Pacing, my laughter turned to rage.
“How can you and Dad do this to me? What about respect for my bound-aries?”
“Be fair,” she responded. “You didn’t tell us how bad the situation was.”
“Because you couldn’t handle it!” i screamed.
“And, you can?” she responded. “Gregg, no one can handle something like this without support. You’re not as tough as you want to be. No one is.”
“i did ok.”
“By becoming invisible?”
(yeah)
(got me there)
“But this is heinous. What do you expect me to do? Play nice? After all that jerk’s done to me?”
“Your father believes Jack must own the damage he inÁ icted on you.”
33
GREGG DAVIS
“At the expense of my power? The testosterone rationale of this creeps me out. Why should Jack be absolved by engaging in this ridiculous charade?
He’s not sorry. If he were, none of this would have happened. He would not have walked away, leaving me to . . .”
i caught myself reliving the terror and screamed, “FUCK!”
“Stop this now and À nd your dignity. Jack might hear you.” Mom crossed her arms in front of her. i was violating the Davis code of moderate behavior.
“Let him.” i did not back down. “i don’t have to be nice for any guy.”
She looked thoughtful.
“Please tell me you get it, Mom. Don’t make me play a little girl in need of my father’s protection. That’s not how you live. Why do you want to make me weak?”
She stared at me for a minute then walked over to my bookcase and picked up a picture of my father and me from when we went hiking in Wyoming last year. Then she surprised me by breaking the united front with my father.
(unheard of)
(they never do that)
“Maybe it would be good for you to confront Jack on your own terms. Your father can’t control what you say.”
“Well, don’t expect me to look pretty.”
She laughed, “Pretty is over-rated.”
Too easy.
i didn’t realize she initiated her own personal revenge even as Dad raced to confront Jack.
34
INVISIBLE-I-AM
35
GREGG DAVIS
No. She let me run with it for awhile but, trust me, the specters of hell awaited all the perpetrators.
Meanwhile back in the moment, i glanced to my right at the mirror over my bureau.
A’ja leapt down and sauntered to the bathroom.
Okay.
The cat might be offering some good advice. A clean face would give me a certain righteousness, but no changing clothes. No more making an effort to impress Jack Turner.
“Would you come get me when he gets here?”
“Sure.” She hugged me before leaving, then paused. “Proud of you.”
i used deep breathing exercises to relax. In with the good air. Out with the bad. A’ja curled up on the bed next to me. Yeah, Mom’s knock on the door jarred me. i had drifted to such a peaceful place. The cat, ever alert, dashed out as soon as i opened it.
“He’s here?” i asked the obvious, trying to tame that illusive À end, time.
(and my heartbeat)
“Yes.” She smiled. “In the sitting room. The men seem determined to force the poor boy into submission.”
“Great. A willing apology.” i smirked.
“You may want to wait before joining us to build some tension,” she suggested. “Make your entrance when you choose. Take control.”
(yeah)
(Sallie knew how to work over people)
“I like it. Thanks.”
36
INVISIBLE-I-AM
The pause, after she left, gave me a chance to devise a strategy.
A long, reassuring look in the mirror. Later, i went to assert myself as a mighty woman.
All the thinking it through did not prevent me from getting madder and madder as i walked down the stairs. After all, facing down Big Bad Bald Boyd Turner required a certain amount of fortitude. Did i mention the guy’s 6’4” with the girth of a beer-guzzling bear. (with no hair?) Bet his butt had hair. How could someone be intimidating with a hairy ass?
(i know, i know)
(tried not to think about it)
A’ja stalked in with me when i entered the room. The men rose but Mom stayed seated and tried not to beam at me.
“Gregg,” Jack’s father began the conversation, (no joke) leaning on the baseball bat as a prop. “Before my son says anything, I want you to know how upset Mrs. Turner and I are about his disgraceful behavior. You are a member of our family, our honorary daughter, and have been for a long time. Even if he wanted to stop dating you, he should not have lied to you and should have been honorable enough to settle the matter in private.
Furthermore, he should have insisted that his friends t
reat you with respect.”
Quite a list of should-haves. All justiÀ ed. But a little wordy for boisterous Boyd Turner.
Mom raised her right eyebrow as she stared at the guy.
(never a good sign)
i knew i should be polite.
(even though he often made me feel more like a nuisance than his daughter)
“Thank you, Mr. Turner. i enjoyed being in your home.”
i didn’t look at Jack, who, i could sense, seemed to be swaying, in that funny 37
GREGG DAVIS
I’m-not-going-to-faint-because-my knees-are-locked sorta way.
Mr. Turner continued, oblivious to my uneasiness. Why wouldn’t he let it go? i wanted to say things to his groady son.
“You are more than gracious to agree to be in the same room with us. I am not sure I could if I had been subjected to such cruelty. I want you to know I don’t expect anything from you. My son did what he did and the consequences are his.”
(obsequious, anyone?)
Not to be cynical or anything, but the dude needed to shut up.
And.
His fondling of the baseball bat’s knob had to stop.
Jack began À dgeting, as if knowing his cue.
“Look, Gregg. I — ”
“Don’t.” i raised my hand to make him stop.
my father started in, “Gregg, don’t you think you should hear what . . .”
“No.”
The pace of this conversation belonged to me.
“Mom, Dad, Mr. Turner.” i kept my words À rm. “Would you please leave?”
my mother stood and gestured to the men. “Gentlemen, why don’t you join me in the library? Our young people want privacy.”
(go, Mom)
She winked at me as she closed the door behind me.
i decided to play gracious.
38
INVISIBLE-I-AM
39
GREGG DAVIS
“Please. Sit down, Jack.” i motioned toward the straight-backed, hard-wood chair.
Oh! i stood a couple of feet away to gain the advantage of looking down on him. Are you kidding? i rehearsed this every-girl’s-tell-off-the-bastard-dream-scene in my bedroom many late nights. No one would ever be able to take this moment from me.
“You started to say something earlier and i interrupted. Please accept my apology.”
(Don’t you love my magnanimity? i apologized À rst.)
“We’ve conducted our relationship in private. No reason to start having parental supervision now, wouldn’t you agree?”
(i kept things formal since we were no longer . . . you know . . . )
“Um,” he mumbled.
His eyes sought the door as if escape were possible.
(ha)
“i know you must feel sorry for your behavior. Why else would you be here?”
“Uhhhh.”
Loved the squirming.
“You were thoughtful. my best friend at one time,” i said in a gentle voice.
Not what he expected. His head popped up.
“And, as my erstwhile boyfriend, you know many of my secrets. However, not the most recent.”
He seemed wary all of a sudden.
Don’t know why.
40
INVISIBLE-I-AM
(yeah)
(loved this moment)
“As you can see, I’m À ne. No cause for you to worry about the ramiÀ ca-tions of your role in the unfortunate events of the last couple of weeks.”
He blinked.
“Yes. That’s all. Goodbye.”
I strolled toward the door, all nonchalant, determined to let him hold it for the rest of his life.
“Gregg, wait.”
“Not interested.”
How dare he ruin my grand exit.
“Look. I get you don’t want to be here with me. But, you need to know this.”
“Now you’re going to watch my back? Sweet, Jack. Real, sweet.”
“I’m trying.”
“Don’t.”
“Got it. No surrender.”
(was he kidding?)
(me, surrender?)
A’ja hissed.
i reached for the door handle. But, he said something that made me stop.
“Your mom.”
41
GREGG DAVIS
“my mom, what?”
“You never mentioned she owned so much land in Columbia.”
“Yeah. Family stuff along the river. Not relevant.”
(i never mentioned the vast holdings elsewhere in the world either. not a big deal in my life. my family emphasized privacy and discretion.)
“C’mon, Gregg. Big Boyd’s in commercial real estate.”
“Big Boyd. Big Deal.”
“Don’t you get his change in attitude toward you? All the ‘you’re a member of our family’ shit?”
“Yeah. That seemed odd. He never paid attention to us before.”
“Well, it wasn’t anything your father said that got Boyd overheated. Well.
Except for the fact that me and the Fontaine’s treated you bad.”
“The Fontaine’s and I.” His grammar was still hopeless.
“The Fontaine’s and I.” Jack bowed.
“Wait a minute. Why would Boyd be upset about the Fontaine’s piece of this?”
“My mother wanted to know that, too.”
i glared at him.
(the point, jerk)
(the point?)
“Um, their mother is Boyd’s mistress.”
“What?”
42
INVISIBLE-I-AM
43
GREGG DAVIS
“News to me, too. She’s my father’s executive assistant.”
“You. Don’t. Mean.”
“I was a tool.”
“No argument there.”
His sad laugh almost unglued me. I remembered all those . . .
“Make the connections, Gregg.”
i sat down.
On the Á oor.
“Boyd wants to buy my mom’s land for development. She won’t do it now.”
He knelt next to me.
“Go the rest of the way.”
“Hayley and TJ . . .”
“Hayley and TJ played me, ruined you, for revenge. We had everything they wanted.”
“That’s twisted.”
(like a mean-siblings-use-sex-to-wreck-innocent-lives screenplay) (did i mention the Fontaines were nothing but trite?)
“I’m sorry, Gregg. I don’t deserve your forgiveness but at least you know the truth.”
“Yeah. Don’t see the forgiveness thing happening.”
“Sorry.”
44
INVISIBLE-I-AM
“Look. You did a good thing, telling me.”
He offered to help me stand.
But.
i could stand on my own.
45
GREGG DAVIS
CHAPTER FOUR
um
Guess this is where i’d offer something profound.
(but, to do that, i would need breath)
Money.
Position.
Privilege.
Would appear my family’s humble demeanor left me vulnerable to a brutal attack.
No protection.
But, wow.
Mess with Sallie’s girl and pay the price.
The Turner’s. The Fontaines. Ruined.
Wanted to feel bad for Jack but couldn’t come up with it.
He deserved everything and more.
Mom’s attorney nailed TJ. Plea-bargained jail time without my having to testify in court.
Everyone in the video, expelled from school and charges À led.
46
INVISIBLE-I-AM
47
GREGG DAVIS
Every image of me on the Internet, expunged.
The principal and school district? $70 million lawsuit. Mom didn’t want the money for us. She’s asked the judge
to stipulate the establishment of safe places in schools where kids with no resources can go if bullied.
The power of high-priced legal representation.
Hayley? Her mother lost custody to her father. Hayley now attends a Christian school.
(know she’s enjoying that)
Which left me.
Home-schooled with a private tutor. Dad prepped me for AP’s. Nothing would be allowed to disrupt my eventual acceptance into an ivy league university.
(being a professor’s daughter carried certain obligations) And of course, the therapists.
Individual therapy.
Family therapy.
The latest in post traumatic stress therapy.
All of us, working together, to À x me.
i don’t mean to minimize the legal repercussions or the hard work it took to make me functional again.
New techniques exist that can heal things like bullying Á ashbacks. With the guidance of the À nest specialist available, i removed the emotional part of the experience and no longer felt horrible reactions to my memories.
Replaced the whole hideous thing with positive cognition. i think that’s what they call it. Quite miraculous.
48
INVISIBLE-I-AM
But, i mean, how to deal with a mother who seemed benign but could become the unrelenting Snow Queen when necessary? The woman destroyed her enemies. Could she do the same to me? Did i know her or only the parts she wanted to reveal to me? Other things about her started to make me feel unsettled. Like her regular disappearances on mysterious missions.
Her international network of friends.
Never worried about these before the incident.
(a euphemism my family used when talking about my situation).
my prior, myopic life.
(focused on no one but Jack and me)
i began to feel guilty about my birthright. my therapist likened it to survivor’s guilt. Why did i deserve special treatment? Way too many kids don’t have the same advantages and face much worse with no reprieve. i mean, what about human trafÀ cking? What about child labor in third world sweat shops? And, don’t get me started on girls who get mutilated and denied education because of their gender. Hard to reconcile.
All my internal stuff aside, my parents were not through with me.
Around the middle of April, whispered phone calls became the status quo.
Don’t you love that term? The status, my friend, is “quo.” Which? What?
Where? Ha. Ha.
(geek humor)
Anyway.
my parents hovered. Hated the hovering. Dad insisted i start running with him in the morning and when i say morning. i mean 5:30 am, when sane people still sleep in their beds.