by Lucy Adler
“Poor kids,” Angela replied with an insincere frown. “They all think they were here because they’re special. They thought it was a program to prepare them for leadership when, in reality, they’re just perfect little followers!” she laughed.
“Yup. Not like you, Angie,” Eric winked. “These kids are just sheep. But you’re the real deal! Will you remember me when you’re a big-shot Doctor one day?”
He laughed but she only gave him a fleeting smile in return. Then Eric left the office and Angela lost herself in her work.
17
Month: 4 | Day: 15 | Year: 60
GRASSHOPPER
Helena had suggested that Daria take a couple of days to relax and enjoy catching up with her friends. After everything they had all been through, she thought they could use some time just to have fun being together again.
Obviously, the situation with Jake and Brix still hung over them like grey skies at the tail end of a storm. One of the healers had spent quite a while with them both and was convinced that whatever was going on, it wasn’t physical. But Helena promised to keep watch over them while Daria got the break she needed.
It had been a lighthearted two days as the four of them, including Phillip, went for snowmobile rides through the hills, sat by the canyon and watched the waterfall, and raided the greenhouses for lunch. They even managed to organise a massive snowball fight with as many people as they could find. The buildings that had already been damaged from the fire made perfect ‘forts’, so they didn’t worry too much about broken windows or dented walls. There was something cathartic about filling the scarred houses with laughter and shouts of joy - even if it included phrases like “Hit her before she gets to cover!” or “You’re gonna eat this one, Maxy!”
“So, ready for a new lesson?” Helena asked as Daria came into the dining room for breakfast.
“Sounds good!”
“If you have the time, I’ve got two for you today. But we’ll see how long your first one lasts. It’s with Aury.”
“Nice!” Daria said with a thumbs up.
“I want her to explore Casting and dream figures with you. I know you only got the basics with Brett, but I’d like to see how far you can go at this point. And don’t be discouraged if you can’t do what Aury does. Just see where the moment takes you.”
“Sweet. I’m looking forward to it!”
____________________________
The snowmobile slowed down and then came to a stop in the middle of the field, just north of the settlement.
“What’s up?” Daria asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Here?”
“What’s wrong with here?”
“Oh, well, I guess everyone’s taken me to these special spots before. Like up in the forest, or out on the lake, or to the edge of the canyon. I just kinda thought we were going somewhere... you know, special.”
“We are!” Aury replied with a flick of her eyebrows. “It’s all about getting creative and imaginative with this particular gift. It’s all about what’s up here,” she said, tapping Daria on the head, “and in here,” she continued, tapping her on the chest. “Don’t worry about what’s around you.”
“Yes, Master Aury,” Daria teased as she gave her a solemn bow.
“Ooh, I quite like that!”
The two girls flopped down in the snow and made themselves comfortable.
“You know how to start, right?” Aury asked her, getting straight to business.
“Um, I think so. I just need to sorta get to that place where I can look down on myself, right?”
“Exactly. Then what?”
“Brett said to focus until I get the sense that I can move my body.”
“And it worked the first time you tried?”
“Yeah. I saw a dream figure rise out of me. I mean, I didn’t do much with it but it was still pretty awesome!”
“Alright, here’s what I want us to do now,” Aury said, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her knees. “Let’s go to that place and have you cast another dream figure. Then we’ll talk.”
“How will we talk?” Daria asked, a little confused.
“You’ll enter my dream-state. Duh,” Aury replied with a roll of her eyes.
“Uhh, I tried that before. With Brett.”
“And?”
“And, I kinda lost control of the dream figure. I couldn’t do both at the same time.”
“Don’t worry,” Aury said, waving her hand. “I believe in you!”
Daria laughed.
“Oh, is that all it takes?”
“Just trust me. I am Master Aury, after all.”
____________________________
She sighed with pleasure as she passed through the Veil.
What was it Brett had called the dream-state?
A refuge. A sanctuary within the Gift.
She felt it.
Like... home.
The lights, the comets...
She wasn’t just observing them, or enjoying them.
She was in a kind of harmony with them. As though they were adrift on the same river, carried along by the same current.
“Aury’s probably waiting.”
She sat down and closed her eyes.
She envisioned herself in the middle of the field.
The voice didn’t even have to speak this time. It didn’t have to tell her to ‘RISE’.
It was as if they simply gave each other a knowing look.
And then she saw herself, seated amidst a blanket of snow. And Aury, opposite her. Eyes closed, focused.
“Alright, let’s try this part first.”
She reached out to her friend, approaching the secondary veil that stood between them.
She passed through with ease, into the blackness that guarded the sanctuary of Aury’s own dream-state.
“Hello?”
“Hey, kiddo!”
“Nice! I just wanted to try this again normally before I try it while casting. That didn’t take too much effort.”
“Good. Now get to it! Let’s see a dream figure!”
Daria laughed.
“Alright. Um, I’ll be back, I guess.”
She slipped out of the blackness, returning to her own dream-state.
She sat down and focused, visualising her physical self once more.
And she nudged her body to move.
Once again, more than muscles or joints, tendons or tissue, she felt potential.
She felt raw energy coursing through her.
And as she nudged, it was as if the energy moved around her thoughts, around her will, like blades of grass bending in the wind.
First a hand, then an arm. Then another. Then a head and torso emerged until the being rose to its feet and took two steps forward.
It stood atop the snow without sinking into it. Without even making a footprint.
It’s rich black colour was punctuated by flickering purple lights that made Daria feel as though she were gazing into the depths of space as she stared at the figure.
At her figure.
Because she knew it was more than an expression of ancient power.
It was an extension of herself as well.
It was both, together.
“Something beautiful and fearsome,” she whispered to herself.
And as she thought about Jake’s words, she remembered Aury.
“Ok, first step - done. Now let’s try talking at the same time.”
She laughed at herself.
“I never thought I’d have to relearn how to stand and talk at the same time!”
She focused again on the energy, the blood in the veins of the dream figure. She focused on her connection with it and tried to hold it in her mind - or rather, in a place deeper than thought.
Like the rushing sound of the distant waterfall that afternoon by the canyon, she tried to allow the connection to pass into the background. Not to close it or lose sight of it but to make it a part of her next movement.
She glanced at Aury still seated patiently in the snow, eyes closed.
Then she reached out to her friend.
The veil was heavier this time, just like it had been with Brett. But she tried to press through.
At first, she focused on it, attempting to push back against its weight. But as she did, the connection with the dream figure began to break up.
She stopped pushing against the veil and the connection returned, steady and clear.
She thought about the situation for a moment, then decided to try the opposite.
This time, Daria focused more on sensing the energy of the dream figure while attempting to ‘lean’ into the veil with her will, like someone pushing against a door with their back while their arms are busy carrying something else.
And it worked.
“Aury?”
“Woo-hoo! You did it, kiddo!”
“I think so!” Daria said with a sigh of relief. “But I have no idea how long I can keep this up.”
She was already feeling strained, as if she really were carrying some kind of weight and needed to set it down before her arms gave out.
“Alright,” Aury started, “so you’re holding on to that energy, right? The force that’s powering the dream figure?”
“Yup. Barely.”
“You can feel it coursing through the both of you, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, so here’s the thing you have to realise. It’s not actually coursing through you. It exists outside of you - even outside of the dream figure itself. I’m sure Brett told you this but we call it Casting because you’re casting a figure in the ‘light’ of your gift. And just like a shadow isn’t really the thing itself, in the same way the dream figure isn’t really the power itself. Think of it as a footprint, a sign that the gift inside you is passing through the visible world.”
Daria was still struggling to juggle the connection with her dream figure and the connection with Aury, while also listening to her friend and trying to absorb the lesson.
“Right, right,” she said quickly. “So, what do you want me to do? I need to focus on one thing or I’m going to lose both pretty soon.”
“And that’s exactly why I wanted us to talk here instead of out there. You gotta let go, Dashy. The power isn’t dependent upon you. It doesn’t start with you, and it doesn’t end with you. You’re just a conduit. Just a point of contact. You’re important, yes. But not that important!”
“This is a strange pep talk!” Daria laughed.
“Don’t be afraid of losing the connection. Just relax into it. Let yourself rest in the idea that the power doesn’t need you. Then it’s all easy peasy!” her friend laughed.
Daria couldn’t help remembering her conversation with Helena from a few days earlier.
“I’m not the centre of this,” she whispered to herself.
“What?” Aury asked.
“Nothing. Ok, I’ll give it a try and then come back here.”
“No, no, no. Try it now. Try it here.”
Daria was nearly at her end. She felt herself wincing as she focused. It almost hurt, in an oddly ethereal way. She wasn’t sure she had the strength to continue, but she was willing to try.
“Alright. Here I go.”
But here I go... what?
How do I try not to try?
I wish she had let me go back into my dream-state...
Daria longed for the purple stars and comets. The gentle, pulsing light. The almost imperceptible whooshing sound as they pass by her, greeting her and dancing in her presence.
The peace she feels just being among them.
Just being.
And then it slowly began to dawn on her.
She realised that she didn’t have to find some new way to focus. She didn’t have to discover a new angle or a new perspective.
It had been with her from the beginning.
It was as simple as embracing the thing she loved most about her new life.
It was as simple as just... being.
She breathed out a long, deep sigh.
Then she breathed in the joy, the rest, the peace.
It suddenly felt like she had been sitting upright in a rocking chair but had forgotten that the point was to lean back and let it rock.
The stars, the comets, the light that surrounded her in her sanctuary within the Gift...
It wasn’t just a starting point...
It wasn’t just the place to find the power inside her...
It was the power.
The straining eased.
There was a sensation of weight being lifted from somewhere deep inside her.
And through it all, the connection with the dream figure actually grew stronger.
It wasn’t something she needed to find or locate in the darkness.
It wasn’t a signal that needed to be received.
It simply... was.
The energy coursed through her, though she now understood what Aury meant.
It felt as though it were coming from somewhere outside her and then continuing on to somewhere beyond her, beyond even the dream figure itself.
And even though she was carried along by its current, the river itself was greater still.
____________________________
“Well?”
Aury had waited patiently as Daria lingered at the threshold of her dream-state. But she was getting too excited to wait any longer.
“Dashy! Hey! How’s it going?”
“It’s... too much.”
“What do you mean? Are you still feeling the strain?”
“No. I mean it’s just too... beautiful. It’s perfect.”
“Ah, now you’re gettin’ it, kiddo!” Aury laughed.
“I’m still in the blackness here, in your dream-state. But it feels like I’m in my own. The connection is so... deep. It’s like I went from trying to swim in wet cement to swimming in a crystal clear lake.”
“Ooh, nicely put! You sound like Master Daria now!” Aury teased her.
“Hardly!” she laughed. “I’m still you’re little grasshopper!”
“Hey, maybe that can be like your ‘signature’ animal form when you’re casting?”
“Oh no, please. I hate bugs.”
“I’m just kidding!” Aury laughed. “But let’s try getting creative. You up for it?”
“Definitely.”
“Ok, so now you know that the energy, the power, is moving beyond you. That it’s not constrained by your body or the figure itself. This means that you should be able to express your connection in whatever form you want.”
“That makes sense. But if it’s that simple, shouldn’t any caster be able to come up with whatever form they want? Brett made this sound like it was something ‘next level’.”
“Try it first, Dashy. The idea is simple. Actually doing it is a little harder.”
“So, do I get rid of this other dream figure first?”
“You can. Or you can change it. Up to you.”
“Which is easier?” Daria laughed.
“Probably starting from scratch, actually.”
It didn’t take much effort.
Daria released the dream figure and it quickly receded into her physical body, which was still seated in the snow opposite Aury’s.
“Alright, here we go,” she said as she focused herself and tried to implement everything she had learned.
Wait a minute... Where do I start?
Brett said to focus on my body until I felt like I could move it.
But what do I focus on now, if I’m going to create something that’s not me?
Oh great. Step One, and I’m already confused!
Then Daria remembered what Brett had said about Aury’s abilities: “She takes this to a different level with her imagination.”
So, just make something up?
But what?
Do I even have an imagination?
She laughed at herself but she also tried desperatel
y to think of the last time she really lost herself in a made-up world, or even in some interesting idea.
There hadn’t been much time or space for imagination before.
And then, for the last two years she had just been way too tired, even for daydreaming.
She felt a little embarrassed that the only things she could remember imagining were scenes of Jake professing his love for her.
I’m such a dork.
Or the times she imagined a table full of food when she was hiking to and from the cabin on an empty stomach.
Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to try to make my dream figure look like a waffle. I’ve had enough humiliation for one lifetime!
Then she started to think of her first couple of days at the cabin.
The first time she was truly surrounded by the natural world.
And for a moment, she could almost hear the songs of the birds in the trees again.
A bird?
Would that be worth trying?
Not a little songbird, though. How intimidating is that?
Whoa, hang on! What about that eagle from the canyon?
Perfect!
Daria tried to go back to that moment and visualise the eagle rising on the wind and soaring over the frozen river.
She tried to visualise its wings and their feathers.
She tried to visualise its head and the bright yellow beak with the sharp hook.
But the harder she tried, the more it felt as if the thing were morphing into something it wasn’t.
She could see the bird in her mind. But to cast its image...
Yeah, Aury was right. It’s a lot harder than it sounds.
But then Daria remembered the rest of the lesson. That her connection with the gift - and dream figure - was simple.
It just... was. She was a part of it and it was a part of her.
But it was also greater than her.
I don’t need to get this just right.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
I don’t need to be perfect.
Suddenly, like a windstorm shoving its way through a narrow valley, she sensed the energy flowing from the gift inside her.