by Mia Ford
I never did. I always convinced myself that I had Jake to take care of and I didn’t want to imagine what might happen to him I ended it all.
I was a selfish asshole, but what I had to care about, I was loyal to.
The rest of the time, I would simply stare into the abyss of despair, lamenting that this was likely what I had to look forward to until the day I died.
I supposed I should be happy that I at least had a roof over my head and the ability to eat my full at every meal, but what good was a roof and sustenance when there was nothing else.
Enrichment of my life, I had thought died a long time ago. I had convinced myself that there was nothing left for me. I was alone, and I would remain alone forever.
I sure as hell didn’t like it this way, but I didn’t feel I had any other choice.
Years had hardened me, I thought, and nothing would cause me to waiver from the conviction of my self-imposed sentence.
However, then, Carrie came into my life and now, I was laying naked with her in my bed, sharing a moment of quiet, that hadn’t ended in misery…At least not yet.
Unfortunately, I felt as though I was starting to care about Carrie a lot more than I should.
Although, as we were lying there, as normal people, lovers do, I didn’t care. I didn’t dwell on the future, or lament over the past. I was, for once, consumed by this moment and I didn’t want to do anything to ruin it.
I wished I could stay here forever, or even die before it was over.
I knew I didn’t deserve this, even for a moment but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to enjoy it, for as long as I could.
“Johnathan?” Carrie’s voice called, shaking me out of my thoughts.
Looking deeply into her eyes, I beamed, concluding that for once, I was happy.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked softly, her words catching me slightly off guard, though I knew this was a reasonable question.
“I am thinking, that I don’t want this moment to stop,” I answered honestly, choosing to skip the morbid factions of my thoughts.
“I feel the same way,” she replied, reaching up to kiss me tenderly.
Carefully grasping her close to me, I tilted my head and deepened the kiss, which she reciprocated instantly.
Once she realized what I was trying to accomplish, she eased her body up, focusing herself on me.
In an instant, I felt her breasts pressing heavily against my body as her arms snaked up, around my neck.
Our legs intertwined, as though a magnetic pulse was pulling us together. I felt a strong sense of instant attraction. Through a quick ripple of excitement, I was automatically ready to go again. I felt myself pulsing under her, searching for her.
As we continued to kiss, I closed my eyes and traced her body with my fingertips. The soft, alabaster skin beneath my touch was warm from arousal. While I moved, I mapped out her curves, felt the uniqueness of her unblemished body, and memorized the feel of her.
I felt her breasts, her butt, the small of her back and the nape of her neck, all in the pursuit of committing her essence to memory. I wanted to truly become one with this woman. I wanted to know her better than I knew myself.
I had only had this urge once before in my life; normally, I was more of a love them and leave them kind of guy, but there were two times that I felt such a mesmerizing pull.
The first, was a relationship that nearly killed me and now, there was Carrie.
I hated feeling this way but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine feeling any other way. Letting this moment pass seemed to be akin to letting everything in my life slip through my fingers, like sand. Yet, there was a part of me that insisted if I took advantage of this moment, it would likely be the end of me.
This woman will surely kill you. I told myself.
Yet, I ignored the warning, easing Carrie off me, so that she was lying flat on her stomach, across the bed.
“What are you doing?” Carrie whispered, though she didn’t seem to mind me taking control.
“I want to feel you…All of you,” I answered in a low, sensual growl, as my hands connected with her shoulder blades.
As I felt her groan with pleasure beneath me, I noted how perfectly her body fit into my grasp. Her taught, toned back was petite, but was able to easily accommodate for my massive grip.
I kneaded her back and shoulders, progressively going deeper as her moans of pleasure and acceptance grew more encouraging.
She was so petite, she almost felt fragile in my grasp, but the more intense the massage, the more she seemed to enjoy it.
Eventually, my hands started to move off her shoulders and cascade down her back. Leaning in, so close to her that I could feel the heat of her arousal radiating onto my skin, my lips followed the path of my hands as they trailed down her back.
“Oh my God, Johnathan…this feels so good. Thank you…” She insisted, easing herself up, into my grasp.
I grinned, invigorated to continue. The feel of her body, melding to the will of my hands was stimulating. I felt my heart beat faster as my hands traveled down the valley in the small of her back, only to reemerge as my touch took in the tight inviting feel of her ass.
She groaned as my hands guided themselves down to her legs, taking care to be gentle with the hurt ankle, before returning to the vast, moist oasis between her legs.
When my hand reached between her legs, scaling the inside of her thigh, Carrie moaned and parted her legs to let my touch do as it wished with her.
My hand eagerly grasped ahold of the downy-laden sheath, cupping it in my hand, before massaging it in a manner that caused Carrie to writhe with excitement.
“Oh God!” She moaned, thrusting her legs further apart, allowing my fingers to stroke the center of her desire, which was plump and sensitive to my advancement.
With every twitch of my finger, Carrie wriggled, her breath catching. The way her body reacted to me, even before I penetrated her was arousing.
It was strange to have her wanting me so obviously, but I was enjoying it.
Deep in the throes of passion, I was able to ignore all the negativity I was normally plagued with.
Carrie’s wet, inviting flower of femininity was ripe for the picking.
After our first round, I was impressed by her endurance. My fingertips slid over her clitoris, causing her to yell out. I grabbed her, holding her close to me as my fingers glided gently inside her, priming her for the rest of me.
Whining and writhing, Carrie’s enthusiasm was intensely alluring to me.
I felt myself swell with inspiring need. I couldn’t remember wanting anyone quite like I wanted her.
Carrie was so fresh and so innocent, that the second time was even more enlightening than the first.
Once I felt she was ready for me, I retracted my fingers and urged Carrie over on her back. Her eyes glistened with allure as I moved between her legs, easing myself her already moistened bodice.
She was gorgeous and for the first time and in a long time, I felt extremely lucky. While under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t even know how to handle this feeling, the amorous intent and the erotic nature of our current position made it easy to disregard thoughts.
Primed by raw, animalistic stimulation and emotion, I wanted her. That was it. There was no other need for thought. There was only action and right now, all my body was telling me to do was finish what I had started.
My blood pumped wildly in my body and the sensation of amatory suggestion was thick and heavy, consuming us completely.
The pulsing in my dick met the muse of my desires, thrusting against it with need and the embodiment of attraction.
I moaned as we touched, feeling a rush of sexual consciousness flood to the tip of my manhood.
My body was vibrating from the excitement she aroused within me.
I stroked myself against her, my body nearly gushing right there from even the small amount of contact.
I drew in a deep breath and p
ositioned myself appropriately. I grinned down at her, feeling an overwhelming connection to her that I didn’t dare think too much about.
I wasn’t about to let anything ruin this moment.
After another stroke of teasing us both, I was finally ready to ease myself into her. Carrie quivered as I entered her. I reveled in the feel of her moist, warm womanliness surrounding me, consuming me.
I shuddered as a pulse of excitement rocketed through me. I forced myself to remain vigilant, not wanting this moment to end.
Carrie reacted in kind, grasping the bedsheets, and pushing her breasts toward me, as though she too was being ensnared by an excessive amount of arousal.
Neither of us wanted the climax to ruin the sensations that were coursing through us.
I eased back, slowly at first, before thrusting myself toward her again, watching her with intense pleasure as she groaned and threw her head back.
“Oh…Johnathan…” She called, and I wondered if this was actually happening.
However, as my thrusts grew more insistent, while my hands helped to guide her body, I was certain that the feelings that were growing inside of me now were definitely not that of a wet dream.
The intensity of our togetherness encapsulated me. I was transposed, into something that seemed otherworldly, exotic.
Our motions jived together quickly, as though this was some kind of predetermined destiny. Everything about us being together felt right.
I was enthralled and encouraged by her moans. The feeling of our ebbing and flowing the motion of me coursing in and out of her was magnificent.
My heart thudded wildly and all I could think about was the approaching climax.
I groaned and growled as our motions quickened. Carrie seemed to feed off me with inherent need and enthusiasm.
Our mutual sensual escalation seemed to be heightening at the same pace. That revelation alone was intensely invigorating.
The passion seemed to flow through both of us like an equally strong current, rendering everything else in the world completely useless.
Eventually, we were both breathing heavy, as our blood pumped with fervor through our veins; while it felt like every drop of fluid I had in my body was pumping to the core of my arousal, enlarging it, testing the bounds of Carrie’s tightness more with each amazing thrust.
Carrie screamed as I felt her need quake around me, escalating our mutual intoxication for one another.
Then, when I felt I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I allowed myself to release my love inside of Carrie. She used this as a springboard into her own illustrious oasis, while my head spun with a whirl of intense satisfaction.
Feeling the final release catapulted me into a sense of euphoria that I had never experienced before. Between the emotional attachment I had for this woman and the physical eruption of pleasure, in that moment, I became hopelessly, irrevocably enamored with Carrie.
I hoped to God that this feeling would last.
Once we were finished, I noticed that Carrie seemed restless.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, allowing humor to infiltrate my tone.
“Absolutely nothing,” she replied as a giggle escaped her.
“Then, what’s so funny?” I inquired.
“This is just so…strange and wonderful. I don’t want it to end, but I think I am too tired to go again.”
“Aww, come on…” I teased, “Why would you say that?”
Cassie laughed aloud now, snuggling into my chest.
“I want to do something,” she insisted after a moment of silence.
“What do you want to do? I think we’ve done a lot…” I answered in a heavily suggestive tone. “I’m exhausted.”
“Me too,” she admitted, “But I don’t want to sleep.” She shook her head and I reveled in the feel of her long, soft hair swaying over my bare chest. “Do you have any games?”
“Seriously?” I asked, trying to hide my laughter. “Do I look like the kind of person who has Pictionary just lying around? Or how about Twister…That should help your ankle,” I snorted a chuckle, though I could tell that she wasn’t exactly joking.
“I know you don’t have that…” Carrie answered, playfully insulted, “I’m not that much of an idiot. I was thinking, cards?”
“Oh, now you’re the one who’s being insulting.”
“What? Unless you’re one of those crazy men who plays chess with his dog, or himself, I thought a deck of cards would be a good suggestion. At least you could play Solitaire with the cards.”
“Wow, you’re just painting a lovely picture for me, aren’t you?” I insisted, easing myself out of her embrace and heading for the closet I probably hadn’t opened in years. I wasn’t even sure there was anything left in there that I could use, but I figured if there was anything, it would be in here.
“What do you have?” Carrie inquired as she watched me walk toward the cabinet.
“I’m…not sure?” I replied, opening the door, and peering inside.
Immediately, the dusky, musty smell hit me and nearly knocked me back. Standing corrected, I was sure I had never opened this closet, since I was the owner of the cabin. It certainly didn’t smell like it was utilized in at least a decade.
Seeing remnants of a life I would rather not think about, I sighed and shook my head, but pressed on, hoping that what I remembered would still be there.
I quickly searched through clothing and a few boxes that were half opened but didn’t find what I was looking for right away. Instead, I found a barrage of belongings to a life that was no longer here.
Pictures, keepsakes, and other mementos I didn’t even realize I had were piled high in the small area of the cabin that I had almost completely forgotten about.
It was strange to be searching through here, with the intent to find something other than a survival tool I had lost.
I was immediately struck by exactly long it had been since I looked for something that was normal.
I hadn’t done anything fun or even remotely behaved like a human in a long time.
However, right now, it seemed as though I was on a crash course back to reality.
I couldn’t help but think that my re-emergence into reality wasn’t half bad with Carrie by my side.
“Is everything okay?” I heard Carrie call from the bed, breaking me out of staring deep into a box of memories.
“Yeah…I’m fine,” I answered, shoving the box aside and reaching for another one.
“If it’s too much trouble, don’t worry about it, Johnathan. It was just a suggestion. Don’t go crazy.”
“Too late for that,” I insisted with a grin, poking my head out of the closet for a moment before going back to dig a little deeper.
The next box I grabbed seemed strangely familiar. I opened it and sure enough, I found exactly what I was looking for.
I dragged it out and placed it on the bed.
Carrie carefully went through it, eventually looking up at me with a strange expression.
“This cabin wasn’t always an escape for a crazy loner with no friends or family,” I admitted, sitting down on the other side of the box.
“Are these yours?” She asked, before she amended her statement, “I mean, did you bring them from wherever it was that you lived before?”
“Yes,” I insisted in a facetious tone, “I decided that I would try to teach Jake to play. He’s gotten really good at Scrabble. The dog can’t speak a lick of English, but damn, can he spell it.”
I laughed as she narrowed her eyes at me.
Playfully shoving my arm, she insisted, “I don’t know. This just seems like a weird thing for a fishing cabin to have, especially when you’re the one living in it.”
“Yeah, well, before it was mine, it was my grandfathers. My brother and I used to come up here to spend some time with him. At night, we’d play a game with him. He’d cheat, we’d get mad and the game would usually end before there was a true winner…You know, normal family game night.�
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Cassie gigged, but her eyes were seriously set upon my gaze, “I’m happy that you’ve started talking about your family.”
“I mentioned I had a grandfather and a brother; only one of those is actually any kind of in site into my past. Everybody has a grandfather.”
“But you knew him?” She urged.
“Yeah, I knew him…Unfortunately, that’s about the only thing worth mentioning about my family. My grandfather isn’t here anymore…”
“And your brother?”
“He grew up to be an even bigger dick than I am.”
“That’s hard to believe,” Carrie teased, and I narrowed my eyes at her, feigning insult.
“Thanks,” I answered, “Real nice. Do you want to play a game or not?” I turned my attention back to the box and shuffled through it, trying to direct her away from the questions about my past.
“Sure! What’s your favorite game?” She insisted, peering into the box again, as though she didn’t know what she was doing.
I glared up at her, “Oh no. You’re the one who wanted to play a game. You pick.”
I was getting a little too chummy with this woman and despite my feelings for her, I couldn’t go spilling my guts to her. It wasn’t something I was ready, prepared, or possibly even able to do, so the point was mute.