by Mia Ford
Then, our lips connect and everything feels perfect with the world. My insides still, making me realize that they’ve always been up in the air and all over the place. I haven’t ever felt anything close to settled before… not until I met Louise. The world around us melts, it’s only me and her left, and I’m honestly absolutely fine with that. I don’t need anyone else but her. She’s everything to me.
My hands that are cupping Louise’s cheeks pull her closer to me. At first, she seems a little resistant and freaked out, but soon she can’t help herself either and she molds into me, dropping all of her bags to the ground with a loud thump. I think things scatter about, but neither of us part. She parts her lips, allowing me to deepen the kiss by slipping my tongue into her mouth. As I do, a small very sexy groan bursts from Louise’s lips which makes every inch of me heat up and melt. She’s wonderful, everything that I could ever want in my life and more, I’m so damn lucky it hurts. This lovely, amazing woman that is beyond perfect loves me, she really does. She actually said those words ‘I love you’.
Shit… she loves me. Like, actual love. All of a sudden that thought splashes ice cold water over me and I leap back. I shouldn’t be kissing someone who loves me when I can’t return the feeling, it just isn’t right. I mean, maybe I do return the feeling but that doesn’t change everything else. I’ve heard the words ‘sometimes love isn’t enough’ before but I never really knew what it meant. Well I know now and it’s horrible, the worst thing in the world. I want us to work, but we can’t.
“I… I’m sorry,” I mutter to Louise as I take a giant step back. I need my personal space back now. “That shouldn’t have happened, I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know what I was thinking…”
She nods and touches her lips, I’m sure she can feel the tingle still there just as I can. That truly was some kiss. Maybe I don’t have a lot to go on because I don’t do a lot of kissing, but I know how she made me feel then and it was wonderful. Too good, better than I deserve. As Louise’s cheeks flame bright pink all I want to do is wrap my arms around her to hold her close to me, but I can’t. Any physical contact is dangerous. I don’t think I can risk it, we can’t do that again.
“You’re right. That shouldn’t have happened,” Louise agrees with me. “I’m sorry, everything is all very confusing at the moment. That’s why I think I need to move out. I think we need to keep our distance from each other. Maybe if there wasn’t all this other stuff going on with my baby and things, we could think about it, but we can’t now. We need to just have a break.”
Why can’t we think about it? All of a sudden, I’m struck by the thought that we could make it work if we really wanted to. How hard would it be to try and have a relationship? I can do that, right?
But it wouldn’t be just me and Louise, would it? It would be a baby that doesn’t belong to me biologically which makes a massive difference. I don’t know if I have it in me to be a good father to a baby that’s mine, never mind someone else’s. I don’t know if I have the skills within me to be a good boyfriend, never mind step father. I mean this is heavy for anyone, taking a giant leap from screwing around and answering only to myself, to having a live in partner and changing diapers is intense.
“But I don’t want you to go,” I gasp. “I know that you’re right, I don’t think I’ll be any good at being with you. I can’t just have something causal with you because of how we both feel about one another.” That’s as close as we’ll get to me reciprocating the I love you today. I don’t know if my mouth can even form those words, especially not now. “But I don’t know if I can do serious either.”
The breaths falling out of Louise’s mouth are sharp and ragged, it’s as if she’s struggling to get any air into her lungs. That’s a feeling I recognize well. We probably both look insane to the outside world, panting, staring at each other, nothing but madness in our eyes. But what can we do? This is a very difficult situation, one that I’m sure neither of us want to be in.
“I understand,” Louise replies thickly. “It would be absolute madness to get involved with one another now. That’s exactly why I don’t want to feel this way, I just want to feel normal…”
“Oh but you can’t leave.” I can’t let her go and I don’t know why. “Can’t you just stay anyway and we try to figure things out?” She purses her lips, seemingly unmoved by my begging. “Where are you even going to go anyway? Do you have something planned?” I run my eyes all over her much too calm demeanor. Why isn’t she more freaked? “I guess you do since your bags are already packed…”
It hits me that this is why she wasn’t at work, she was planning to abandon me all day long. I’ve merrily been working away, thinking of her, turning down Kelly potentially at the expense of my own career and Louise has been packing up her belongings and preparing to uproot my life completely. Whatever her logical reasons for doing so, I have to admit that it hurts me a lot.
“I’m just going to head to a motel for a while so I can figure things out. Like I said I need to find a home for me and my baby boy now.” She cradles her stomach, proving what I already knew. “Ever since I saw that ultra sound picture I’ve known for certain that I can’t give my baby up for adoption. The more I keep trying to tell myself that it might be for the best for my child, my maternal instincts shut me down. I have no idea how I’m going to be a mom and a doctor, but I don’t have a choice in the matter. Life has dealt me this hand for a reason, I have to get on with it. And I can’t escape the fact that I need a home to do that. I can’t have him here or on the streets.”
“Just stay tonight,” I plead. “Don’t go to a motel, just stay while you figure it out.”
“I can’t.” Louise shakes her head determinedly. “It isn’t right, I can’t do it to both of us. You don’t want a relationship, never mind a baby, and I’m about to become a mom. Plus, we have all of these… feelings between us that don’t seem to be going anywhere. We can’t survive that.”
I slap my palm against my forehead in distress, I think I’m trying to knock some serious sense into my brain but nothing is coming. Nothing makes sense anymore, I don’t know what I feel, it’s all just crazy. The urge to forget about everything smart and to just kiss her again so I can get that warm, delicious feeling back is so powerful that I almost act upon in. Almost. It’s just fortunate that I manage to stop myself at the very last moment. Thank goodness, I have some self control.
“Could we try?” Shit, I can’t believe I just said that, what am I thinking?
“Try what?” Louise obvious asks. “Try, like me and you? Try like a casual thing or try for real? Because I don’t think you’re ready for real and to be honest I don’t know if I am either.” Uh oh, Louise is babbling, this isn’t good. “But we can’t do casual either because we’re basically living together and I’m pregnant. So I guess whatever the question is the answer has to be no. But not because I don’t want to, just because we can’t. We’re both adults who understand logic, so if we can’t do it, we can’t do it.” Her eyes flick up at me and instantly I want to scream. “You haven’t ever had a girlfriend before so you aren’t experienced in relationships, and I’m damn naïve too. We’re a disaster waiting to happen. This is for the best, it’s better for us to just… keep our distance, you know?”
I can sense that she isn’t going to stop talking any time soon, not unless I do something drastic which I do, again without even thinking about it. I kiss her hard and fast, letting all of my passion and emotions flow free through my lips. I throw everything into the kiss, including the hope that despite all the very accurate arguments that Louise just gave, we can somehow find a way to make it work. I know I’m not thinking straight because there’s still a baby in the picture, and a relationship that I won’t be able to handle, but the dream is strong inside me.
“Oh God, Louise,” I groan into her mouth, pressing my body into hers as the deep seated desire runs free. “You are just… oh fuck, you’re everything.”
Chapter Twent
y Four – Louise
I cannot believe that after everything we’ve been through, all the things we’ve just discussed, me and Oliver are kissing like horny teenagers who are completely out of control. I can still hear all the valid points I’ve just made racing through my brain but then what am I supposed to do? Maybe he didn’t exactly say ‘I love you’, but Oliver just told me that I’m everything. Everything, no one has ever said anything like that to me before, it’s just too much. It makes me feel incredible.
“Come with me,” he begs desperately. “Drop your bags and come with me. Stay tonight.”
All the strength that I’ve built up all day long vanishes and I drop my things, obeying Oliver in what might be the dumbest decision of my whole life. He slips his fingers through mine and he tugs me away from the front door, making my escape absolutely impossible. I should be in my motel by now, stewing over my life choices and wondering where it all went wrong. I should be online, looking for somewhere suitable to live, there’s no way I should be doing this. So why am I?
Oliver takes me through his home, all the way to his bedroom. It’s a room I haven’t been in many times because I’ve been keeping my distance, but now there’s no escaping it. I’m in Oliver’s bedroom and there’s a chance, a big one, that something might happen. Everything is familiar, this whole house is a place I know well, yet somehow, it’s different too. It’s much more intense.
“Oh, Louise.” Oliver spins on his heels and he stares at me with an intense love in his eyes. It makes me shudder and swell with emotions. “I don’t know what to say to you, this is all…”
I don’t think I want him to say anymore so I push myself up onto my tiptoes to kiss him hard. Maybe this isn’t the smartest thing we could do, but we’re in for now. There’s no turning back. I should have learned by now that a moment of satisfaction leads to a life time of stress, but I need the satisfaction. With Oliver, the moment will be absolutely worth it, I just know it.
My mouth tingles and electricity pops all over my body as I kiss Oliver again. The way he kisses is fantastic, no wonder he’s managed to bag so many women, he’s just phenomenal.
“Maybe we can work it out,” I mumble into his mouth. “We’ll see, yeah?”
Oliver pushes me back towards his bed, answering me with his actions rather than his words, so when my calves hit the bed frame I fall back willingly. I tumble onto his expensive, Egyptian cotton sheets, and I writhe with excitement. A little squeal inadvertently falls out of my mouth. This moment has been a long time coming, it feels like me and Oliver have been dealing in foreplay for months so already I’m on fire. There’s a wet heat in my panties that’s desperate for some action.
“Will you come here?” I say playfully while wiggling my finger towards him. “Now, please.”
Oliver runs his fingers through his hair and gives me a cheeky smile. His eyes crinkle adorably, making my feelings for him deepen tenfold, he’s just so gorgeous. He’s the best looking man I’ve ever seen, never mind been with. And I already know that he’s good at everything sexual. This is going to be phenomenal I’m falling apart already. I might explode the second that he touches me.
Then he wraps his fingers around the hem of his tee shirt and he yanks it up over his head. My breath catches in my throat as I devour his incredible six pack with my starving hungry eyes. He has a body so sculpted that it belongs on the front of a fitness magazine rather than on the handsome doctor standing in front of me right now. He even has a sexy V shape which runs all the way into his underwear, making my mouth water with anticipation. I still don’t know what he has in his boxer shorts for me and I can’t wait to discover more. Many a night has been spent thinking about this moment…
Oliver silences my brain by climbing over the bed and hovering above me. He presses his forehead to mine and he stares into my eyes for a moment. It’s probably supposed to be a romantic moment but I can’t resist running my hand down his torso, I want to feel him everywhere.
“Oh God, Oliver,” I groan as his mouth moves onto my neck. His kisses cause strong goose bumps to pop up and down my arm. There’s something so wonderful about his mouth on me, I love it more than anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s really special. “Oh my God, that feels so good.”
His hands grip tightly onto my sides and the skin underneath my top is flushed and burning hot. My body feels like it’s actually on fire, and it’s all because of Oliver. I wonder if he can feel it.
I curl my fingers over the waistband of his trousers and gently stroke the top of his boxers. There’s a hardness there, I can sense it already. All I want to do is grip onto him, to act as wild and animalistic as I feel, but I also want this to be sweet and romantic. It’s hard to get the right balance.
“You are so beautiful,” Oliver gushes as he rips my tee shirt upwards, pulling it over my head. My hair scatters everywhere, it’s probably a real mess, but Oliver looks at me like I’m on the red carpet or something. His stare, like I’m absolutely stunning, makes me feel so much better about myself. I actually feel like a sexual goddess which is a sensation like no other. “So gorgeous.”
The last sexual memory I have, although it’s a little bit vague if I’m completely honest with myself, is Adam. Me and Oliver fooled around before, but he’s the last person I had sex with. Already that memory is gone, he’s evaporated into nothing and Oliver hasn’t even slid inside me yet. He was a boy, someone who knew nothing about how to please a woman, whereas Oliver is a God. He’s an expert and in the heat of this moment I fucking love him for it. He’s utterly incredible.
Once my tee shirt is gone, Oliver reaches behind my back and he unhooks my bra, freeing my breasts. My nipples stand to attention, demanding him to look at them which he instantly does. A pinkness stains his cheeks as he sees them and his head dips down immediately. He takes my left nipple in his mouth and he flicks his tongue everywhere sending millions of fiery sensations bursting through my body. I fist the sheets hard below me and roll my hips upwards, connecting with his thick, throbbing erection. It’s huge, it’s going to be absolutely amazing being with him, I can barely stand the wait. I need to connect now, I need him to fill me up, I’m about to scream.
Oliver traces a hand down my body, brushing over my hypersensitive hips as he goes. He moves down towards my leggings and he tugs them downwards a little. I wiggle my hips and kick to help him. I need them gone now, they’re just in the way. Me and Oliver have needed this for far too long, I can’t have anything standing in the way. Especially not material. I need it all gone.
“Hold on.” Oliver pushes back and he takes down his own trousers, giving me the opportunity to do the same. Then he stares into my eyes while he drags his underwear down, revealing his stunning rock hard erection to me. It makes me gasp, even that part of him looks fucking amazing. I need him inside me now. While he grabs a condom from his bedside cabinet, thankfully saving me the job of insisting on one which I would do after what happened before, I shuck my own underwear down which leaves us with no obstacles anymore. It’s just me and Oliver, completely naked, ready to go. My breaths are ragged, my heart is pounding, my core is pulsing desperately.
Oliver rolls back onto me and I hook my arms and legs around him fixing him to me. I can feel his cock teasing my entrance, he’s getting closer and closer, any minute now we’ll be connected in the best way possible. There won’t be any questions, nothing but hot, sweaty answers…
“Oh fuck,” I gasp as Oliver thrusts into me. He does so slowly, seductively, sweetly and it feels so good. I’ve always pictured him as someone who screws roughly, dangerously, but this is far more romantic than I was expecting and it’s actually really nice. “Fuck, that feels so good.”
He pulls back, almost dragging himself right the way out of me before he slams into me again. Fireworks explode everywhere, I feel utterly consumed with lust, in this moment all I care about his him. I use my legs which are wrapped around his butt to control the speed and pace of him sliding in and out of me
, picking up the pace as my clit buzzes and my whole body vibrates.
In the end I can’t stand it anymore, I need even more control. Plus, I know that it’ll be more comfortable with my bump that way, I roll Oliver over, flipping him onto his back and I sit up on top of him. Oliver’s a man that’s always in control and I assume that must be sexually as well but that makes him handing it over to me making it all the more special. I place my hands on his chest and I begin to ride him. I angle myself so every single thrust hits the best spot which makes my head fall back with desire. My hair spills down my back, my eyes fall closed, and I thrust in the most incredible feeling way in the world. It’s unbelievable, he’s too damn much.
It hasn’t ever been like this before, it’s never felt this way, I can barely control myself. My heart thumps, my brain buzzes, every time I slam back down onto Oliver I’m driven further and further to the edge. Any minute now I’m going to tumble into the abyss of desire and I can’t wait…
“Oh fuck!” Oliver grunts, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “Shit, Louise.”
The way that my name rolls off his tongue pushes me over the edge. The pressure explodes, the desire rolls through my body in power waves like a tsunami, shattering me into a million shards. Oliver pushes himself into a sitting position and he wraps his arms tightly around me to support me as I buck and collapse against him. He presses his mouth into mine, swallowing up my screams and building up a very intense bond. The love in my heart swells, I feel like I could yell it from the rooftops. Even if it isn’t reciprocated so intensely. It barely matters. I just love Oliver.