by Mia Ford
“His name is Logan, anyway,” Leah continues, popping some chewing gum as she speaks. “The fact that I asked him his real name and he told me shows that he wants me.”
Logan… I never thought to ask him what his real name is before. It just didn’t occur to me. Logan Banker. Somehow knowing that sends a powerful shiver up and down my spine.
Once upon a time, Logan Banker was nothing more than an adult who I had to talk to about stuff, but the older I am and the more hormones that kick in, the more I feel a pull towards him. When I’m waiting to see him, I get that familiar anxiety I get around any man, but once I’ve been speaking to him for a while and I can relax a bit, I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach and a strange thrill between my legs. I like him, and I think I like him more than I should do.
I don’t think it’s like Leah’s discussing either, I don’t think my feelings are a deep, sexual thing. I can’t imagine him putting things anywhere like that, I just like him. I want him to wrap his arms around me, I want him to hug me, to kiss me… my feelings are more romantic. I want him to be like my boyfriend, like the men in the romance novels I love so much.
All of a sudden, my fantasy life stretches out in my mind and I start to include Logan Banker in it. He becomes my husband, we both have matching wedding rings on, and he kisses me tenderly. My entire body buzzes with electricity as I think about it, I almost wish that I was alone so I could enjoy this thought in peace. I don’t know what I’d do with it, but I don’t like Leah’s brash tones in the background. She’s interrupting what should be a really nice thought.
Urgh, if only I could be with Mr. Banker, how much easier would that be? I know him well, he’s nice to me, I actually feel comfortable around him, and I’m attracted to him too. It’d be perfect. If only he wasn’t my therapist and I met him in a different way. Maybe I’m a bit too young for him, but I’m sure I could make him fall for me anyway… or not, since I’m a girl who no one wants.
“So, what about you?” Leah calls so loudly, I’m sure it has to be at me. “You’ve got the best shot with Logey boy, after me of course, so what would you do to him, Prudence?”
I huff before I turn back. I’ve tried ignoring Leah before and it never turns out well. She seems to take silence as a challenge that she has to break in whatever way she can. She’s relentless, I’m sure her behavior isn’t normal, but then again, I suppose none of us act in the right way. We just don’t know how. I don’t know what happened in Leah’s life, but if it’s anything like mine then I get it.
“What do you mean, Leah?” I ask her, playing dumb. “The best chance at what?”
“Well, Mr. Banker likes you, doesn’t he?” She offers me a one shouldered shrug as if her words are obvious. “If he was going to pick any of us for you know what, it’d be me or you, right?”
Urgh, she’s exhausting. I almost want to roll my eyes dramatically at her but I know that’ll just spark more questions than answers. “Mr. Banker isn’t going to pick me or you. Don’t be ridiculous.”
Leah laughs nastily at me. “Oh, my God, perfect Prudence. How can you be so dull? Maybe he wouldn’t, but it’s fun to think about that, right? Unless you’re too much of a prude.”
This time everyone laughs at me because of Leah’s stupid joke. Yes. Prudence the prude, so very funny. It’s way worse because it’s probably the truth. Maybe I am a prude because I’m so closed off.
“I don’t think about it with him because it’s stupid.” I swing my legs off the bed ready to make my escape. This is why privacy will be amazing. I haven’t had it for such a long time. “It’s never going to happen so what’s the point of thinking about it?”
“I don’t know, because it’s fun?” Leah sneers as her eyes run up and down my body looking unimpressed. “God, you suck. How the fuck are you going to cope when you’re out there in the real world? How will you survive when some guy wants to have sex with you… if that ever happens?”
I don’t bother to answer Leah, instead I race from the room into the bathroom where I can at least lock myself away for a while. Tears sting my eyes, I can feel them about to fall down my cheeks, but I hold them back until I’m fully by myself,
I’m going to have to get stronger some way or another if I’m going to survive out there. Emotionally, physically, in every way possible. The world could be full of bitches like Leah, I need to work out how I’m going to deal with all of it.
This is going to take so much more than looking up things online, and I only have a few more weeks to do this. Where the hell am I going to start?
Chapter Five – Logan
“Oh, my goodness, Mr. Banker, you really are incredible,” Pru whispers as she shimmies closer to me. Her pleated skirt that doesn’t really fit her sways sexily around her hips making my mouth salivate. “Your words of wisdom always make me feel so much better about myself.”
Her hand falls on my shoulder and she stares intently into my eyes. There’s something very different about her today, she doesn’t look like the shy girl who struggles with life anymore, she’s like a confident woman who knows exactly what she wants… and right now, what she wants is me.
What am I doing? I think desperately to myself as my tongue swells lustfully. I can’t do this… not in my office at work. But where else do I see her? How am I supposed to resist?
“Thank you, Pru,” I say in a hollow tone of voice. I need to at least attempt to remain professional or I’ll end up completely falling apart. “I’m glad I can help.”
“There’s something else you can help me with,” she whispers so her breath tickles and wets my ear. “There’s one thing I don’t know how to do yet and I’m going to need it to survive.”
My brain spins, I start to see all kinds of terribly wonderful things in my mind. I know I can’t act upon them but that doesn’t mean the ideas aren’t there. I think they’ve been forming for a while, I’ve just been too scared to acknowledge them. I like Pru a lot. Her beauty astounds me. Maybe too much.
“What’s that?” I ask with my eyes closed. I already feel like I know where this is headed, but hearing it will be a million times worse. I’m way out of control here, it’s not a place I like to be. I think I prefer the quieter version of Pru because I know how to handle her. Right now, she’s handling me and I don’t think she’s being very delicate with me at all! She’s treating me like a fantasy.
“I need you to show me how to please a man. I want to know everything.”
She steps back and slides her skirt down while licking her lips at the same time. The black lacy underwear that barely covers her has my pulse racing like crazy. It’s hammering against my rib cage, threatening to burst free at any moment. That only gets worse as she slides down her cardigan and she gently peels her vest top over her head. I can see her rock-hard nipples bursting through her bra, begging me to take them in my mouth and hot damn I want to so bad.
This is wrong, I remind myself desperately. So, so wrong. This simply cannot happen.
My fingers itch to reach out and touch the soft skin of her hips. All I want to do is brush my hands against her, but I can’t. I slide them under my legs just to fix them in place. Pru’s hands reach up and she runs them through her hair with a blissful expression across her face. I melt inside, she’s the most innocent, stunning woman I’ve ever seen, and all I want to do is corrupt her. I must be an asshole.
“Please, Mr. Banker,” Pru begs while sliding one hand over her breast. She lingers there for a moment, clutching onto herself as desire grips her. Her other hand goes all the way down into the waistband of her underwear. “Show me what to do. I don’t know what to do. I need to be taught.”
Fuck, if I don’t do this, then some other asshole will. A boy who doesn’t know what he’s really doing and will only treat her like shit. I suppose this way I can at least ensure that she knows what to do and she knows how to get her own pleasure. That’ll make her life a whole lot easier.
“Pru, I really shouldn’t,” I warn, but
I can already feel my resolve weakening. “You know that.”
“But doesn’t that make it that much more exciting?”
I don’t know what happens, I completely lose my shit. The next thing I know we’re making out like there’s no tomorrow. Her arms are around my waist and mine are gripping onto the back of her bra as I attempt to pull her breasts free. I’m only fucking human, a red-blooded male who has certain needs. If someone so gorgeous comes after me like this I cannot resist.
“Oh, Pru.” The material of her bra flutters to the ground, which makes my cock stiffen harder than it’s ever done before. “You have no fucking idea what you’re doing to me.”
She falls to her knees with her breasts swinging free and she stares up at me, giving me the sexiest, most innocent look I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I almost cum right there and then all over her face which would be terrible. If I’m in this, then I need to be all in. I can’t just explode all over her in the most demeaning way possible. What sort of lesson would I be teaching her then?
“Please, Mr. Banker. Tell me what to do. I want to know how to please you with my mouth.”
My eyes fall shut as a groan falls past my lips. What the hell is she doing to me? Driving me to utter distraction, that’s what. She fiddles with my zipper, brushing against my cock too many times for me to get my head on straight and put an end to this. I want this too much to stop now.
“Oh wow.” As my erection bursts free, she gushes in happy shock. “Mr. Banker, you’re so big.”
“You don’t know that,” I tease playfully, unable to resist flirting with her even if I completely disagree with my own behavior. “If this is the first one you’ve seen.”
But she ignores my teasing and rubs her hand up and down my length slowly instead. Her fascinated eyes are fixed upon me as she does. She looks impressed, which only turns me on even more. “Does this feel good?” she asks. “Do you like that?”
Her soft, delicate hands feel incredible, I feel like I might die from the bliss at any given moment. “Yes, fuck,” I moan. “That feels so fucking good. You have no idea.”
Usually I like it a whole lot faster, but with Pru it only matters that she’s touching me. Her hand on my cock, it’s too much. I’m already shuddering so violently that I might explode. Then she leans closer, breathing all over me making me even harder. Her lips are so tantalizingly close…
“What do I do now?” she gasps breathlessly. “Do I just open my mouth and put you in?”
Oh God, it’s too much, I can’t handle it. I can’t talk so I just nod instead, hoping that’s enough. She does as I command, surrounding my bulging erection with her hot, wet mouth, which is the most phenomenal sensation in the world. If this feels so incredible I wonder what it’ll be like to fuck her.
Although with Pru, I don’t know how much of it will be fucking or if it’ll be more like making love. She’s different, I know that, but still I’m not sure. Maybe it’ll be somewhere in between.
Pru bobs her head up and down, and she takes me inside in a way that feels far too expert for someone who supposedly doesn’t know what she’s doing. Her tongue flickers everywhere, like she wants to lick me all over because she likes the taste of me too much and it drives my wild. I fist my hands up into her hair, I toss my head back, I become a slave to Pru’s amazing mouth.
I need to give her the same pleasure too, I want her to know how good it can feel to be with a man who knows what he’s doing but right now I can’t take Pru off me. She feels so good and I’m fine with being selfish. I haven’t ever had a blow job from someone quite so keen.
“You… you need to stop,” I stammer through a thick lump in my throat. I can barely breathe; these words are damn near impossible. “I’m going to cum in your mouth if you don’t.”
“Did that feel bad?” Pru asks as she takes her mouth off of me. “Did I do it wrong?”
“Oh God no.” My eyes are filled with a thick heavy desire as I yank Pru onto my lap. “I just want to feel you, that’s all. You’ve driven me so wild that I need to be inside you.”
This is her first time, I’m certain of it, but I don’t hang around to see how she feels about it. I’m too fucking wound up for that. Instead I drive my way into her, surrounding my soaking cock with her very excitable slit. As she fits around me like a glove, I butt my face into her hair to inhale her wonderful citrusy scent. And I take this very wrong, taboo thing as far as it can go and I actually have sex with Pru. That thought circles me the entire time, I can’t totally let go and just enjoy having sex because there’s a big part of me that knows I’m wrong. This isn’t how we should behave.
Sweat trickles down her body, bringing my attention back to her breasts. I want to lean forward, to take one of those shiny nipples into my mouth but I can’t. There’s something distracting me, grabbing onto my focus. I want to give every scrap of myself over to Pru, but I can’t and I’m pretty sure it’s because I feel bad. It’s like an itch on my ear drum, a fly buzzing around me that I can’t see to swat. It’s very irritating and soon it manifests itself in another way entirely.
“What’s that?” I ask Pru as a loud ringing sound flies into my brain. It’d obnoxiously loud, distracting me for absolutely everything, including Pru’s beauty. “That bleeping?”
“I don’t hear anything.” She barely pays any attention to me as she rides me in a way that feels incredible. I never want this amazing feeling to end. “I can’t hear any bleeping at all.”
But I can, and it’s troubling me, almost to the point where I’m forced to stop. I need to work out the source, to see if it’s something that I’ve caused by being like this. Maybe it’s my conscience…
“Huh? What?”
I bolt upright in bed, my heart hammering against my chest. My forehead is thick with sweat and I feel trembling and achy all over. I know that I’ve done something wrong, but it’s taking me a moment of brain wracking to work out what exactly.
I wasn’t alone… I was with Pru… oh my God, we were having sex.
Luckily, as I grab onto my rock-hard cock I remember that none of what happened then was real. I just had a dream about having sex with Pru, that’s all. That’s okay, just my subconscious playing up that’s all. Nothing to worry about, that’s for sure. It doesn’t even mean anything, it’s just my brain being dumb. It’s probably just because she’s leaving the center soon and going out into the real world. I have a connection with her, I’m worried about her, that’s all. I certainly don’t need to start worrying and dissecting my dream.
Despite all of that I know I can’t sleep again, so I push myself off the bed and I wander into the kitchen to grab myself a drink of ice cold water. Maybe if I have a moment, I can forget all about that crazy hot, ridiculous dream, and I can go back to normal. I can forget that ever happened, because real or not, it’s had an effect on me…
Chapter Six – Prudence
My heart skips about ten beats the moment I sit down for breakfast to notice that there’s an extra presence in the room this morning. All the kids in the center always eat together, and there’s always staff around too, but Logan Banker isn’t very often one of them. The fact that he is today has me unnerved. I feel all crazed and out of place as I stare at him like a mad person. I can’t even reel myself in to act normally. The fact that I’ve been awake thinking of him all night long and now he’s here is almost too much to bear. I reach down to pinch my arm, just to check I’m not dreaming.
Nope, there’s pain. I’m definitely awake. What the hell does this mean?
“Ooh, looks like lover boy is here,” Leah hisses in a not too subtle manner. “For you, I bet.”
I blush brightly, I can feel my entire body heat up. The only good thing about Leah’s comment is that it drags my eyes off of Mr. Banker for a moment. I can’t even begin to look at him with the idea that he might be here for me racing through my brain. Realistically I know that he isn’t why he’s here but due to lack of sleep and the confusing feelings I ha
ve for this man, it’s hard to be normal.
With a deep breath, I move to take my seat, feeling glad that I’m actually dressed. Very occasionally I’ll come to eat in my pajamas like the rest of the children, just because it makes it easier when I’m tired but since I didn’t sleep at all, I got up early and I dressed myself quickly.
I grab a bowl of cereal and I pull it in front of myself. Then I take a couple of bites from the bowl, looking at the slightly mushy food the entire time just so I don’t look up, but I can’t eat too much because nerves have it tasting like cardboard. Inside I’m a complete and utter mess.
What is he doing here? I ask myself desperately. What the hell is going on?
I thought that I’d be okay because I had until Friday before I’d have to see him again but clearly that was just a fantasy. For sure, I’m in a complete and utter mess here. My hands are even shaking. I’m a trembling ball of nerves who doesn’t know how to behave like a normal damn person.
Nosie breaks out around me, people chat and laugh loudly like they do every morning. I guess it’s lucky that I never usually join in because no one’s suspicious about my silence now. Everyone’s taking it as me behaving the same as always. No one even bothers to look my way, which I suppose is just fine. I don’t want anyone to pick up on how jumpy and weird I am.