by Mia Ford
I stand up, not giving Leah a chance to react or argue with me. She does give me a bit of a curious look but she stands to leave the room as well. I have no idea how much of our time that we’ve been through but as far as I’m concerned, we’re done here. I have nothing more to say.
“Okay, well goodbye then, Mr. Banker,” Leah says quietly. “I’ll see you next week.”
Of course I feel bad as she exits the room, I’ve let her down just like I have done everyone here. This place is the reason that I’m struggling so much with what I’m doing. The center is the half of me. I want to go home to tell Pru to go back to her own home for a while so we can both have some space to think… but I don’t know how powerful that half of me is quite yet.
I need to go home, to talk to her. We need to make this decision together. I can’t do it alone.
I grab my brief case and I walk purposely towards the exit, needing to get out of here before anyone can stop me… but of course, it’s just my luck that I’m not going to be allowed my space.
“Hey, Logan!” Hank’s voice calls out to me as he spots me going. “Are you on for tonight?”
“Erm, maybe.” I yell back, not breaking my stride. “I need to pop home to sort some stuff out but I’ll give you a call if I make it out, okay? Keep an eye on your cell phone.”
“Ah, you have to sort your women trouble.” His words make me cringe, they reveal too much of me that I don’t want to be seen. “Great, well I’ll get you one in then. You’re going to need it!”
He might be right actually, I don’t know how this is going to work out so a beer with some guys might be just what I need. This might end up in a massive horrible row, not that I want that, in which case I’ll need to drown my sorrows.
“Awesome, sounds good, Hank, cheers buddy!”
Chapter Twenty Two – Prudence
This is better, I think to myself as I smile and look around the store. Logan was right, I just need to keep on pushing forwards. It was too busy for my first day and I allowed that to overwhelm me, then I let one bad day send me backwards into a very dark place, but now I have confidence. Now I feel like I can really do this. Maybe that’s because Alice and Becky have been really nice to me, or because I’ve made a couple of sales, or maybe it’s because me and Logan finally had sex.
As I sit in the staff room at the end of the day, waiting for everyone else to gather up their stuff, all the memories of us sleeping together bursts into my mind. I have a cheeky, sexy secret and I love it so much. It makes me feel like I’m much less of a boring, quiet person. Now I’m worthwhile.
“You’re doing good, girl,” Alice declares loudly while circling my waist with her arm. “This has been a much better day for you, hasn’t it? And you didn’t even need all those sales tactics.”
I grin at her, letting my happiness shine through. “No, you’re right, I didn’t. I’m much calmer now, I think the first day nerves just got the better of me, that’s all. I’m more positive now.”
Alice flips her long red hair over her shoulder as she sits next to Becky. She’s pretty, like a delicate English rose with her pale skin and the smattering of freckles across her nose, but her deep brown eyes give her a cheeky look, and those voluptuous curves of hers make her so sexy it hurts. Becky has a completely different look; dark hair, dark eyes, tattoos all over her, but she’s equally as hot. Next to them I feel plain and simple looking, but I have Logan so it doesn’t matter.
“You know what, Prudence? You should come out with us tonight for a couple of drinks after work. We’re headed to a bar just around the corner from here, it’ll be really fun.”
My heart lifts with excitement. Yes, I know that me and Logan probably need to have a conversation about what’s to come next, but this is what I want, this is all part of my new life and the experiences that I want to have. Friends, bars, drinking, dancing. Logan will understand, won’t he? He knows more than anyone how important this stuff is to me. We can have our chat any time.
“Yeah, actually that sounds great.” I glance over at the laptop in the corner of the room. “Do you think it’d be okay for me to borrow Mr. Turners computer to send an email?”
“Oh yeah, we do it all the time.” Alice waves her hand dismissively over in the direction of it. “Why do you have plans to cancel? Can’t you just send a text message?”
My cheeks flame with embarrassment. There’s no way in hell that I can confess to this girl that I can’t text because I haven’t ever had a mobile phone. I’m doing my best to keep my past with my mother, my father, and the center long behind me, I don’t want anyone to know. At least not right now, maybe I’ll tell them when I’m ready, but this isn’t the time.
“Oh, my cell is broken,” I lie with a shrug. “I’m waiting for my pay check to get a new one.”
That’s going to be one of the first things I buy actually. Now that I have a life I need a cell phone to go with it, but for now I have to be content logging on to my email on Mr. Turners laptop. I fire off a quick email to Logan, hoping that he’ll see it and that it’ll be enough, then just as an afterthought I scribble his cell phone number down on a piece of paper and I slide it into my pocket. There’s a massive chance that I won’t need it, but I’d rather have it in case.
“Okay.” I turn to Becky and Alice grinning happily. God this has to be the best forty-eight hours of my life. First things happening with Logan, then work going well, and now friends. “Let’s go.”
I walk slightly behind the girls as we leave the store because I don’t know where I’m going and because I’m also a little concerned about how embarrassing this is going to be if I end up getting booted out of the bar because of my age. I can’t exactly explain my desperation to a bartender now, can I? I’m only just eighteen years of age, and I think that I look it too, whereas I know that Becky is already twenty-one. I think Alice is about nineteen but she has a fake ID, I heard her talking about it before. Maybe I’ll just have to be the lame kid who doesn’t drink booze. I never really wanted to before because of my dad, but this is the first time it feels like I’ll actually be missing out.
As we reach the bar, Becky heads directly for the bar counter while me and Alice get a seat in the back where we can’t easily be seen by anyone. Because she’s been the kindest to me, I open up.
“I’m actually a bit afraid that I’ll get kicked out,” I tell her quietly as I take my seat. Of all the people who I think might judge me, Alice isn’t that person. “Because I’m too young.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about it.” Alice doesn’t seem concerned at all. “Becky knows the bar man in here, she’s been sleeping with him for ages. And you look all grown up in your work uniform anyway, you could easily pass for twenty-one. Stop worrying about it, just have some fun.”
I nod slowly and suck in a breath. She’s right, and anyway, this is the sort of thing that teenagers do all the time… or so it seems from the high school movies that I’ve watched. A little bit of underage drinking is just fun. And at least I have Logan’s to go back to, I won’t be alone to choke on my vomit or anything. This is a good thing, this is fun, this is where I should be.
Becky comes to join us with a massive jug of some orangey looking liquid in it and three glasses beside it. I have no idea what it is, but I’m getting excited to try it. Alice pours us all a glass then holds it out in a cheers gesture. We clink them together and drink… well, they drink. They glug the drinks back rapidly. I sip. I try to slug a decent amount of it back to keep up with the girls but I don’t quite manage it. It’s hard to drink something that’s so fruity and bitter all at once anyway.
“Don’t push yourself,” Alice giggles. “You’ll end up sick, especially if this is your first time.”
I’m dealing with a lot of first times at the moment, and the other one certainly went well so I don’t see why this won’t either. I already feel lighter, like I’m floating on air, and happier too. I want to laugh and giggle with glee, I want to hug these girls, I want to da
nce the night away.
“Fill it up,” I say boldly to Alice. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?”
***
I don’t know how much time has passed, but I do know that I no longer feel like myself. The alcohol has control of me now, it’s claimed my vision, my stomach, my sense of rationality, all of it. For the first time in my whole life, I feel an affinity with my father. I understand why he did this so much now. It isn’t the nicest feeling in the world, but it’s freeing. I’m no longer bogged down with anything, I can even forget about him and his death. This must be how he felt all the time, just trying to forget about losing Mom. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but I know why he went back.
“Are you okay?” Alice chuckles as she tucks her arm under my arm pits. “You’re swaying a bit now. Do you think it might be time to leave the dance floor?”
“No, I want to keep dancing,” I slur back at her. “It’s so much fun. I really like it.”
“Oh, I know you do, sweetie, but me and Becky are leaving now and we can’t leave you here by yourself. We need to get you in a cab home. What’s your address?”
I don’t know much, but logic is screaming at me that I can’t tell Alice my address or she’ll know that me and Logan are together. Instead, for some unknown reason it seems much more logical to just call him instead. I reach into my pocket and pull out the number.
“I don’t want a cab, I want this guy to pick me up,” I tell her strongly. “Can I borrow your phone? I promise I’ll only be on it for a moment, I won’t waste your minutes or anything.”
“No, you can.” She pulls her cell phone out but doesn’t immediately hand it to me. “Maybe I should call him for you because I don’t think you’re making much sense right now. I mean, do you even know where you are? Do you even know what club this is?”
She’s right, I don’t have a bloody clue, so I hand the number over willingly. She isn’t from the center anyway so there isn’t any way that she can make that connection between us. Plus, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind anyway. Even if she knew the truth, Alice is an awesome friend who wouldn’t judge me for anything. She’s so cool and laid back, I definitely have a girl crush on her.
She grabs onto my arm and pulls me out the club, and as the cold night air hits me I realize just how drunk I really am. I’m much more wasted now, somehow the fresh air of real life has hit me and shocked me. It’s a funny feeling that makes me want to giggle like a lunatic.
“So, who is this guy anyway?” Alice asks while punching in the numbers. “What’s his name?”
“Logan,” I whisper my secret to her. “His name is Logan and I want him to be my boyfriend.”
She raises a knowing eyebrow at me, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she calls Logan and she asks him in a very professional sober tone for him to pick me up.
“How am I so much more wasted than you?” I ask once she hangs up. “That’s not fair.”
“Because you’re younger than me, and less experienced. But more importantly who is this Logan? He sounds older than you when I spoke to him then.”
“He is,” I chuckle like it’s hilarious. “But he’s really hot and kind too. You would really like him.” All of a sudden, I’m struck by a thought of horror. “Actually no, don’t like him. You’re way more beautiful than me so he will definitely like you back. Then I’ll have to act all happy while you guys fall in love and get married, all while my heart is breaking for him.”
“Okay, you’re definitely way too drunk now,” Alice insists. “Come on, let’s go and sit on this bench and wait for the mysterious Logan to come. I can’t leave you on your own.”
“But what about Becky?” I don’t even know where she is, I can’t remember when I saw her last.
“She’s gone back with the bar man, so it’s just me and you for now. How does that sound?”
“That sounds perfect.” I sit and rest my head on her shoulder. “Thank you, Alice, you’re a legend.”
Chapter Twenty Three – Logan
I debated going out myself with Hank when I received the email from Pru about her going out with her new friends, it felt like the perfect time for me to expand my friendship horizons too, but now I’m glad that I didn’t. I guess deep down a part of me expected something like this to happen so I waited at home patiently, wanting to check that she’s going to be okay at the end of it.
It’s just lucky that Pru is out with new friends and not people from the center, that could have really complicated things. Maybe I could have found a way to explain it, but I’m glad I don’t have to. I’m sure my guilt would have shown on my face and my cover would’ve been blown. Still, I don’t have to worry about that because Pru is only hanging out with people she works with.
I slow the car down as I reach the street where Alice told me to come and pick up Pru. There are lots of people about in varying stages of being intoxicated, so it takes me a while to find her, but soon I see her slumped on her friend, clearly very wasted. This is why she shouldn’t drink, I don’t think she can hack it, she’s too young and not at all used to it. Especially not if she’s been trying to keep up with this older girl who is used to it. Hopefully this one-time experience will teach her.
I park up the car quickly and step out into the street. Surrounded by drunk people I feel a bit awkward so I stuff my hands into my pocket and I keep my eyes fixed only on the girl I want to see. I don’t care about the drunken loutish idiots anyway, and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.
“Hey,” I say uncomfortably as I finally reach the duo. “I’m Logan, is everything alright?”
“You’re Logan?” As the girl who must be Alice hears me, her eyes widen in shock. It makes me wonder what Pru told her about us, but I don’t dare ask. There could be many reasons why she’s shocked, I don’t need to read too much into it. “Okay sure, sorry Prudence is a bit drunk, she got a little bit carried away tonight, but she said that you would take care of her.”
“Yeah, no worries. My car is just over there. Do you need a ride somewhere?” I ask Alice seriously. “I don’t want to leave you all alone if there’s somewhere you need to be…”
“No, no, I live just around the corner from here, I’m fine. I just didn’t want to leave her alone.”
“No, of course not. Well thank you.” I glance down at Pru who is looking at me through very bleary looking eyes. “Pru, are you okay to walk or do I need to scoop you up and carry you?”
“I’m fine.” She pushes herself up and is immediately a bit shaky on her feet. “I’m just very tired now, that’s all. I feel like I need to sleep this off. Is that a normal sensation?”
My heart goes out to her, I feel so much sympathy for Pru. She’s about to have the worst morning of her life tomorrow. I can remember my very first hangover, it was the worst thing that I’ve ever been through in my life, and I was a little bit older than Pru. I also wasn’t anywhere near as drunk. At least I’m here to protect her, she needs me. But as I look at her, I realize that there’s a big part of me that needs her too. I can’t imagine having a life without her. She isn’t like any of the other girls that have come and gone in my life because she grounds me and she gives me a purpose. I didn’t even realize how much I was floating through life before without anything to fix me in place. She’s changed my perception on the world, and on myself. Without her I would still be nothing.
“Come on then.” I link my arm through Pru’s and I walk her towards the car. Alice comes with us at first, but it doesn’t take long for someone else to call her. “You go,” I insist with a bright and reassuring smile “I have Pru, everything is fine alright? Thank you again.”
“Are you sure?” I nod. “Okay, well take care of Pru and tell her to call me when she wakes up.”
“I will do, I’ll get her back home now and make sure that she’s okay.”
Alice touches my arm gently. “Prudence was right about you, you are really nice. She’s lucky to have you in her life. I don’t know what you are to each ot
her, but she’s really lucky.”
As Alice goes I breathe out a sigh of relief. It’s much easier to have Pru all to myself, I know what she knows and doesn’t know, I know what I can and can’t get away with. If it wasn’t for the rest of the world, this whole thing with me and Pru would be easy and straightforward. We could just be happy, be together and not have to worry about it. It’s everyone else that’s the problem, not us.
“You came for me,” Pru slurs a little as she leans up against the car. “I should have come home tonight right after work to see you, to talk about last night, and I didn’t. I went to hang out with my friends instead, but you still came for me when I was in trouble. That’s really awesome.”
I glance around like a paranoid freak, checking that no one overheard her. Of course they didn’t, no one here cares what the hell is going on with me and Pru, no one sees it as wrong. “Of course I came for you, Pru. I don’t mind you blowing me off to hang out with the girls. I want you to do stuff like that, that’s a whole big part of life, isn’t it?” She smiles up gleefully at me. “I want you to have fun and I’ll always be here afterwards when it’s done. I’m your protector after all.”
“I might not know much about men,” she continues while grabbing onto my waist. “But I know that you’re a really good one. You’re much too good to be with someone like me. I’m just… well, I’m trash aren’t I? A nothing girl that no one cares about, from a bad family.”