I’d never been apologetic about my sexuality. I fucking loved to fuck. It was the greatest pastime ever. The world would be a better place if people weren’t so uptight about the desire to get laid as often as possible. I also didn’t make promises above what would happen after any given night. There were plenty of chicks who would be down. No need to lie to get one in the sack.
The brunette came willingly, and she would a few times before the night was over. First step was getting her back to our place. I had a house, or rather my dad did. He never let me forget who footed the bills. It was a four-bedroom deal. Currently, it was just Ash, Chance, and me living there. Though that could change. An agreement had been struck with the school that allowed who Dad deemed underprivileged to live there rent free. My father liked to call it philanthropy. I called it bullshit. Dad was considering a run at public office, the presidency being his ultimate goal. Everything he did was calculated.
“Is he just going to watch?”
Her question brought me out of my head and into the present. I quickly glanced over at Ash. Even in the darkened room, I felt his gaze. Apparently, she did too.
“Don’t worry about him, baby. You’re going to enjoy every second of this.”
I kissed her, though I didn’t feel any heat. At that moment, I was on autopilot. She clawed at my shirt, so I took it off before helping her out of hers. I got to my knees with questioning fingers at the ready near the button of her shorts. I needed absolute permission before anything got started.
She nodded and it was on. As soon as she was naked, I made good on my promise about what I could do with my tongue. She was hot and ready when I spread her on the bed. By the time I had the condom on, she was begging for me to fuck her.
I wasn’t far from popping one off when Ash finally made his move. Squeezing her hips, I lifted her off my dick and quickly rolled the condom off. Cupping the back of her head, I aimed her in the direction I wanted her to go. She smiled before opening wide enough to take me in.
Bent as she was, she was perfectly positioned for Ash. For a second he stood at the foot of the bed, watching her try her best to swallow me whole.
Before thrusting inside, I warned her, “Are you ready for Ash?”
Unable to speak, considering what she was doing, she gave me a thumbs-up.
His laser focus drilled into me as he did her. Even in the dim light, I caught his sly grin. Though he barely touched her, his pumping action dislodged her mouth from my cock. The bastard smirked at me, knowing what he’d done. I’d been so fucking close. I got to my knees and moved forward so that she could rise up on all fours and finish me off.
I gave him a grin of my own before closing my eyes to get back to the place I’d been. The girl was good. She hollowed her cheeks and swirled her tongue well enough to have me coming in no time. I was so far in the zone as I crossed over the edge, I didn’t jump when a mouth met mine. The girl rocked forward as Ash found his own release.
He’d done this before. I didn’t bother rebuking him this time. Ash was in a thousand ways fucked up. I’d been his confidant for the horrors he’d lived through that still gave him nightmares. He would eventually give up when I didn’t kiss him back and sure enough he did.
Afraid of what I might see, I kept my eyes firmly shut until I heard him shuffling away. Then, I glanced down at the girl, who hadn’t gotten to the finish line. Using my fingers between her legs and my mouth on her breast, she soon followed us into oblivion, screaming the whole way there and back.
On my back, I noticed Ash was gone. He left as silently as he came. I didn’t know what to do about my best friend. He needed therapy if you asked me. But he refused to talk to anyone after a few failed attempts. I was left helping him keep his shit together. Sometimes it felt like walking on eggshells especially after the one time I caught him trying to end his life.
What do you do when you see someone you care about on the verge of annihilation? A psychologist might have berated me for my actions. But I’d only been a kid who didn’t know any better. We were closer than brothers. I would have done anything to stop his torment and I did. I’d held him like he’d been my blood kin as he spilled his guts. And after, I didn’t go quietly into the night. I raged and raged and brought the shame and lies of his house down. I’d protected him ever since, ignoring the time or two he’d kissed me.
After I returned from running the girl to her dorm, I didn’t go to my room. I also didn’t bother to knock before I entered Ash’s room.
Things were worse at night for him. Sleep didn’t hide his pain—it brought it out. As I expected, I found him curled in a ball on the floor. I wanted to stab his mother and might have if he didn’t need me. Being locked up for murder would stop me from helping him through times like this.
I got on the floor and lightly placed a hand on his arm.
When he jumped, I whispered, “It’s me.”
He rolled over and curled himself into me much like I’d seen sleepy toddlers do to extended family members who had kids. I rested an arm around him, not knowing how to end his cycle of torment. A place in my chest physically hurt remembering that first time we officially met, him lying in the rain and me wondering if he was as crazy as the other kids said.
There we were, quite the fucked-up pair. In my head, I debated, and not for the first time, how I could give up my soul to free him from his pain.
SEVEN
SHELLY
The lecture hall wasn’t large, which wasn’t unexpected considering the course topic, not to mention it was an early class. I took note of the many women in the class, noting the diversity. It should make things that much more interesting.
When the professor walked in, so did another student, a guy, the only of his kind in class. I wasn’t talking about his well-built frame, biceps straining his T-shirt, or his chiseled insane good looks. He was the only male student in the hall. The same guy I’d seen on the quad a few nights ago.
Our professor, a young woman who appeared barely out of college, pushed back her glossy brown hair and gave him her full attention.
“Mister…”
“Cargill,” he finished smoothly.
His voice was as deep as the tan he sported, which probably meant he’d spent a lot of time outdoors. Most likely he was an athlete on one of the teams in school—football, soccer, or swimming, I guessed. Cross off swimming. His torso didn’t tapper down as most swimmers’. Thus, football or soccer.
It was too late to stop staring when he flashed a smile at me. A flush crept up my cheeks, staining them red. I glanced away, too embarrassed I’d been caught. He was a friend of the guy Brie couldn’t stop grinning about. We’d made eye contact on the quad, but then he’d headed in a different direction. So why had I been staring? I obviously wasn’t his type.
“Mr. Cargill, there was an error in the room assignments for Intro to Psychology. It’s down the hall in Room 121.”
Every woman in the room was ogling the guy. Even our professor wasn’t unaffected. There had been a hitch in her little speech and she’d had to swallow, pausing for a second.
“No, I think I’m in the right place,” he said.
“And what place would that be?”
“This is the class about Gender, Sex, and Power.”
The way he said sex made a couple of girls combust. I caught more than a few crossing their legs and squirming in their seats.
Our professor was rattled. She kept pushing her hair back only for it to fall forward again, mostly because she kept staring down at her notes. Clearly she didn’t want to openly gawk at him. I, myself, allowed my hair to hide my surreptitious glances.
“Yes, Women’s Gender, Sex, and Power studies,” our professor clarified.
“Agreed. It’s the part about women I like the best.”
Her lips pursed. “This class was intended for…”
“Women,” he finished. “I’m sure it is. However, knowing how women have fought for equal rights in this country, I would think
it’d be hypocritical for you to exclude me from class.” He had a point. As he spoke, he glanced around the room, making eye contact with each girl in there. When his gaze landed on me, he added, “I hope to learn more about women, whom I love and respect. I feel it will make me a better man.” His piercing gaze finally left mine. He turned back to the professor. “And I hope to get in touch with my feminine side.”
That got giggles all around, except from our cherry-faced professor.
“Fine, Mr. Cargill—take a seat if you will and try not to make a mockery of my class.”
The smile he’d been sporting disappeared.
“I mean no disrespect. I found the summary of the class engaging. It met one of my requirements and fit my schedule. But if you feel I’ll be a disruption, I will drop the class.”
His sincerity had her backpedaling. “It’s fine. Please take a seat. And let’s get started.”
By the time class was over, I mistakenly took my time getting my things together.
“Hey.”
I glanced up into the hazel eyes and became a little lightheaded. Was it because I’d skipped breakfast or did he make all the blood rush from my head to heat up other parts of my body? There was no way I would hang around to find out. I was certain he was used to women falling all over him, but not me.
“Excuse me. I’m going to be late to my next class.”
“I just wanted to see if I could get a copy of your syllabus.” When I didn’t respond, he tried again. “I was late getting here.”
Honestly, I couldn’t believe the gall of this guy.
“You’re staying in the class?”
He might as well have said duh, the way he eyed me.
“Yeah, and maybe we could be study partners.”
A round of raucous laughter escaped me.
“What is that code for?” I asked, wiping at my eyes because it was so comical I was tearing up.
“Uh, study.”
“You can’t possibly need this class to get laid. I’m sure girls line up around the block to jerk you off. But I’m not that girl.”
Okay, I could be that girl. But the fact that he’d clearly meant what he said only put me in the friend zone in his eyes. I was tired of being put aside for some girl willing to give it up. After careful consideration, I’d come to the conclusion that saving my virginity for love was horseshit. The emphasis was on my virginity. To each his own, but for me, I wanted to own it. I wanted to do it on my terms. Who knew, if I saved it for my true love, if the guy would stay true after I gave it up? So why bother with pretense? Or maybe it was just the bravado I’d been feeling as of late.
Annoyed that he hadn’t come to hit on me, I picked up my bag and exited the stadium seating stage left. I turned before the door closed to see a couple of other willing girls surrounding him.
Skipping lunch, I ended up in my dorm room. Mia was there reading something on her phone. I tossed my bag down on my bed. It hit hard, making her glance up.
“What’s wrong, girl?”
I flopped down and ignored the hunger pains in my stomach. I couldn’t eat if I ever planned to achieve my goal. “I don’t know. Am I that ugly?”
Honestly, I’d left that morning for once feeling good about myself. I wore something cute, yet not one guy attempted to talk to me. How could I compete with girls who looked like walking sticks? The same girls I saw stuffing their faces in the café while I ate plain salad and no dressing.
“Ugly?” It was a dirty word coming out of her mouth. “You’ve got to be kidding me, right?”
“No.”
Covering my eyes, I pretended to be the strong girl everyone thought I was.
“You’re gorgeous. I’d kill for your hair. And I’ve seen the way guys look at you,” she said.
They looked at me like I was their best friend’s little sister, code for off-limits.
“They’re looking at you, not me.”
She had lightly tanned skin that didn’t fade with time, bright gray eyes, and a smile that belonged on toothpaste commercials. I had serious girl envy for all my friends.
“I should just accept that I’m the DUFF of the group.”
“DUFF?”
“Designated ugly fat friend.” The cursed words left my mouth in a huff.
“Fat? You’re kidding me, right? You’re like size subzero.”
“Seriously? I’m like that girl in between. I mean, why do the sizes go up by twos? What if one size is too small and the other makes me look like I should graze in a pasture?”
“You’re crazy.” She shook her head and then pointed a finger at me. “I know what you need.”
“What’s that?”
“A night out. We should totally go out, get drunk, and turn every guy down.”
“I should be so lucky that anyone will notice me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a drama queen. You’ll adjust to college life.”
“Adjust? Why would I need to adjust?”
Her finger extended to point at pictures on my cork board.
“Homecoming and prom queen.”
That. Confession time. “Mom made me enter pageants most of my life, not that I won any. As a result, I gained minor celebrity in my school because my picture ended up in the paper. People assumed I would be someone someday. Not. They hung around me just in case the limelight shined on me. It never did.”
Which was why Mia, a girl I’d only met freshman year, was my best friend and not any of the girls I’d gone to school with.
“Fine, but you had boyfriends.”
A few over the years. They never lasted long enough. Inevitability, I would get the we’re better friends or it’s me not you speech.
“Not any that mattered. Besides, who needs boys? Let’s go out and forget about them.”
Her conspiratorial smile preceded her agreement. “It’s a plan,” she agreed.
EIGHT
SAWYER
The locker room was not a friendly place for freshmen. After an interesting day of classes, I was ready to blow off some steam. Four guys who most likely consumed steroids like candy formed a semicircle around me and my friends.
“Look, guys, it’s the trio of fresh meat. These three think they’re good enough to play first team instead of waiting like the rest of us did.”
I put out an arm to stop Ash. “It’s called talent. Something I assume Coach felt was lacking.”
Okay, me and my mouth had a tendency to get my face in trouble. It wasn’t the best idea to fight with your teammates. These were the guys who would have your back when a two-ton monster barreled in your direction with the intention of flattening you on the field.
“Him, I get.” He pointed to Chance. “But you two don’t need talent when Daddy buys your way on the team.”
Because neither of us had tried to be quiet when we spoke, we’d drawn a crowd.
Coach came out of his office. “Break it up, ladies. Save this for the field.”
He hiked a thumb, aiming at the door that led to the field. The leader of the group, whom I would find out was the team captain, left begrudgingly. Not before hacking out a glob of spit aimed at my foot, like he’d been chewing tobacco. I shook my head at Ash, who may not have spoken much, but he’d used his fist a lot.
When practice finally ended, it felt like acid ran through my veins. The heat index had to be at frying an egg on the pavement levels. I was not only hot, but pissed off and spoiling for a fight. I’d taken my licks on the field, but pent-up energy swirled inside me.
“Leave it, Sawyer,” Chance said with a hand on my chest.
I picked up one of the cups left for us to drink and poured it over my head. The icy liquid did nothing to cool my temper.
“Hi.” A glance over revealed a smoking hot chick in a half shirt and tinier shorts carrying pompoms. She extended a hand. “I’m Brittney.”
My mood shifted. I took her offered hand and pulled her close to whisper in her ear. “I’m Sawyer.”
She
giggled when I released her. “Are you guys going to the Sigma party tonight?”
In my periphery, I noticed Chance had silently taken his leave. It didn’t matter. As the de facto leader of the group, I answered for us. “Yes.”
Her smile turned megawatt and she lost one of her pompoms to gravity. “I’ll see you there.”
“Brittney.”
I didn’t have to glance over to note that our illustrious team captain had called her name. She turned to face him after winking at me. Then she bent at the waist to pick up her lost pompom, giving me a front-row view of her tight ass and hidden assets. My dick was instantly semi-hard as if on standby.
After retrieving her gear, she made it over to the asshole, who immediately staked his claim by wrapping an arm around her. A plan began to form in my brain, causing a wicked smile to grow on my face.
“Don’t go there,” Chance said.
Turning to face him, I noticed they hadn’t left but had given me some room.
Chance didn’t know me yet. But Ash understood me all too well. I bumped fists with my partner in crime and opened my right hand to simulate a bomb going off. Things would be interesting tonight.
The Sigma house was lit up in every room. The drinking debauchery that was happening wasn’t under the cover of darkness but in the light of day. By the time we showed up, over half the crowd was already shit-faced.
As I scanned the area, it wasn’t the cute cheerleader I found myself searching for. It was that blonde who had coolly turned me down in class that day. I hadn’t exactly been hitting on her. But the fact that she thought I was and hadn’t given me the green light made her far more interesting than I wanted her to be.
Why had I approached her? She was the type who wanted to be labeled as girlfriend before she spread her legs. And a girlfriend wasn’t what I was looking for.
“Hey, handsome.” Brittney ran her fingers down my arm lightly, letting her nails course over my skin.
Changing Hearts Page 4