He stared somewhere above her head, as if the telling of these details was too painful to do face-to-face.
“Lori became depressed. She saw her physician about it, and he explained that post-partum depression is fairly common. He prescribed something to help her feel better. He also gave her tranquilizers. A light dose to take when she had trouble sleeping.”
“Did the medication help?”
“For a while, but then Lori found she couldn’t sleep nights at all. Chrissie suffered from repeated ear infections, and Lori often had to stay awake with her, which added to the problem.”
He frowned. “I don’t know when she started doubling up on the tranquilizers, or even how she was able to get so many of them. I suspect she went to a number of different doctors.”
Bethany held out her hand to him and Mitch gripped it hard between his own. Then he sat on the bed beside her, turning his body toward her. “What’s so tragic about all of this is that over and over again Lori told me how unhappy she was, how miserable. She didn’t like being home. She didn’t like staying with the baby all the time. She wanted me home more often. She clung to me until I felt she was strangling me, and all along she was so terribly sick, so terribly depressed.”
“Did you know she was hooked on the tranquilizers?”
“I suppose I guessed. But I figured she was under a doctor’s care—and I didn’t want to deal with it just then. I couldn’t. I was working day and night on an important case,” he said, his eyes bleak with sorrow. “If she wanted to dope herself up at night with tranquilizers, what could I do? I’d cope with it when I could, but not then.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You see, I might’ve saved her life had I dealt with the problem immediately, instead of ignoring it and praying she’d snap out of it herself.”
“What happened?” Bethany asked. She intuitively realized there was more to the story, and that it would only grow worse.
“If the signs had been any plainer, they would’ve hit me over the head.”
“It happens every day.”
“I worked with addicts. I should’ve known.”
It was clear that this was one thing Mitch would never forgive himself for.
“She killed herself,” he said in a stark whisper. “Her family thought it was an accident, but I know better. She needed me, but I was too involved in chasing down drug dealers to help my own wife. She was depressed, unhappy and addicted to tranquilizers. I turned my back on her. I might as well have poured the pills down her throat.”
“Oh, Mitch, you were under so much stress. You can’t blame yourself.”
“Yes, I can,” he said, “and I have. I should’ve been able to tell what was happening to her. She paid the penalty for my neglect—with her life. I can understand if you don’t want to marry me…”
“Is that what you’re asking me, Mitch? To be your wife?”
“Yes.” His gaze held hers. “I realize how much Chrissie loves you, but like I told you, it isn’t for my daughter I’m asking. It’s for me.”
The lump in Bethany’s throat refused to dissolve. She nodded and swallowed her tears.
“Is that a yes?” he asked, as if he was afraid of the answer.
She nodded again, more vigorously.
Mitch briefly closed his eyes. “I live a simple life, Bethany. I don’t want to leave Hard Luck.”
“I don’t want to leave, either. My home is wherever you are.”
“You’re sure? Because I don’t think I could let you go. Not now.” He reached for her and kissed her with a hunger and a longing that left her breathless. A long time passed before he released her.
“We’d better stop while I still can,” he told her. “Besides, Ben’s waiting.”
“Ben.” She’d almost forgotten.
“He’s downstairs bragging to the bartender about his daughter,” Mitch said. “Would you like to join him there? I know he wants to talk to you.”
“In a little while,” she whispered and leaned her head against his shoulder. They’d both come to Hard Luck for a purpose. His had been to hide; hers had been to find her biological father. Together they’d discovered something far more precious than the gold that had drawn generations of prospectors to Alaska.
They’d found each other. And together they’d found love.
Epilogue
Half an hour later, Bethany made her way into the dimly lit cocktail lounge and came upon Ben sitting alone at a table, nursing a bottle of beer. His shoulders slumped forward and his head was bowed. It looked, she thought sadly, as if the weight of nearly thirty years of regret rested solidly on his back.
He raised his eyes to meet hers when she walked over to his table. “Do you mind if I sit down?” she asked, feeling tentative herself. She understood that the way she’d confronted Ben had been a mistake; she wished more than anything that they could start over.
He nodded, his expression concerned as she slid out the chair and sat across from him.
“Do you want a drink?” he asked.
“No, thanks.” The wine and brandy last night had loosened her tongue. She didn’t want to repeat that mistake. “I’m so sorry…”
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” Ben cut in. “I’m not proud of the way I reacted yesterday—my only excuse is shock.”
“I couldn’t have done a worse job of it,” she said.
His face tightened, and his eyes grew suspiciously bright. “It’s so hard to believe I could have a daughter as beautiful as you, Bethany. My heart feels like it’s going to bust wide open just looking at you.”
Bethany smiled tremulously, close to tears herself.
“Your mother…the resemblance between you is striking. I didn’t see it at first, but now I do.” He took a swallow of his beer and Bethany suspected he did it to hide his emotion. He set the bottle back on the table. “How’s Marilyn? The cancer?”
“She’s better than ever, and there’s no sign of the cancer recurring.”
“She’s…she’s had a good life? She’s happy?”
Bethany nodded. “Very happy. Mom and Dad have a good marriage. Like any relationship, it’s had its ups and downs over the years, but they’re still in love, and they’re truly committed to each other.” She paused and drew in a deep breath. “They don’t know that I’ve—that I found you.”
He lowered his head. “Do you plan on telling them?”
“Yes, and you can be assured I’ll handle it a lot more diplomatically than I did with you. I accepted the teaching contract in Hard Luck because I knew you were here, but originally I’d never intended to tell you.”
“Not tell me?”
“All I wanted was to get to know you, but once I’d done that, it didn’t seem to be enough. We’re very alike, Ben, in many important ways. But before I knew that, I was afraid of the kind of man you’d be.”
He sipped from the beer bottle. “I’m probably a disappointment….”
“No,” she rushed to tell him. “No! I’m proud to be your daughter. You’re a warm, generous, caring person. Hard Luck Café is the heart of the community, and that’s because of you.”
“I can’t be your father,” Ben murmured. “Your mother’s husband—Peter—he’ll always be that.”
“That’s true. But you could be my friend.”
His face brightened. “Yes. A special friend.”
Bethany stretched her hand across the table and Ben squeezed her fingers. “Where’s Mitch?”
“He’s in the lobby waiting for us.” Bethany smiled, and the happiness bloomed within her. “This seems to be a day for clearing the air.”
Ben placed some money on the table and they walked out of the lounge. “Are you going to marry him?” he asked. “Put him out of his misery?”
“Oh, yes. I came to Hard Luck wanting to meet you, and instead I found two men I’ll love for the rest of my life.”
Mitch hurried toward them, and they met him halfway. Grinning widely, Ben slung an arm around their shoulders, drawin
g them close. “Well, my friends. This seems to be an evening to celebrate. Dinner’s on me!”
BECAUSE OF THE BABY
Prologue
February 1996
She would always be his valentine, according to the card.
The man was a low-down, dirty rat! Furiously Karen Caldwell tossed the card into the garbage. She stood there in the middle of her kitchen, with the California sun pouring through her windows, and battled down tears.
Leave it to her ex-husband to do something like this. In the four years of their marriage Matt hadn’t once bought her a valentine card. Or an anniversary card. Oh, no, he waited until they were divorced to do that. Waited until she was convinced he was finally out of her life—and her heart. Only then had he bothered to send her a card. A sweet, funny card celebrating a day meant for lovers. He’d purposely postponed contacting her until she’d managed to persuade herself she was almost happy.
Karen drew a deep, shaky breath, determined to put the man and his valentine out of her mind.
Her ex-husband infuriated her. This was just another example. Put a hundred, a thousand, of these examples together, and it explained why she’d divorced him. Matthew Caldwell was irresponsible. Thoughtless. Unreliable. In the four years of their marriage he’d changed careers five times. Five times!
Without fail, whenever she’d begun to think he’d finally found his niche, Matt would casually announce that he’d quit his job. Not once had he discussed his plans with her. He seemed to believe his decision was none of her concern.
Over and over he’d tell her he didn’t know how unhappy he was until the moment he quit, as if that should be all the explanation she needed.
Giving his notice at Curtis Accounting had been the final straw. When that happened Karen had done the only sensible thing a woman could do in the circumstances. She left him.
No one blamed her, least of all Matt’s family. His parents and sister were as exasperated with his penchant for shifting careers as she was herself.
Right after the divorce Karen had been offered the transfer to California. Leaving Alaska had sounded like a perfect solution, and it didn’t hurt that a promotion went along with the relocation. The move would help her put the unpleasantness of her failed marriage behind her. Sunny California was just the distraction she needed.
Or so Karen had thought.
Now she wasn’t so sure. She missed Alaska. Missed her friends. And…she missed Matt.
Karen avoided looking at the garbage can. Every time she thought of the valentine card, it made her mad. What irritated her most was that she knew he’d had to go out of his way to buy it.
Karen had been to Hard Luck, where Matt was living now. In a town that small, there wouldn’t be anyplace that sold greeting cards. Matt would’ve had to order it by mail, or fly into Fairbanks.
He’d moved to Hard Luck because of the lodge—his latest folly.
Karen rolled her eyes. Her ex-husband had used the trust fund his grandmother had left him to purchase the burned-out lodge from the O’Halloran brothers. What Karen had gathered from a conversation with his sister, Lanni, was that Matt had begun to renovate it and hoped to attract tourists. Tourists north of the Arctic Circle!
But then, it made as much sense as anything else Matt had done in the past few years. If he wanted to waste his inheritance on another one of his grand schemes, she wouldn’t try to stop him. Besides, it was none of her business.
When she couldn’t stand it anymore Karen pulled the valentine out of the garbage. Below the printed message, he’d written “love” and his name.
Tears blurred her eyes. If this was how she reacted to a simple card, what would happen at the wedding? Lanni had asked Karen to serve as her maid of honor, and Karen had said yes.
True, it might be a bit uncomfortable, since Matt would be at the wedding, too, but Lanni had assured her that she’d discussed the situation with him. Matt hadn’t objected. They might be divorced, but they were both adults.
It had been eighteen months since she’d last seen her ex-husband. The wedding wouldn’t be so bad, Karen decided. She’d smile a lot and let him know how happy she was. How much she liked California. How well she was doing at her job.
She’d make sure she looked her best, too. Lose five pounds, get her hair trimmed, buy some new clothes. After one glance, he’d be ready to hand her his heart on a silver platter.
And Karen? She’d hand it right back.
Chapter
1
April 1996
“She’s just beautiful,” Pearl Inman whispered to Matt as his sister walked down the center aisle, escorted by their proud father. “A perfect spring bride.”
“Yes, she is,” Matt agreed, but his eyes weren’t on Lanni. He hadn’t been able to stop watching Karen from the moment she’d entered the church.
Matt had been too busy getting the lodge ready for his first guests to pay much attention to his sister’s wedding. He knew Lanni had asked his ex-wife to be her maid of honor. He’d gone so far as to assure her it didn’t matter to him. He’d managed to sound downright nonchalant about it, too.
It wasn’t any big deal, he’d told Lanni. Their marriage was over. Finished. Kaput. Nope, it wouldn’t bother him if Karen came to Hard Luck. He didn’t plan to give it another thought.
All right, if he was being honest—and he should be, since he was in a church—he had thought about Karen coming to Hard Luck. Okay, so he’d counted the days. The hours. The minutes. But he wasn’t going to beat himself up because of it. They’d been married for four years and divorced nearly two. It was only natural he’d be anxious about seeing her.
To his dismay, Matt soon discovered he was completely unprepared for the emotional impact of being with Karen again.
Especially at a wedding.
She was so beautiful. His heart ached just from looking at her. She wore an elegant rose-colored dress that was perfect for her tall, lithe frame. A halo of flowers circled her glossy brown hair and Matt was convinced he’d never seen a more beautiful maid of honor.
A more beautiful woman.
The church was packed. It surprised and pleased Matt that Lanni and Charles had decided to be married in Hard Luck. He’d assumed his sister would choose Anchorage, where the majority of their friends and family lived. When he’d asked her, Lanni said she’d chosen Hard Luck since this was where she and Charles would make their home. She’d met and fallen in love with Charles O’Halloran here, so it seemed fitting to have the wedding here, as well. In time, Lanni hoped to start a community newspaper, but until Hard Luck was large enough to support a weekly, she’d be content to write freelance articles.
Matt was happy for his sister. He didn’t doubt that Charles and Lanni were deeply in love. But watching them together had been almost painful. Their closeness, their delight in each other—he remembered what those feelings were like. Before his marriage fell apart…
With an effort Matt pulled his gaze away from Karen.
This winter had been long and bleak, with only his hopes for the lodge to sustain him.
At least the wedding was a bright spot, midway between the Christmas holidays and Alaska’s summer months. It would be another six weeks before the snow melted. Another month before he got any response to the advertising he’d sent to travel agencies around the country.
Matt had risked a whole lot more than his inheritance in buying the lodge. He closed his eyes, refusing to allow any worries to crowd his mind. On the positive side, every room had been booked for tonight. Never mind that his guests were family and friends and that he wasn’t getting a dime for his hospitality. Never mind that his ex-wife was one of those guests.
The wedding was a sort of dry run for the lodge. Unfortunately the kitchen wasn’t in working order yet, but he’d have everything up and running by mid-June. Just in time to welcome his first real customers.
Love. Honor. As Charles O’Halloran repeated his vows, Matt felt a wrenching ache in his chest. He’d purp
osely let his thoughts wander in the attempt to avoid just this.
The marriage vows were a painful reminder of how he’d failed Karen. Difficult as it was to admit, he’d never been the right husband for her. She wanted a man who was content to hold down a nine-to-five job. A husband who’d work forty years for the same company and retire with a decent pension.
Matt had tried to give her the stability she craved. But it hadn’t worked. Within months of taking on a job, he’d grow restless and bored. He’d always brought hard work and creativity to every new position; if he put that kind of effort into something, Matt wanted to be the one who profited from the outcome. Karen had never understood or appreciated that.
Lanni’s sweet voice echoed Reverend Wilson’s words. His sister’s eyes lovingly held her husband’s. It was a poignant moment, and more than one person was fighting back tears. Charles and Lanni had bridged the pain and anger of two families to find happiness. The O’Hallorans and Catherine Fletcher—his and Lanni’s grandmother—had become bitter and enduring enemies when Charles’s father married another woman. But the enmity was over now. And it was largely due to Lanni, Matt reflected, looking at her with pride.
Despite all his resolve, his eyes wandered back to Karen. Her head was bowed as if she, too, had a hard time listening to the exchange of vows.
They hadn’t spoken since her arrival in Hard Luck. He didn’t think she was deliberately staying out of his way, but he couldn’t be sure. Her flight had landed in Fairbanks early that morning; Sawyer O’Halloran had picked her up, along with the other two bridesmaids, who’d flown in from Anchorage. The three women had been closeted with Lanni ever since, getting ready for the wedding.
He knew Karen was scheduled to fly out first thing the next morning. But for this one night she’d be sleeping in the lodge. His lodge.
Matt had made sure when he assigned the rooms that Karen got the most elaborate one. The one with the big brass bed and feather mattress. He’d polished the hardwood floor himself until it shone like new. Matt wondered if she’d guess all the trouble he’d gone to—then decided he didn’t want her to know.
Midnight Sons Volume 2 Page 16