by Alexis Anne
It was entirely possible I had never been as nervous as I was right then. My nails were long gone so I chewed on the tip of my straw instead. Next time I was bringing beef jerky or taffy or something chewy to help feed my nervous energy. “I might need anti-anxiety medication for the next series.”
Carrie laughed. “Yeah, they don’t make it easy on us in the stands. We can’t help and we can’t play for them. All we can do is watch.”
Right then Seth sent the ball flying. The whole crowd stood and held their breath.
“Go, go, go,” Bernice whispered.
“I don’t think it has the distance,” I said under my breath, hoping I was wrong. It was close. The center fielder ran for the wall, he leapt.
The ball sailed right over his glove.
The crowd went wild and so did we.
“Oh my god, oh my god!” I cried as Erik rounded third and then towards home with his arms in the air. He jumped on the plate.
They won.
Chris and Seth came in behind him, officially making the score 6-3.
As Carrie and I hugged the Cassidy’s, Erik, Seth, and Chris were crushed by their team. Then Carrie grabbed my arm. “Let’s go!”
Down the steps we went to where Charles, an old security guard I knew through Eve, stood. He let us right out onto the field. It was chaos. Mantas jumping on top of Mantas.
And then right in front of me stood my handsome hero. He smiled and I stared. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carrie run to Wes.
My turn.
He met me halfway, hoisting me up in his arms. “You’re really not hurt?”
“Not even a little.” His smile took my breath away.
I cupped his face and kissed him. Carefully. Everyone else was wild and mad, but that didn’t feel right. There was still another series to win before he got to the one he cared most about, but the fight to get to this win was over. The victory was theirs. And right now it felt important to capture it with a kiss that was quieter and more intentional.
“Wow,” he whispered, looking up at me. “I’m going to win all the rest of the games if this is the reward I get.”
28
Zoe
As I Live and Breathe
I woke up to find a newspaper on the pillow beside me. At the top was the headline I expected. Mantas Win Division!
What I didn’t expect was the picture under the headline.
“Whoa.” I sat up, the sheet falling away.
For one, it was an awesome picture.
For two, it was me kissing Erik.
Whoa didn’t begin to cover it. We stood in the bottom right, me up in the air with my hands on Erik’s face. His name and number across my back clear as day. Behind us, and a little less focused, was the melee of players celebrating. Framing the shot were the stadium lights.
It was like the cover of a sports romance novel.
Except it was real and it was us.
I flipped the paper over to read below the fold.
Erik Cassidy, Mantas second baseman, gets celebratory kiss.
That was it. Thank goodness. I grabbed Erik’s shirt and wandered out to find him sitting on the balcony staring out at the city with a cup of coffee in his hand. I poured myself a cup and joined him.
“You look lost in thought,” I said as I dropped a kiss on his cheek.
I loved the way he always reached up and pulled me back for more.
“I am.”
I took the chair beside him. “What are you thinking about?”
“Do you really want this?”
My stomach plummeted. “Excuse me?”
He seemed to realize what he said might have multiple meanings. “Shit. No, not like that. I am very happy being in a relationship with you. That hasn’t changed. What I mean is—”
“The paper.”
“Yes.” He scrubbed his face. “It’s going to happen again. The further we get the more reporters will ask.”
“Maybe they won’t.”
“You’re beautiful.” He smiled. “They always want to know about the beautiful woman.”
“So you’re asking if I really want to come to your games and potentially end up in papers?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t know the answer. I hid my identity because I was scared of Tony, but the more time I spent with Erik, the less I worried. “Tony hates baseball and he certainly doesn’t read novels.” I took a sip of my coffee as I thought. “The one thing I’ve hated these last few years is that even though he’s not here, he’s still controlling my life. His mark is still there, his influence. You said you’re a jealous man and you didn’t want to be together until his shadow was gone.”
Erik reached for my hand. “Yeah.”
“Well, not coming to your games, hiding who we are, that feels like his shadow is still here.”
He closed his eyes and squeezed my hand. “I want you there.”
“And I want to be there. So I’m going to be there. Except, you know, for that first game in San Francisco.” I would still be in LA.
Erik grimaced. “I still can’t believe they’re who we’re playing.”
I smoothed his hair back. “And you’ll beat them the same way you beat Phoenix.”
“Nope. We’ll beat them faster than that.”
“There’s my man.”
He bounced his eyebrows. “You’re still mine for another twenty-four hours.”
Then we would both be on planes to different parts of California. “Well then, we better not waste them.”
I sank into my first class seat and sighed. Tampa to Los Angeles with legroom, alcohol, and a cushy seat.
Life. Was. Good.
“Can I start you off with a beverage?” The angel in charge of our section asked.
“Champagne?”
She nodded. “Of course. Are we celebrating?”
“We are. We’re celebrating dreams coming true.”
Her grin widened. “Well my name is Mariah. If you need anything today, I’m your girl. I’ll be right back with your champagne.”
I flipped open Lindsay’s new paperback and snuggled even deeper into my seat. I hadn’t had a chance to read this one while she was writing because I was right in the middle of all my own writing madness. So I was getting a rare first read in paperback form and I was going to enjoy slipping into her snarky world of mystery and intrigue.
The morning had started off bumpy when Wes called to let us know someone had decided to connect Erik Cassidy’s “girlfriend” to my real name, and then my real name to my pen name.
There were a few headlines on the gossip websites but nothing huge unless you were a gossip junkie, which I was not. I was pretty happy with the decision I’d made to be in the pubic eye with Erik, so it was inevitable this would happen. Maybe sooner was better than later.
Besides, who would really care that much about a writer and a ballplayer?
I was vaguely aware of the constant string of passengers filing by me with their carry-on luggage. Every so often I noticed the jostle of the seat beside me as someone banged into it. I ignored all of it until my champagne appeared.
“Looks like you might luck out,” Mariah said, nodding at the empty seat beside me.
“If only I could be so lucky.”
“Any hints on what we’re celebrating?”
Since she seemed so nice and genuinely interested I decided to take Erik’s advice and brag about myself for a change. “My book is being made into a movie staring Lily Lawrence and Scott Kaine. I’m on my way to LA to finalize details.” The hair on my arm rippled as I said it and a chill ran down my spine.
That person I just described. That was me!
“Wow. Congratulations!” She shook her head in amazement. “I’ll be sure to keep the champagne flowing and the chocolate cake for dessert because you, Miss . . . ”
“Zoe Hyde.”
Her eyes twinkled. “You, Miss Zoe Hyde, are the lady of the flight.”
I held up my glass (because in first class you do
n’t get plastic.) “Cheers.”
“Your name does sound familiar.” She squinted as she thought. “Like I just read it somewhere this morning, actually.”
Whoops. Maybe a few people read gossipy news. “Well I write all kinds of different books. It could have been anything, really.”
She patted the seat with a shrug and moved on to the next row.
The man across the aisle held up his cocktail and mouthed, “Congrats,” before returning to his iPad.
I’m a badass.
All this time I’d worked so hard to hold my worlds apart. Writer versus reality. As if my writing life weren’t actually real, always afraid that my success as Zoe Hyde would somehow trigger Tony to re-enter my life.
But I wasn’t afraid of that anymore.
Ever since I saw my face up on that jumbo screen it had been slowly sinking in that I was no longer living two lives in secret. Just one big life. Like the layers of protection I’d put on over the years were being peeled back one by one. So much weight lifted, so much burden gone.
It was only fitting the universe would send me a test and make me prove it.
I found the universe was cruel like that.
I swear some people had all the luck and never seemed to have anything unfortunate happen to them. Maybe they were just really good at hiding the bumps in the road or maybe they really were that blessed with blue skies and calm winds.
All I knew was that the one and only person I truly never wanted to see again was walking down the aisle and stopping at the empty seat beside me.
“Well, well, well,” Tony murmured in his trademark smooth as butter voice. “As I live and breathe.”
The blood in my veins ran cold. So cold I was frozen where I sat.
Shock. It was shock.
“What’s it been? Three years without a word and now here you are.” He tucked a small bag under the seat in front of him. “And in first class no less. How’d you manage that, Zoe?”
This had to be a nightmare. Any minute now I’d wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing, and I’d realize this was all a figment of my imagination. A manifestation of my fears now that my dreams were coming true.
Except Tony looked older. His hair was different.
And I knew full well this was real.
Crap.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” My voice came out barely loud enough to be heard. It was more of a scratchy whisper than anything else.
He arched an eyebrow and sat back. “You look good. Whatever you’ve been doing agrees with you.” His eyes raked over me like he owned me.
A wave of nausea hit. My mind raced one minute and then went totally blank the next. What do I do?
Run? Pretend to be sick? Heck, I wouldn’t have to pretend. I was definitely going to be sick inhaling his cologne.
Run! My brain knew what to do but my body didn’t. Run, run, run! Still I didn’t move. My hands were locked in a death grip on the armrests, my leg muscles tensed and frozen in position. Even my mouth refused to work.
I had to get off that plane and as far away from Tony as possible.
But then they pulled the doors shut and sealed the plane. The captain came over the intercom and began his announcements.
It was too late.
“Looks like we have the next eight hours to catch-up,” he murmured just as Mariah hurried over.
“Can I get you a drink, sir?”
He pulled his gaze away from me and swept it up Mariah. She bristled as if she also felt the cold that surrounded him. “Just an orange juice to start. It’s entirely too early for alcohol.”
“Says you,” the man across the aisle mumbled into his now empty glass. “I’ll have another whenever you get a chance. No rush.”
I wanted to give that man a thumbs-up just for disagreeing with Tony but I didn’t dare invite any more attention than I was already in for.
“And you, Zoe. Ready for another champagne?”
“Oh no. I’ve barely started the first.” I blurted out, realizing that on top of terror, I was also frantically grasping at how to behave around Tony. Old instincts to behave a certain way kicked in like hearing a song from high school and instantly feeling seventeen again.
Mariah shot me a funny look before she moved off to make Tony’s orange juice. Maybe she could see my fear. I hoped she could. I didn’t want to be so good at masking how Tony made me feel that anyone thought our relationship was normal ever again.
Five years of my life wasted with this man. So many more could have been wasted if I’d stayed. I could still be there with him in Houston. I might be his wife by now. No life outside of his. No freedom. No will.
No books in my name. No movie.
A little rush of courage filled my chest thinking of who I’d become since leaving him. Making that choice, taking control of my life, had been the smartest thing I’d ever done.
“Headed to LA?” he asked.
“Obviously,” I shot back.
I took a second to really look at him now that I wasn’t in shock. He was impeccably dressed, as always. Expensive blue pinstripe suit, black Italian loafers, Breitling watch. His chiseled jaw was cleanly shaven, showing off the cleft in his chin. His perfect head of dark hair was now shot through with a few streaks of gray. The perfect kind. At the temples.
Everything about Tony was always perfect.
Except for the all the darkness he hid inside.
“How’s life in Tampa?”
That question gave me pause. It was so certain. As if he knew I lived in Tampa. Being on a flight out of the airport didn’t guarantee I lived there. I could be visiting, or on a connecting flight. What made him so certain I lived here?
Had he checked up on me?
I didn’t want to give him any more information than necessary so instead of answering I asked my own question. “How’s life in Houston?”
“Not much has changed.”
There was something . . . suggestive . . . about that reply. As if he was a breath away from adding, It’s all right where you left it, waiting for you to come home.
The need to lose my breakfast struck me again.
Mariah arrived with his orange juice just as the plane began its jostling trip to the runway. “Do either of you need anything else? I’ll be back around after takeoff.”
I could use one escape plan, please. “No thank you,” I mumbled instead.
How much could I simply ignore him? We were on a plane. How much trouble could he possibly make if I put on my headphones and ignored him?
Not much. Not if he wanted to avoid scandal.
It was as if he could sense my plans because the bastard actually reached out and touched my leg. “I miss you.”
I picked up his hand and deposited back on his side of the seat. “I don’t miss you, Tony.”
“You didn’t even say goodbye. You just left.”
“I left a note.” One paragraph saying I would no longer be abused and to never follow me. Oh, and I left his ring with the note. “I felt a clean break would be easier on both of us.”
He snorted. “You always were selfish. It was easier on you. It was cowardly to abandon me like that. Do you realize the position you put me? How many people I had to explain your sudden disappearance to?”
Poor thing. Not really. I didn’t care. Everything he said was about him. How he was put out. No remorse, no sympathy. Proof he never really cared about me.
If I ever left Erik like that, accused him of hurting me, he would be broken. He’d care more about how I felt than any hurt I caused him.
But not Tony.
“You could have simply told your friends that after repeatedly beating your fiancée she chose to find a more respectful living situation. I’m sure they would have understood.”
Oh my god. I said that out loud.
Tony was just as shocked. His jaw fell open and he jerked his head back.
I grabbed my headphones and jammed them over my ears. While he stared at me I turned on my
music and smiled.
I kind of wanted to flick him off too but I knew without a doubt that would cross a line. It was one thing to make it clear I was a strong independent woman, but quite another to intentionally provoke the beast.
Besides, I was pretty sure he got my message loud and clear. I was not the Zoe Burke he was engaged to, and trying to manipulate me today would not go well.
I was rewarded with nearly three hours of peace. I kept my headphones on and blatantly ignored anything and everything from Tony. Mariah was clearly aware that something was going on but she didn’t press it. She delivered our meals, refilled our drinks, and kept her distance otherwise.
My peace ended when I was forced to use the restroom. A glass of champagne and a bottle of water were too much for my bladder. I took off my headphones and tucked my phone away.
“Excuse me.”
With an exasperated sigh he picked up his laptop and let me out. When I returned he stood, but didn’t completely get out of my way. “Won’t your boyfriend miss his good luck charm while you’re in LA?”
Oh yeah. He knew. He knew everything. “May I please sit?”
He moved out of my way but before I could put my headphones back on he leaned in. “The books you write are positively scandalous, Zoe. I never would have allowed you to write such filth for the public. I would have, however, happily acted all of it out. Why didn’t you tell me you fantasized about having a threesome with my friends?”
Disgusting. “I have never once had a sexual fantasy about you or your friends.”
“Never? Where else would you get so many ideas?” He sucked in a breath. “I was particularly intrigued by the one with the couple who preferred to fuck in sex clubs. To think if I’d only known of your preferences we might have been happier.”
He was provoking me. I knew he was provoking me. I also knew responding to any of this was exactly what he wanted—a door into my new life.
So even though it was difficult, I kept my lips sealed together and reached for my headphones.
“Oh, Zoe. Really? Must you ignore me like this? It’s so childish.” And then, just as I was about to cover my ear, “I’ll be in LA all week. Call me to your hotel room at the Belmont any time you like. I’ll be ready.”