by Maggie Ryan
Nodding, Eleanor took her seat and explained how she’d seen Lilly for a brief moment during a day when she’d had Sarah in her office for discipline.
“So you are saying she witnessed Sarah being paddled?”
“Yes, and—”
“That doesn’t make sense. I mean, she saw Rachel being spanked, and though it was with Douglas’s hand, I assure you, it was quite the spanking.”
“I don’t think it was the paddling, either,” Eleanor admitted. “From the words she wrote in her letter, the only thing that makes any sense is that she believes she isn’t good enough.”
“Good enough? For what?”
“For you, Phillip.”
“That’s ridiculous. Of course she’s good enough. Hell, she’s better than good enough! Where did she get that idea?”
“I’m afraid it was from what she overheard in this office. Sarah was being disciplined for hurting Kathryn.”
“Yes, so you said, but—”
“Phillip, if you’ll stop interrupting me, this would go much faster.”
“Fine, please, go ahead.”
“Think about it. Lilly eavesdropped on a conversation that involved not one but two girls… both girls who have shown an interest in the same man. That man is you, Phillip.” When his mouth opened, she held up her hand. “I didn’t say that you returned their interest. I’m simply stating that Lilly heard of their interest and also heard me state that Sarah needed to take a good look at her behavior and her desires.” She paused and looked again at the note. “Lilly mentions that living a life built on illusions is not the way to happiness. I believe she thinks that was what she was starting to do.”
“Again, that’s ridiculous. Everything I shared with her was real. Every feeling I have is real. The only fucking illusion is that she believes I’m going to slink away like some dog with its tail between his legs.” Slamming his empty cup down onto its saucer, he stood. “Well, I’m not a dog. I’m a man who is determined that, come hell or high water, I will fight and keep fighting until she realizes that she can’t run anywhere that I will not find her.”
“Careful, Phillip,” Eleanor said, again reaching out to touch him. “Just as happiness can’t be built on illusions, trust doesn’t happen overnight. She’s obviously been on her own for years. She’s a strong woman and we both know she is a not ignorant of having to fight for basic survival.”
“You aren’t saying I shouldn’t try?”
“No, I’m saying that I have no doubt that you love her. I also don’t doubt that she is struggling with her feelings, with admitting what she desires. I’ve seen her with you, seen the look in her eyes when she looks at you for direction. She wishes to please you and finds happiness in your happiness. However, you must remember she has pride. She asked me to thank the girls for their kindness, remember?”
At his nod, she continued. “Several have been visiting her while she’s on the grounds…”
“What does that have to do with her running?”
“Phillip, I’ve worked with dozens of women and almost every single one has doubts about their worth. And I’m not just speaking of money. You know several of my graduates came from the same sort of background as your Lilly. Privilege does not matter here, but Lilly doesn’t realize that yet. She’s only seen these women in this environment, and I believe she doesn’t feel as if she is an equal. But what she doesn’t realize is that she already has what she needs. Submission takes strength. But it also takes confidence in her belief that you aren’t playing with her emotions.”
“I have not for a single moment thought of her—us—in those terms! This is not a bloody game! I love her with all my heart.”
“Then show her that you are in it for the long haul. But tread softly. Pick your battles carefully or I fear you will most likely lose the war.”
Nodding, Phillip cursed. “Shit, I should have sent for James…”
“If I know Belinda, and I do, I’m sure your carriage is already waiting.”
“I don’t know how to thank you…”
“Just do as Belinda said. Bring her back to us.”
“I will.” With that, he left, and she had no doubt that he would. When, she did not know, but he had found his soul mate. All he had to do was convince a doubting little flower girl that she had also found hers.
Returning the bottle to her drawer, she picked up the tray and left her office. Her clients would be arriving soon. Entering the kitchen, she was shocked to see Phillip.
“I thought you’d left,” she said, placing the tray on the table.
“Not yet,” Phillip said, bending to kiss Belinda’s cheek. “I’m doing as you suggested.” Picking up the picnic hamper, he grinned. “I’m not only picking my battles; I’m very strategically planning them.”
Eleanor shook her head and followed him out of the kitchen. She had to smile. Though her house was often filled with handsome, confident, dominant men, and some of them had also taken their little ones on picnics, she’d never seen one striding down the hall with a fat stuffed squirrel tucked under his arm, nor heard one say, “Miss Bushy, I promised you tea, and as I told Lilly, I never say things I don’t mean.”
Chapter Eleven
“These are beautiful,” Jimmy said, accepting the vase from Lilly. “Matilda’s mum is going to be very pleased.”
“I wasn’t sure what her favorite flowers were, so I chose several,” Lilly said, forcing a smile on her face. “I’m glad you like the arrangement.”
“How could we not?” Matilda said, slowly pushing herself up from the chair and waddling towards Lilly to wrap her arms around her. The hug was a bit awkward with the large belly between them, but Lilly knew it was heartfelt. “They will brighten mum’s room when she arrives tomorrow to play nanny.”
“Nanny?”
“We can’t afford a real nanny, but our mums have agreed to take turns. I really think they aren’t too sure that Jimmy and I will know what to do with a baby,” Matilda said, her hands rubbing across her swollen stomach.
“Just be yourselves,” Lilly said, this time with a genuine smile. “Any baby whose parents love each other as much as you two will be blessed.”
“Come, I want to show you the nursery,” Matilda said, reaching to grab one of Lilly’s hands before she could protest. She was a bit worried when the woman began to climb the stairs, praying she would manage to keep her balance as she swayed from side to side. “I’m so ready to have this baby. I’m as big as a whale and walk like a duck.”
“Now, you hush,” Jimmy said, following them with the vase in his hands. “I’d not thought it possible, but you’ve grown even more beautiful.”
Lilly felt her heart ache as she watched him put his arm around his wife’s waist and give her a kiss before they continued down the hall. Once inside the room, he put the bouquet on top of a small dresser that stood beside a bed.
“It’s a beautiful nursery,” Lilly said. The room was tiny and yet, with the cradle on one side and a rocking chair sitting next to the window, Lilly could easily imagine a woman rocking her grandchild to sleep.
“Your flowers help make it so,” Jimmy said. “I need to get back to the store. You, young lady, need to take your nap.”
“Jimmy…” Matilda began.
“No arguing. You need all the rest you can get before Michael gets here.”
“You mean Agnes,” Matilda said, with a giggle that told Lilly these two had been having that discussion for months.
“I’ll be right down,” Lilly said. “I need to get home before it gets dark.”
Jimmy nodded and left the two.
“Thank you again for the flowers. Make sure Jimmy pays you—”
“Oh, no, they are a gift. I couldn’t accept…”
“You could and you will,” Matilda insisted, putting her hands on her hips. “I won’t hear another word. Arguing isn’t good for the baby.”
Lilly was still shaking her head when Matilda continued. “Just make sure that the n
ext order is just as beautiful as this one.”
“Next?”
“Of course. We can’t have Jimmy’s mum discovering that my mum had flowers in her room and she didn’t. They are taking turns at playing nanny for a few weeks. So, in two weeks or so, we’ll need another arrangement.”
Lilly didn’t know how to tell her that she would not have access to the large variety of blooms she’d placed in the arrangement. She just couldn’t bear to disappoint her. She’d have to swallow her pride and buy the flowers at the flower market.
“I’d love to,” Lilly said.
“Oh, thank you. You just quite possibly saved me.”
Lilly followed her from the nursery. “Saved you?”
“Well, not from anything really harmful,” Matilda laughed, her hands moving from her belly to rub at her backside. “I just know that my Jimmy has been looking for a reason to have me over his lap. He hasn’t had a chance to warm my bottom since I’ve grown so huge. Disappointing his mum would give him the perfect excuse.”
Lilly’s mouth dropped open. “You mean Jimmy spanks you?”
“Of course,” Matilda said and then bent forward, “and don’t tell him, but I’ve truly missed it as well.” She gave Lilly a hug and then stepped into the room she shared with her husband.
Lilly walked down the stairs, her face a bit flushed. Only because she knew she’d be returning quite a few when she returned to the shop, she reluctantly accepted a rather surprising amount of coins from Jimmy.
When she finally walked through the broken gate to her home, she discovered that she had yet another surprise.
“What are you doing here?”
“We’re having our picnic, of course.”
“We most certainly are not!”
“I beg to differ,” Phillip said, causing a bit of tea to slosh out of the china cup and onto its saucer when he used it to gesture to his side. “You obviously had some important matter that kept you away today, but fortunately Miss Bushy was kind enough to keep me company.”
Lilly took another step and saw the stuffed squirrel sitting on the blanket he’d spread out. There was an acorn on a china plate, just as there had been the week before.
“Now that you are here, I’d like it very much if you’d join us.”
She began to smile before she remembered she had sworn to face reality.
“I’d like it if you’d leave.”
“I’m sorry, that isn’t possible,” Phillip said, draining his cup only to refill it. Lilly watched as he took a sip and then reached over to remove the acorn from the plate. “As you can see, we’ve yet to enjoy our dessert. You know how Miss Bushy just adores biscuits.”
Lilly huffed and then drew herself up to her full height of five feet and tossed her head. “Fine, have your dessert, and then kindly remove yourself from my property.” Her face heated when he lifted his eyebrow as if to dispute her ownership and yet she didn’t back down. Instead, she gave him a wide berth and entered her house, slamming the door the best she could. She collapsed onto the chair. Why was he really here? No man of his station sat on the dirt in a weed choked yard to have a picnic. What did he really want? Realizing she could hear him asking Miss Bushy if she’d prefer shortbread or a raisin biscuit, she gritted her teeth. If he thought that she’d give in, he didn’t know her at all. Forcing herself to ignore the silly conversation, she began to work on the flowers she’d cut earlier. It wasn’t until she’d tied the last ribbon that she moved to the door at the sound of a meow. Cracking it open just enough for the cat to slink inside, she felt a wave of disappointment to discover the yard was empty though she hadn’t heard a carriage arriving. Had he walked?
Wait! How had he known this was her house? She’d given him a false address when he’d insisted on driving her home. He obviously hadn’t believed her and had followed her home! God, what must he think of this place? He must think of it as some sort of… of hovel. And yet he’d sat right outside as if he were sitting under a lovely oak tree in a beautiful garden and had a… a tea party with a stuffed animal as it were the most normal thing in the world.
Shaking her head, she poured some water into the cat’s bowl and placed a bit of cheese and a piece of bacon next to it. Wishing she had Miss Bushy, she bent to pet Mr. Tom, pulling her hand away as his claws reminded her that he wasn’t one to enjoy cuddling.
*
Placing her book aside, not really remembering a single word she’d read, Lilly stood and went to the door to let the cat out. She gasped, wondering if perhaps she was sleep-walking. Closing her eyes and giving herself a little pinch, the sharp pain told her she was wide awake. Staring at the glow of a lantern, she shook her head. This was going way too far. Stomping across the yard, she reached the street and pulled open the door to the carriage.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?”
“Ah, hello again, Miss Lancaster,” Phillip said. “As you can see, I’m reading.”
He was sitting lengthwise on one bench, his back propped against the side of the carriage, and he did indeed have a book on his lap.
“Reading?”
“Why, yes. I always read a bit before retiring, though it does seem as if Miss Bushy isn’t as interested in my choice of material.”
His words and his gesture had her looking to the other bench to see the stuffed animal, lying on its back with a handkerchief, she supposed, covering her like a blanket. He couldn’t possibly be planning on sleeping out here! His knees were already bent and if he attempted to lie down… well, he simply wouldn’t be able to.
“What do you want, Lord Carrington?”
“I want nothing more than to talk with you, Lilly.”
“I have nothing to say to you. Go home!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some sleep before it is time to change shifts.”
“Shifts?”
“Yes. James and I are going to take turns. I won the draw so I am taking my respite first.”
Lilly truly had no idea what to say so she stepped back and slammed the door. Looking up, she saw that his driver was indeed seated on the bench above her head. “You know that your boss is a bloody fool, don’t you?”
“I know he is my boss, Miss Lancaster.”
“I insist that you leave. Take him home.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, miss…”
Lilly gave a screech when Phillip’s head poked out the window. “Pardon me for interrupting, but if you don’t mind, could you converse a bit more quietly? It wouldn’t do to disturb Miss Bushy’s slumber.”
His head retreated and she saw the light dim inside the carriage. She also heard James’s soft chuckle. “I hope you get a bloody crick in your neck!” she yelled.
“Good night, my Lilly girl. Sweet dreams,” was his reply.
“You are both fools!” Lilly said, whirling away to stomp back to her house.
“Good night, Miss Lancaster,” James said, right before she slammed another door.
*
She might not have a crick in her neck, but she hadn’t slept well. Of course, leaving her pallet and going to peek out of the door several times hadn’t helped. All the stomping she’d done had made her legs ache. Sleep hadn’t claimed her until the wee hours of the morning but, as usual, she woke at the crack of dawn. It didn’t take her long to complete her morning ablutions and she opened the door to make the journey across the yard to empty her chamber-pot in the outhouse at the edge of the property line behind the abandoned house.
Seeing that the carriage hadn’t move an inch, she almost dropped the pot as she began to stomp but a throb in her calf had her walking to finish her chore. The man wasn’t only a fool, he was an idiot. Walking back, she heard his greeting.
“Good morning, my Lilly. Isn’t it a beautiful day?”
It took her a moment to realize he wasn’t speaking through the window but was sitting up on the driver’s seat. Not giving him the satisfaction of an answer, she tu
rned her back on the carriage but smiled. His voice might be disgustingly chipper, but she’d seen him roll his head as if his neck hurt. Good, that would ensure that he’d forsake whatever it was he was doing and seek his own bed that evening.
After eating an apple and gathering her basket, she opened the door again. This time, both men were standing outside the carriage. Ignoring them, she walked across the yard and through the gate.
“I was just telling James how nice a hot cup of tea would be. Would you care to join me in breaking my fast, Miss Lilly?”
Lilly turned. “I work for a living, Lord Lancaster. I do not have the time to loll about in bed or take the time for long, leisurely meals. Besides, I’ve already had my breakfast. Good day.”
“Perhaps another time, then. I must say, you are even prettier than those flowers in your basket. Have a lovely day, Lilly.”
What could she say? The answer was; absolutely nothing.
*
Every day, Lilly would return from selling her flowers to find Phillip enjoying tea on her lawn. Every night, she’d go to bed with the carriage sitting out front. And every word he uttered was either an invitation to join him, a compliment about her appearance, or a wish for her to have a nice day or to have sweet dreams. By Thursday, she was out of the flowers from her… no, Miss Summers’ garden. Once Phillip’s carriage had left, she taken her basket and her scissors and spent most of the morning cutting every wildflower she could find among the weeds for several blocks. She made her bouquets, adding sprigs of fern and, while they were pretty, they didn’t compare to her normal offerings. Walking home that evening, with far less coins than she normally earned, she knew she needed to at least talk with him. She didn’t want him to see her struggling. She didn’t need his pity. They’d talk and then he’d go away once he understood that she wasn’t the girl for him. That he had beautiful women who were begging for his attention. She ignored the pain in heart but was resolved.