by Amy Murray
There it was, again. The heavy side of his words that made me question what he was trying to tell me. Sliding out of the SUV, I gave him a smile before I shut the door, but it was forced. I couldn’t rid myself of this nagging feeling that hinted I was overlooking something big.
At home, the sensation only intensified, keeping me awake well into the night. Giving up on sleep, I turned on my lamp. I stared at the silhouette I’d brought home from the range, and the periphery of my vision dimmed. One moment, I was here in the present, but in the next, my drift swept in and pulled me into the past.
Colin and I didn’t speak the entire drive to Houston. We were silent partners fleeing another life. Grief clawed at me and screamed that I was making the wrong choice, but James had told me to run. He’d told me to hide. Wasn’t that what I was doing? Wasn’t I following his last request to the letter?
I shook my head, knowing he probably wouldn’t have wanted to me to take off with a complete stranger, but what choice did I have? I didn’t have any money or a family. James was it. He was all I had, and now that he was gone, there was nothing left for me in Galveston.
Only when my silent tears gave birth to an audible sob did Colin move. His pressed a tentative hand against mine in a gesture meant to comfort, but all it did was encourage my grief. I didn’t deserve kindness, not his or any other. I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest, in part to quiet the shaking, and in part to close the hole widening in my heart.
How was I supposed to go on? How was I supposed to forget that I’d left him? He wouldn’t have done the same to me. He’d have stayed and faced whatever consequences there were. I gripped myself tighter and rocked back and forth, hating myself more with every passing mile until I fell asleep.
I didn’t know how long it was before Colin parked the car, but daylight had crept into the sky and through my closed eyelids.
“I’ll be back. Stay right here,” he said.
The door shut, and I opened my eyes. We were parked across the street from a towering building. The sign at the top of a lower terrace read Rice Hotel. I glanced at Colin, who stared up at the building with his back toward me. He adjusted his hat, a straw boater, before taking long strides toward the building.
Once he disappeared inside, I looked down at my lap. My dress was rumpled beyond repair, and the salt from the ocean had dried on my skin, leaving a rough, white residue. My hands, while mostly clean, had blood caked in the crevices of my fingers and nails, but no matter how hard I rubbed, I couldn’t remove it all.
I wanted to rip at my dress and pull my hair out from the roots. I dropped my chest over my knees and bit at my fingers to keep my screams inside, but the harder I tried to restrain them the wider the hole in my heart stretched.
My car door opened slowly, and I sat up. “I want to go back. I need to go back.” My voice was calmer than I felt.
From my peripheral vision, I saw Colin lift his slacks before sitting on his heels at my side. I closed my eyes and turned away.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“He wouldn’t have left me like that.” I pressed a hand to my mouth.
Colin let out a long breath of air. “But is going back, and possibly ending up like him, what he would want?”
I crumpled and shook my head. No. James would want me to live. But if it was the right thing, why did it feel so wrong? Colin extended a hand to help me from the car. I placed my palm in his and watched as his long fingers enveloped mine with care.
When I stepped from the car, his hands moved to my shoulders, and straightened his jacket, which I still wore. I pulled the edges and tried to cover as much of my disarray as possible while he pushed my hair back and behind my ears.
“Are you ready to go inside?” he asked as he placed his hat on my head.
I shook my head no. “Yes,” I said.
“I checked us in under Mr. and Mrs. Faust. I thought it would be better to say we were married.”
The hole expanded. I was married without ever having taken a vow. I was innocent but had seen horrors I’d never forget. Colin turned to face the hotel and offered me his arm. I stared at the crook of his elbow and threaded my hand through to rest my bloody fingers on his bicep.
“Shall we?” he asked.
I nodded and looked up at Colin for the first time. The early morning sun lit the sky behind him, and turned his red hair into a halo of sun-fired color. His lips turned up in a sort of sad smile that crinkled the skin around his green eyes.
“I’m ready,” I said, and we walked in as a couple for the very first time.
Chapter Eleven
I gasped for breath when my bedroom came back into focus. That last image of Colin—how did I not know? How had I not guessed? How could Mack not know? Ice hardened my veins, and I kicked the sweat-dampened sheets from my legs.
He knew. All of the subtleties, the things I thought he’d been trying to say—
I pushed myself to a seated position and ran my fingers through my hair. Every drift played back, and the pieces slowly fell into place. Mack had rescued me that night, Mack had taken me to Houston, Mack had married me.
Mack had killed James.
The room spun as if the world had tilted off axis, and the ice that had frozen my blood became brittle and cracked. Betrayal lanced my heart, and I screamed with frustration. How could he? How could he not tell me? I shot out of bed, pausing long enough to put a thick cable knit sweater over my camisole and pajama shorts.
“Hey,” Gracie said as she peeked into my room. “Are you okay?” Her hair, as black as mine was blonde, was in tangles around her shoulders.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” I grabbed my boots and slipped them on, not bothering with socks or laces.
“Are you going somewhere?” She straightened and blinked to better focus on what I was doing.
“Nowhere far. Go back to sleep.” I slipped past her and stomped into the living room. I was on fire, and Mack was about to feel the heat.
Gracie followed close at my heels. “Listen, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did about James without knowing the whole story.”
So many things had happened that at first I had no idea what she was talking about. I turned with my hand on the door and looked at her with confusion.
“Xander came by earlier, mad as hell.” I could see the guilt on her face. “Seems that James called him and told him you’d found out about the assault charges.”
Now I remembered. “It doesn’t matter. James explained everything.” I unlocked the door, ready to confront Mack.
“I didn’t know about his mother—about the way she died,” Gracie said as I stepped outside.
I turned back to her and shook my head. “Can we talk about this later? I have something I need to take care of.”
“Where? It’s the middle of the night,” Gracie argued, but I wasn’t listening. I marched across the hall, hardly feeling the cold air that greeted me.
I balled my fist and pounded on Mack’s door. Anger simmered, and when he didn’t answer, I kicked my boot-clad foot into the base of the door.
“Mack, open up,” I yelled.
“Abby, what’re you doing?” Gracie asked from behind me, but her words barely registered under my bristling fury.
“Open the door, Mack,” I said, this time louder.
“You’re acting crazy. We have neighbors.” Gracie was at my side in an instant.
I grit my teeth and faced her. “Don’t ever call me crazy.” Her eyes widened. “You above all should know that.”
We were staring at each other when the door opened. Mack stood shirtless in the entry, still groggy from waking up. I didn’t bother to wait for an invitation. Instead, I pushed around him and kicked the door closed behind me.
“That was some entrance. You going to tell me what’s going on?” He looked at me from head to toe, staring at my unlaced boots and bare legs. I knew I should feel embarrassed, but there wasn’t enough roo
m for another emotion. Red was all I could see.
“I don’t know, Mack, why don’t you tell me.” My voice was polite and cordial, but there was a bite to the words that put him on the defensive.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He gave his head a slight shake and ran his fingers through his hair. Colin’s hair. An image of him standing in the sun in front of the Rice Hotel merged over his passive face.
“A funny thing happened to me tonight,” I said when he remained quiet.
Mack raised a brow and looked at my bare legs. “You left your pants at home?” He smiled, but it only increased my fury.
“I had a drift.”
Mack’s eyes narrowed. “Is James at your apartment?” He moved toward the door. “After everything I’ve told you, you still won’t listen. Unbelievable.”
“James isn’t there.” Mack stopped and turned back to me. “This happened all on its own, and it happened after spending an entire day with you.”
He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “I’m sorry.” And after a deep breath: “Tell me what happened.”
I smiled, but it didn’t feel nice. It felt wicked. “I don’t know, Mack. What do you think could’ve happened that would have me banging on your door at”—I looked at the clock hanging on the wall—“two thirty-seven in the morning?”
He shifted on his feet and crossed his arms over his bare chest. “I don’t have a clue, but I’m curious.”
“I bet you are. I saw his face.” I didn’t elaborate, and for several moments Mack didn’t react. It wasn’t until I raised my eyebrows that his features relaxed and he looked away from my accusatory stare. “What’s your first name Agent McCormack?”
Mack recovered and lifted his shoulders, but he didn’t speak.
“Tell me your name,” I said again.
He closed his lips and clenched his jaw. My gaze flicked to the kitchen counter where I saw his badge and wallet. Grabbing it before he could reach it, I pulled his license from the protective sleeve and stared at the card.
“When were you planning to tell me?”
“Listen, you need to understand that—”
“I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say your name…Colin.” I spat the word and tossed the ID in his direction. He watched it fall to the floor. “How long have you known?”
Mack shook his head and picked his ID from the floor. Long seconds passed while he tucked it into his wallet. Instead of looking at me, he braced his hands against the counter top and dropped his head between his arms.
“Answer me,” I demanded.
I watched the way his shoulder blades widened and his ribs expanded with an exaggerated breath before falling in a noisy exhale. “There has never been a time I haven’t known.”
It felt like the air had been knocked from my lungs. I was breathless in disbelief. Mack pushed away from the counter and faced me.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you knew about my drift. That you knew you were a part of it, and from what I’ve seen, a pretty big part of it.” Furious tears balled in the base of my lids. “You murdered him. You murdered James.”
Mack shook his head and advanced on me. “No, that’s where you have it wrong. I didn’t murder anyone.”
“You did! I know you did!” I jabbed my finger into his chest, and Mack stepped back.
“I didn’t kill James, Abby. You can’t put that on me. I’m not that person. Not anymore.”
“Don’t turn this around. You lied to me then just like you’re lying to me now.”
Mack spread his arms out wide. “Lying to you? How?”
“By not telling me. God,” I breathed. I looked around the room, my anger giving away to sadness. All this time, I had no idea. “And you—you’ve played the caring friend. The one who’s only out to protect me. I feel so stupid.”
He leaned forward, his face inches from mine. “Don’t think for a minute that I’ve been playing anything. I may not have told you the entire truth, but I had my reasons, and it was all for you. For your safety. For your protection.”
His eyes were ablaze. I turned my back and fought the instinct to run while my gaze flicked wildly over the room. I was caught somewhere between anger and tears, but when I tried to nail down exactly how I was feeling, more questions arose.
I needed answers.
I turned to face Mack. “Tell me how it works for you. Do you drift like me? Or is it something else, like James.”
“I drift.” He fidgeted with his hands, staring at his knuckles before looking back at me. “It’s the reason I was recruited to the FBI, actually. They needed someone like me to understand people like us. Most people who drift never meet their counterparts. Believe me, I never expected to meet you, and then, there you were.”
A shiver wound its way up from my toes. There was a question lurking, but it wasn’t one I was sure I wanted the answer to. We stared at each other until it became too big to ignore. “When was that? How long ago?”
“Does it matter?”
“I don’t know. I guess it depends on the answer.”
Mack rolled his shoulders back. “It was a long time ago.”
“When, Mack?”
He licked his lips and looked toward the ceiling before stepping toward me. “Just know that seeing you changed everything for me. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced. You know? Seeing you was like finding something—someone—I didn’t know I’d lost.”
I knew that feeling. I’d had it when I first saw James. “Is that why you decided to move in across the hall from me?”
Mack shook his head and his lips pressed together. “No.”
“Then why?”
Mack walked to the bookshelf that stood in his living room. From a box, he pulled out a folded paper. He handed it to me, and I recognized the glossy advertisement immediately. “I happened to be in that coffee shop next door to the Reed Street gallery several weeks before I moved in. These flyers were on the counter, and I recognized you immediately. I told you, you’d have never known me if James hadn’t painted that picture.”
I stared down at my portrait and focused on the necklace around my neck. “Did you find out about the necklace, about Roselli, after you saw this?”
“No. I knew more about the necklace than most because I’d seen it.”
My head tilted in question. “You’d seen it?”
“In my drift, of course. Never in real life.”
I nodded and chewed my lower lip while trying to make sense of all that he’d revealed. “Does your boss know? That your drift is about me?”
Mack leaned against the wall and braced his hands behind him for support. He shook his head. “He can’t know. He’d take me off your case, and I can’t do that. I can’t leave you to deal with someone like Roselli alone.”
“I wouldn’t be alone. I mean, there are other people that do what you do, right?”
Mack pushed off the wall and moved toward me. “Is that what you want?”
I didn’t know what I wanted. “I hate that you didn’t tell me. Is there anything else I should know?”
Mack’s lips pursed together, his eyes sad. “No. There’s nothing else.”
The soft glow of light accentuated his muscular frame, making him look less like the FBI agent who lied and more like the Colin I knew from my drift. Kind. Understanding.
“Abby?” Mack asked.
I looked into his eyes and my vision blurred. Just before it went black, he took a step forward and extended his hand, reaching for mine.
There was a light knock at my bedroom door, and before it creaked open, I closed my hands over the necklace and buried it in the folds of my skirt.
“What’re you doing in here?” Colin asked while waiting for permission to enter my room.
“I’m just thinking,” I said, my voice strong even though I felt weak.
“About my request?”
&nb
sp; I hadn’t actually been thinking about that at all, but I nodded all the same. “Of course.”
“May I come in?” he asked.
I nodded and squeezed my skirt where the diamond was hidden underneath.
Colin approached slowly, and after gesturing to the space next to me, he sat and folded his hands in his lap. His signature smell of tobacco and mint swirled around me. “It’s been two years.” He didn’t elaborate, but he didn’t need to. Today marked the two-year anniversary of James’s death and our escape from Galveston. Two years since I left my old life behind to begin anew.
“It has,” I agreed, but I made no move to elaborate.
He took a deep breath and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling from it a small black box. My heart fell from my chest as he turned it over in his hands. When the box was right side up, he stopped and placed one hand over the lid.
“I was serious when I asked you to marry me.”
“Colin, at this point, marriage would only be a formality.” Since the first day at the Rice Hotel, we had been Mr. and Ms. Faust. I wasn’t sure I’d even turn at the sound of my former name after all this time.
“I know everyone already thinks we’re husband and wife. I know that we’ve been pretending at marriage for so long that sometimes it does feel real. But late at night, when you’re in here and I’m in there, I think about you.” He swallowed hard. “About how much I love you.”
Shock widened my eyes and parted my lips, but he wasn’t perturbed by my obvious surprise.
“I don’t know when it happened, but it has, and whatever horrible circumstance brought us together doesn’t matter. I want to be with you as your husband, and you as my wife.” He pulled at the lid, and the box opened. Inside was a glittering diamond the size of a pea. He lifted the ring from the velvet setting and held it out to me. The band was simple and twisted like braided rope. It was perfect, and a pang of guilt ached in my chest.
“Colin,” I breathed leaning away from his fingers. “I—”
“Don’t say you can’t. Just consider it.”