by Rita Hestand
"You know you're gonna have lots of trouble, don't you son?"
"Yes…I know."
"But I want to say something to you. She's a fine woman, I could tell that right off. I'm glad you finally found someone to love. For a while there, I thought you never would. You've been alone so long. I'm getting up in years and I wanted to see you with a family, Hawk."
"I would die for her, Jinx." Hawk turned to look at the old man.
Jinx put an arm on his shoulder. "I know that. Let's hope it don't come to that."
Hawk nodded. "I want a family now. Her children are my children now. But I want more…with her."
Jinx smiled. "Let me know how you are doin' son."
He walked back toward the house.
"I promise." Hawk said his voice husky with emotions unspoken. "If things go well, I am hoping you will come to live with us. It's time you thought about retiring."
Jinx went inside, directly he came back and handed him a pouch.
"What is this?" Hawk demanded to know.
"It's for you and your family. I’m getting up in my years, and I got no one to leave it to. I want you to have it. You take care of that family of yours. And if you love her as much as I think you do, you keep to each other and raise a hell of a big family and be happy son. You deserve happiness."
"I can't take your money." Hawk tried to hand it back to him.
"You can and you will!" Jinx said with a powerful frown. "It's your rightful inheritance…from me, your Pa."
Hawk swallowed. "But…"
"I've loved you like a son. I still do. I see all kinds of problems for you, but when love is that strong, and I can see that it is, it can overcome. You hold true to that love. I'm just proud you'll have someone with you at last."
The old man turned to go back in.
"May the Great Spirit go with you my father…." Hawk called to him.
Jinx didn't turn around, he just waved and chuckled.
Chapter Fifteen
Jinx had lain down, promising to get up in time to send them across the River. It seemed he went to sleep almost immediately. For he was snoring practically before his head hit the pillow.
Eve had woken when he came back inside. She checked on the children who were sound asleep and went outside to be with Hawk. She enjoyed their evenings together. There was something wonderful about putting her children to bed, and joining Hawk for conversation, and maybe a little loving.
He was sitting on the bank of the river, only a partial moon lit her path. He grabbed her hand and helped her down the incline.
"Everyone went to sleep."
"You should be asleep too." He said, pressing a soft kiss into the palm of her hand.
"I got a little rest. I wanted to be with you."
He wrapped his arms around her midriff, holding her close against him. He stared out at the river now. A gentle peace came over him, as though her joining him had brought him the peace he sought.
"Are you worried?" She looked at the worry wrinkle in his forehead and nudged him in the rib.
"About what?" His lips skimmed her neck easily now.
"You're tribe will not accept us, will they?" She suggested enjoying his kisses.
"No, they won't. I was blinded by the sheer will of it. However, we are going to make a family and a home, somewhere. We will teach our children good ways, and to love all. We will be happy. But now…I was thinking of Jinx." He stopped and looked at her, seeing the longing within her. "You know, he's been like a real father to me. He's been around most my life, and when I left the tribe, he was the only one I came back to. The only one I cared enough to come back to. Strange, but one can be raised by people that never understand you. Old Jinx he's always understood me. Trusted me. We've been close ever since. He gave me…my inheritance from him tonight…to help us." Hawk said his voice raspy. "It was his life savings. And he gave it to us."
Eve could hear the tears he didn't shed for the old man.
"Oh my…what a sweet gesture. He's a wonderful old man. He must love you very much…Did you meet him here?"
"Yes, I did. Some Apache were chasing me, as I was scouting a war party, and I took cover in his cabin. He helped me fight them off and from that day, we have been very close."
She snuggled against him. "I like him, Hawk. I like him a lot."
His look was relaxed, contemplative. "You don't talk about your folks much." Hawk said staring at her now. "Tell me about them. I want to know all about you."
Her heart fluttered madly in her chest, knowing he cared enough to ask.
"Well, let me see. I grew up back east, in Virginia. We had a farm. I was the only child. My mother and father were strict Baptists. They loved each other dearly, but they sure had a lot of rules and regulations. I grew up hating that. I guess you might say they were somewhat like your folks, they thought there was only one-way to live. Unfortunately, they had my life already planned out. I rebelled a lot. Anyway, we were coming west on a wagon train. Harold had been trying to court me, but my folks thought him too old for me and discouraged it. They were quite strict with me. I was barely fifteen at the time, and a little rebellious. Well maybe a lot rebellious. I never had a grown man pay attention to me, it flattered me. Then, my folks were killed, Apaches attacked the train. I was alone then. The wagon master said I couldn't go on as a orphan, and no one wanted to take me in, as I was nearly grown. Harold offered me marriage. It was that or go back to New England. And I didn't want to go back there. I was already in love with this country. So I married Harold thinking I might fall in love with him if he was good to me. But that never happened either. My parents were right about him. He was too old for me."
"If he was good to you at first, what happened? What changed?"
She sighed heavily thinking about it. "The first baby after Matthew I lost because he was drunk and threw me across the room. We had failed crops that first year, and nearly starved. So, he took to drinking. I blamed him for the baby's death. I don't think I ever forgave him that. Matthew was still a baby. After I lost it, he took to gambling. He lost everything but that little patch of land that we settled. He said I did nothing but fuss at him all the time. Which, I realize now, I did. He didn't want to come home. So he gambled. And lost all our money. Ill admit, I was mad about the gambling and drinking. But the drinking was the worse part of it. He blamed me for everything. Eventually he got to slinging me across the room. I guess after the first time it wasn't so hard for him. When I had Matthew he was happy, to have a boy, I thought things might work out, but after I lost the next baby, I wasn't sure. Then a year or so later, I lost another…I forgave him a lot, but not that. He didn't help me. He left me there in the cabin, went out, and got drunker. If a neighbor woman hadn't come by, I might have died."
"I heard him a time or two, but he was your husband and I knew I had no right to interfere." Hawk told her. "Now I wish I had…" Hawk made a fist and jabbed it into his other hand.
"It's probably best you didn't." She grabbed his fist and kissed them. "He might have killed you. He was so mean. Oh…not all the time, just when he drank. Because I couldn't forgive him for the babies dying, we fought a lot."
Hawk held her and kissed her on the forehead.
"I knew you were up there, even before he died. It gave me such a comfort, especially after he died. I knew you protected us. I didn't know why. But…I came to sort of love you …for being there, staying there."
"I know, I felt it, embraced it."
"In a way, the Comanche's did us a favor." She hugged him to her.
"In what way?" He frowned.
Her pulse quickened as she looked up at him. "You came after me, and made me yours…" Her eyes glistened into his, his nearness causing a slow burning fire inside her.
He lifted her with his powerful arms and kissed her longingly, feeling the rapid beat of her heart.
Pulling away, he held her close against him.
"My father disowned me, because I chose to leave the tribe and work
for the army. It was not unheard of, a lot of my people worked for the army. But my real father thought it wrong to work for the whites. Jinx just said when he looks at me he sees a man, not an Indian." Hawk glanced back at the cabin. "He wants us to be happy. He is my father. My white father."
Eve smiled and put her arm around Hawk. "I believe that, Hawk. I know we are going to be happy." Eve sighed against him. "That's all that matters."
He looked at her seriously now, and laid her down against the grass. Her heart throbbed for his touches. He lent over her. He looked into her face and kissed her with such passion. Her arms went around his neck and she pulled him close.
"You make me happy…" He kissed her mouth, ravaging it with a white-hot hunger quite suddenly, and then went lower, to her jaw, to her neck, to her shoulder, pushing aside her clothes, his mouth dipped to take the sweetness of her nipples once more. She groaned aloud. "Oh Hawk…I love it when you touch me…there, it sends all kinds of tingles through me." She closed her eyes and raised herself so he could have full access. "I want you so, Hawk…I know this isn't the place or the time…" She was saying.
However, he had already raised her skirt and without a care, he plunged himself deep inside her. Driving himself inside her as though his life depended on connecting with her, and her alone. She wore no undergarments under her long skirt and it drove him insane, knowing it. She bolted toward him, raising her hips, thrusting herself against him, thrashing about like a wild person as they reached a climax so quickly that it seemed to shatter them into a million minute pieces. They were both panting so hard. It was so fast, and so devastatingly wonderful, announcing their love of each other loudly.
She panted as they continued to ride the wave together.
Spent they lay clutching each other.
"I'm sorry it was so short…" He apologized when he caught his breath. "But I needed you…and you were there for me…"
She kissed his shoulder, her hands running over his powerful arms. "I don't care. I needed that too…exactly that way. We are so connected; even apart we know each other." She sighed with such contentment as she stared up into his surprised face. Half-naked, basking in the throes of the passion between them, she smiled so contentedly at him.
He chuckled. "It's indecent how much I love you."
She smiled and pulled him down for another kiss.
"When we were with the white man, you kind of ignored me. I knew why, but still…"
"I had to my sweet. I could not let on that there was something between us. There would have been hell to pay. As it was, we made friends and everything worked out well." He smiled kissing her nose. Then he stared into her face, his hands cupping her cheeks, his thumbs caressing her there. "You have to know and trust that I will always, always love you. No other woman, just you. And I have since the first moment I laid eyes upon you. I remember it so well." His eyes took on a far away look. "You had just come home from church. He was drinking from a bottle then and loud, and hollering. The kids scattered. I had been on a three day hunt and I stopped on the ridge to rest and replenish my strength. But you looked up at me and saw me, and stared so long at me. I too, couldn't take my eyes from you. I saw a sweet, shy-like smile on your face, and my heart throbbed for you then, as it does now. Until that moment, I did not know what love between a man and a woman was. I did not know how powerful it was either."
Eve chuckled and smiled into his face.
"I remember. You sort of took my breath away. So powerful. I loved you then too, but I was ashamed to admit it even to myself, because I was married. Why didn't you come to me, when he died, I so wanted you to. Needed you to. But you just stayed up on that ridge."
He pulled her into his lap once more, his hands still absently stroking her breasts as he slid inside her shirt. "I was not sure of our love; it was such a new feeling inside me. And you were white. I could not take the chance you might reject me. I didn't want you to fear me."
"But you took the chance at the Comanche camp." She sighed.
He smiled and looked into her face as he laid her against his arm and looked at her. "Because I had to. To save your life and I wanted to, to make you mine once and for all. It was an excuse to make you mine. I hungered for you so long, like a male wolf calling upon his mate. At last my chance had come. I knew I had to take you, but I wanted it to be a coming together, not a taking."
"You could have just got on and off, but you didn't. I expected that when I realized what you were about to do, not what you gave me so willingly."
"I could never do that to you. To make love to you is heaven on earth." His glance devoured her.
He fastened her clothes again and she sat up with him.
"I hope I'm with child…" She murmured.
He looked at her so suddenly, and his hand squeezed hers as he stared into her face. "You mean that."
"Yes," She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him gently. "With all my heart. I want your babies." She smiled. "A woman's gift to her man is his child."
"Then I hope you are too!" He smiled. "But if not, I will continue to plant the seed." He chuckled happily.
"As virile as you are, I wouldn't doubt I was…" She said with a chuckle.
"If your are pregnant, my heart will burst with pride. I will be so happy."
"Now that we've decided not to go to your people, will there be much trouble?" She asked with a slight frown.
"Yes, there will always be trouble when a white and an Indian come together in love, but not so much that we can't handle it." He told her. "Together we are very good."
"Yes, we are…" She reached up to kiss his cheek.
"Tell me about your family there." She said, pulling a dandelion and chewing on it.
"I have a father and mother. A few others, aunts, uncles. My parents would be quite hostile. But with the Shoshone, they might perform the ceremony and send us away."
"Is there a woman I should be jealous of?" She asked with a smirk. "In your past, perhaps?"
"I have had women, yes." He glanced at her and smiled. "But none I loved. I had taken a saloon woman; she was older and very wise in the ways of love. She taught me how to love a woman. She said every man should be taught by a woman."
"Were you with her many times?"
"Yes," He looked at her with a slight smile. "But, she is dead now. There was a poker game going on, she got in the way of a stray bullet. And died."
Eve thought about that a minute and smiled, "Then I thank her. I never thought about you having another woman. I figured if you had, she would be Indian. Have you had many women?"
He looked at her and laughed, "Thousands!" He teased.
"No, have you?"
"I had no time for women after she died. I was young when I first took her. She was thirty, I was sixteen. We were together for a while. But it is not the same as you. She was a teacher, and cared for me, but love was not what she wanted. She wanted money. She never got it. I was lustful in my youth. I grew away from it, until I met you. You may not believe this, but although the saloon woman was good to me, I was young when this happened, I was never in love with her, but she taught me that to love a woman one must pleasure her. She told me if you pleasure a woman, she'd never leave you. She was the only woman, and I liked her, I respected her, but I was not in love with her. She was a teacher of men, and I was her student."
He looked into her eyes now, with a smile. "Love is something that came when I met you. I now have a promised heart."
"A promised heart. Oh that's lovely…I never heard it put that way."
"It is dishonor for an Indian to break their promise. As far as Indian women, most were promised from an early age. I left when I was very young."
"That girl on the trail, Jilly, she liked you!"
"She was a child, trying to be a woman. I did not want to be her teacher. She will find someone someday that is better suited. She was simply too late, I already found my woman, and I knew it. I'm like the wolf, I mate for life."
"I
was a little worried…a little jealous."
He shook his head with a smile. "Never be jealous. For two years I worried that you would never accept me because I was Indian. I knew if I came to you, it would only cause you trouble. But I'll admit the fear of rejection kept me from coming to you after your husband died."
"How could I ever reject a man such as you?" She cried her hands going over him now. "You're beautiful you know."
"Beautiful, men are not beautiful." He turned up his nose at the idea.
"You are, to me!" She smiled and kissed his nipple. "So tell me, how old were you when you left home?"
He looked at her with fire in his eyes. "I was fourteen when I left."
"That is young."
"My family hated the whites. I do not know why I even suggested us going there now. They would never accept you. Only in my dreams."
"Then we will not go." She looked suddenly worried, not for herself, but for him. "Unless you want to."
"I want to be married to you. You will be my wife. My only wife. I want this. I want the ceremony for you. You must know and never doubt how much I love you. I will do anything for you. And the children too."
She smiled, "I want it too! And Hawk, that's all that matters. What we do after that is our life. To risk your life, like you are doing now, tells me everything I need to know. And nothing, nothing will ever come between us."
He kissed her once more; this kiss was sweet, tender and loving. It had little to do with passion but much to do about their love for each other. It showed her how he revered her and how he held her above all others. It promised that they would be married.
Chapter Sixteen
They said their goodbyes to Jinx but Hawk made a promise. "If we settle somewhere, and I come get you, will you come and live out the rest of your life with us?"
Jinx thought about that. His eyes spanned the horizons, and he slowly nodded. "I am getting up in years. All right, if you settle, I'll come."
Hawk was pleased.
Once they were across the Red, the trip seemed more treacherous.