by Rita Hestand
"Do you feel my love now…"
"Yes…" his voice lowered.
"Good. Now touch me there too." She instructed him.
He bent over her, spread her legs apart, and lapped her. She closed her eyes and swooned. "I feel you there now too."
He looked up to see what she was getting at.
She opened her eyes, "Every time we are away from each other. If I am alive, I will feel you there, and you will feel me there. Then we will know that we are still with each other…"
"I like that," he smiled.
"Do you?" she tempted.
"Very much."
"Now go outside, and think about touching me there with your lips." She smiled.
He did as she asked and thought of it.
He heard her swoon.
He went back inside. "Now I will go out, and see if you feel my presence."
She went outside and she thought of her kissing him there, and she heard him moan softly.
She went back inside, "See…it works."
"Perhaps we should finish what we started," He smiled at her.
"Perhaps we should," she said going into his arms once more.
A contended sleep fell over them a little later.
Before they all went home, the chief had one more gift for the family.
He brought out a small object and handed it to them.
Hawk smiled, "A dream catcher." He nodded with satisfaction as he held it in the air.
The chief nodded.
"What is a dream catcher," Eve asked.
"It keeps away evil while you sleep. It must hang where you sleep to protect you."
"How wonderful, do you have more of them?" She asked.
"Yes, many, you may pick some out. Who are they for?" Black Eagle asked.
"My children, Bending Knee, Little Eagle and Bear and of course Jinx." She smiled, kissing the old man on the forehead. He blushed.
After she picked several out and handed them to each of them, the chief nodded and smiled.
"We will have the wedding now for Little Eagle and Fawn.
Fawn was his bride, and she was very young and very lovely. Everyone gathered for the blessing. Then the ceremony.
Since Little Eagle had no home to offer her yet, the chief suggested using the same honeymoon tipi that Eve and Hawk had used. They agreed. They would join them in a few days.
Hawk, Eve, the children, Jinx, Bending Knee, and Bear all went home after the ceremony.
In no time, they set up tipis. It would take a while to clean the mess of the charred cabins away, but they had time.
Eve hung her dream catcher above where they slept and hung the children's for them.
When she caught Matthew outside she stopped him. "Did you enjoy your birthday?"
"It was great. Good seeing my friends again. I hope we go often. I'm getting pretty good at the slingshot now, Ma."
"I'm so glad. That might come in very handy some day, you know. I'm sure we will go often , once things get back to normal here."
"I guess it will take a long time to get all the things you had before, won't it?" Matthew asked as he walked around the ashes.
"Not as long as you think. A lot of the women at the village gave us things we could use, pottery, utensils, blankets. We'll have plenty of good things again."
"You gonna wear Indian clothes now, Ma?" Matthew asked seeing her in a deerskin dress once more.
"They are very comfortable. Maybe…"
"Ma…"
"Yes?"
"If white people should come here, what will happen to us?" Matthew asked.
"I don't know Matthew. You see this land belongs to the Shoshone. I don't think they will come…"
"I hope not, Ma." Matthew said with trepidation.
"Its kind a hard to be white now, isn't it, Ma?"
"In some ways yes. In other ways no."
"Do you miss it?" Matthew asked.
"No, I don't." She admitted. "Do you?"
"I don't know. Sometimes I guess, but…I don't really know. I love Hawk. He's a real father to us. And the others here are great too. But…I don't want anyone to hurt you any more…"
"Who would, Matthew?"
"White men…and women too." Matthew declared.
Eve took his hands and set him down to explain. "I chose this life, Matthew. If when you are older, you want to go back into the white man's world. You are free to do so. However, you can learn so much here, with Hawk. More than anything, I want your happiness. This was my choice, and someday you must make yours. Do you understand?"
"Yes Ma…I think so."
"Good. I love you…you know that, don't you?"
"Yes Ma, I know you do. And I love you too."
She watched in the distance while Jane Ann played in the dirt. She drew pictures in the dirt and was showing Jinx. Jinx had such fun watching her. Eve smiled, even Jinx was happy here. She glanced at Bending Tree and Bear; they seemed very content with the work and with all they accomplished. Perhaps someday they would have their own little village of people to share with here. It was like some vision to her and she smiled.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The building of the new cabins began as soon as they cleared the charred remains away. It would be winter soon and they wanted to be inside their home before it got too cold.
The men worked tirelessly, and soon Little Eagle and Fawn joined them.
Fawn spoke English very well and her and Eve got along splendidly. Fawn was still shy about her feelings in front of everyone for Little Eagle, but the way they acted, they were deeply in love.
Eve told her about the baby and that it would come early spring. Fawn was very happy for her. She was a young girl probably sixteen or seventeen, and a real beauty.
She liked playing with Jane Ann too, and they became great friends.
Everything was going along fine until the men went hunting one day, leaving the girls in camp. That's when two men came along, white men.
One was probably in his thirties and nice looking, the other was older. They spotted Eve in the Indian dress and stared at her.
Suddenly they approached her, they eyed Fawn too, and Fawn backed up to where she was cleaning fish.
"Well now, what in the world is this?" The older one asked, his rotten teeth showing in his smile.
"Who are you and what do you want?" Eve asked. Feeling an uneasiness growing about her, she became alert to their movements.
"Now honey, the question is, who are you?" He came closer as though he had every right to do so.
Eve backed up.
"What are you doin' in that Indian get-up?" The younger one asked as he too came closer.
Fawn watched and grabbed a knife as she came to stand beside her. She handed the knife to Eve without their seeing.
"My husband will be here any minute…"Eve told the men. "You should leave now."
"Who's your husband, Quanah Parker?" the young one laughed.
"He's a buffalo hunter."
"Is that a fact? Well, honey, most of the buffalo's are dead. You with a stinkin' Injun?" the older one asked, his smile turning sour as he stared at her and Fawn.
"Say now, these two are kinda of pretty, George."
"I'll say…"
"Stay away from me…" Eve threatened, clenching her hand over the knife. "Can you not see I am with child?"
"You pregnant with a buck's child?"
"We ought to take her back to civilization…"
"Ain't nobody gonna want a stinkin' Injun lover. Look at her, she's pregnant. Say, are you pregnant with an Injun baby?"
"My husband is an Arapaho, and my baby belongs to him." She said hysterically.
"Well then, if you like them, you're gonna love us…honey. Come on honey, give us a kiss…"
"Get away from me. Don't you touch me."
The other one started moving toward Fawn. He put his hand on her cheek and leaned into her. Eve was petrified. They were going to rape them. Both of them, and she might even l
ose the baby.
No, she would not lose her baby!
"We ain't gonna hurt you. I don't think I've ever had me a pregnant woman before…"
"Me either…"
"Get away! I don't want to hurt you."
"Hurt us!" They were smiling, with snarled mouths and dirty teeth. They reeked of dead animals and dirty clothes.
Jane Ann cried from the tree she was playing under and they looked up to see her.
Seeing Jane Ann was white, they moved back a little. "Who the hell are you lady?" the older one asked as he stared at Jane Ann.
"My name is Eve…"
"Take her George…," the oldest man hollered.
The younger man moved toward her and she reached out with the knife and struck him in the chest. "Leave me alone," she cried plunging the knife into his lower stomach.
"Just want a little lovin' is all?" The other man hollered now. He kept moving toward Fawn now.
Fawn screamed and Eve turned toward him.
The older man saw the knife and started toward her now. She ran toward him with the knife and stabbed him too.
Fawn stood very still, Jane Ann cried in the distance.
Eve was shaking. What had she done?
"Oh my God! I've killed them…" she shouted.
Fawn looked at her and took her into her arms.
Eve cried, she was shaking so hard she couldn't think. "I've killed them both…"
She looked down at her hands and blood was all over them. She shook with some unknown fear now.
"You had no choice…they would have taken you…maybe even hurt your baby. And me too. You protected me. I will be grateful all my life to you."
Eve nodded, and threw the knife down in the dirt.
Fawn bent down to check the men, they were both dead. Blood oozed from their wounds.
"I've killed them both…" she cried, hysteria setting in.
About that time, Hawk and the others came back.
When he saw the men at her feet, and the blood, he took Eve in his arms.
"Tell me what happened." He said softly at her ear.
Eve couldn't talk; all she could do was sit there on the porch, shaking.
Matthew saw it and his eyes got huge.
Hawk and Bended Knee took action. They carried the bodies far away, and they made it look as though the Comanche's might have done it. They scalped the two men and dumped them in the forest so that it looked very much as though it was an Indian attack.
They came back to camp and Eve was still not talking.
Fawn explained what happened to them. "If she had not killed them, they would have raped us both…"
Hawk took Eve in his arms and consoled her. However, Matthew was very quiet, as though he didn't know what to make of the situation.
Later, Hawk talked to Matthew.
"Son, I know this looks bad. But you must understand what happened."
"I know what happened. I was expecting it to happen. They knew she was with an Indian, didn't they?"
"Yes…they did. They wanted to take her away from here, to her people, to civilization again. Do you understand? But the reason she killed them was quite noble, Matthew. They were going to rape her. That would have killed the baby, and they were going to rape Fawn too. Your mother saved Fawn, and the baby from all of that. Can you understand it?"
"Yes sir…I got me some thinking to do, though." He looked seriously at Hawk now as though he knew he didn't understand it yet. Hawk let him go.
"That's good boy, that's good..." Hawk left him alone then.
Matthew would have to learn to cope with this somehow, and Hawk did not know how to explain it any differently to him so he could accept it.
That night Hawk wrapped Eve in his arms and held her tight. "Do not weep little one. You did what you had to do. Fawn was there, she saw the whole thing…They were going to rape you both. It might have killed the baby."
"I killed two men, Hawk. Not just one, but two. I'm no different from the Comanche. I killed them because they wanted to take me away…"
"No, you killed them because they were about to take you and Fawn. And it might have killed our baby if they had."
"Might have…"
"Matthew is having a hard time with it too."
"Oh dear God…" Eve cried into his shoulder.
"My love, look at me…" Hawk said gently. She looked at him. "When we got married, we knew that things like this would happen. We knew the white people would not accept you with me. And some of the Indians would not accept me with you. We knew it, in our hearts, we knew it. You had a choice. You could have gone with them…or even let them take you. You killed them because they might have killed you and Fawn."
"Yes…does that make our love bad?"
"No…my feelings for you have not changed. Have yours?"
"I never thought I would do such a thing."
"We do what we must to survive. Sometimes it is not what we want, but what is necessary for survival."
"I am not a man. I am not used to killing."
"I realize that. But you must see…you had no choice."
"I could have gone with them, and you would have come after me and you would have killed them…"
"Yes, that is true…"
"Either way, they would be dead. Because we love each other…" She cried.
"Do not torture yourself this way." He spoke softly to her.
"I cannot sleep with you any more…" She cried.
"But…"
"If we have to kill to love each other, then we are wrong to love each other…" She said simply.
"It is never wrong to love." He told her.
"This is…this is very wrong." She cried and moved to go sleep by the fire. "I can't believe what I have done."
The others saw it, but no one said anything.
Hawk feared he had just lost her, and his family. And the sad thing was, he didn't know what to do to make things right again. They had been through so much together, now this.
Chapter Twenty-Six
For days, Eve was in some kind of trance. She refused to sleep with Hawk, refused his kisses, refused him.
Jinx saw it and he decided to take things into his own hands.
When she went to the creek to wash dishes he came to sit beside her and talk to her.
"Eve, what happened was very bad. Nevertheless, what is happening now is even worse. You've turned your back on your husband, and your son is lost too, just like you. Life isn't easy. God never promised us easy. You have to know that. He gives us choices and expects us to accept the consequences of those choices. Hawk loves you truly. You are his life. He wants to make a family with you and live with you forever. You cannot turn your back on him after all the two of you have been through. You've found something most people only dream of, true love. You've promised your hearts to each other. Does that mean nothing?"
Eve seemed to listen, but she said nothing.
Jinx left her there, wishing he could make her see.
She went through all the motions of living for the next couple of weeks, but she didn't go near Hawk, and he was distraught.
Every day she was silent, was a day she grew further away from him.
She tended Jane Ann. She spoke with the others, but she did not acknowledge Hawk.
Finally one day Matthew came to her and stared at her.
"Ma?"
She whipped around to see him staring at her. "Yes Matthew!"
"I gotta talk to you."
"Yes, I'm here…"
"No you're not." Matthew hollered at her.
"What are you saying? I am here."
"We were going to be a family, remember?" Matthew asked her, his face screwing up in a huge frown now.
"Matthew…I'm sorry. This is all wrong, honey. What I’m doing here, it's all wrong." She cried now, real tears, streamed down her cheeks. "We shouldn't be here."
"No it's not! I'm just a kid. But even I can see that it's you that is wrong, Ma. You love Hawk. I love Ha
wk, Jane Ann loves Hawk. It isn't wrong. We are a family. What happened doesn't matter…"
"I killed Matthew!" She screamed at him.
"So, it wasn't the first time." He blurted.
"What are you saying?" She frowned now, unable to comprehend what he was talking about.
"When the Comanche's came, you shot your gun at them, and you probably killed some. They are humans too Ma. You killed them without a thought to what you were doing. But for the same reason."
"What do you mean the same reason?"
"The Comanche threatened you, and you killed them. Those men, threatened you, the baby and Fawn, and you killed them. There's no difference Ma. You were protecting yourself, the baby and Fawn."
Eve stared at him for a long while. What he said made sense to her.
"I did shoot at the Indians, didn't I?"
"Yes, Ma. It took me a while to see it too. You were defending Jane Ann and me when the Comanche attacked. You were defending Fawn, the baby and yourself when those men came at you. It's the same thing. It's alright to defend Ma." Matthew cried. "Don't you see that? In the wilderness, where we live, death is as much a part of life as anything. We have to be strong."
She grabbed Matthew and hugged him. "Oh Matthew…you are right…I'm so sorry for the way I've acted, you were right… Where's Hawk?"
"He and Bended Knee went into the forest for more wood."
She smiled suddenly. "Watch Jane Ann for me, I'll be back."
She began to walk toward the forest, and then run.
"Hawk….Hawk!" She called.
No one answered.
She kept running and fear began to shoot through her like a poison arrow. "Hawk…where are you?"
She turned around several times, and almost lost her way, when she heard voices.
She followed the voices through the forest.
In her confusion she turned around, everything went black, and she fell to the earth in some void.
Little Eagle carried her back to camp.
Matthew came running up to him.
"What's wrong with her?" Matthew asked, his face screwed up in a huge frown.
"She has fainted. She will be alright."
"She was going after Hawk. Did you see him?"
"No…where did he go?"
"In the woods, with Bended Knee." Matthew told him.