“Mia…”
Still not really looking at him she walked toward him, putting her hand in her pocket and then pulling it out again, the silver chain dangling from her fingertips.
Shifting the baby into the crook of one elbow, he stretched out his other hand to accept it, and then watched, horrorstruck, as she turned and fled from the room.
After he’d had a few moments to compose himself, he leaned his head down and kissed the baby on the forehead. “Just don’t ever ask me for advice about girls, Samuel. Stick with talking to your father about that one.”
“And just what is it you think William knows about girls that you don’t, Thomas?”
The voice surprised him so much that he jumped and whirled around, jostling the baby a bit. The infant screeched his disapproval.
“Why don’t you let me hold the baby for a moment, Prince Thomas?” Alvin said. “I haven’t had the pleasure yet.”
“You never fail to surprise me, Alvin.” Thomas handed the baby over, and he quieted immediately, staring up at Alvin’s bushy eyebrows.
“Glad to know I’m not losing my touch already. So, you didn’t answer my question. What makes you think your brother is better at relationships than you?”
“Well, for starters, he knows how to get Quinn to actually talk to him.”
“No he doesn’t. Nobody can make anyone talk to them, Thomas. I’ll admit he does a nice job most of the time at letting her know that it’s safe to talk to him – and he’s even getting halfway good about recognizing and apologizing to her when he’s made it hard.”
His jaw dropped again. “It’s safe for Mia to talk to me! What do you think I would do to her?”
Alvin shrugged, seeming to only give him half his attention as he focused on the baby. “I don’t know. Ask difficult questions she doesn’t know how to answer when she’s already feeling guilty and lost? Expect answers to those questions without giving up any of your own secrets? Demand she talk to you without first establishing where each of you is emotionally?”
“She’s been hiding from me, Alvin! And she hasn’t been talking to me at all! Don’t you think I have a right to expect some of those answers?”
“If what you want is to feel right and justified in your own actions, Thomas, you don’t need me. You’re already there. You’re right. She messed up and didn’t talk to you, and then she handled it wrong. You win – and you’ve got the medal to prove it. Or the metal, anyway.” He nodded at the courtship bracelet still in Thomas’ hand.
He rolled his eyes and threw the bracelet onto the nearest table. “She made it sound like I was being unreasonable for wanting her to tell me she’s moving to Philotheum. That’s not fair.”
“Fair? Have you told her you’re moving to Philotheum?”
“She didn’t give me a chance!”
“She didn’t give you a chance, Thomas, or you didn’t make sure to make one?”
“How do I make a chance when she’s been avoiding me? I don’t even know where she’s been half the time.”
Alvin raised an eyebrow. “There’s another half of the time, though, isn’t there? But she’s not the only one who’s been avoiding a fight. Really, Thomas? Where have you been? You’re not upset because you didn’t know where she was – she’s been in the castle. She’s been busy – which is convenient for you, because you can look around for five minutes before you give up and blame it on her – and leave her with another question you can demand an answer to next time.”
Thomas swallowed hard. He knew that was at least half true.
“You’re upset because she didn’t tell you that she was considering requesting a job in Philotheum – did you ever tell her that you’ve been having the same thoughts and desires to move there for the past eleven moons?”
“I didn’t think it was something that could actually happen, so I didn’t see the need to upset her.”
“So, your intentions are good, because you didn’t want to upset her – and yet when she avoids the conflict and doesn’t know how to tell you about wanting to leave…”
“I just think it’s ridiculous that she wouldn’t talk to me when I came to her.”
“Feelings are often ridiculous, Thomas. Yours included. Look, I’m not going to say she’s right in everything. I know you’re frustrated that she didn’t come to you and talk to you, and yes, she carries much of the responsibility for that. But I think you might want to consider what your goal is when you are in the same room together. How did you start this conversation? Or the last one? Did you even ask her how she was or tell her you missed her before you launched in with, ‘Where have you been?’ or ‘What are you doing?’ Do you need an answer from her so badly that you’ll miss connecting with her?”
Thomas closed his eyes. He knew Alvin was right. He had done nothing but demand answers of Mia when he hadn’t been willing to give up his secrets, either.
“You can’t win a relationship, Thomas. You can’t withhold answers of your own just to get hers first. So, yes, she was wrong, too. And, yes, she has, at the moment, found it easier to give up than to face the tough questions from you. And she’s hurting right now – even more than you are. And you are not being gentle. What’s left is for you to decide what’s important to you – being right, or being with her.”
“Does it matter?” he asked, looking at the table where he’d thrown the bracelet. “It’s too late now, anyway.”
“No, dear one. There’s only one circumstance in which you can be too late to work out your issues and tell someone your real feelings for them. Somewhere else today, I know someone who is quite glad he didn’t wait to show love and compassion to those he cared about. And your sister, for the rest of her life, will reap the benefits of knowing she showed hers as well. You’re not too late.”
Throat thick and heart heavy, Thomas wiped at the single tear that had dripped down his cheek. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this long a conversation with you before, Alvin.”
“No, you haven’t. But there are times when it’s important to take just a bit more time, and listen just a bit more carefully. This was one of those times.” He patted Thomas on the shoulder. “Now, I’m going to give this one back to you – I’m afraid he’s going to need a fresh diaper again before you get him dressed. I have a ceremony I need to finish preparing for.”
Thomas glanced at the clock after Alvin left – it was getting close to the time he’d told Quinn and William he’d meet them downstairs. He hurried to change and dress the baby, and remembered to grab the bag of extra diapers and supplies.
He was halfway into the hall, about to close the door behind him when he stopped. He turned around and went back into the room, over to where he’d dropped the bracelet. Picking it up, he slipped it into his pocket before heading downstairs for real.
~ 36 ~
Welcome
Rosewood Castle, Eirentheos
QUINN, WILLIAM, MARCUS, Thomas, and Linnea were the last to arrive back at the castle for the reception after Ben’s funeral. Zander looked up as they entered, watching as William’s older sister, Rebecca, came to take the baby again.
“Drink, Sir?” a servant asked, standing next to him with a tray of glasses.
“Thank you,” he said, accepting one. He had no idea what it was, but it tasted okay – sweet, but not overly so, and he sipped on it as everyone rushed to greet Marcus and Linnea.
He shook his head, wishing everyone would just back off from her. Sitting through that ceremony had to have been hard enough. And if she was…
“Yes, Zander, she is.”
The glass went clattering to the ground, yellow juice splashing everywhere. “How do you do that every time?” he asked, spinning to face Alvin.
“It’s a gift,” Alvin said, smiling and stepping to the side as a servant rushed to clean up the mess.
Zander sighed and rolled his eyes. “And where’s the justice in that, Alvin? She’s pregnant, and her husband is dead.” He spoke the last part in a low voice
so no one would overhear.
“There is no justice in it Zander. Not everything is about justice. Some things just are.”
“Well, I want some justice for this. Four days later, and we still don’t know where Tolliver is.”
Alvin put his hand on Zander’s shoulder. “Patience, young one. They’ve captured one of his men. Rahas is dead. That’s a start.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Killing Rahas didn’t stop Ben from dying. Even finding Tolliver and killing him wouldn’t bring Ben back.”
“No. It did bring you here, though.”
“You could have just picked me up and dropped me in the castle if you wanted me here so much Alvin. I don’t think you needed to go to these extremes.”
“I didn’t bring you here. If you’ll recall, I specifically warned you that you were treading in water past your shoulders. Owen was pretty clear on that point as well.”
“And in the end, it was all for nothing.”
Alvin sighed, reaching for two more glasses as another servant came by with a tray. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but someday soon, I think you’ll come to realize that no effort made in true love or true sacrifice is ever for nothing.”
“Sure.” He took a long drink of the juice this time. It was so silent for a moment that he assumed Alvin had disappeared again while he was drinking, but when he finally pulled his glass away again, Alvin was still there, blinking at him. “What?” he asked.
“Can I ask you one favor?”
“As long as it doesn’t involve walking over any strange bridges, I suppose so.”
“You know that little feeling of doubt you’ve been having – about something that’s not quite right?”
Zander narrowed his eyes.
“Usually, if something doesn’t feel right, it’s because it isn’t. Don’t be afraid to speak up about it.”
“I’ll get right on that.”
“Wonderful.” Alvin smiled, and then his expression grew more serious. “Also, I haven’t had the chance to tell you … I know this doesn’t mean much to you, Zander, at least not yet, but you have no idea how proud of you I am. You took on this situation, which was very difficult for you at the outset, and you made the best of it you could. You not only found a way to put aside your own misgivings, but you were able to stop and put the needs and interests of others before your own.”
“I think you can give Ben the credit for that.”
“No. Ben was an excellent mentor to you, Zander, but no alchemist. You brought the raw materials. Also, you need to learn to accept a compliment.”
He sighed. “I’ll get on that, too.”
This time when he went back to drinking his juice, Alvin did disappear – though not completely. A few minutes later, Zander saw him talking to King Stephen and Queen Charlotte.
Linnea was over by the long food table, dishing up a small plate. For a second, he was annoyed that nobody was getting it for her, but then he realized she’d probably snuck away, wanting a minute to herself.
He hadn’t talked to her at all since it had happened, and he didn’t intend to now. Staying away seemed like the best plan as she had so many people to take care of her, and she didn’t seem to like him much anyway, but when she quickly set the plate down on the table and took a step back, resting her hands on the table to steady herself, he rushed across the room.
“Linnea, are you all right?” he asked as he reached her.
“I don’t think so.” Her voice was wobbly, and beads of sweat were collecting on her temples.
Just as she gagged, he grabbed a large bowl of apples from the table, dumped them unceremoniously on the tablecloth and got the bowl under her chin just in time.
By the time she was finished, William, Thomas, Quinn, and Charlotte were there, forming a protective circle around her; her two brothers supporting her whole upper body in their arms.
A servant immediately whisked the bowl away and disappeared. Zander thought he could get used to that part of living in a castle.
Although he wasn’t invited, he followed as William and Thomas quickly helped her out of the room, into a little alcove to the side that connected to one of the main hallways.
“I’m fine. You don’t need to carry me,” Linnea said as they helped her to a cushioned bench.
“Oh, try and stop us,” Thomas said, kneeling down in front of her. “What was that, Nay? Just the day getting to be too much for you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I thought I was doing okay, but I did throw up early this morning before breakfast, too.”
Quinn raised an eyebrow.
“You were still asleep. I didn’t think I needed to announce it. I feel better now, anyway. A lot better. I think I could even still eat something.”
“Drink something first,” William said. “I’ll go get you some water. If you keep it down for a while, then I’ll get you some food.”
“No,” Zander said, feeling his face go red. “I’d feed her if she’s hungry. I don’t think she’s sick.”
Four heads whipped around to stare at him.
He held up his hands.
“Is that possible?” Linnea asked. “Will? Could I be sick already from…?”
William frowned, looking up like he was trying to count. “Six weeks is long enough for sure, sweetheart. I mean, I don’t know how long…”
“She is,” Zander said, walking over and bending down near her, looking her in the eyes.
“You are, Linnea. Pregnant, I mean.”
“Are you psychic now, Zander?”
“If I was psychic, do you think we’d be here?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Look … I didn’t mean to do it like this. It should have been more … something. But I guess this isn’t the kind of news that can wait forever and there hasn’t been any other time I could talk to you.” He paused, his ears growing warm; he knew everyone was watching him. “Ben knew. The night he … when I was sitting with him, he told me that he knew you were pregnant, and…” he wiped a tear out of his eye. “He was so happy about it, Linnea. It’s what he was thinking about when he…”
She was crying now. Thomas sat down next to her and put his hand over her belly. “A little Ben,” he whispered.
“Actually, Ben said to tell you it’s a girl, and that he loves both of you.”
He didn’t have to hide any more of his crying in this room. Even William and Thomas had wet, red eyes as they hugged and held Linnea. After a few minutes, Stephen came looking for them, and he joined in, crying as he pulled his daughter into his arms, all the way off the ground and held her.
Zander backed away slowly, not wanting to draw attention to himself as he left to give them more privacy, but just when he’d almost made it out of sight into the hall, Quinn followed him.
“Thank you for that,” she said, pulling out a handkerchief to dry her puffy eyes.
He shrugged. “I really didn’t want to do it like that, but…”
“But it worked out. Did Ben really tell you that?”
“Yeah. And then Alvin just confirmed it a little while ago. I guess peeing on a stick is passé here, huh?”
She cracked a grin. “We make do with what we have.”
“Premonitions made by dying men and proclamations from mysterious prophets?”
“Welcome to Deusterros.”
He laughed out loud. “I guess. So,” he glanced back toward the little space where they all were, “I take it it’s good news?”
“It’s very good news. Linnea didn’t really want to be pregnant when we traveled, but I think she’ll be okay. I guess Ben will get to come back with us to Philotheum in a way after all.”
“Benjamina?” he guessed.
She chortled. “Yeah, I wouldn’t suggest that one if I were you.”
“So, is Linnea still going to go to Philotheum, then? Even though…?”
“Yes. She and Thomas both are. It’s what she wanted anyway, new adventures, something different. Being wit
h her brothers. She’s going to need them now more than ever.”
“Good for her, then.”
“What about you, Zander? Have you decided if you’re going to come and live with us?”
He shrugged. “Are there warm showers, at least?”
“No. Not in most of the castle. You can warm water over the fire for a bath.”
“Whatever.” He sighed. “I guess it’s going to be an adventure for me too, then.”
She sighed, reaching out to take his arm, squeezing it gently. “You know, I never thought it would work out like this Zander, especially after thinking I’d never see you again. I know it’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows for you – for any of us, really – but even though it probably sounds strange to hear this, I have to say I’m glad to know you’ll be along.”
“I don’t know if I can say the same just yet.”
“I know,” she said, sounding both sad and hopeful at the same time.
“I guess we can just keep moving forward and see what happens, though, right?”
“Yeah.” She smiled as William came to stand next to her, putting his arms around her waist.
“Linnea’s doing better now,” he said. “We’re all going to go back into the reception.”
“Okay,” Quinn said, swiping at her eyes one more time with the tissue.
William looked at Zander. “Walk with us?”
Zander nodded. It wasn’t what he’d planned or expected, but already this world was growing on him. As he stepped aside to let the two pairs of monarchs go in front, Thomas and Linnea came up beside him. This time, he didn’t flinch when Thomas patted him on the back.
Epilogue
Bristlecone, Colorado
THE YOUNG BOY turned as the man approached. In front of him, the dark river raged, overflowing with heavy snowmelt from the mountain peaks above.
“Zander’s not coming, is he?”
“No, Owen. He isn’t. He’ll be staying on the other side for a while.”
Owen nodded. “I knew it was too dark now. It’s been almost ten minutes.”
Canes of Divergence (Dusk Gate Chronicles) Page 36