by Rae, Harloe
“Well, good morning. I’m Kellie, one of the volunteers. Come on in. These pups are ready to meet you.”
“Thanks for setting this up for us.”
“That’s my job,” Kellie sings. “Getting these babies a forever home is what it’s all about.”
“Millie couldn’t be more excited. Right, baby girl?” I give a light tug to one of her pigtails. She’s still nodding, her wide eyes trying to take in every section of the space as we step inside. Energetic enthusiasm floods the room with each tiny movement.
The acrid odor of rubber and bleach burns my nostrils. A symphony of whines, panting, and soft barks carry over to us. Three dogs are zipping around the rectangular play area. They’re all medium sized, as I requested. That’s one of the few specifications I gave. I wanted this experience to be at least somewhat organic for my little girl. Letting her into the main room with dozens of cages would be too much. Maybe more so for me.
Millie is rooted to a spot near the wall. Her gaze ping-pongs between the playful trio. She’s smiling, so wide all of her front teeth show, but doesn’t make a move otherwise. I can feel happiness rolling off her in waves. The same thrumming joy rushes through my veins.
When the door clicks shut behind us, the light brown pup notices our arrival and races closer. The other two barely spare us a glance, but I find myself giving them the same lack of attention.
The curious canine sits down a few feet away, tongue lolling out and tail thumping against the mat. A quick glance at her belly leads me to believe she’s a girl. A large white splotch covers half of her face. More random spots paint her side and paws. I don’t have the slightest clue what breed she could be, but that doesn’t matter. Whatever background she’s from blends into an adorable mutt.
The way she inspects us reminds me of an interview. Under her intense scrutiny, I feel my pulse climb several notches. Will she like us? Is that a silly thing to wonder? No, this is important. This process needs to be approved from both sides to be truly successful. I find myself silently sending every positive vibe through our stare down. Her dark eyes dart from Millie to me, finally settling on the one who will ultimately choose.
My daughter presses a finger over her lips, trapping a squeal. I can make a decent guess about what that noise means. Is there such a thing as insta-love with pets? With this pup, I find zero doubt.
Kellie moves to my side. “What are your initial impressions?”
I glance down to Millie, finding her gaze already locked on me. “Well, I think it’s safe to say there’s a front runner.” I point to the pretty girl scooching on her butt to get near us. “What’s her name?”
“Ah, that’s very good to hear.” She signals to the brown dog, who’s brought herself almost within reach. “This is Elsa.”
Another loud squeak bubbles out of Millie. If her mind wasn’t already made up, that about seals the deal. My daughter yanks on my arm until I bend down.
“She’s a princess, Mama.”
Her soft voice tickles my ear. “She sure is. Do you like her?”
“Uh-huh. Can we pet her?”
I look to Kellie, who’s grinning at us. “Absolutely. Just place a hand out in front of you so she can sniff.”
We do as instructed and Elsa immediately responds, erasing the sliver of distance between us. Our palms take turns getting slobbery kisses and lavish licks. Elsa nudges Millie, who giggles and scratches the pooch behind her ears.
“Oh, she loves you,” Kellie coos. “Is it safe to assume the other two can go? I’ll take them outside for a walk.”
I glance at Millie, but she only has eyes for Elsa. The two of them are forming a wriggling pile of laughter and unbreakable bonds. I blink at the heat pooling in my eyes. What a perfect pair. A lump forms in my throat, and I swallow roughly.
“My daughter seems hooked on this beautiful lady. Do you have her information card or file?”
Kellie nods. “Absolutely. I can give you some time alone with Elsa. Get to know each other a bit more, see how y’all get along. I’ll take the others for a stroll and return shortly.”
I rub the sting in my nose. “Thanks again for this. I really appreciate everything this shelter does for animals and the families looking to fill that special void.”
She squeezes my arm gently. “No, thank you. To see this level of happiness brought to a child means so much. And you’re potentially saving that animal from a much crueler fate. This is the type of connection we all strive for.”
I return my eyes to Millie and Elsa. “It truly is. I couldn’t have asked for a better introduction.”
Kellie leans closer. “She’s probably not letting you leave here without that dog. You know that, right?”
A laugh cracks through the emotion sticking to my tongue. “I sure do, and that’s what we planned for.”
She studies me for a moment. There’s a certain sparkle in her eye that makes me want to squirm. “This probably isn’t appropriate for me to say, but everyone knows that I don’t have a filter.”
“Ah, okay?” A sharp inhale gets trapped in my lungs as I wait for more.
“Not sure if you’re attached to a fella or not. It doesn’t really matter. I’m bummed that my son is hellbent on staying single for all of eternity. I think you two would hit it off.”
I force out the breath with a whoosh. “Oh, that’s so sweet of you. I’m not really looking for a relationship.”
“Isn’t that what we always say? It just takes the right one. Much like Elsa and your daughter. Match made.” She snaps her fingers.
“You sound like my friend.”
Kellie takes a step toward the door. “I bet she’s very wise.”
“Josey would appreciate hearing that.”
“I give you permission to tell her. Especially if a gorgeous woman such as yourself is attempting to ward off men.” She winks at me, and I find myself laughing again. This woman is a riot.
“Um, thanks? I think.”
Kellie picks two leashes off a hook. “I’ll get these boys handled and grab Elsa’s file for you. Then we’ll see where we’re at.”
I’d almost forgotten the other dogs were in here. When I turn to search for them, they’re chasing a ball along the far wall. “Will they be okay?”
She waves me off while walking toward the rambunctious pair. “They’re young purebreds. Don’t worry too much about them.”
“Oh, that reminds me. Do you happen to know what Elsa’s pedigree is? Not that breed matters at all. We just need a good personality.” I know enough to determine she’s a combo platter. My parents used to say that a mix is always a safe choice. Turns out, at least in this instance, they’re right.
Kellie taps her temple. “I just went over her paperwork. Elsa is almost a year old. I’ll have to double check her exact age. She’s a blend of retriever and Australian shepherd. Maybe a bit of Labrador thrown in, too.”
“Can’t go wrong with any of those. They’re all great for being around kids.”
She nods. “Definitely. I remember she spent several months with a foster family who had young children. Elsa has always been socialized with other pets. She’s never shown any sign of aggression.”
“How long has she been here?”
“A little less than a month. She’s had several serious inquiries, but none have taken to her quite like your daughter.”
I glance over at the newly acquainted best friends. Elsa swipes her massive tongue along Millie’s cheek. My daughter giggles and wipes off the slobber. She’s a goner. I know that giddy expression quite well, and there will be no dulling of that shine if I can control it. A sigh whisks any drop of tension from my posture. “Well, Kellie. Unless there’s anything major in her file, I believe we’re set.”
Her light eyes twinkle in the harsh overhead lamps. “Yeah?”
“Absolutely. I can’t tear them apart. It might hurt me more than my little girl to do so.”
“I can empathize. We don’t want to cause any pain, that’s fo
r certain. This is a big decision,” Kellie reminds.
“We aren’t making it lightly.”
“It’s settled then. I’ll bring the care instructions and adoption agreement with me. Give me five minutes.”
“Sounds great.”
Once Kellie is gone, I kneel beside Millie and Elsa. Our dog—calling her that might take some getting used to—grants me a sloppy smooch before returning her affections to Millie. “I can see you two are getting along.”
My daughter beams at me. “We get to take her home, right? Mama, I love her. Please tell me she can be our dog.”
That title again. It warms every fractured piece inside of me. “If everything checks out, she can leave with us today.”
“Yay!” Millie pumps her little fist in the air. “She’s the best pup ever.”
I give Elsa a pat of my own. “It seems that way.”
“Thank you, Mama. This is the best present ever. I’m going to take the best care of her.” She buries her nose in Elsa’s fur.
“Seeing you this happy makes me extremely happy, too.”
“Now we’re a bigger family,” she mumbles against Elsa’s cheek. I swear the dog tilts lower to accept more hugs.
I wipe under my eyes, more moisture gathering from the display. Before this day is done, I’ll be wrung dry. “You two are adorable. Let me take a picture.”
Millie’s smile is huge as she poses for the camera. Elsa is naturally photogenic, as well, and the image they create is enough to melt me into a sentimental puddle of tears. I snap a few shots before tucking my phone away. “We’ll have to stop at the store for supplies.”
“Oh, yes. Like a pink bling collar so we can take her on walks.”
I laugh at her priorities. “Among other necessities. She might like to eat, too.”
A dreamy look crosses her face. “Do you think she’ll get along with Patch?”
I went all morning without thinking about Crawford. Over four hours of blissful peace are whisked away with a single question. It takes herculean effort to keep my smile from slipping. “Maybe? I’m not sure they’ll meet each other, sweetie.”
“Why not? They can play together in the woods.”
I have every intention of staying away from that section of forest. Indefinitely. “We can discuss that later.”
Her lips form a flat line. “That means no.”
“Why does our dog have to be friends with Patch?”
“Then we can see Ford.”
I swallow a scream, mostly for my crumbling pride. “Why do you like Ford so much, Mills?”
“He gets it.”
“Can you tell me what that is?”
She shrugs. “He understands why I don’t like talking to people.”
And I’m officially the worst mom ever. I feel my eyes get hot again and blink at the quickly forming tears. “Oh, baby girl. I’m so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.”
“It’s okay.” From her flat tone, I can tell it’s most certainly not.
And just like that, my own defenses take a brutal hit. My daughter is a terrible influence on me when it comes to that man. How can I stay away from Crawford when Millie is his number one fan? If she knew what a temptation he is to me, there would be no avoiding another seemingly chance encounter. “Maybe we’ll bump into Ford and Patch soon.”
Millie’s mouth twitches with the first signs of a happy comeback. “Can you call him?”
I choke down my immediate response. That doesn’t mean I have to form a lie. “I don’t have his number, sweetie.”
“Should we look it up? Or we can just stop by his shop.”
How do I respond to that? Simple. Focus on the positive. “How about we celebrate finding our perfect dog and worry about Ford later?”
She narrows her eyes on me, and I brace for another retort. The strain in my neck eases when Millie relaxes against Elsa. “Okay, Mama. I’ll accept that answer.” I’m about to begin a mental victory dance when she quietly tacks on, “But only until tomorrow.”
Healing Hug #16: A last resort when all else fails.
I sink deeper into the camping chair, commanding my body to unravel and accept a lazy state of relaxation. This is the same task that I’ve been attempting for almost an hour. Deep breathing and beer be damned, my muscles won’t quit twitching. I’ve been wired all afternoon without the slightest inkling as to what’s behind the sudden influx of distress. Silence and serenity are no longer my friends.
Sure, I’ve been out of sorts and battling with myself. No fight is an easy win while I push at borders of my own making. My level of normal has been subjected to a serious overhaul, and I know adjusting to new habits takes longer than a week or two. I’m not expecting miracles. Being calm and collected has never been part of my skill set. But dammit, I’m more than capable of adapting to minor changes.
Thinking is far easier than executing.
Patch dives into a pile of needles and leaves, scaring the shit out of a flock of birds in a neighboring tree. A chorus of flapping and squawking blasts through the woods. My dog circles the massive pine, barking and clawing at the trunk. The ruckus isn’t helping this fake-ass Zen I’m going for. I tug my hat down lower and try to think about peaceful things. A dull throb hammers into my temple with the waste of effort. It backfires much the same as everything else I’ve tried.
I’m about to raise a white flag on this entire venture when the crack of a twig snapping halts my retreat. The intrusive sound has me whipping around so fast that I nearly topple out of my chair in the process. With the next thudding beat of my heart, three figures move into the clearing I’ve been using for a hideout. Time slows until a single exhale drags on without ending. Shining blonde hair, the golden color of my fantasies, paints the bland surroundings with a vibrant glow.
With my sights tunneling on Keegan, I fail to notice the addition to their typical duo. A dog dutifully trots beside Millie. The neon pink collar clues me in that the pup is a girl. She appears to be a very well-mannered companion for the little girl. Patch doesn’t miss the new family member, of course, bounding over in graceful leaps. I jump from the chair with a bellow, knowing I can’t get there to stop what might happen. But once again, I’m proven idiotic for showing concern.
Patch greets the newcomer with a few meaningful sniffs, no sign of territorial defense or agitation in her bouncy gait. Millie kneels on the grass, petting both dogs with equal enthusiasm. The theory of girls sticking together has never been quite this clear. I continue to stand motionless with my jaw hanging in the wind. After the females complete their initial introductions, Millie is the one who knocks me out of my frozen trance. Her gaze lifts to mine, and she aims a brilliant smile at me.
“Hi, Ford!”
“Hey, Peep.”
She settles cross-legged onto the ground, making herself at home. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Her sunny mood is infectious, lifting the brick resting on my chest. “Is that so?”
“Uh-huh.” She nods, turning to her mom. “Mama, aren’t you glad we finally found him?”
“Just thrilled.” Keegan crosses her arms, slamming a wall down between us that’s meant to lock me out. Too bad that’s not happening, but I can appreciate her efforts.
“Well, this is definitely an interesting surprise. Wasn’t sure I’d see you two again. And who’s this?” I nod to the wiggling brown and white dog pressing against the little girl’s side. Patch is all too willing to play the fourth wheel, sprawling out in front of them.
“She’s our new dog. Her name is Elsa.” Millie’s blinding grin outshines her mother’s scowl by one hundred watts.
“That’s a pretty name.”
“She’s a princess.”
“I can, uh, see that.” I motion to the collection of sparkly, pink embellishments she has on. And are her nails painted? The mutt doesn’t seem to care one bit that she’s being subjected to dress-up. Patch barely lets me attach a leash on her most tolerant days.
“Are you like Prince Eric?”
“Who?”
Millie blinks at me. “From The Little Mermaid.”
Ah, she’s talking fairy tales. Those are the furthest thing from my wheelhouse. “I’ve always been more of a beast type.”
She giggles. “My mom doesn’t mind.”
I shift my gaze to the lady in question. “No?”
Keegan remains silent, fuming in the privacy of her own bubble. Shit, why does she have to look so fucking tempting? The surge of current sizzling against my skin is enough to set this entire forest on fire. This woman is a living, breathing centerfold sent to test my restraint. Those measly fibers are already threadbare. With her in reach, I’m ready to snap.
It doesn’t matter what clothes she has on. I’m intimately aware of every curve she’s not bothering to hide very well. My imagination gladly runs rampant and peels off every layer. The athletic shorts she’s wearing barely cover the globes of her ass. Her breasts and waist are somewhat concealed by a white tank top. I widen my stance to conceal just how hard she makes me. A dizzy spell is imminent if I don’t get a handle on this lack of blood flow to my brain. The pressure is enough to bring me to my knees. Will she always have this effect on me? She probably earns a great deal of satisfaction from torturing me.
I rip my ravenous gaze away from the mouthwatering display Keegan is serving. Focusing on safer sights is necessary to survive this standoff. I cut my eyes back to Millie and find her eyes bouncing between her mother and me. A smile I can only describe as sly curves her lips. The little girl leaps to her feet and tugs on Elsa’s leash.
“I’m gonna take the poochies for a walk. They’ll keep me safe, and we won’t go far. You two stay here.” She makes a pointing gesture from us to the ground.
Keegan’s lips part, probably to refuse being told what to do by a child. Her own daughter, for that matter. But in the end, she snaps her mouth shut. Millie skips away with Elsa and Patch flanking her. Her absence gives us privacy—alone in the middle of nowhere. How convenient.
I rock on my heels, taking a minute to figure out how to kick this off. “So, you got a dog.”