by Bev Prescott
He shook his head. “If I made an exception for you, I’d have to make it for everyone. Then, what would be the point of the policy? We do this to protect our patients.” Sgt. Mayfield tucked the clipboard under his arm.
Bobbie put her hands on her hips. “You can’t tell me you’ve never broken the rules in a critical situation. I’ll bet plenty of boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés, and fiancées who weren’t technically listed as next of kin were given a pass.”
Sgt. Mayfield stood his ground. “That’s not what we’re talking about here.”
How would you know? “You have to let me see her. Please!” Isabella said.
“It’s beyond my pay-grade to break the rules for you. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait.”
“Hasn’t the Army done enough to her already?” Isabella asked. “Vaffanculo burocrate.” The look on his face told Isabella that, even if he didn’t speak Italian, he got the message.
Sgt. Mayfield assumed an authoritative stance. “I understand that you’re upset, but if you insist on making trouble, I can have you escorted from the building.”
“I doubt that will be necessary,” an unfamiliar voice said. Isabella and Bobbie turned to see a woman wearing a surgical hat and scrubs approaching them. “What’s going on, Sergeant?”
“Dr. Gant, I’m trying to explain that hospital policy only allows next of kin in the intensive care wing.” He gestured to Bobbie. “Capt. Brown only listed Mrs. Bixby and her husband on her official paperwork.”
“You wouldn’t happen to be Isabella, would you?” Dr. Gant asked.
“Yes, I am. How could you possibly know that?”
Dr. Gant addressed the sergeant. “I’ll take things from here. Go take care of your rounds.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Sgt. Mayfield saluted the doctor and left the room.
Dr. Gant eyed Isabella’s still clenched fists. “Don’t be angry with him. He’s doing his job. This is a military installation, and you know we think very highly of our rules.” Before Isabella could offer a retort, Dr. Gant continued. “Assuming your presence doesn’t cause Capt. Brown any distress, I’ll sign an order that permits you to visit her in intensive care.”
“You still haven’t told me how you knew my name,” Isabella said.
“She’s been calling that name anytime she’s near consciousness. That you’re here in this waiting room tells me you and she are close to one another.” She smiled warmly at Isabella. “Patients often reveal what’s really important to them when their uncensored subconscious is doing the talking.” Dr. Gant removed her surgical hat. “As you know, we had to make a difficult decision in hopes of saving her life. Capt. Brown hasn’t been told yet that we had to amputate her right leg just below the knee. She’ll need the people she loves to help her recover from that, and not just physically. From the way she called your name, I suspect she loves you very much.”
Tears formed in the corners of Isabella’s eyes. “I hope she does, because I love her.” She choked back a sob. “Thank you so much for understanding. It would have killed me if I couldn’t see her.”
“Capt. Brown has a steep climb ahead of her. My goal is to get her well enough to go home as soon as possible.” Dr. Gant’s pager beeped. She checked it. “Capt. Brown is in her room now and coming to. Wait for me here. I’ll let you visit briefly after I’ve spoken with her.”
Chapter 27
Madison tried to claw her way back into the light of reality. Every time she got close, pain enveloped her body and dragged her back to a dark, unfathomable hole. The pain made her want to cry out and run away from the brightness of the light, but she could neither cry out nor run. The pain told her she was still alive. How that could be and where she was were mysteries to her, but she was still among the living.
She sensed someone nearby. Her fingers moved a fraction of an inch. She thought she heard Isabella’s voice. Was she dreaming? She willed herself to wake up. If Isabella was there, she had to know. Being conscious meant feeling agonizing pain, but she forced her eyes open.
She attempted to focus; her vision was hopelessly blurred. “Where am I?”
A shadowy figure stood over her. “Capt. Brown? Can you hear me? I’m Dr. Gant.”
Disappointment. Devastation. The voice didn’t belong to Isabella. Madison ignored the woman and gazed up at the ceiling without moving her head. Any movement was piercing, unbearable. Dr. Gant? She must be in a hospital.
Snippets from the events of her life over the past several days crept into her brain. She had grabbed a little girl, and she recalled an explosion. Blood had poured from the bottom half of her body. Then came the memory of the awful sight of her battered leg and the look of concern on Jim’s face. She’d never forget that look. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the primary source of pain—her leg.
The incessant throbbing from her right leg threatened to drive her insane. She lifted her head and gasped at the exponential uptick in utter agony the movement brought. She blinked her eyes in an effort to clear her clouded vision. She couldn’t see her leg. She could feel her toes, even wiggle them, but her leg ended at her knee. She looked again. And again. “My leg is gone!” She tried to sit up.
Strong arms pinned her down. “Capt. Brown, you have to stay calm.”
Madison lay still as a corpse. “You should’ve let me die.”
Dr. Gant released her arms. “We had to take your leg to save your life. I’m sorry for the shock of what you just saw, but you’re too young to die, my friend.” Dr. Gant adjusted one of the lines on Madison’s IV stand. “You still have a whole world of living to do. You might not believe it right this minute, but you’re one of the lucky ones. You got to come home.”
“Lucky? That’s a load of shit. You don’t know me.” Madison turned her gaze away. She was a mutilated has-been like her father and the General, destined for a life of lonely misery. “I want to die.”
“You’re not going to.”
Madison made eye contact with the doctor. “You can’t make me live if I don’t want to.”
“Maybe I can’t, but the people waiting to see you might want a chance to show you how much you’re loved and needed.”
“Bobbie and Jerome are here?”
“They are. So is Isabella. They’re all anxious to see you.”
“I don’t want anybody to see me like this.”
“Trust me, Capt. Brown, they’ll think you’re the most welcome sight they’ve had in a long time.”
“I’m ugly. I’m disgusting.”
“You’re a soldier in the United States Army who was wounded in service to her country. That makes you the best of the best.”
A nurse came into the room. “Here’s the sedative you ordered for Capt. Brown, Doctor.”
Dr. Gant took the needle from the nurse and administered the injection. “I’m giving you something to help you sleep and to give you a break from the pain. You need your rest. Your friends will be allowed in briefly as soon as I’ve gone. I’ll be back to see you this afternoon.”
Madison wanted to tell the doctor to take her drugs and go directly to hell. Isabella couldn’t see her like this. They’d agreed to move on with their lives. Worse yet, Isabella’s prediction had come true. Madison had come home damaged beyond repair. She wasn’t the same person she used to be, and she’d never be able to reclaim her old life. The drugs swimming in her system blotted out any further thought, and she faded into sleep.
Isabella waited outside of Madison’s room for Bobbie and Jerome. It was only a few moments since they’d gone in, but it felt like an eternity. The door opened, and Bobbie came out. She hugged Isabella. “She’s not awake yet.”
“I don’t care. I need to see her.” Isabella moved toward the door.
Bobbie stepped in front of her. “I know you’re eager, but I need to warn you, she’s in rough shape.”
“Okay, you’ve warned me. Now let me go.”
Jerome exited Madison’s room. “I’m going outside for a while.” He
gave Bobbie a pat on the arm as he hurried past them.
Isabella leaned her head against the door. Her soldier was on the other side. Somehow, they’d find their way through this, together.
She turned the handle and went inside. Except for the hum of the machines that monitored Madison’s heart and supplied nutrients to her body, the room was silent. The lights were dimmed, and Madison lay sleeping. Isabella had dreamed for months of the day when she would see Madison again. The sight of Madison’s shattered body reminded her how close she’d come to never getting that opportunity. She took a couple of steps forward but stopped halfway.
She swallowed hard and tried not to cry. What if part of Madison’s soul had been lost with the bottom half of her leg? No matter. She vowed not to let Madison shut her out like the General did to his family.
Isabella schooled herself to look objectively at Madison. What remained of her leg was grotesquely swollen. Bandages covered much of her jaw. Where her face wasn’t bruised black and blue, it was pale. Her once strong body now seemed fragile as she labored to breathe. Even in Madison’s slumber, Isabella saw pain etched on every part of her face. Tears splashed from Isabella’s eyes.
She restrained herself from running to the bed and covering Madison’s body with her own. Madison had been through so much, but an arduous recovery still awaited her.
Isabella took the final steps forward. She reached out to gently touch Madison’s face but pulled her hand back. What if it hurt to be touched? What if Madison never wanted to feel Isabella’s touch again? She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to stifle her tears. Her resolve faltered. She had to have physical contact with her Madison, her soldier. Isabella leaned down and kissed Madison’s forehead. “I love you so much.”
She pulled the only chair in the room close to Madison’s bed. She and Bobbie had been told they’d only be permitted brief visits. Fine. Let someone come and tell her she had to leave. She wasn’t moving until forced to. Isabella wrapped her fingers around Madison’s and squeezed gently. You’ll never be alone again, Madison.
Madison battled to open her eyes. She thought she heard Isabella’s voice again. “Isabella?”
“Yes, it’s me—Isabella.” She held tightly to Madison’s hand. “I’m here.”
Madison turned her head slowly in the direction of the voice and opened her eyes. The blurred vision had disappeared.
Isabella took her breath away, just like she had the first day she laid eyes on her and every time since. Madison saw the tearstains on Isabella’s face. All the anger and hurt Isabella had caused evaporated in that instant. Madison didn’t have the strength—or the need—to hang onto it anymore. “You came,” she whispered.
Isabella clutched her hand. “Yes, and I’m not leaving. I’m so sorry for everything. Please forgive me.”
Madison’s joy at having Isabella here vanished in a heartbeat. Her missing leg, and all it symbolized, said they could never regain what they’d had. “I forgive you, but you can’t stay.”
“Don’t shut me out. Not again. You’re entitled to be angry with me. I made a terrible mistake. I want to spend the rest of my life making up for it. I’ll never be happy again if you don’t let me.”
Madison moved slightly to point to her mutilated body. “Look at me. I don’t have anything left to give you.”
Isabella touched Madison’s cheek. “Yes, you do. You can give me the only thing I’ll ever want again. You can give me you, my darling.”
Madison brought Isabella’s hand to her parched, bruised lips. Despite the pain in her jaw, she kissed Isabella’s fingers.
Isabella caressed Madison’s cheek again. “Let it be my name you call in the night when you’re frightened or in pain or need to feel the warmth of a body next to yours. Let me love you.”
Madison had two choices: continue to die inside or let go of everything she feared. Emotions she’d buried deep inside flowed out of her on a wave of tears. “Don’t ever leave me, Isabella.”
“I won’t let you give up on us,” Isabella said. “I’ll stay by your side, forever.” She pressed her head next to Madison’s. “I love you with all I have in me. We’ll get through this. I’m not leaving here without you.”
Madison clung to Isabella as best her IV-encumbered arms would allow. “I love you.”
Isabella whispered softly into Madison’s ear, “You’re my world. I’ll never let anything or anyone come between us again.” Someday, Isabella hoped, her family and the rest of the world would eventually catch up to the simple notion that love is a gift to be treasured no matter its source. “Your love came to me on a whisper of fate when I least expected it. From now on, I’m holding it close and I’ll never let it go. Sleep, my darling. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Chapter 28
Dr. Gant knelt in front of the wheelchair and secured the prosthesis to Madison’s knee. “The adjustment the lab made to the suction valve should help. Would you like to try to stand?”
The graphite and plastic substitute for a leg served as a stark reminder of Madison’s loss; not that she was likely to forget. She couldn’t stomach the outlandish spectacle, so she looked to Isabella for comfort. Isabella caressed the back of Madison’s head. Her constant support for ten long months had helped Madison cope with the damage done to her body.
“I guess I’ve got to stand before I can walk,” Madison said in an attempt at humor.
Dr. Gant came around to one side and slipped an arm underneath Madison’s. “Let’s get you up out of that chair, then. Isabella, you get on the other side of her. Hold her under the arm the way I showed you. On the count of three, we’ll help her stand.”
Madison prepared herself for the inevitable jolt of searing pain that would come as soon as she put the slightest weight on her limb. She bit her bottom lip. “I’m ready.”
“One, two, three, lift.” Dr. Gant and Isabella helped her to her feet.
The pain wasn’t nearly as bad as Madison had anticipated. “That is better. It hurts, but it’s manageable.” The freedom of standing buoyed her spirits. “I want to try a couple of steps.”
“Okay, but go slowly,” Dr. Gant warned. “We don’t want you having any setbacks now that you’ve come this far.”
Isabella tightened her grip on Madison’s waist. It gave Madison the reassurance she needed. Tentatively, she took a first step with her prosthetic leg. When she lifted the other, the entire weight of her body was transferred onto the prosthesis. The nauseating explosion of pain where it connected to what was left of her knee caused her to crumble in agony.
Dr. Gant helped catch her before she hit the floor.
“Fuck, that hurt.” Exhausted, Madison let Isabella and Dr. Gant guide her back into her wheelchair. Tears of frustration and pain spilled over. “I fucking hate this.”
Isabella leaned down and put her arm around her. “I know, but don’t give up. It’s going to take time. You can do it.”
“It’s not just for me that I hate this, Isabella. You’ve put your life on hold for me. I know you miss home. I want to go back to Massachusetts so we can put our lives back together again.” Madison clenched her fists. “I want to box and run, not sit here in this goddamn chair.”
Isabella kissed her cheek. “For me, home is wherever you are. I promised I’d stay here for as long as it takes. We’ll get there when we get there.”
Dr. Gant gave Madison’s shoulder a reassuring pat. “I’m not going to lie to you. Things are likely to get tougher before they get easier. Each soldier has his or her own timeline for recovery. I know you’re sick of all this, but you’ve quite literally got to do it one step at a time.”
“I’m never going to walk again, am I, Doctor?”
“My answer is the same as it’s always been, Madison. As shitty a deal as you got when you lost part of your leg, you’re one of the fortunate ones. It could’ve been a lot worse. You’ve still got your knee. Amputees fitted with a transtibial prosthesis like we’re working on for you are very
likely to regain normal movement and do all of the things they used to. Not only are you going to box and run again, you’ll be dancing with Isabella before you know it.”
Madison smiled in spite of the ache in her leg. “Dancing with Isabella again is worth all the effort. Thank you for understanding why I needed her to be here with me every day. I don’t think I’d have survived all of this without her.”
“Just like any other soldier, you deserve to have your family with you while you recover. I’m happy to have been able to help.” Dr. Gant squeezed Madison’s shoulder. “That reminds me of something I want to alert you to.”
“Have you found something else wrong with my leg?”
“No, nothing like that. You’ve probably heard of Col. Yarr…”
“Sure, he’s one of the bigoted jerks who makes no secret of the fact that he thinks it was a mistake to repeal DADT. What about him?”
“He’s going to be in the hospital today with Senator McCaffee. You know McCaffee is considering running for president.”
“Yeah, I saw that on the news. The hypocrite—after being injured in service to this country, he more than anyone shouldn’t be waving the flag in the name of reinstituting DADT to discriminate against me.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, Madison,” Dr. Gant said. “But I’ve been told part of why they’re coming here today is to ask wounded soldiers if they’d like to see DADT put back as the official policy.”
“Why in heaven’s name would they do that?” Isabella asked.
“Right or wrong, politicians have a history of using the sympathy elicited by injured veterans to advance their own agendas.”
“I’m so sick and tired of this bullshit.” The words fairly exploded from Madison’s lips. “I get my leg blown off for my country, and I still have to worry that some emotionally backward stuffed shirt is going to make an issue out of the fact that Isabella and I love each other.” A string of swear words fell from her lips. “I suppose I should be glad I got an automatic extension of my commission while I’m recovering, but I have to say, being an officer in the Army isn’t all that appealing right now.”