Temper Dread: Book Two of the TEMPER Saga

by Lila Mina

  “Rah… yes!” Lana exclaimed, before biting her pillow and clutching the sheets. He was quickly up to the hilt inside her. A loud groan of satisfaction escaped him, then one arm went around her waist to bring her back against his chest while he reclined on his heels.

  “You are incredibly strong in body and spirit,” Honda whispered in her ear. “You are a precious gift, to me and to Yuki. I never underestimate the value of what you offer me. There must be no doubt in your heart about your strength or worth, do you understand?” he asked, cock deep inside her, teeth grazing her shoulder.

  Lana had to fight to find her voice back. “Yes… I do…” she panted.

  Grinding herself against him, she raked her nails on his arms and thighs, enjoying how his muscles tensed, the telltale hitch in his breath. His fingers grabbed her nipples and he twisted each of them. Each jolt made her dig harder in his flesh but also squeeze his erection with her inner muscles.

  “If you want to make me bleed, you will need to overpower me first. But do you really want this tonight? Don’t you prefer this? Giving yourself to me?” he purred before pushing her back on all fours, grasping her hips and hair, and launching an ass-pounding campaign. She howled and let herself swept away. He was simply too good at this and she was too out of control to demand anything else.

  And then, something exploded inside her. His proof of care, of protective control, combined with her out-of-balance hormones, shattered something. Mournful longing overpowered her.

  Weeping, Lana twisted on herself and pushed Honda away. “Red! Red, please…” she croaked.

  Honda froze and let her go, unable to hide his shock. “Why? What is the matter! Is it the baby? Is there something—”

  Breaking all the spoken and unspoken terms framing their complex relationship, Lana didn’t let him finish. She seized his collar and kissed him deeply, expressing all her warmer, terribly unrequited feelings. Caught unaware, he didn’t resist. Before he could react, however, she broke their kiss and sat back on her knees, brow low.

  Motionless, he hovered above her prostrate form. “Why?” A cold and deep chasm opened between them.

  Lana cringed and kept her head low, not as a show of contrition but to hide her raw emotions. If she came up with a half-baked excuse in link with her emotional upheaval, Honda would accept it, although reluctantly and unhappy with her methods. But this wasn’t the problem.

  “I need to say this… Bear with me. I am grateful. You have helped me find my strength and resilience, you have shown me trust and respect…” Honda was still silent, and Lana was close to hyperventilating. How can I make him understand? “I just wanted to tell you how much… how much you… ah, I am so sorry, this is really bad… Please, believe me, I don’t wish for anything to change, goshujin sama.” Oh, come on, stop babbling! “I have no excuse for my lack of control.”

  Face down, fists gripping the futon, her world was reduced to her erratic breathing and wild heartbeat.

  “Lana san…” His voice was strained. “You are indeed out of line. You misused our safe word. This is a serious breach, whatever your reasons. That being said, you are not in your normal state of mind. I should have been more careful on my end. My control was far from perfect, although it was supposed to be.” His posture shifted, and he put some distance between them.

  “I am more than satisfied by your understanding of what you have gained through our agreement. Don’t overlook your own accomplishments. This strength is truly yours. But again, you have to keep your feelings in check and not allow them to overrule your judgment, especially toward me. Our situation is precarious and so dangerous. You and I, we are bound by powerful, lethal drives.”

  Honda fell silent for a few heartbeats. “Now, let me be clear on one point, Lana san,” he added in a voice so low and dark that fear crept up her spine. He leaned toward her, and their eyes locked. His face was a blank mask, making his words even more foreboding. “If any of them threatens you again, I will kill them myself.”

  Lana straightened up. It didn’t matter for one second that they were not husband and wife, life partners, lovers, or whatever was more or less socially acceptable nowadays. This was his part of the bargain. His responsibility toward her based on the complex code defining their relationship.

  “I would only ask to be there when you do so, because this is something I wish to witness,” she said, voice cool and once again perfectly composed.

  He stared at her, before nodding once, acknowledging her resolve. Then he got up and fixed his clothes.

  “Try to rest now. We will go to the temple tomorrow.”

  18 Fallout

  As she waited for Gabriella, Lana paced in front of the vermilion-lacquered Sangedatsumon, the imposing main gate of the Zojo-ji temple at the feet of the Tokyo Tower. With a wince, she rubbed her eyes; they felt like sandpaper. Nightmares plagued her again, this time roused by the revelation of the impossible coincidence of their traumas. The awful images that had haunted her during the night came back full-force, and she found herself immersed in them once again.

  She wears a mask made of human flesh and looks like the onryo bitch from the club. A maniac smile, full of black, rotten teeth, on her parched lips. The ice-cold sharp edge of her katana presses on my throat, pierces my flesh. I drown in my blood, my scream of pain and terror is silent, my lungs can’t draw a breath anymore. I am alone, helpless. My vision blackens.

  Tearing agony between my legs. Five fox kits wriggle out of my bleeding womb onto the marble floor. They’re chewing on something vaguely human. As darkness falls on me, I slide into the nameless abyss, wretched by despair and agony...

  Lana shook her head to make the disgusting memory disappear.

  Hey, at least they didn’t burst out of my chest… She grimaced at her own lack of taste; but it was that or gouge her eyes out in despair. Her bleak and black humor was just one of her ways to cope.

  Too bad the Japanese audience is the worst for tasteless jokes...

  “Hey cara mia, sorry for keeping you waiting,” Gabriella called from behind.

  Relieved to be distracted from her horrible ruminations, Lana turned to see her friend stepping out of a taxi. Like her, she had put on a dark and conservative dress. Lana smiled and engulfed her friend in a warm hug.

  “No problem at all. Thank you so much for coming today, it means the world. Yuki and Honda sama have gone ahead to the main hall to meet up with the priest. Shall we go?”

  Gabriella frowned at the huge gate in front of them. “Ah just a second, please. Can we talk first? Your call… This... Everything’s a bit unexpected. I wanted to see you and not have this discussion over the phone.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t remember you doing anything like this until today. How come now? And here, not at a church?”

  Lana blinked, surprised by her friend’s unease. “Well, you know how I feel about the Church and this was a kind of spur of the moment. Honda sama suggested it last night and I—”

  “You told them everything? The entire story?” the brunette exclaimed, agitated.

  “Only to him. I hadn’t planned on it, but he was supportive,” Lana replied, defensively. “Yuki sama knows I lost a baby twenty years ago and its father, but nothing else. The rest can wait.”

  Gabriella grimaced. “So, this is his idea, and you simply went along with it?”

  Baffled, Lana didn’t answer right away. “Yes… I guess I didn’t feel the need or the courage before. But now…” Lana looked at the ground, hands covering her lower belly. “Now, my life’s moving forward in an unexpected direction, and it’s hard not to think about what happened then. So yes, he made this suggestion, and I think it’s a good and helpful one.”

  Arms crossed over her chest, Gabriella shook her head. “I understand your need for closure, cara mia, and I’m behind you on this. But this ceremony, here, is foreign to you. You are neither Buddhist, nor Shintoist… by any means, a Catholic ceremony must have more meaning, no?”

  Lana frowned
and copied her friend’s defensive posture. So much tension between them was unusual. The sun glared on their heads, and they moved in the shadow of the large gate to try to escape it.

  “Why does it matter so much? If I find some sort relief here, isn’t it what counts? I won’t do this in a church. With what happened the one and only time I asked for help there... I’m not going through this again!”

  The whole situation was way too upsetting. Getting the blessings of a local deity seemed a good call all of a sudden, but Lana couldn’t tell Gabriella. She had no proof to offer; giving her fuel that would feed her animosity toward Honda was a bad idea.

  Exasperated, Gabriella threw her hands above her head. “Yes, that priest in Torino was an awful jerk, but why do you think all of them will be like him? Father Carlos at my church in Kichijoji is kind and open-minded. He’s not judgmental, and you know I’m no Holy Mary. I’m sure he could—”

  With a dismissive gesture, Lana took a few steps in direction of the inner courtyard of the temple. They were running late.

  “I’m sure he’s excellent at what he does, but there’s no reason he’d say anything else than what the other guy told me twenty years ago. He’ll kick me out after lecturing me. They can’t help it, and frankly, I’m done with that.”

  “Oh, and you don’t think the priests here have another opinion? In which religion is a situation like this ever fine? Come on, cara mia, I’m not here to debate the merits of one or the other.” She grabbed Lana’s sleeve. “Okay, let me spell it out for you: don’t you see you’re here because he wants it?”

  Incredulous, Lana stared at her friend. “What? Wait… is this the problem here? You think I can’t decide things on my own anymore? That he’s calling all the shots?”

  Now red faced, it took Gabriella a few seconds to find her words. “Cara mia, I’ve been supportive of your choice and I don’t think he’s a bad man. But everything has happened so quickly between the two of you in just a few months! I worry you can’t or won’t do what’s right for you and for this baby. And what about your fight the other day? Yes, he came around and apologized, but he is so self-centered and controlling! I’m sorry if this hurts, but your… passion blinds you!”

  Passion, uh? Is lust the word you were looking for?

  The wave of anger that washed over Lana was hot and suffocating; but because it was Gabriella, it left her reeling with anguish.

  “Gabriella, darling… You’re the last person in the world I want to fight,” Lana articulated, fighting hard to keep her resentment at bay. “You’ve seen me over the past months, you’ve spent time with them, with us. The only place where I give him real authority is in my bed, and even there, I have the last word. Today has nothing to do with it. This came up when emotions and grief overwhelmed us.”

  Lana clutched her friend’s hands. “Listen, if being here today is too complicated for you, then don’t attend. I won’t be angry if you leave. But I’m doing this today. For me, for the one I lost, but also for this one. This baby will have a family. Odd and complicated, but real.” The two friends stared at each other, struggling to calm down.

  “Lana san! Gabriella san! Here you are. It is time, and we are waiting for you, would you mind coming?” Yuki stood a few meters away, watching them from under her sun umbrella. She was also dressed in a formal black attire.

  Gabriella sighed and hung her head low. “All right, let’s stop here. I’m sorry, it wouldn’t be helpful if I came today, I’d say things everyone would regret. I need time to think it through.”

  Panic surged, and Lana wrapped her friend in a strong hug. Gabriella returned the embrace, much tenser than Lana liked, and then walked to Yuki who stared, startled, at the scene in front of her.

  “Yuki san, my apologies, I will not be joining you today. I will go to church instead. I hope you understand.”

  Yuki tilted her head before giving the brunette a warm smile. “Of course, Gabriella san. Please come by soon, it’s been too long since we had you for dinner. Yamamoto san is also welcome.”

  Relaxing somewhat, Gabriella bowed. “With pleasure, it is always nice spending time with you. Cara mia, my thoughts are with you,” she finished in Italian, still cooler than usual.

  Speechless, Lana could only nod and watch her friend hail another taxi without glancing back.

  “My apologies, our discussion took an unexpected turn…” she whispered, trying to clamp down her spike of anxiety as she hurried along with Yuki to the dedicated grounds for the ceremony.

  “Yes, it looked like it. Are you all right? It’s the first time I’ve seen the two of you argue.”

  “Well, Gabriella… worries about me and the baby, that’s all.”

  Thoughtful, Yuki nodded. “She is a remarkable friend, and our situation is unusual. Let’s talk more about this later. We should focus on what we need to do. For your information, it will be the chief priest of the temple who will attend us today. You should address him as Juushoku sama.”

  Lana stopped in her tracks, her mind snapping away from her heated argument with Gabriella. “The chief priest? How come?”

  “Politics. For the past centuries, a branch of the Honda clan has been in charge of several parts of the Nikko Tosho-gu shrine, where the family heads of the Tokugawa clan are buried. Zojo-ji used to be the family temple of the Tokugawa, so the clan shares high-level ties with it.”

  Lana blinked at this reminder she didn’t live with faceless citizens of a country with deep roots in ancient traditions and history.

  “Nothing was disclosed about your intimate relationship with goshujin sama. We have introduced you as his uchi-deshi. It’s up to you to let him know about your pregnancy, if you also wish to offer prayers for the health of this little one and for a safe and easy delivery for yourself.”

  “Thank you, Yuki sama… Yes, I think I will.”

  Yuki nodded and patted Lana’s hand. They made their way to the main temple at the center of the grounds. Outside the entrance Honda was discussing with an official wearing a heavy black kimono, and Yuki hastened to join them.

  “Goshujin sama, Juushoku sama, our apologies for keeping you waiting,” Yuki said with a deep bow Lana hastened to copy.

  A tall man with a dignified face, the chief priest could have been anything between forty and seventy.

  “Honda sama, I trust you are doing well. It has been some time already. And you must be Lana Martin sama? Welcome. I understand you experienced difficult times many years ago. I hope today’s mizuko kuyo ceremony and prayers will bring you solace. It will help the suffering soul of your mizuko find its way out of the Sainokawara, on to the afterlife. We will pray for O-Jizo sama’s benevolent help so that He may take pity on it and help it cross the River Sanzu to Paradise.”

  Lana took a deep breath to keep her raging emotions under a tight lid. Although she had read basic explanations about what they were about to do, there were too many concepts and new words to absorb. It was heart wrenching to hear Carina being referred to as a “water-child”, but it was neither the time nor the place — and even less the company — to crash down and wail.

  Yuki leaned toward Lana’s ear. “Sainokawara is the river bank in the Netherworld, near the River Sanzu, where the children’s souls find penance,” she whispered.

  Lana nodded, grateful for Yuki’s support to understand what would happen.

  “Come inside now, it’s time to begin.”

  19 Finding Solace

  The ceremony was over. Lana stepped outside the temple and grimaced, blinded by the bright sunlight. In the shadows of the large hall, the temperature had been pleasant. Back under the harsh sun, confined in her formal suit, perspiration drenched her back. They were well into the afternoon, and the cedar flooring at the top of the stairs was hot under her feet. Closing her eyes, she focused inward; sorting out her feelings was a challenge.

  As expected, she had grasped little of what had been said and done, despite key translation provided by Yuki. Her mind had drift
ed away, carried by the heady fragrance of burning incense and the hypnotic quality of mantras sung by the powerful baritone voice of the chief priest.

  Fighting off the drowsiness, Lana had forced herself to remember that fateful summer, but this time, only the most beautiful memories.

  His warm laugh tickling her skin, that sparkle in his eyes, the taste of his skin, his hands all over her body, making it sing with joy for the first time in her life… She had also allowed herself to recall the intense happiness that had buoyed her during those few days where she had been so sure they would pull it off. Never before, and never since then, had she felt something like this. It had been Carina’s extraordinary gift to her parents.

  As she sat in seiza between her two companions under the placid and detached stare of a representation of Buddha, in her mind’s eye, she had crafted a basket and placed those memories inside. Instead of hiding it under her bed, she had let the basket go on the waters of a gentle stream flowing among a bamboo forest. For a while, her inner turmoil and anguish had faded. But her duty toward them remained unchanged.

  Footsteps behind her and a discreet jasmine perfume told her she wasn’t alone anymore.

  “How do you feel, Lana san?”

  Eyes still shut, Lana smiled. “Good, all things considered. I’m afraid most details eluded me, but there is a sense of peace now that wasn’t here earlier.”

  She stole a quick glance at her companion, and unnamed things rolled inside her. Yuki was a dragon queen. The poster lady of composed perfection and class who hid blades of steel under a silk armor. For reasons that still eluded Lana, Yuki found her to her taste and worthy of her affections. Their mutual understanding ran deep, at another level than with Honda. Submitting to Yuki and putting herself in her care was as easy as with him. Even easier some days, because things were simpler, more straightforward.