Cami nodded. “You are not alone in that. I have spoken with so many people who have struggled in similar ways. Different circumstances perhaps, but guilt is guilt.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Levi saw people headed in their direction and turned to see Steve coming toward them, his gaze on Samantha. Levi kind of got lost in the swarm as Samantha’s family reached them, and Steve gathered his daughter into his arms. It was only as he was stepping back from the group that Levi remembered Henry. At that very moment, his phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out to find a text from the man.
Didn’t want to interrupt, so I just grabbed a taxi home. I’ll talk you with you later, bro.
Levi could only imagine that Henry was confused, just like he was. He was confused about what he’d heard that night. Confused about what Samantha had experienced. Confused by what he was feeling about all of it—but most of all, confused by what he was feeling for Samantha.
Making sure he wasn’t in anyone’s way, he took a minute to tap out a reply to Henry.
Sorry, dude, didn’t mean to abandon you. Had to make sure Samantha was okay.
Henry: No worries. I’m a big boy. I can get myself home.
Never doubted that for a minute! Can we have dinner before you head back up north?
Henry: For sure. I leave on Wednesday. Let me know which night works best for you.
Will do.
Levi hesitated before backing out of the screen with his text messages with Henry and tapped on another name.
Any chance you might have some time to meet with me? I have some questions.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Levi stood with his head bent, gaze on his phone, waiting for a reply since he could see that the message had been seen. When he felt a heavy arm fall on his shoulders, he looked up to see Keenan standing beside him, a wide smile on his face.
“Name the time and place,” the man said, giving Levi’s shoulder a squeeze before dropping his arm. “I’ll do my best to answer your questions.”
“Thank you.” Levi looked over and saw that Samantha’s family had moved away from where Cami and her husband stood, and others had taken their place. “If the study is on for tomorrow night, I’ll be there.” He’d just have to do dinner with Henry on Tuesday night because he wasn’t sure his best friend was up to attending a Bible study. “Maybe we can talk a bit then.”
Keenan nodded. “I think we’re back at Bennett’s tomorrow evening, so we can go out for coffee afterward, if you’d like.”
“Thank you for making time for me,” Levi said. “I’m sure you’re busy.”
“Hey, I consider you a friend now, man, and I always make time for my friends.”
“You made time for me even when we weren’t friends,” Levi pointed out.
“So I make time for strangers too.” Keenan shrugged with a grin. “Especially when it comes to matters of God.”
“Well, still. I know you have lots of demands on your time, so I appreciate you giving some of it to me.”
“Anytime.” Keenan’s gaze went to Samantha. “Looks like the little mama had a breakthrough moment tonight.”
Levi wasn’t sure what he meant, but he couldn’t deny that Samantha had experienced something that night.
Keenan tilted his head as he looked back at Levi. “I’m sure that’s something you’re interested in understanding more about.”
“Yes. You’re right.” Levi wasn’t going to bother denying that. “I do need to understand.”
“And I will help you with that as much as I can.” Keenan looked over to where Tami stood talking with Makayla. “Now I’d better scoot. My girl has to be up early for a shift tomorrow, so I’ve got to get her home. Take care.”
Levi watched Keenan walk away then turned back to see that Samantha was still surrounded by her family, standing with her back to him. Not wanting to intrude, Levi took a few steps backward then turned and walked up the aisle to the doors that stood open at the back of the sanctuary.
Never before in his life had his thoughts been so tangled. It was like his mind couldn’t settle on just one thing, but rather skipped from thought to thought.
What did Henry think about the service?
What had Samantha heard that had reduced her to tears?
What is grace? Do I need God? Even if I’m a good man? Trying to live my life right?
What would the change in Samantha mean for them?
I don’t understand how it works. Do I even want to understand?
Yes…yes…
Levi walked across the parking lot, noting that there was about half the number of cars than had been there earlier. The sanctuary had been packed, and when he’d taken the time to look around, he’d seen others that seemed as moved by what they’d heard as Samantha had been. They’d been mesmerized by the words of the man who had been captured by Colombian rebels. That was a story that had entranced Levi as well. He couldn’t begin to imagine what the man had endured even though he’d painted a pretty good picture of the life he’d led while in captivity.
He was partway home when his phone chirped. Using his Bluetooth connection, Levi instructed his phone to read the text to him.
Samantha: Sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you. Can we meet sometime this week? I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday afternoon.
Levi considered his response as he continued to maneuver his way through traffic. He did want to see her again, but he was scared of what she wanted. Having made things right with her faith, would she try to cut things off between them? Would she see what her father had seen when he’d told Levi that he wouldn’t encourage a marriage between them?
Sure. I’m busy Monday and Tuesday evenings, but any other evening would work.
He’d almost made it home before he got a reply. Deciding to wait to read it, Levi parked his truck and headed into the house. Once inside, he tapped the phone’s screen to see the message.
I work Monday, Tuesday and Thursday again so maybe Wednesday? Would you like to come to the appointment? It’s just routine, but I thought you might like to come with me. It’s at 4:15. Maybe we could go for dinner afterward?
Encouraged that it didn’t sound like she was going to be kicking him out of her life, Levi sat down at his laptop and checked his schedule for the week. Things were slowing down a bit with work, so they weren’t stretched as thin now. The major projects were almost done, and they were just starting to do the work to prepare yards and gardens for winter. He could take the afternoon off, and it wouldn’t put too much of a strain on the other guys.
Sure. That sounds good.
Samantha: I’ll send you the address.
For a moment, the tangle of thoughts in Levi’s mind settled and focused on one thing. Samantha wanted to see him again. And not just see him, but she was giving him the opportunity to go to a doctor’s appointment with her. Relief filled him that at least he still would have a connection with Samantha through their child. That seemed the most important thing right then.
After running home to shower, change and get a bite to eat, Levi headed out for the evening, still a bit surprised that he actually wanted to attend a Bible study. Keenan had texted him to confirm that they were meeting at Bennett’s, so he drove through the traffic, his mind once again on the events of the previous night. He hoped that Keenan could explain things to him in a way that he could grasp. It seemed so important that he understand what Samantha was experiencing.
“Welcome,” Bennett said with a smile when he opened the door to his apartment. “Hope you had a good day.”
“Yes. Busy, but good. We’re heading into the home stretch with our bigger landscape projects. Now it will be a lot of pulling up annuals and raking leaves.”
“Do you keep all your staff on during the winter?” Bennett asked as he motioned Levi to follow him to the kitchen. Without asking, he prepared a cup of coffee then slid it across the counter to him.
“Not all of them. Some are students who want the
long summer hours to save up money, but then they don’t work during the winter. I try to keep enough staff on to handle the snow removal jobs we have.” He lifted the mug and took a sip.
“Sounds like we all have jobs that slow down in the winter,” Keenan said as he joined them.
“Do you stay here in Winnipeg in the off-season?” Levi asked.
“Not the whole time. I usually head down to Chicago to spend time with my family.” He grinned. “Since meeting Tami, however, I find I’m spending more time here than anywhere else.”
“She’s a good reason,” Bennett agreed. “Keenan is going to be doing some work for us this winter. He received a business degree while on scholarship at college, and since we’ve got Makayla going off on maternity leave soon, Keenan will be helping us cover some of her responsibilities.”
Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Mitch and Gabe. Some of the guys Levi recognized from the previous studies were there as well, though he didn’t know them as well as Keenan and the Callaghan and McFadden guys. But they smiled as they greeted him, and Levi felt that he was part of the group. However, he knew that despite being welcomed into this group, it didn’t mean he was part of the family.
Once the men were settled in the living room, Bennett said a prayer before asking, “How many of you were at the meeting at church last night?”
“Though obviously I wasn’t kidnapped like Quinn was,” Gabe began, “I know what’s it’s like to have something totally out of the blue derail all the plans you have. Although, if I’m honest, I guess I was already making changes in my life, but perhaps not as quickly as God intended.”
When the guys seated around the room chuckled with Gabe, Levi found it a bit odd that they could find humor in something as serious as Gabe’s accident. Samantha had told him about the truck that had hit Gabe and his friend. She said it was nothing short of a miracle that Gabe had survived, but his injuries had redirected his life and brought him and Maya closer together.
The conversation focused on what both Quinn and Cami had shared at church the night before. Levi listened but found he didn’t have anything to contribute. Aside from what had happened to his mom, he hadn’t really had his life derailed by anything. Well, maybe what had happened with Caren and Davy had significantly impacted the direction of his life. After all, he’d gone on to find himself a soon-to-be father with a whole lot of new friends. Including one that played for his favorite sports team.
“I think we know that we can make plans, but God can also redirect us,” Bennett said. “It’s all about being accepting of His will. Understanding that living life as a Christian doesn’t mean everything will be all sunshine and roses, nor will the path we walk be easy. But that path will be even harder if we resist the changes God wants to make in our lives. If we don’t pray for God’s guidance when faced with large decisions or changes in our lives. If our first response is resistance without considering that it might be God, not fate, that is steering us in a new direction.”
Levi considered Bennett’s words but couldn’t figure out how to apply them. He was missing something. A link between where he was and where these men were in regards to their faith. Where Samantha was. He hoped that Keenan could help him understand because if he couldn’t, Levi wasn’t sure where that would leave him.
When the study ended, Levi and Keenan agreed on where to meet then said goodbye to the others before heading out. Not surprisingly, they ended up at a nearby Tim Hortons which, as it turned out, wasn’t too busy. Going there reminded Levi of the last time he’d been at a Tim’s restaurant and the way the conversation that day had ended. He hoped that this one would end on a happier note.
Even though they’d both eaten supper, they ended up ordering food along with more coffee. Like they hadn’t had enough at Bennett’s. With such an overload of caffeine, Levi wondered if he’d sleep at all that night.
Once they were seated at the table, Keenan bowed his head and gave thanks for the food. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Keenan lifted his coffee and took a sip, looking at Levi over the rim of the mug.
“I suppose that you might be a bit confused by everything,” Keenan said, his voice low but still audible, no doubt in deference to the people seated a couple tables away.
Levi didn’t bother to pretend otherwise. “Yeah. All this is new to me. The only time I really thought about God in the past was when my mom was in her car accident, but even then, He was just a distant entity in my mind. Someone who may or may not hear me when I prayed. Even now, listening to those speakers last night, the relationship they have with God is a foreign concept to me.”
Keenan nodded. “I felt the same way at one point in my life. I thought that that might be something we had in common.”
“I need to understand,” Levi said. “I saw Samantha so bothered by the fact that she was pregnant. So ashamed of it. Like the baby was a sin.”
“The baby isn’t a sin,” Keenan said with conviction. “But for Samantha, because of her relationship to God, and because of what God has said in the Bible about pre-marital sex, the act that led to getting pregnant was sin.”
“So I sinned as well,” Levi stated.
“Yes. But you’re not alone in that. In fact, the Bible says that all have sinned. We’ve all fallen short of God’s glory. There is no life that we could live that would be so perfect that we could attain God’s glory on our own.”
Levi frowned. “So if we can never be good enough for God, what’s the use in even trying?”
“Well, there’s another verse in the Bible that says that God loved us so much that He sent His only son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins. So if you admit that you’re a sinner and if you believe that Jesus is your Savior, you’ll have everlasting life.”
“Everlasting life? Heaven?” Levi asked. The idea of being guaranteed heaven when he died was enticing.
“Yes. Because God knew that there was no way for anyone to get to heaven on their own, He provided a way. Through His son’s death and resurrection. Jesus died for our sins so that we could have everlasting life.”
“That seems a little too easy for something as wonderful as heaven,” Levi said, lifting his mug to take a sip.
“You must confess your sins, then you can accept God’s gift of grace and mercy offered to us through the death and resurrection of His Son.”
“That’s it?” Levi asked. “It really just seems too easy, like I should have to work harder for it.”
“The Bible says for by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” Keenan spoke the verse with ease, as if he was used to reciting it. “That means that you have been saved by grace through your faith and believing. It’s a gift from God so that none of us can boast about how we are good enough to get into heaven.”
“So, it’s not about how good we are?”
“Well, when you think about it, if we were responsible for our own salvation, we’d all draw our own line in the sand. You know, the line we won’t cross because if we did, in our minds, then we wouldn’t be good enough to get into heaven. We can always find someone who’s done something worse than we have. But if you look at people like cult leaders who are convinced that they are going to heaven, who are we to say differently? Even those who commit things we think should definitely keep them out of heaven, can say that they’re going there. So, we can’t have a self-defined line for gaining eternal life. Instead, we have a gift—a free gift from God—that will get us into heaven.”
Listening to Keenan speak, Levi found that the man made sense. He really hadn’t thought much about things like that. He’d just been trying to live his life in an honest, responsible way. But since the day Samantha had appeared at his door to tell him about the baby, he’d found himself thinking about God more. At first, he hadn’t wanted any part of a faith that had left Samantha feeling so riddled with guilt and shame, fearful of the judgment of others, but
having seen her come to terms with everything and then find peace the night before, Levi’s perspective was changing. The more he talked with Keenan, the more enlightened he became.
“So how do we get the…free gift?” Levi asked, cupping the cooling mug in his hands. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure that he was ready to take the step just yet, but he wanted the information for when he was.
“You need to confess that you’re a sinner—we all are—and then believe in your heart that Jesus died on the cross for all your sins. Pray and ask God to come into your heart. Into your life.”
“That’s it?” Levi asked, still trying to grasp that it really was that simple.
“It’s just the first step. The most important step, for sure, but it’s just the beginning of a lifelong journey, a relationship with God.” Keenan smiled at him. “And we’ll be there to help you.”
“Thank you, Keenan. I sure appreciate your friendship,” Levi said. “Given what caused our paths to cross, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you all had rejected me.”
“I don’t believe in rejecting people,” Keenan said, a frown creasing his forehead. “I pray every day for God to bring people into my life that need to hear about Him. Or that need an encouraging word. He sent people into my own life in my time of need, so it’s the least I can do.”
Levi tried to imagine being so open with his life. Keenan had even more reason to keep to himself, given his job as a professional athlete. People could take advantage of the man’s openness.
“I’ll be praying for you and Sammi,” Keenan said. “I know that you’ve had a rocky start to your friendship, but hopefully that won’t preclude you being able to parent your baby together.”
Levi noticed that Keenan didn’t mention any other type of relationship between him and Samantha, so he accepted that what he needed to focus on for now was being a parent with her. Nothing more. No matter how much his feelings had grown and changed for her since that first night they’d met.
“I hope so too. I hadn’t ever thought too seriously about becoming a father, but after Samantha told me about the baby, I realized that that is something I really wanted.”
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