“I don’t know how you feel,” Connor said, “but I resented my dad for leaving me behind. Even though he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He died.”
His blunt remark had her turning her head to stare at him. “Your father died?”
“I had just entered high school when he had a heart attack. He was never sick, so that made it even more of a shock. After that, I got bounced around to different relatives until I became legal age. Then I moved out on my own.”
The sound of his voice held no emotion. Was that because he was a lawman who’d been trained to keep his emotions in check and all statements stripped down to just the facts? Or was he hiding his real feelings behind a protective wall, the way she often tried to do?
“You said you were bounced around. What about your mother?” she asked, more curious about this man’s life than she had a right to be.
“Never knew the woman. She was a juvenile delinquent and, after she gave birth to me, she walked away and never came back.”
Jazelle was stunned. What little she knew about Connor had come from Tessa and she’d never mentioned anything about his family or lack of one. Jazelle had just assumed he’d come from a typical, happy family.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” she said awkwardly. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Why should you be sorry? It’s hardly a secret.” He cast her a rueful smile. “You’re probably thinking I should sound a little more cut up about the situation. But you can’t grieve for something you never had, Jazelle.”
“No. I guess it would be hard to miss a mother you never knew,” she said then shrugged. “My dad—he did leave by his own choice. And maybe I do resent him a little for that. But he tried his best to get custody of me. Mom fought him all the way. Until he just finally gave up.”
“Gave up? I don’t think I could ever do that. Not with my own child,” he said.
How would this man know what he would do in those same circumstances? she wondered. He’d never been married, much less had a child of his own. When it came to families coming together or falling apart, nothing about it was simple. Just like his mother walking away. He’d made her leaving sound simple. Yet, underneath, Jazelle figured there had to be layers of pain and resentment involved with her abandonment.
Deciding now would be the perfect time for Raine to interrupt with a slew of questions, Jazelle glanced over her shoulder to see her son was gazing out the window. He was so transfixed by sights he’d never seen before, he wasn’t paying any attention to the adults in the front seat.
Turning her gaze back to Connor, she said, “You’re probably thinking my father must’ve been a wimp to have caved in to my mother. He wasn’t. He was—is—a laid-back guy. But Mom is the opposite and when she gets hold of something she’s like a bulldog. She won’t let go, even if she should. She’s the kind who has to win and has to be right. My father was tired of living under that kind of stress. He wanted to be happy. If that meant giving up on me... Well, I can’t resent him for that. But I do still miss him. A lot.”
He slanted her another glance. “You’re a much better person than I am, Jazelle. I still can’t forgive my dad for dying and leaving me.”
What about his mother? Jazelle wondered. She was the one who deserved Connor’s bitterness. But perhaps he was right; he couldn’t feel anything for a person he’d never known.
After a moment she said, “I’m a bit surprised about you and me.”
Connor didn’t glance in her direction, but the truck suddenly slacked in speed and Jazelle figured her remark must have caught him off guard.
“What’s surprising about the two of us?
“That we’re alike—as far as our parents are concerned,” she explained. “We both lost out in that department.”
He let out a long breath, as though he’d been expecting her to say something he wasn’t ready to hear. Like what? she wondered. What could she possibly say to him that a woman hadn’t already said?
Smiling, he looked over at her. “I think you and I have turned out okay, don’t you?”
What was it about this man that made her feel so warm and special? Why did she feel the urge to reach over and touch him? To connect herself to him even in the smallest of ways? The feelings were more than odd to her. They were downright scary.
Smiling wanly, she said, “Put that way, I guess we have.”
* * *
Before they reached the lake, Connor expected Raine to start complaining of the long drive and whining to get out of the truck. Instead, he’d remained fairly quiet, only remarking when he spotted a few wild donkeys grazing on a hillside and another time when they passed a restaurant parking lot filled with motorcycles.
“Is he normally this quiet when you’re traveling?” Connor asked in a low, puzzled voice.
From the corner of his eye, Connor could see Jazelle shake her head. “Not hardly. It’s usually nonstop chatter. But we never go any farther than Three Rivers. Right now he’s entranced by all the new sights.”
“I’m glad. I was afraid he was getting bored and sulking.”
“He’s not that type. Being an only child, he’s learned how to entertain himself. He’s also learned that sulking will get him nowhere,” she said then emitted a soft laugh. “Sorry. I probably sound like a bragging parent. Truthfully, it’s not easy and I’m not perfect.”
Connor chuckled. “I’ve never been good at being perfect. Just ask Joe.”
Raine suddenly called out, “Mommy, look at all the water! And boats. Lots of them!”
“That’s the lake,” Jazelle told her son. Gesturing her head toward the back seat, she said to Connor, “See. He’s coming alive now.”
“We’re about to cross the dam,” he told the boy. “It won’t be long now until we’re there.”
While Raine clapped his hands with excitement, Jazelle asked, “Where is ‘there’?”
“Oh, to a quiet little spot where Joe and I used to go fishing back before work and his family obligations took up our recreation time. It’s not a regular camping area with a picnic table,” he explained. “We’ll have to eat off the ground. But it is nice, private, and partially shaded. Sound okay? Or would you rather go somewhere more public where you can eat at a table?”
She gave him an impish smile. “Connor, I have to set tables every day at the ranch. It’ll be nice not to have to deal with one today. And Raine’s never had a real picnic on the ground before. This will be a first for him.”
This day was turning out to have plenty of firsts for Connor, too, he thought. For the first time in his life he was taking a single mother and her child on a family excursion. And, wonder of wonders, he was enjoying every moment of it.
“Then I hope he isn’t disappointed,” he told her. “Once we’re on the other side of the dam, it won’t take us too long to get to where we’re going.”
Fifteen minutes later, after skirting the edge of the lake and several public campgrounds, Connor steered the truck off the asphalt road and onto a narrow dirt track that led through a series of low hills covered with sage, tall cacti and thorny chaparral.
Eventually they reached a private cove sheltered on two sides with tall rocky bluffs. Water gently lapped at a small stretch of beach shaded with a few shrubby mesquite trees.
“Okay, Raine. We’re here,” Connor told the boy as he parked the truck in an out-of-the-way place and shut off the motor. “Ready to get out?”
Bubbling with eagerness, Raine practically shouted, “Oh, boy, yeah! I can’t wait!”
Connor glanced at Jazelle. “Don’t move,” he told her. “I’ll help Raine out first. Otherwise, he’s going to burst.”
While Connor unbuckled the boy’s seat belt, Jazelle went over the dos and don’ts she expected her son to follow.
“And if you go near the water without me or Connor with you, then you’re going to be in very serio
us trouble,” Jazelle added firmly. “Plus, I’ll have Connor pack everything up and take us home.”
“Wow, Raine, your mother sounds very serious.” Connor plucked Raine from the seat and set him on the ground. “I think you’d better do what she says, don’t you? Or we might end up going home before we ever get to catch a fish.”
Raine grinned impishly up at Connor. “I’ll be good. I promise!”
The child skipped off to explore a ring of stones someone had put together for a fire and Connor moved up to the passenger door, where Jazelle was waiting for him to help her down from the truck.
When she placed her hand in his and gracefully stepped onto the ground beside him, Connor was highly tempted to slip his arm around the back of her waist and pull her close to his side. But, hell, he’d barely managed to talk her into this innocent outing. She wouldn’t appreciate him trying to put a move on her.
Even so, he decided to push his luck and keep her hand enfolded in his for a few more moments. “I hope this meets your approval,” he said.
Her gaze lifted to his and Connor was surprised to see a wicked little glint in the brown depths. “Are you talking about the way you’re holding my hand,” she asked, “or this picnic spot?”
Hoping his smile didn’t look as sheepish as it felt, he said, “I was asking about the cove. But I’d be mighty interested to hear your opinion on the hand-holding, too.”
“The cove is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for bringing us here,” she said. Then her fingers tightened ever so slightly around his. “As for the hand-holding, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve touched a man like this. It’s nice. But very scary.”
From the very first moment Connor had laid eyes on Jazelle, he’d recognized she was different. Yet it wasn’t until this very moment that he realized just how different she was from the other women he’d dated. And suddenly all that mattered to him was making her feel safe and protected. And happy.
“You shouldn’t be scared, Jazelle,” he said gently. “Not of me.”
Her thumb softly moved against the back of his hand. “It’s not just you that worries me, Connor. I don’t exactly trust myself—with you.”
Connor realized there were several layers to the meaning of her words and though he desperately wanted to know what she was thinking and feeling, he wasn’t going to push her. For now, he simply wanted to enjoy being close to her and to let himself imagine how it might be if he ever decided to become a one-woman man.
Chapter Six
“Can I have another piece of chicken, Mommy?”
Jazelle looked over to the corner of the plaid blanket where Raine was sitting cross-legged. Except for a few bones and a spoonful of macaroni and cheese, the paper plate balanced on his lap was empty.
“I’ve never seen you eat this much, Raine,” she told him. “Are you sure you can hold another piece of chicken?”
“Sure he can.” Connor spoke up. “He’s a growing boy and being outdoors makes a person hungrier.”
“Yeah, Mommy! I’m growing! Connor said I’ll get big like him.”
Her son was usually a happy child, but today joy was shining on his face and the sight filled her heart.
“Okay, big boy. One more piece.” Jazelle fished a leg from a sack containing the fried chicken and handed it to Raine. “But eat it, don’t waste it.”
After returning the sack to a large picnic basket, she shut the lid and looked over at Connor.
“Obviously this basket isn’t new, so I know you didn’t just go out and buy it. Exactly what is a man like you doing with a traditional picnic basket?”
He chuckled. “You mean I don’t look the type?”
She cast him a shrewd smile. “Uh...not exactly.”
Shrugging, he said, “Actually, I haven’t used the thing in years. Not since Joe and I used to fish. We used it to carry our food and fishing lures.”
She ran an appreciative hand over the smooth woven wicker. “Oh, then you’ve had it a long time,” she remarked.
He nodded. “It belonged to my grandmother Lottie. She used it to store her knitting stuff.”
Jazelle recalled him saying he’d been bounced back and forth between relatives, but she didn’t recall him mentioning a grandmother. “Is your grandmother still living?” she asked curiously.
“No. Not long after my father passed away, she died. The basket was one of her belongings that I wanted to keep.” He let out a long sigh. “She was a sweet woman who never had much of a life. Her husband—Granddad—was a rigid man. He’d always wanted to be in the military, but was rejected for a hearing problem. After that, he never cared much about anything. Lottie mostly paid the bills by working as a cafeteria cook at the high school. Granddad lives over in Maricopa County now.”
“What about your mother’s parents? Do they live around here?” she asked.
He grimaced. “From what Dad told me, my mother ran away from home, which she’d told him was somewhere in Nevada. He never learned who her parents were or where they actually lived. You see, she and my dad were only hooked up for a brief time. I guess long enough for him to figure out she was nothing but trouble.”
She studied Connor’s solemn face, while thinking it was a miracle that, after such a rough start in life, he’d grown up to be a respectable lawman. “Oh. Then they weren’t together when you were born?”
“No. He didn’t even know she was expecting. It wasn’t until she’d abandoned me that Dad learned of my existence. That’s when he stepped in and took me home.” He looked at her. “What about your grandparents? Are they living?”
She sipped from a can of soda before she answered. “They all live far away. My mom’s folks are in a little town in north Michigan and dad’s parents live up near Seattle. I haven’t seen any of them in several years. My mother never was very close to her parents. Dad’s parents travel down to Arizona fairly often, but they go to Oracle. They don’t, uh, bother to come by and see me or their great-grandson.”
“Why not?”
Jazelle shrugged. “I don’t know exactly. I expect it’s because they despise how Mom treated their son while she and Dad were married. And how she fought him tooth-and-nail over custody of me.”
“You or Raine hardly had anything to do with that,” he pointed out.
“No. But we represent all those bad times. And it’s much easier for them to just focus on Dad’s other...good family.”
“Does that bother you?”
“It used to—when I was much younger,” she admitted. “But not anymore. I have the Hollisters. They’re my family now.”
He placed his empty plate aside and, stretching back on one elbow, looked over at Raine who was chomping at the last of the chicken leg.
“The Hollisters are a pretty great bunch,” he said. “Joe is like my brother. Even when we were kids, he always had my back and I had his. It’s still that way.”
Beneath lowered lashes, Jazelle allowed her gaze to travel up and down his tall, muscular frame. A pair of faded, worn jeans molded to his thighs, while a moss-green button-up shirt stretched across a pair of broad shoulders. The sleeves were rolled back slightly on his forearms, allowing her a peek at the hard-corded muscle and the dark blond hair sprinkled over the tops. Every inch of him oozed masculinity and Jazelle caught herself wondering what he would look like without the casual clothing.
Clearing her throat, she said, “Well, I expect that Joe has a certain connection with you that he’ll never have with his brothers. Because you two are lawmen together.”
“Maybe. But his brothers mean the world to him, too. So does his mom.”
Jazelle considered asking him about the investigation into Joel’s death, but she didn’t want to darken the afternoon with such talk. And, anyway, Raine suddenly jumped to his feet.
“Can we go fishing now, Connor?” he asked.
“C
onnor might not be finished eating, Raine,” Jazelle told him. “He hasn’t had dessert yet. Neither have you. And I saw cookies and cake in the picnic basket.”
“I’m too full.” Raine pointed to an outcropping of rocks a few yards away from the picnic blanket. “While I wait on Connor, can I walk over there?”
“You may,” she told him. “But don’t go any further than that tree behind the rocks.”
“Okay!”
The boy took off in a run to the rocks and Connor chuckled as he watched him go. “I think he’s having fun.”
“This is far better than a toy store to him.” Jazelle gave him a meaningful smile. “I’m very grateful to you, Connor, for going to all this trouble. He’ll talk about this day for a long time to come.”
“There’s no need for you to keep thanking me, Jazelle. This outing isn’t just for Raine. It’s for you and me, too.” He straightened to a sitting position and, after digging a bag of cookies from the basket, he offered it to Jazelle. “Want one?
She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’m stuffed. I’ve probably made more of a pig of myself than Raine. And now that we’re on the subject of eating, you should’ve told me you were planning a picnic so I could help with the food.”
He grinned. “Forget it. I didn’t mind slaving over the stove all morning. It was nothing really.”
Knowing he was teasing, she playfully arched her brows at him. “A real picnic basket and all this cooking, too? I’m shocked.”
He chuckled. “Okay. I confess. I worked really hard choosing what to get at the deli. Actually, if boiling water didn’t bubble, I wouldn’t know when to turn off the burner.”
No, he hardly looked like he belonged in the kitchen, Jazelle thought. But she could certainly conjure up images of him in the bedroom, stretched out on a sheet, wearing nothing but a glint in his eyes. It wasn’t hard to figure out how he’d managed to go through women like a bowlful of bite-size candies. And it would be very easy to let herself become one more bite. But she couldn’t give in to those kinds of urges. Not with a man like Connor, who’d only stick around for a few days and then be gone. Still, it was nice to dream, if only for a day.
Her Man Behind the Badge Page 8