by Jen Calonita
I bet Kyle doesn’t feel like an outcast in his bunk. Darn Kyle and his glorious three points already! I need to change the score ASAP.
“You know what else is fun?” I cut in. “Presents!” I open the Louis Vuitton trunk at the end of my bed and pull out a flat iron, a few cashmere sweaters, and a humidifier (I’ve heard the mountains can be quite dry) before I find what I’m looking for. “Here they are,” I say, pulling bag after beautiful tulle-wrapped lavender bag out of the trunk. “Your housewarming gifts.” I pass the gift bags around the room. The girls look at me with a mix of bewilderment and surprise as they open them. “They’re aromatherapy sleep masks that double as neck roll massagers.” I take Lina’s and demonstrate. “They heat up in the microwave and massage your muscles. My masseuse swears by them.” I smile widely, expecting to get a huge hug or thank-you. When I gave these to the teaching staff at school, they practically threw a lunch in my honor. But my bunkmates are staring at me blankly. “They’ll go great with the lavender massaging slippers I got us,” I add, hoping to sweeten the deal. “They’re coming next week. They had to be express ordered.”
“Um, we don’t have a microwave,” says Vickie with a sharp twang. Freckles dot her whole face. “You’d blow the fuse. You can’t use a flat iron, either.”
“Who brings a flat iron to camp? Right, Jeanie?” Melody whispers loudly. I’ve already noticed she is always trying to kiss Jeanie’s red head.
“Hey!” Courtney’s shout startles Melody. “Harper gave you a present. You should say thank you. My bunkmates never even bought me a pack of Skittles at the canteen.”
“Don’t look at me,” Sam says. “I had a tight budget back then and no job.”
“Thank you,” everyone says halfheartedly.
That’s weird. I was sure gifts would win them over. They always make Kate happy. Well, maybe they’ll like this next one. “There’s more!”
Court consults her watch. I notice it is one of those cute rubber ones in a camo pattern. Why did I pack my fancy Marc Jacobs one? “Um, Harper, we have to go over camp rules before we head to free swim and the welcome back picnic on the beach.”
“Beach?” I laugh. “We’re nowhere near the beach.”
Addison speaks slowly, “The lake has sand, so we call it a beach.” Jeanie snickers.
“Oh, well, this will just take a second away from the beach.” I pass out orange and tangerine aromatherapy candles. Melody opens hers and takes a whiff. “Doesn’t that smell divine?” I don’t hear the girls inhale sharply when I pull out a box of matches. “It smells even better lit. It will get that wet wood/bug spray smell right out of here!”
Courtney gently takes the matches from my hand. “I hate to burst your bubble, but candles are off-limits.” She knocks on one of the walls. “This place is made of wood. We’d go up in seconds. No candles. Not even on moonlight walks with a guy.”
“Didn’t you once go on one with my brother, Hunter?” Addison asks Sam.
Sam’s face colors. “Look at the time! We should really run. I’ll meet you all at the canteen!”
Courtney hands her candle back to me. “Nice gesture, but they have to go back.”
Bummer. Candles always cheer up a drab room. I stick them back in my trunk but decide I will keep one in case of emergency. No one has to know. “Can I keep these for makeover nights?” I ask, holding up some beauty must-haves. “A quick-dry hair dryer, two curler sets, and a Japanese home straightening kit that I’m told is totally legal in the US even though it isn’t FDA approved.” My bunk is staring at me like I’m deranged. “I also brought MAC and Bobbi Brown makeup kits and mud masks. I give the best makeovers. My friends call me the future CEO of Bobbi Brown!” I laugh, and the sound echoes through the quiet room.
“Harper, could I talk to you outside?” Courtney asks, and I nod. The minute I hear the screen door slam behind us, I can hear the girls whispering. “Before we decide what you’re going to keep here, why don’t we decide what you’re going to send home?”
I stare at the six bags on the porch. They look a lot bigger now that they’re out of the trunk of McDaddy’s car. “I guess I overpacked a bit, huh?”
“I know how easily it can happen when you want to take your cutest outfits with you. I was boy obsessed, too,” she says, understanding my logic. “I still am, but that doesn’t mean we can cart a whole wardrobe to camp. Sort, choose, send back the rest. Got it?” I nod.
There is a squeal from inside the cabin followed by peals of laughter. For some reason, the sounds make me miss Margo and Kate even more.
Courtney’s face softens. “Want some advice?”
“Sure.” I unzip the first bag and spot my snorkel gear. Snorkeling? Why would I think I’d be snorkeling in a murky lake? This gear will definitely be going back.
“Squeeze your way into the bunk dynamic slowly,” Court says. “This crew has done things the same way for years, so they’ll need time to get used to sleep masks and makeover kits, but they will. Everyone can use an upgrade now and then. Even me.” She pulls a strand of her dark brown hair. “How do you think I would look as a blonde?”
I smile. “I think you could pull it off.” There’s just one thing still bothering me. “Can I ask you something? Is it true we have to fork over our cell phones?”
Courtney’s smile fades. “Yes.” My stomach drops. “Harsh, but phones keep you plugged in to home rather than the here and now. At least that’s what Hitch thinks.”
“But I like knowing what’s going on at home.” I don’t think Courtney wants to hear that. “Is there a computer lab?” I ask hopefully.
Courtney shakes her head. “No Wi-Fi for campers or Internet access. Counselors can use their phones, but we can’t touch them during work hours. You can e-mail your parents through this service called Bunk One. They deliver notes to your parents.”
I touch my phone in my dress pocket. “Sounds Big Brotherish.”
“They don’t read your e-mails.” Court makes a face. “I think. Listen, I’ve got to run over to 12A for a minute, but I’ll be back in ten to check on your sorting progress.” She pats me on the shoulder. “In a week, you’ll be so busy here, you won’t even remember you own a phone. I promise.”
I doubt that. I have to ship back half my wardrobe? Give up my phone? Sleep next to a mildew-infested bathroom? Camp is a lot worse than I thought it would be. I need a snack to process this information. I head inside to grab the popchips I stashed in my shoulder bag, but as I grab the rusted door handle, I hear the girls talking.
“Makeovers at camp?” Vickie says. “Y’all, does she think this is beauty school?”
Melody snorts. “She must have gotten camping confused with glamping. I give her a week, tops. Did you see the way she melted down on the zip line? Ethan had to drag her across. The great outdoors is definitely not her thing.”
“I give her three days till we break her,” Jeanie says. “Once those cork wedges give her blisters, Camping Barbie will be crying for Mommy to pick her up.” They laugh.
I listen for Lina’s voice, but if she’s in the cabin, I don’t hear her.
“I give her two weeks,” says Vickie, and everyone in the bunk objects.
“You’re crazy,” Addison says. “Camping Barbie will never hack it that long. One morning on kitchen duty, and she will be out of here.”
“You’re wrong,” Vickie insists. “She’s obviously here to prove something to someone. I give her two weeks. If I’m wrong, who cares? Either way, The Harper Show is going to be fun to watch.” The girls roar.
I let the cabin door go quietly and blink back angry tears. Camping Barbie will never hack it. The Harper Show is going to be fun to watch. They’re making fun of me after I gave them presents! This sort of thing has never happened to me before. I’m not Camping Barbie. Maybe I’m not a Lifer. And okay, so I don’t want to be a camper, either, but if I’m here, then I’m not going down without a fight. I am going to prove to all of them—Ethan included—that I can surv
ive at Whispering Pines.
I hear more laughter, but it’s not coming from the cabin. I look over the porch railing and see a group of guys coming my way. Kyle is walking with Ethan, Cole, Justin, and a few other guys I don’t know yet. Ethan looks like he’s being nice to my brother, even though he’s evil to me. What? Kyle being the popular one at camp is so wrong. He’s upset the McAllister balance of order! I have to call Kate. She’ll know what to do. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial. Please pick up.
“Hi!” Margo answers Kate’s phone with a screech. “We miss you!”
Just hearing Margo’s voice makes me feel better. “I miss you, too! Why do you have Kate’s phone?”
Margo hesitates. “Kate threw me her phone when she saw it was you. We just got mani-pedis, but I don’t care if I smudge! I couldn’t miss your call.”
How could Kate not want to answer when I’m so far away? “Well, I’m glad you picked up.” It sounds very noisy in the salon, and I try to imagine the smell of lavender and lemon sugar scrub, the paraffin wax treatments, and those awesome massaging chairs.
“Let me step outside.” When Margo does, the noise level drops. “Are you okay?” She sounds worried. “Are they feeding you?”
I giggle. “They’re feeding me, but I’d rather starve than give up my phone.” Margo gasps. “I have to cough it up tonight. Can you believe?”
“Kate said that would happen,” Margo says. “She just told me her cousin goes to camp and doesn’t even have access to Wi-Fi.”
Funny how Kate left that out when we spoke before I left.
“You can’t even make one call a week?” Margo asks.
“Camp is tougher than prison.” I hear laughter and look up. Ethan and Kyle are walking by. I duck down and watch as they make their way to the cabin just a few feet away from ours. Knowing Ethan is sleeping so close by is weird. “I’ll try to hang on to my phone and text whenever I can,” I whisper to Margo, “but it’s going to be tough.”
“Is there anything good about camp so far?” Margo asks.
“Well, there are a lot of cute guys.” Ethan is not included on that list.
Even if he is cute.
“That’s a bonus!” Margo says.
I hesitate. “Ethan Thompson—the busboy from Intermezzo—goes here.”
“No way! Did he give you a major ’tude when you saw him?” Margo starts to ask but is interrupted.
“M?” I hear Kate whine. “Tell Harper you have to go! We’re going to be late.”
I hear mumbling and then Margo sighs. “We’re going out on Cassie Anderson’s boat tonight, and we have to get ready. I’m sorry.”
Cassie’s boat is like a cruise liner. “I should be going, too.” For some reason, I want Margo to tell Kate I have plans. “There’s a campfire tonight with a band, dance, buffet, circus acts, and fireworks.” Hmm… I think I’m laying it on a little thick.
“Wow! That sounds really cool.” Margo is genuinely excited. “Maybe camp won’t be that bad after all.”
“Maybe,” I say softly.
But I doubt it.
Harper McAllister @HarperMc
Radio silent for 4 weeks w/o Internet or phone. How am I going to survive the summer w/o knowing what the Kardashians are up to? #signingoff
7
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FRENCH TOAST
FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT I can remember, I wake up before the sun. On purpose.
There is no way I’m waiting for an eight a.m. bugle call that will leave me with only a half hour to get ready. I need to be the first one in the shower. Lina claims people “wash and go” to breakfast with a wet head, but “wash and go” has never been my style.
I need something to take my mind off the fact that I, Harper McAllister, am now officially off the grid. Court made me fork over my cell phone last night. Sam and Court tried to make the ritual fun by having each of us give a eulogy for our phones, but I still didn’t take it well. (They had to practically pry the phone out of my hands.) I climb down my bunk ladder, careful not to wake any of the sleeping beauties, and shine my pink Hello Kitty flashlight at the floor to guide me to the bathroom. I close the creaky door behind me, turn on the light, and gasp.
The bathroom is even more disgusting in the morning! Battleship gray for a bathroom color? Shudder. Would it kill someone to install an air freshener that could knock out that musty, wet dog smell? And what is with the water everywhere? There are puddles on the floor, water clogging up one of the sinks, and little pools of water in the bottom of the showers. Eww. Note to self: Never enter the bathroom barefoot. Courtney is crazy if she thinks I am cleaning this room. She went over the chore wheel last night, and I’ve decided scrubbing toilets is worse than being put on kitchen duty. My pretty purple bathroom cubby is the only warm and inviting thing in here. There was no way I was parting with my straightening balms, so I crammed everything I could into these purple baskets. I pull out a bottle and several come tumbling down. I hold my breath and listen. My bunkmates are still snoring. Thank God.
I step into a shower stall. The water pressure might be the first thing I like about this bathroom. The hot water shoots out at such a high speed that it almost feels like the rain showerhead I have at home. I linger longer than I should to enjoy a few minutes of bliss. Last night’s welcome-back barbecue luau was anything but welcoming. I wore my Hawaiian print dress with the cutest wedges anyone’s ever seen, but no one else got into character. Jeanie was in jean shorts, and I think Ethan had on an old Color War tee. I didn’t stand close enough to see for sure because every time I ran into one of the guys from his bunk they called me “zip line crasher” or “Camping Barbie” and then the girls from my bunk would chime in. Kyle barely acknowledged me (he had a hot dog eating contest with Justin that drew a huge crowd). Lina told me not to sweat it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that my first day had been a complete bust.
It’s all I can think about as I plug in my flat iron and my blow-dryer. It’s not going to bother anyone now. The sun is up, and I hear girls beginning to move around. That’s what they get for not using their sleep masks. I see a light flicker on in the other room from under the bathroom door and someone turns on their iPod Shuffle (one of the few approved electronic devices we can have). The sounds of a boy band float through the door. McDaddy did their first video. As cute as they are, he said, the four of them are nothing short of overindulged brats. I clip part of my wavy blond hair back and prepare to dry the first section before it starts to frizz. As soon as I flip on the hair dryer switch, Courtney races into the bathroom—and slides in a puddle. I can barely hear what she’s jabbering about over my dryer.
“What?” I yell as I weave a section of hair around the brush and pull. I have gotten so good at decurling my hair that I could do it blindfolded. “Is something wrong?”
Melody and Camilla show up seconds after Courtney. They all look pretty angry for eight a.m. By this point Courtney is at my side, and I can sort of hear her over the blower. “Turn it off!” she shouts. “Quick before it blows the—”
The lights go out and the room goes silent. I hear the angry voices of bunk 10B just a few feet away. Oh boy.
Jeanie marches into the bathroom wearing a tank top, boxers, and a smirk. “Of course it’s you,” she says. “Who else would blow the circuit the first morning here?”
Lina has appeared, biting a strand of her pink hair. I wonder how pink hair tastes compared to normal-colored hair. “Sorry,” I apologize meekly. “I forgot that—”
“A blow-dryer and a flat iron plus lights and electronics could blow the power to an entire bunk?” Jeanie snaps. She rips the hair dryer out of the wall. “You have to ask before you turn on a power sucker like that, Camping Barbie.”
“That’s enough, everyone,” Sam says, looking bleary-eyed and gripping her cell phone. When did she get here? “I’ll call Hitch and tell him what happened.” I eye her phone with envy.
“It won’t happen again,” I promise while Sam talks in h
ushed tones.
Jeanie looks at me stonily. “Why would you straighten your hair today, anyway? The first dance isn’t until Friday. Your hair is going to get destroyed at today’s Mud-a-Thon.”
“Mud-a-Thon?” I am terrified even though I have no clue what that is.
“And if we don’t beat the guys’ bunk, someone is seriously going to pay.” Addison looks directly at me. She’s sort of scary. I think it’s because she’s such a tall girl with crazy muscles. Does she do shot put for track? I’m afraid to ask.
“Addison, it’s eight a.m.,” Lina says, coming to my rescue. “Could you save the threats till at least after noon?” She winks at me, and I mouth thank you.
There is now a huge crowd in the bathroom. They hover around Sam and Courtney, looking sleepy, frizzy, and unrefreshed (thanks to me), while they wait to hear the verdict. When Sam hangs up, her face is grim. “Hitch is already at the mess hall for breakfast.” Groans. “He says this is a lesson for all of us on not abusing, um, electricity.” Sam makes a face and looks at Courtney. “He won’t turn the breaker back on till after breakfast.” The girls groan loader. “Which we’re going to be late to at this rate.”
Courtney looks at her watch. “You guys get twenty minutes.” Cries of injustice bounce off the tiles. “Just shower in the dark if you planned on showering!”
Everyone marches angrily past me. Lina comes to the sink to brush her teeth. “When Vickie said there was a lack of juice in the cabins, she really meant it, huh?”
Lina stops brushing. “It’s pretty bad. I’m surprised they can handle an iPod. Are you okay?”
“I feel bad.” Then I have an idea. “Does anyone need dry shampoo so they don’t have to wash their hair?” Lina tries to wave me off. “Or hair balm? You won’t have to—”
I hear an ear-piercing scream and flinch. “Who used up all the hot water?” Jeanie pops her head out of the shower, wearing a shower cap. She gives me a defiant look.