Did I say I loved my job? I go to look through my suitcase with my clothes still unpacked to find my pj’s. It’s time to stop working and unwind. Once the guys all left I managed to get my kitchen and bathroom unpacked. A girl has priorities after all. You need to eat and a girl needs her bathroom goodies. One can’t keep her hygiene up without soap and shampoo. I refuse to be one of the ladies that walks past you and someone says, ‘did you smell that?’ nope not going to happen. And trust me, I’ve been one of those girls.
Let’s face it, I want to attract the opposite sex not send him running. I get into the bathroom start to run my tub water and add my bath salts. Just as I get settled in and lay my head back I hear my front door open. Fuck me, you have got to be kidding. “Babe you here?” Shit, it’s Travler. What the fuck could he want? Yes, I have the mouth of a sailor.
“In the tub Travler, make yourself at home and I’ll be out in a little while.” He can entertain himself, I’ve done enough of that today. This was supposed to be me time after all.
“Sounds good babe, take your time. Where are your movies and I’ll get ‘em unpacked so we can watch while we eat the pizza I brought us for dinner?” Fuck, looks like a nice quiet, relaxing night is out of the equation. “What kind of pizza?” I ask him.
“I’m not dumb you know Kaci, I got your damn Hawaiian delight with those stupid chunked pineapple pieces you like on ‘em.” Stupid, man he has no idea what he’s missing out on. Pineapple chunks and Canadian bacon-yum.
“You have no idea what you’re missing out on.” He laughs at me and I hear a bunch of ruckus. Score! My movies are getting unpacked and I get to reap the reward without the manual labor.
“Thanks for getting the movies for me, give me just a few more to relax and I’ll get out.”
“Sure thing” he yells back.
True to his word my movies are unpacked and pizza is on the coffee table. He even brought me my Dr. Pepper, sucker. He knows I don’t willingly share my soft drinks. Smirking at him, I realize he didn’t bring anything with him. “Don’t touch my Dr. Pepper, I don’t have any in the fridge so this twelve-pack is mine. There’s some beer left in the fridge. Help yourself.” He looks at me and lifts a beer from next to his foot. I didn’t notice it sitting there. Should know better though, none of the guys go anywhere without making sure they at least have a few beers in their reach. “I know how damn stingy you are woman, I made sure to bring me my own.” He says.
“What movie did you pick?” He gives me a sly grin letting me know it must be either gore or action.
“I know you’re not a comic book girl, but I had to do it, I brought Deadpool over. It’s fuckin’ hilarious and you’ll laugh your ass off. After a day like today where it was nothing but rush and tons of manual labor – well, for the guys anyway, thought we could use a good laugh. Sound good?” What he isn’t aware of, is it wouldn’t matter if he’d brought damn Jaws over, any time I get with him is worth whatever worthless piece of time show he forces upon me.
“Whatever you say, I hope your right and it’s funny to the female variety and not just someone with a dick hangin’.”
That gets me a full out, head back laugh from him. Playing stupid for him is worth it to see him smile and laugh. He doesn’t do near enough of it. Three hours later, a shared twelve pack of bud and we’re both a little tipsy. I’ve got stomach cramps from laughing so hard. Wish all my evenings could be this entertaining.
Travler
Kaci’s the only one who can manage to make me laugh and smile so much. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother’s and their women, but none of them can manage to bring out this side of me. I don’t want to question it or evaluate it. I just should let it be what it is. I keep reiterating to myself that friendship is all I can possible give her. I can never be that man she needs or deserves, but that won’t stop me from being around and making sure she gets the best that’s out there. I will always be part of her life; I can never let her out of my life. She will be in it one way or the other. She makes some brash and irresponsible choices where men are concerned, which is why I’ve decided to be a permanent fixture in her daily life. Someone should be around to get rid of the riff raff she inserts in her life.
“I have a question for you.” She looks at me waiting for my response. “Things at the clubhouse have gotten, I don’t know-a little too much. As in the fact I deal with the never-ending lack of privacy. How would you feel if every occasionally, I stay here in your guest room when I feel the need for some space? I’ll pay you for the room, just like I would if I were paying you rent.” She looks at me suspiciously, as she should. I do like my privacy, don’t get me wrong. This will give me an excuse to be able to drop in anytime and check in on her and make sure she hasn’t gotten herself into any trouble.
“You want to stay here? I don’t know Travler, I’m not sure I could live with you like that and not want to strangle you. You drive me absolutely insane more than not.” She brings her left thumb up to her mouth and nuzzles on it like she does every time when she’s deep in thought.
“I just need a place to retreat to Kaci, when things get too hectic. It won’t be every single night.” Trying to keep an impassive face during this conversation is harder than it seems. She’s staring into my eyes like she’s trying to see if I’m up to something, which I am.
She blows out a deep breath as she’s deep in thoughts. “Well, as long as you promise to stay out of my personal life and let me live without interference I can let you use one of the spare guest rooms. BUT and this is a big one, you get involved in something I specifically ask you to stay out of and you are out on your ass so fast your head will spin. Are we on the same page, Travler?”
“Sure babe, unless you’re doing something that could cause harm to you in any way, I’ll stay out. Promise.” It’s a good thing she can’t see the fingers crossed I am imagining in my head at this moment. What she doesn’t see counts still. I just need to be sly about the ways I help her out in her journey of living life the right way, the way that keeps her safe. From me and anyone else who could possible cause pain or damage to her.
Chapter 2
Travler
Packing the few belongings I own takes no time at all. It’s clothes mostly, I do leave a few here at the clubhouse for those times I will need to be here overnight or change clothing after any club related activities. Plus, there’s no way in hell I’m taking any of my personal extracurricular activities to Kaci’s. I can’t give her what she wants but I still need to find my release and there’s no way in hell I will disrespect her and bring it to her door step. What kind of ass hole would that make me? I am an ass hole, but there is no way I would hurt her heart on purpose. Sometimes in the past it’s been unavoidable; it was all for a good cause though. Had to keep her at an arm’s length and let her know friendship is all we had and will ever have.
Is friendship all I want with her, no but it’s all I have to offer. It’s all I hold in me that I’m willing and able to share with another human being. She wants more, I know it, hell the whole fuckin’ club knows it. But she’s a legacy’s daughter, if I touch her I must claim her-permanently. I can’t now or ever do permanent. I’m not wired that way. Not anymore, not since my childhood. Not since her.
Leaving those nauseating thoughts behind I head to the community restroom and gather my hygiene products to pack them for my haul to Kaci’s. I pray my will power is strong enough while staying with her that I don’t compromise our friendship in any way. She’s important to me. Too important. It scares the living crap out of me how much desire I have for her. Her beauty is enough to catch your eye, but once you get to know her she becomes an addiction that you just must have. No one is immune to her, especially not me. Anytime she enters a room I happen to be in I can feel her. It’s like a lightning bold has struck me. My body tingles and the hair on my body comes to attention.
Her presence alone drives me crazy. And when other men look at her or touch her it takes everything within
me to hold off beating the life out of them. But I must punish myself and be as close to her as humanly possible without touching her. I know if I touched her just once that just once that would be the end of my self-preservation. So, I get close enough to put my mind at ease but not close enough where my body alerts everyone in the room what it craves. Her. Always her.
Walking out of my room and heading out the door I see Ryder. He catches me as I walk through. “Hey man, need to go catch Kid up on some shit. I’d like to hit several stones with one brick. Ride with me?”
“Of course, man, just let me throw my bags back in my room and I’ll roll out with you.” I tell him. We grab Tumbler on our way out and head to their house. I’m wanting this errand over and done with so I can head to Kaci’s to torture myself some more with being so close to her. If I’d known what I was gonna witness next I would’ve prepared myself for the shock of it all.
We head in the house calling out his name, he’s nowhere to be found, but we know he’s here since his bike is sitting out front. Deciding to check out the garage we open the door and head in there together. Motherfucker, there Kid is giving it to Riley. Riley has grown to be like a sister to me since Sadie her sister started dating my twin brother Tumbler. I’m both memorized and freaked the fuck out at the sight in front of me. Once they come to completion, the guys start clapping, not one to be left out I join into the fun teasing they’re giving Riles. I should’ve known by the death rays sent our way we were in for some revenge. At the time, though, it was way too much fun making her blush in both anger and shock. The look on her face alone is worth whatever the little she-devil concocts.
We leave the garage and let Kid deal with a distraught Riley. Meanwhile the only place my head is at that I wish he’d hurry it along so I can go get my stuff and head to Kaci’s. I’m looking forward to a night alone with her even if it is a punishment for me. I hate living in my reality of love and hate. I know I have the capability of caring, but love is an emotion I question every day of my existence. The very definition of love is a bewilderment for me. I try, I try every single day to bring that emotion forth. But every time I do my mind takes me back and reminds me why it is I have to leave that particular emotion to those deserving of it. Any happiness I could’ve had was ripped away from me in the most traumatic way any child should endure.
Kaci though, she has made me question the feelings nearly daily. What I wouldn’t do to have her as mine. But I’ll never throw my damage on her or any other woman for that matter. Sometimes I lay in bed praying that the nightmare on repeat in my head will disappear and I can feel like a normal person. I’ve never told anyone what happened to me that summer. Not even my brother. It makes me sick to think about, there’s no way I would ever say the words out loud. That’s one even in my life that will be mine and mine alone. I couldn’t take the disgust and pity from my family and friends. That’s the major reason I’ve never told anyone. Seeing disgust on those people’s faces who mean the world to me would rip the soul out from my body. I’ve lost enough as it is. I can’t lose them too.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts as Kid joins us and Ryder begins to tell us what’s been learned about Riley’s uncle. The traitorous son of a bitch who deserves to die a slow and painful death. He hurt one of my brothers and tore his family apart. Leaving Wasp in a pain so severe that he left our charter to be on his own. The only person he let close after that was his mom. From what I hear she’s a quirky old lady. Where she hasn’t helped him forget she’s helped him survive. I feel for Ashton, Riley and Sadie the most. They not only lived a life without Wasp, but they were in an abusive house for a very long time.
Abuse is something I know well and is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, especially those loving beautiful women. They have hearts of gold and souls of angels. Just like my Kaci does. Only my girl hides behind a mask that you’ve got to look closely at to notice. My girl, I wish.
Chapter 3
Kaci
I finally finished up the house today. Everything is unpacked, pictures hung and nick knack’s have found their home. I must say I’m very happy with the end result of that which has become my home. The only home I’ve ever truly known. I wonder if Travler will be happy here, I know like me he’s never had a home he’s comfortable with. Now losing the clubhouse in sorts I hope he can relax here and feel like it’s his space too. I may not be able to give him the life he deserves but at least I can give him the comforts of home. Maybe one day I can include myself in the same category.
I would love for me personally to be his home. Hopefully, one day I can break down those walls he’s built around his heart. The only person I think is in there deep enough is Tumbler. I think that’s because he’s his brother by blood. No trust is needed to be earned with him. It’s a given. A bond they formed in the womb, a bond no one can understand. I do however, given that I’m a twin myself and would die for my sister if that’s what it took to keep her safe and happy. She’s the one person in my life that knows me even better than I know myself and she’s the only one I trust completely.
No one can understand that bond unless you have it and have lived it yourself. It’s as if the other half of you lives outside from your body. It’s a relationship you cherish and hold close. No one will ever love you or care for you as the person you shared a living space with for nine months does. You grow and develop together and your life depends on the other’s survival. I wouldn’t be me without her. Period.
I get a phone call from Riley telling me that the guys walked in on her and Kid in the garage and instead of being mature and respectful of her and her feelings, they stayed for the show and even gave her a standing ovation. She tells me how they’re going to teach the guys a lesson and if upon getting a text from them if I’d keep Travler busy. Knowing if us ladies don’t stick together we’ll be run over by the guys, I agree immediately. Not even needing to know what they had in store. Growing up with Skylar, I know anything they do is gonna be brilliant. They guys will think twice about fucking with the girls after that group is done with them. I seriously can’t wait to see what trick they have in their hat for Travler. They all think they’re untouchable. Guess they can rethink that one.
It’s a couple hours before Travler makes it in with all his luggage in tow. I know he doesn’t own much as far as personal belongings go, but one suitcase and a duffle bag tells me he didn’t bring everything from is closet. He may not have much, but he’s a clothes whore. I know this for a fact because I’ve helped him organize his closet in the past to help him fit everything in a more organized fashion. That was a nightmare. When I asked why he had so many clothes, his response was that when he was growing up they didn’t have much in form of material things. When he started making his own money the first thing he did was buy clothes that weren’t from a hand me down thrift shops and made sure he was stocked up on hygiene items. That conversation upset me but helped me learn a lot about the man.
I don’t care about his past, whatever it is but he’s hung up on it. I just need to figure out a way to either break the walls down or make him so desperate wanting me that I get what I want. “What’cha doing babe?” He asks me.
“Just trying to unwind from my day of unpacking and making a mock up for a company. It’s a new possible client and I want it perfect. I really, really want this contract. If I get this one I won’t need any new clients. Hell, I could live alone with just this one. But there’s no way I’d let my other clients down by letting them go. They’ve stuck it out with me for a long time. But with this one, Jerkins Inc. none of my family will have to worry about finances again. And Kassi can finish up her internship and not worry about how to finance all her bills. She’s stubborn to the core and won’t let me help her as of now. I know my sister though and if she knows I have this contract with the money I’d make she wouldn’t worry about asking, or letting me help her out. It just has me stressed a little.”
“You got this Kaci, you know you do. Do not stress over getting�
� this contract or not. You’re the most sought after graphical designer out there. You go above and beyond your job description. Now, stop stressin’ and let’s figure out dinner. I’m starved. Do you want to order out or do you wanna help me find somethin’ in the kitchen?”
“Kitchen. I’m tired of take-out. I have stuff for a tuna casserole or we can use my new indoor grill and make up some hamburgers.” He taps his chin as if it’s a hard decision for him to make.
“Let’s go with the casserole, I’m pretty much over burgers at this point.”
“Alright mister let’s do this. Wash your hands first, I have no clue where they’ve been.” I shudder at the thought. “You can boil the noodles and I’ll get everything else prepped and ready to go.”
“My hands haven’t been anywhere like what you’re thinkin’. Cut that shit out, but besides that if I had my fingers up some whore’s snatch, there’s no way I wouldn’t wash afterwards. Especially when it’s food goin’ inside your mouth and mine. I hate that you think so little of me babe.”
“Aww, did I hurt your feelings Travler.” I give him a wink over my shoulder so he knows I’m just messing with him. “I didn’t realize you’re were so sensitive. Don’t the guys give you a hard time?” I have to hold back my laugh as he scowls at me. He’s one of the only guys I can usually harass and get away with it. But tonight, it seems like something has crawled up his ass and died. I’m a don’t hold back and say it how it is kinda girl. If you don’t like it grow a damn backbone. I’m not here to momma your ass. You don’t like being called out, don’t throw yourself under the bus with a comment I can turn around and use on you. Because trust me, I will and I’ll have no hard feelings about it. Take me as I am or step out of my way. Momma used to say I’m like the mouth of the south because I always have an immediate comeback and I tell you how the crow ate the cabbage.
Taken by Chaos Page 2