by Rita Hestand
He took her hands, turned them over and looked at them. "You see your hands as ugly. I see the hands of a woman who isn't afraid to work hard. No wonder your hands are callused. We got some stuff out in the barn that will help that." He told her.
Suddenly, he came up behind her and drew her against him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. She was feeling at home with him now, relaxed and part of him. Her heart was a flutter. "I want you right here, when I come back." He whispered in her ear, kissing her temple.
She turned to look at him, "You do, but how will I know when you are coming back?"
"I'll send you a telegram. I want you waiting here for me. Because," he stared down into her eyes once more. "I'll miss you like hell. And when I come back, I fully intend to make you mine. If you aren't here, I'll know you don't feel the same."
Her mouth opened in shock. "Oh," she nearly teared up.
"I hate to admit it, but I'll miss you too!" she whispered.
He smiled, "I know that."
"You do?" she shrieked.
"I do!" he smiled. "Tell me, has it been two weeks yet?"
"Two weeks?"
"Since I met you."
"No, I don't think it's been that long."
"Well, maybe I’m just a bit faster than my dad." He smiled.
"Lance, are you sure about this? You aren't your father, and I'm not your mother. We're different, we come from different worlds too. There's so much we should learn about each other."
"Are we really that different?" he asked with a sexy grin. "And we can learn as we go. That's what couples do."
"Are you sure I'm not the dream, and she's the reality?" she answered quickly.
"Oh, you are a dream alright, sweetheart. I want you Trudy, and that's the truth of the matter. I want to hold you in my arms, kiss you silly, and make love to you all night long."
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her wildly.
"Lance, we need to stop and think this over." She pushed him away and held him by the arms.
"Honey, you had me tied in knots the minute I laid eyes on you at that train station."
"But you thought I was Priscilla." She reminded him.
"Yeah, that's true. But I fell in love with what I saw. A beautiful woman, and the more I learned about you, the more I wanted you and the more beautiful you became to me. Every time I kissed you, you kissed me back. Hell, woman you’re the only woman that's seen me naked."
She broke out in a soft laugh. "You really want me to tell Pricilla we're married if she shows up?"
"Of course, I do. It's the truth. Okay, I'll admit I didn't have the guts to tell her myself. I don't like hurting females. But she's gotta know I'm taken. I don't think we have to worry about her any longer. I don’t think she'll show up, honey. I think maybe she's already found someone else and didn't have to guts to tell me about him."
"What if she gets mad and throws a fit?"
"Have Chico run her off the place."
"Your serious?" Her brows shot up in shock.
"I don't want you having to take care of her."
She blushed. "Lance, you proposed to her, you owe her an explanation of sorts." she called to him as he headed back to the wagon. He turned to look at her. "Are you sure about this? I mean, getting married was one thing, that can be fixed. But going through with the marriage, it's a big step, and we haven't known each other long. And I'm sorry, but until this thing with Priscilla is settled one way or another, I can't sleep with you."
"You refuse my bed?"
"I have to. It only takes once to get pregnant Lance. And I won't be pregnant, and this not even settled."
He moved away from her, as though thinking about what she said.
He frowned. "I guess you're right. I hadn't considered that. This is my fault. I should have told Priscilla."
"Lance," she came up to him, grabbing his hand, "You've only known me a little while. And you owe her an explanation and a decision. We can't consummate our marriage until you put things right. And if you choose Priscilla, I'll understand. You proposed to her, you owe her to see her and talk to her."
"I don't have to see her to talk to her. We've done nothing but correspond by letters all along."
He turned around and came toward her once more and sighed heavily before looking into her beautiful eyes. "We haven't known each other long, that's true. But I honestly feel I know you better than Priscilla, and I like what I know about you. I don't care about who or what you are, I care about our future life together. You’re a hard worker, a good person, a beautiful woman. I think I would have married you no matter who you were, I was spellbound by you when I saw you getting off the platform of the train. You were like a vision, a dream a man has that comes to life. But it's your sweetness and honesty that I love most about you. We were meant to be together."
"That's very romantic, and terribly sweet. But, I'm just afraid that if Priscilla does show up, that maybe you would change your mind. Maybe you would realize that I was more a dream than a reality. Sometimes when a person is lonely and wants something so bad, when the wrong circumstances happen, it's not real."
"Why do you kiss me back when I kiss you?"
She stared into his eyes, "I can't help it, I'm human, I'll admit it."
"So am I."
"We've only been together a few days… "
"I know that. I come from a long line of men that are rather impulsive. And I guess you aren't used to that."
"Not at all. I’m a woman in the flesh, she's a woman in a letter. That's the difference. I want to make sure, Lance. I want you to face her and be sure. Because until you do, how can we be sure what we are feeling. I don't want her coming a year or so after we become one, and you realize you made a big mistake. I don't want to be pregnant with your child and she shows up either."
Now he stopped talking, stopped everything and stared into her eyes. "You want me to go off for six months, not seeing or being with you for all that time. Without touching you?"
"It'll give you time to be sure."
"And you?"
"Yes, and me! But Lance, I'll miss you like crazy. You can't kiss me silly, marry me and treat me so wonderful and me not feel something. I'm not a rock, I'm flesh and blood and I do feel things."
"I know sweetheart, I saw that in your eyes in the kitchen this morning. Don't think I won't be missing you either. All the way up the trail and back. Can you promise me you won't leave?"
"That I can promise, I have a job here. And if you chose her and we can't work together, then I'll leave. I won't leave until we settle it between the three of us. When and if we come together, I don't want her in the middle. I want you all to myself. And I want you to be sure. Someone will get hurt in this, Lance, but let's make sure it's the right person."
He slowly nodded. "You're a stubborn woman, Trudy O'Toole."
"It's the Irish in me." She smiled sadly.
"Six months of waiting to make you mine."
"Lance you rushed me to the wedding. Don't rush me to your bed. I never had the pleasure of being courted. I worked all the time. Our wedding is like a beautiful blur to me, it was so rushed. There's a reason men court women, it's to see if time and place all comes together, if they can survive life together. If they are really suited for each other. Six months separated from each other is a long time, but still, if my heart aches as much as it does right now, to be with you I'll know it's right. And if you are sure, I'm the right lady in six months, then I'll be your wife forever. Is that fair?"
"I guess since I rushed you to the alter, it is! But damn it's a long time to wait."
"You courted Priscilla for two years by mail. And look where that got you? If I'm standing here in six months waiting for you to come home to me, then you'll have your answer."
"Alright, but can I court you a little before we leave?"
"Yes, I'd like that." She smiled shyly. "But I will not go to bed with you until you are sure of what you want. Very sure."
&nb
sp; "What makes you so sure I'm not sure."
"You're rushing things again."
"Your worth waiting for, Trudy." He pulled her so he could look straight into her eyes. "And I promise not to rush you into my bed. When you come to me, I want you willing and eager."
"I think making love with you would be the most thrilling thing that could happen. I want you to write Priscilla another letter, but not until you are sure how you feel. Wait at least three months, then write her and tell her what has happened and how you feel. If there is anything between the two of you left, then you and I must get this annulled."
"You're worried that I love her—"
"We haven't known each other long enough to be totally sure. But, no, I'm worried that you aren't sure how you feel yet. And I want you to be very sure."
"What will all of this prove?"
"One, that I can stand being away from you that long. Two that you still want me, not her. And three, that our love can withstand even distance, like you and Priscilla."
"Your right," he nodded slowly. "It will prove many things. But I sure wish you didn't have such a level head."
"I'm used to torture." She smiled.
Chapter Ten
That evening Lance joined her on the front porch, and he brought a guitar with him.
"Oh, do you play?" She asked with enthusiasm.
"He not only plays; he's got quite a voice too." George informed her.
"I'd love to hear you." She told him.
He took the guitar and tuned it a bit then strummed it several times, then he sang her a couple of beautiful songs, something she totally wasn't expecting. His voice was mellow and low, and she sat spellbound listening to him. It sent goosebumps up her arms. The boys enjoyed it too.
Trudy was impressed, she had no idea he could sing.
"That was beautiful," she sighed. "Where did you learn to sing like that?"
"Punchin' cows." He chuckled.
"I don't understand." She looked from George and Chico to him.
George who was sitting on the porch steps now turned to look at her on the swing where her and Lance sat.
"Cowboys sing to lull the cows at night, it keeps them calm. We all do it some, but the boss does it best. Although Rusty's got whistling down pat. Lance's been singing like that since he was a kid." George told her. "You see, a lot of things spook the cows and make them run. If they run, we gotta catch them and turn them and that's a hard job, let me tell you. Singing and music help keep them calm, especially when they smell a storm comin'. Or a big cat around."
"Sounds like herding cows is a lot harder than I ever imagined." She told George. He chuckled. She turned to Lance, "The songs were lovely." She told him.
"You're easily impressed." Lance chuckled.
He played a couple of soft song on the guitar and set it down.
The men talked for a while as Trudy sat listening to them and staring out at the night. She loved hearing some of the stories they'd tell, about the cattle drives and things they had to do every day.
Later when the boys left them alone, a new tension surrounded them.
"It's so peaceful here." She murmured.
"The nights are peaceful, everyone's done a day's work. It's a good feeling to know you work hard and rest easy."
"Yes, I know this is true. A lot of people think hard work isn't good for you, but I think it feeds the soul. Sometimes I'd be so worn out, scrubbing floors, and then dad would be drunk and need my attention. But all of it faded when I laid down at night, it was another good day. And I always slept soundly."
"Sounds like you'd have a lot of work and little relaxation."
"Maybe, but you must understand, Dad was a sweet man too. I didn't mind taking care of him. He was a good father. When I'd be down, so tired I couldn't hold my head up any longer, he'd tuck me into bed and tell me an old sea-faring story. Like I was a child. I never told him how much those times meant to me."
He put his arm around her and pulled her close. "Tell me, are you happy here?"
"Yes," she whispered softly. "When I came west," she stared into his eyes now. "I didn't know exactly what to expect. The weather was so different, and the people here are friendly. But I'd never worked on a ranch. Strangely, the fact that I was Irish didn't seem to matter to anyone."
"And now, that you've been here a short while, what do you think of it?"
"I like it here, Lance. Not that happy about the weather, but I do like it here. In St. Louis, if someone knew you, they'd greet you with a 'Hello', but if they didn't, they'd totally ignore you, as though you weren't there. It happens in big cities. You can disappear in a big city and no one would even know you were there."
"Never thought much about it. Here people are always poking their noses in your business, but they are usually harmless."
She looked at him and smiled. He bent his head and took her lips. "You've got the sweetest, softest lips I've ever tasted."
"You really shouldn't be kissing me, we don't have an audience now." She smiled.
"I know, that's why I'm doing it." He smiled as he kissed her cheek. "I'm not kissing you any longer because I'm trying to impress my friends, I'm kissing you because I like to."
"My life here is so different. More than I ever imagined it could be. But when you kiss me," she stared into his sparkling eyes. "I go all mushy inside. I never had time for such things at home. Never thought I'd enjoy it so much." She felt all her nerves come alive around him too.
"Did I ever tell you how much I like mush?" he smiled and kissed her again. This time the kiss intensified, making her ache for more. He pulled her bottom lip and sucked upon it, then entered her mouth and swept it with his hot tongue. She moaned aloud.
He raised his head, the desire in his eyes enflamed her. "It's gonna be mighty hard not touching you."
She stood up, on shaky legs and walked to the post on the porch.
"It's not that I don't want to give into my feelings, I do." She raised her head, took a breath then turned to look at him. "But you know that Priscilla is between us, and you haven't told her we are married. I can't take this marriage seriously until everything is settled. And this isn't a ploy to make you do something you don’t want to do. I fully understand that she was your intended, and respect that. But I won't let myself get too involved until it is settled one way or another. It isn't fair to romance me and keep her hanging."
"What is it you want, Trudy?" he whispered between kisses that were stirring her past passion to white hot desire. He moved toward her now, his hands lifting her chin up so he could look into her eyes, his thumbs rubbed softly the line of her jaw, mesmerizing her.
"Love," she murmured simply. "I've always believed that a love between a man and woman shouldn't be shared. I will not look at another man like I do you. And I will not sleep with a man that has two women. I don't like sharing my husband."
"You think this is just desire?" his glance intensified. "Between you and I?"
"Isn't it?"
He stood up now, not looking at her. "I guess, you have a few things to learn about me."
He turned loose of her, "It's all a matter of trust, Trudy."
"Lance… I—" but he was gone. She'd insulted him. But at least he wasn't kissing her into a passion she couldn’t control.
She'd done it now, he was mad, and she'd hurt his feelings. But how could she be sure of what they were feeling?
***
The next morning, he got up and walked through the kitchen, grabbing a biscuit and bacon, he left without a word. There was no morning kiss, no morning nothing, even the men noticed his ill mood.
All the boys shot her a sympathetic glance.
"Whatever's eating him, he'll get over, he don't hold a grudge." Rusty told the others, loud enough for her to hear.
Lance went to the barn and slammed things around for nearly an hour before George caught him. George heard the ruckus he was making and came to see what was wrong.
"Something eatin' you?" Georg
e asked.
"Women! I don't understand them! I never have and I guess I never will."
"No man does!" George chuckled.
"One writes to me," he looked over at George to get his attention. "She tells me she will marry me, then never shows up. But she wants a wedding when she gets here, and she never gets here. The other shows up, marries me, and then tells me I don't love her and should talk to the other one! Does that make sense?"
George's eyes rolled and he sat on a bale of hay. "Well, in some ways yes, some ways no." George raised a brow at him. "You did things backwards. You know that don't ya?"
"What are you talking about?" Lance yelled.
"You married the wrong girl, who turned out to be the right girl. But now she's worried about the wrong girl. I told you, you can't dangle two of them on the same string at the same time. You gotta break that string and straighten it out."
"She knows how I feel about her, but she won't share my bed. How am I supposed to handle that?"
"Cut the string and it will all work out! I'm sure of that."
"It's a lack of trust, George, plain and simple."
"Not exactly son. Trudy is right. And you are wrong!"
"Well, you're no help!" Lance took the rope off the top of the stall gate and looped it, fooling with while he talked. He didn't care to be told he was wrong. But George was usually right.
"I guess not. But look at it this way, Trudy is still here. She hasn't walked out on you. But you can't bed her until you get things straight. And she's right about that. I don't blame her there. What if you got her pregnant?"
"Oh God, she mentioned that too." Lance frowned.
"Well, it's what happens when you bed a woman."