by Rita Hestand
Rusty rode up to the wagon,
"You didn't have to say all that for me!"
"Yes, I did son, he's forgotten what love all is about and it's time he remembered. And it was time someone reminded him."
"Thanks boss!" Rusty's voice became graveled with tears and he went back with the others.
"That speech of yours choked me up a little too. But I can't believe you said it in front of everyone there."
"Why not, I know all of them and they know me. I told you my dad married my mom after only knowing her two weeks?" He looked at Trudy and smiled.
"Yes."
"Well, don't think he didn't pay for a long time from her parents because they ran off and got married. He had hell for a good five years and then one day he just hauled off and hit her father when he was giving him a hard time about it. The man never said a bad word about him after that."
"In other words, standing up for something is better than being silent, or passive." She asked him.
"That's about the size of it."
"I hope the Reverend will forgive you in time." She chuckled. "Forgive us both."
"He will, he's God-fearing. I'm not partial to him anyways, too much a stickler for rules."
She chuckled.
Chapter Thirteen
Late that afternoon, some of the boys and Lance and Trudy gathered on the front porch while Chico played the harmonica and Lance accompanied him on the guitar.
When they played "Aura Lee" Lance sang while Rusty played the guitar and Chico played his harmonica.
Trudy felt goose-bumps run along her arms and a tear formed in her eye.
When the song ended, he looked at her, "You like that song?"
"Very much, it's so sad."
"I think it was written to comfort men during the war." He told her.
"I had an Uncle that died in that war. I remember mama talking about him. It was her brother and she was very close to him. She said he used to write home telling her how bloody it was and how he wished it was over. He wasn't in the battles, he was an assistant to a doctor, and he saw the boys after the battles. He said letters from home was the only thing that took his mind off it. She'd read his letters with such gusto even after all those years, and then she would cry afterwards. Many times, she put me to bed, and she'd sit by my side and reread his letter, with tears streaming down her face."
"He never made it home?"
"No, he was helping carry a wounded man to the doctor's tent, when a cannon went off. There wasn't enough of him left to bury. It broke my mother's heart. She kept his letters all her life, reading them and rereading them. She'd read them to me when I couldn't go to sleep at night." She sighed.
"I guess we've all lost some relatives from that war. It should never have happened, and I sincerely hope it never happens again." Lance said quietly.
"I had an older brother who went to fight for the south. He didn't have any slaves and he didn't believe in them, but he fought for the south because it was his homeland." George was telling them. "He said his home was worth fighting for. He lived in Georgia; he lost his home when Sherman marched through there. My uncle never got over them burning it down."
"People were divided by many things in that war, the color of their skin, the regions they came from, their beliefs. When it was over, it took the south a long while to recover the land, and their souls."
Lance played some upbeat songs that had everyone clapping and smiling again as he realized everyone got too quiet.
There was enough chicken for supper, so all Trudy had to cook was some vegetables and bread for supper. All the boys gathered around the table and everyone was in a relaxed mood.
After the dishes were done Trudy went out on the porched again but it looked as though a norther was coming and she stood up and watched the clouds.
Lance came out to join her.
"What are you looking at?" he asked when she was so quiet.
"Those clouds don't look very nice." She told him.
He stared up at the northern sky. "Storm headed our way. Looks like a lot of rain in it too. We better get in the house and check the windows." He told her, pulling her by the arm.
She went to the kitchen and fastened the shudders. Lance went to the spare bedroom and checked them. By the time they finished the storm had approached and the thunder was loud. Trudy jumped.
Lance caught her, "Hey, it's alright, it's just a storm."
"I guess they make me a little nervous."
"As long as there is no tornado behind it, we'll be fine."
"Tornado?" she whipped around to stare into his face.
"This house has weathered a lot of storms, but a tornado is more vicious. I don't want to alarm you, but when the sky turns green, run for cover, get under a bed, in the powder room, but don't go outside, they can tear everything up in just minutes. And they are prevalent here in Texas."
"So, you get a lot of them?" Her wide eyes stared into his.
"More than we want, yes. Had one three years ago, it tore the roof off Haney's barn, and demolished Joe's that year."
"Oh my. But he has a barn?"
"Yeah, we all got together and had a barn raising." Lance smiled.
"We're going to be taking off in about three days, Trudy." He told her as he came closer.
"That soon, huh?"
"Yeah, afraid so. Is there anything you need to ask, or your worried about?" He stared down into her eyes.
"You going to see Priscilla first?"
"Yeah, I'll help the men gather all the cattle and put the herds together, then I'll head out."
"Do you want to do this?"
"Want to? No, but it needs doing." Lance told her.
She licked her lips, "I guess it does."
"Won't you feel better when it's settled?"
"Yes, I suppose," she answered simply.
"You seemed so sure it was the right thing to do before, what's changed."
"I guess, I didn't really want to force you into this. I feel I have. I had no right."
He came closer and pulled her chin up so he could stare into her beautiful blue eyes. "You have every right, you're my wife. A woman should never doubt where her husband's loyalties lie."
"Lance, I wasn't your choice, I was your mistake."
"You," he lifted her chin and stared into her tear stained eyes, "Were never a mistake."
Slowly her head raised to look into the warmth of his stare, "Legally, yes, I’m your wife. But she was your choice."
He backed away a bit and thought about that a moment. "I've thought about that day a lot. But there's one conclusion I'm sure of."
"Oh, what's that?" she asked breathlessly.
"Strange as it might seem, I picked the right lady." He said softly, his glance sliding over her thoroughly.
"I was a big mistake… " She said breathless from his stare. "And you were right, I should have thrown a fit, made a scene."
"Why didn't you?" he held her chin, massaging her there with a thumb. "You sure don't feel like the wrong choice when you kiss me. It can't be so wrong, when it feels so right." He kissed her with a fire she hadn't expected, and she lost herself in that kiss. She answered his lips with her own. And he was right, it felt so right to her too.
"God lady, I want you. I want you so bad I could pick you up and carry you to my bed and make you mine once and for all. That would settle it! Once you are mine, no one will change it."
"Lance I—" the need grew every moment between them stood still. "Oh Lance… "
"I don't want you until you are ready." He turned away and walked toward the back-kitchen door. He stared out at the storm that was raging. It was like the storm in his heart. "When the time comes, and it will come, there will be no more doubts. I'm rushing you again. I rushed you to the church and now I want to rush you to my bed. These few days we've had together have been the best of my life. But time itself seems to come between us." He turned to glance at her, seeing her eyes glisten, her limbs trembling, her brea
thlessness. "I'm going to Boston, to settle this once and for all. Then I'll finish the cattle drive and come home to the wife I fell in love with."
"Oh, why do you have to say such sweet things… " She gasped. "I'll miss you terribly." She cried.
"God, I hope so, because I'll miss you too, sweetheart. But after six months apart, if you don't miss me, or love me, I'll give you an annulment."
She stood there almost shaking. "Lance I can't say what I feel yet. It's you that isn't free."
"I know. But if you're there, where I showed you in six months, you'll be mine for the rest of your life. Understand?"
She nodded very slowly, "Y-yes!"
"Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm saying we are married and we're going to make it work."
"I want you to be sure, with no doubts."
"You just can't get it through that hard head of yours, that I don't have any doubts. But I guess it is hard to realize a man can be with someone a few days and fall as hard as I have."
She gasped, and the urge to run into his arms had her whole body reacting to him.
"You really do rush a woman… "
"I know, but we Rogers' men, know our minds and our hearts quickly. It's inherited."
"Lance, I respect and trust you, but you are impulsive."
"I've got to go check the barn and see if everything is tied down, this wind is picking up." He told her.
She nodded quietly and watched him walk off.
Chapter Fourteen
It was late but the storm woke her, she tossed and turned and finally got out of bed and looked out the window. The wind was blowing hard, the rain coming down in sheets, the lightning streaking the sky. She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself.
She started to get in bed, but she saw a light was on under the door.
Curiosity got the best of her, and she opened the door.
She followed the glow from the sitting room and saw Lance sitting in the semi-darkness.
"Something wrong?" she asked.
He saw her standing there in the pale light and his head jerked with surprise. The gown was so thin, and she had no idea he could see her silhouette through it. He stared, his throat went dry, his body alerted.
"No, why are you up?"
"The storm woke me. It's really raging out there."
"Yes, I know."
She stood there, wondering if she should go back to bed or join him. But he made up her mind for her when he patted the place next to him for her to join him.
She came and sat down, putting her feet under her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. "Are you afraid of storms?"
"Not usually, it's just that everything here seems bigger, louder, ominous."
He grinned.
"Are you worried about going to Boston?" she asked.
"Strange as it might seem, no, I'm not. You see I– " he stared at her a moment, "already know how I feel. I'll not enjoy telling her, but it has to be said in person, I know that now."
"You do?"
"Yes," he said looking away.
She raised up off his shoulder, "Well, how do you feel."
"I'm in love with you," he told her quite frankly, as he stared into her blue eyes.
"How can you be so sure it's love?" she asked.
"I guess that part might seem strange to you. But it runs in my family. When it comes to women, we usually know what we want, right away."
"But how do you know it's love and not lust… "
"I guess because I have lusted after women before. Lust is an immediate need, unexplainable, unreasonable, but there. It's easy to obtain and satiates you for the time being. Love is so much more. It's the kind of thing that tears at your insides, messes your head up, and no matter how much you argue against it, it doesn't go away, and it's never enough. Just like your kisses, I can't get enough of them, every kiss invites another. It's infuriating, it's hell, but it's also the most wonderful feeling a man can have. I've been in lust many times, but it's only temporary. But a man can actually forget lust when he finds love. Love is much more powerful, and ten times more fulfilling."
"How can you sit there and make love to me with words?" She asked almost as though to herself. "It isn't fair."
"It's better than not making love at all, isn't it?" he grinned.
She moved so she could look at him better, "I don't know I've never made love. But the things you say, it's like poetry to me."
He smiled. "Better than listening to the storm, isn't it?"
"Much better," she sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. He took a blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over them and laid her head in his lap.
"Better." He whispered.
"Yes," she trembled.
"Tell me," he grinned mischievously. "You saw me naked. Have you seen many men naked before?"
She almost laughed, "N-no. Just you!" then the laugh died, and she stared into his eyes. Again, she saw desire and this time it matched her own.
"Is desire and lust the same?"
"That's like asking if sex and making love is the same."
"Are they?"
He pulled her up into the crook of his arm and stared at her innocent looking face. "Sex and lust go together. The only way I can explain it is, sex is like seeing a beautiful woman and wanting to bed her, but not necessarily marry her. Making love, is more permanent. You want the lady, it's true, but you want to make her yours. You want to put your brand on her so she can't wander far."
She swallowed hard.
"Have you ever lusted for a man?" he grinned.
"Yes." She replied quickly.
"Really. And have you ever wanted to make love?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"Was it the same man you lusted after?" He asked watching her expression.
Something in her eyes softened, "Yes."
"Did you make love with him?"
"No… " she said sadly.
"Why not?"
"I feared he loved another lady."
She cuddled into him now and sighed.
"Did he?"
"I—!" she whispered. Her hands began to wander now, to his shirt, as she unbuttoned it slowly, her eyes never leaving his. His eyes followed her hands. "Your wandering into dangerous territory lady."
"Am I?" she whispered, raising up just enough to plant a kiss on his exposed chest.
"Sweetheart," he pulled away just enough to look into her flushed face. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes," she cried. "Yes. You asked for my trust. You have it. I cannot refuse what my heart desires most."
He pulled her close and kissed her long and hotly, her hands still wrapped around his chest, her fingertips floating over one of his nipples then the other as the kiss enflamed her.
"There's no going back, honey, not after this. Between us it's a commitment. Are you ready for it?"
"More than anything, I want you to make love to me. Even though you're going to Boston, I want us to be together just once. That way if you get this annulled, I'll have a memory of a beautiful time together."
He kissed her hard and she moaned softly. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to his room. A dim lamp lit the room.
She was suddenly on his bed and she waited for him to come to her.
"Take the gown off, you won't be needing it tonight." He told her.
She stared, but she didn't hesitate to remove it, and he gasped seeing her naked across his bed. He so wished he had a picture of that.
He shook his head and stared at her, from her feet to her head. "God, I knew you were beautiful, but this… I never expected this."
She smiled, "Don't laugh at me, but when I first saw you naked. I thought you beautiful too. I'd never seen such a handsome man, such a powerful man. You took my breath away."
He chuckled. "I've wanted you since the day I laid eyes on you."
"But I was the wrong lady." She protested.
"No," he shook his head and smi
led sexily at her. "You were the right lady. Somehow, I knew that in my heart. Even though I went to the livery to sleep, I knew I wanted you, cared for you somehow. You were so honest. But what made you come to me tonight?" He asked.
"You're leaving," her mouth went dry, "and I won't see you for I don't know how long. You've told me anything can happen on a trail drive. If not now, I might never. And all my dreams would be gone. We have to be one. I love you too much to lose you."
"You're not losing me sweetheart," he put a knee on the bed now, his clothes lay on the floor with the gown she threw down. They stared at each other in anticipation. "And don't worry, if you are pregnant, so much the better. We're going to have a long and wonderful life together. I promise you."
He bent to kiss her lips and she smothered him with her amorous kisses. Tonight, she was a tigress and not a shy Irish girl.
The kisses were hot and wild, and they couldn't get enough of each other. But he laid beside her and let his fingers drift over all the parts of her body. The moment his fingertip touched her nipple, it crinkled into a knot and he bent to kiss her there. She gasp at the delight it brought her.
He kissed her everywhere, his lips exploring her like a map.
"Your breasts are perfect, and such a beautiful color of dusty rose. You're not too big for my hands, nor too small for my kisses."
She smiled. Then her expression went serious. "I have to confess, I did lust after you, after seeing you naked."
He smiled against the flat of her belly. "Did you?"
"Yes, I'd never seen a man like that, and you stood so, at attention. I lost breath. I was speechless."
"That's because I wanted you just as badly." He said as his kisses surrounded her navel.