by Caroline Lee
Oh my. Molly was beginning to question her dream of opening a bakery, anyhow. It had really been Papa’s dream, but she’d been working towards it for so long, it was second-nature to her. But keeping house for Ash and Nate reminded her of her childhood dreams of marriage and a family, and having him this close to her, his voice causing butterflies to dance around her stomach, was dangerous. She was beginning to wonder if it would be settling, to marry a man and keep his house and raise his children.
This man?
She closed her eyes to his gaze, and her lips on a groan. She was not falling in love with her employer. She flat-out refused. She was going to survive the winter with her sisters, have a magical Christmas, dammit, and then go to Salt Lake City where she would start a bakery all on her own and be happy. And that was final.
Her decision made, she had no idea how to extricate herself from his stimulating nearness. Luckily, Nate came to her rescue.
When she’d been cornered by his brother, she didn’t pay attention to the young man, but he’d apparently finished clearing the table. Now he stood at the counter, loudly clearing his throat and holding a basket she’d placed there the evening before.
“What are you doing with all these cranberries, Molly?”
Closing her eyes briefly in prayerful thanks, she hoped her cheeks weren’t too red when she slipped away from Ash and hurried to the sink to start washing up. She rolled up the sleeves of her dressing gown, and pulled the apron back over her head. “I’ve been stringing them together, to make garlands.”
“Yeah.” She watched from the corner of her eye while he pulled a string of the berries out of the basket, and ran them across his palms. She could feel Ash moving around the table behind her, but refused to turn around. “But why?”
“Why? For Christmas, of course.”
“What are they for?”
She hadn’t been thinking about the conversation, but his confusion penetrated her thoughts. He didn’t know what garlands were for? Slowly, she turned to him, wiping her hands on her apron. “To decorate?” When he showed no signs of understanding, she despaired. What kind of childhood had he had, that he didn’t know anything about decorating for Christmastime?
From behind her, Ash’s low rumble caused her breath to hitch again. “You know, Nate. Like how Bullard always fancies up his store.”
Comprehension dawned on the boy’s face. “Oh, with those ribbons!” He held the garland up critically. “These aren’t as pretty as his ribbons, but they smell nicer.”
Molly was glad now that she’d bought those two rolls of ribbon, and the other gaieties. With her sisters arriving in a few days, and with Nate having no experience with the season, she was determined to make this Christmas memorable.
Suddenly excited, she turned to find Ash standing entirely too close, again. Flustered, but anxious to make her request, she didn’t side-step him. “Do you think you’ll have some time today to collect pine boughs?”
She could see from his expression that he didn’t understand. “I mean, is there any pine growing nearby? In the city sellers brought it in and we bought it from them, but I’m assuming that there is pine growing someplace—”
She could see his small smile when he interrupted her. “You mean, like for a Christmas tree?”
She nodded, excitedly. “Oh yes, a whole tree would be wonderful! And some pine bough for decorating! If you’re able to get enough, I could make garlands!”
“How much is ‘enough’?”
Pleased that he was considering it, she pursed her lips in thought. “Perhaps another small tree’s worth? So, two trees?”
Nate’s eagerness made him sound like a little boy. “You mean it, Ash? We’re going to have a real Christmas tree?”
Ash flicked his gaze over to his brother, his grin rueful now. “I don’t see why not, if Miss Murray is willing to show us what to do with it, and if you’re able to do most of the cutting, with my bum arm.”
The boy’s happy yelp made her want to ‘yahoo’ as well, but she managed to restrain herself to a simple “Oh, wonderful!” She saw Nate run towards his room, and also wanted to jump with joy, thinking about sharing the holiday with them.
Unable to contain herself completely, she raised one hand and was almost as surprised as Ash when it landed on his chest. His hard, wide chest, which was as warm as she’d imagined it’d be. He was wearing an undershirt beneath the faded blue flannel, but both were unbuttoned low. She’d realized, over the last few days, that while he’d adapted well to using only one arm, there were some tasks—like buttoning the top buttons—that he just couldn’t do alone. Unthinking, she reached for those buttons, and started to fasten them. The backs of her fingers brushed against the thick mat of dark hair on his chest, and the tingling reminded her of the way his lips had felt when he’d kissed her hand.
It wasn’t until she reached the top button, and saw the pulse beating strongly in the hollow at the base of his neck, that she realized he was holding his breath. Mortified at her forwardness, she risked a peek at his face, and blushed to see his eyes closed. Thanking her lucky stars that he couldn’t see her embarrassment at such an intimate act, she quickly stepped away from him, and tried to focus on the dirty dishes.
It was a long moment before she heard him clear his throat, but his voice still sounded strained. Had she hurt him, somehow? Or was he equally embarrassed for her?
“Nate and I will see what we can do about getting you some trees today, Molly.” She knew she shouldn’t have given him permission to call her by her given name, but couldn’t help the frisson of pleasure that ran through her at the way it sounded on his lips. Get a hold of yourself, you ninny!
She thought she nodded, but couldn’t be sure. Then Nate was there, helping his older brother into the thick, sheepskin coat, and they were both pulling their hats down low over their ears. She half-turned to watch them leave the house, relieved and disappointed both that Ash hadn’t said anything further.
She cleaned up from breakfast, lost in her thoughts. She was still in a bit of a daze over what had passed between them, when she took off her apron and realized that she was still in her dressing gown over her nightgown, and her slippers! She felt her cheeks burn, realizing how close Ash had been standing to her, while she was only half-dressed. In a household where she had to wake up and immediately start breakfast, it made more sense to finish dressing afterwards, but still… She was his employee!
She hurried up to her loft to change for the day, and found herself taking special care of her choice of dresses. She chided herself on her silliness, but still took the time to make sure her hair was all crammed into the bun she preferred, and wondered what Ash thought of it.
The mostly complete little blue coat was laid out over the empty bedframe, and she decided to work on it today, after she got supper started. After learning that the men were bringing back trees, Molly knew she had to ready the house for decorating. Perhaps she could do it as early as tomorrow, if she could get the garland strung today. So she’d start a simple stew bubbling, and have time to devote to her sewing and other Christmas projects.
Full of vigor, now that she had a plan for the day, Molly readied the house for Christmas. And if she happened to catch herself staring into space, daydreaming once or twice, what of it? It was the season for dreaming, she was sure, and it probably had nothing to do with her handsome employer. Probably.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Ash and Nate really didn’t have much to do with the horses, but it was always nice to just spend time with them. Usually in the winter, the two of them got along well enough; Nate’s gregariousness didn’t necessarily conflict with Ash’s preference for quiet. He could appreciate his kid brother’s jokes, and even tease back. But when things got cramped in the house, as they tended to do right before the spring thaw, one of them would go find something that needed fixing in the barn.
Today, though, they worked quietly together, each intent only on the horses and their exercise. Even
in the worst of weather, the brothers managed to let the mustangs outdoors for a little each day. Today was overcast, but it still warm enough to almost be considered pleasant.
Ash’s arm might have hindered him from some activities, but he could still talk to the horses well enough. He’d always had an affinity for animals, and seemed to understand them. When he ran away from the orphanage, he actually spent some time working as a hand for a traveling circus; that’s where he learned respect for large animals. He’d learned even more when he’d quit and signed on to a cattle drive, as well as how to handle a rifle. By the time he was Nate’s age, he was putting those skills to good use, thinning out the great buffalo herds in the Dakota Territory. He’d sell the meat to the Army and the hides to a European exporter. He made enough money to buy some land in the new Wyoming Territory and build a small house. He’d started tracking and catching the wild mustangs from the nearby valley, mainly as something to do to keep up his skill with animals. When he’d discovered his talent for it he gave up hunting buffalo altogether, and made a name for himself as a provider of fine horseflesh. The years passed, Nate arrived, and they’d built the ranch up together.
And now, watching the kid talk to the horses as he settled them back in their stalls, he knew that he’d taught him well. Nate was good with the animals too, and had a better business sense than Ash did. If Nate thought it made sense to breed the animals that they had, maybe Ash should listen to him. It was disconcerting to think that he was wrong and the scrawny kid he’d saved so many years ago was actually right. Ash wasn’t quite ready to admit it, but it gave him plenty to think about. And Lord knew that he needed something to think about besides the delectable Molly Murray.
He wasn’t going to last, stuck here on the ranch with her for the whole winter. Something was going to give; either one of them would have to leave, or he was going to give into his instincts and make love to her. Just thinking about how she’d reacted to his nearness this morning made the crotch of his jeans tighten. He wanted to kiss her more than any woman he’d ever met, and he wasn’t going to deny himself too much longer.
Only problem was, Molly wasn’t the type of woman you just kissed and moved on. She was the type you kissed, and then savored, and made sweet, sweet love to… and then did it again the next day. She was a forever type of woman, and Ash was surprised to realize that he didn’t mind. He was a year shy of thirty, and past the age when most men found a wife to care for them. He’d honestly never considered it, figuring that things were going fine the way they were with the two of them on the ranch, and assuming that no woman would want to be stuck way out here.
But Molly Murray was making him rethink his assumptions. She didn’t seem to be pining for the city, and he was discovering that he’d like nothing more than to have her here with him. It’d be nice to have someone to grow old with, and Molly was just the kind of woman he’d never allowed himself to dream of.
Thinking about Nate moving on was uncomfortable, though. They had a good partnership, even though he was close to twice the kid’s age. They understood each other perfectly, often able to communicate without talking. Ash really did think of him as a younger brother, and needed his help on the ranch. Sure, that’d been especially important since he’d busted his arm, but Nate had been his partner for years, building the ranch into the success it was. More than that, Ash needed him around, to come up with hair-brained ideas that might just work, or to argue about the soundest way to provide for the ranch’s future, or to laugh with at the supper table.
But other than his obligation to Ash—which Ash considered long since paid—there wasn’t really much keeping Nate here. Ash had made it clear at the beginning that the ranch was his, and that the kid could work for his keep. But pretty soon after he arrived, Nate stopped being a hired hand and became family. He treated the ranch and the horses like his own, even though Ash insisted that his say was final.
Hell, Nate had just as much right to this ranch as Ash himself did. He’d busted his rear for the last eight years to make it a success, and they wouldn’t have near as much success as they did without his labor. But the land was all in Ash’s name, and the money all in Ash’s accounts. And that didn’t seem right.
He was still thinking along those lines after they’d hitched up one of the older horses to the sleigh and headed for the distant patch of stub pines along the stream east of the house. He was thinking about Nate’s contributions to the ranch, and how he could go about making sure his kid brother got what he deserved.
They hadn’t said much to each other, each lost in their own thoughts. It didn’t occur to Ash to wonder what Nate was thinking, until his brother asked him, first.
“What’ve you been so quiet about, all this time?”
“Just thinking about the ranch. And you.” He took a deep breath. “I never told you this, but when I was a kid, in the orphanage, I… well,” He shrugged one-sidedly, “I always wanted a brother.” He glanced sidelong at Nate. “I finally got one, and he doesn’t know how much he means to me.”
Nate was hunched over the reins, but when he heard that, he straightened slowly. A flush crept up the dark skin of his cheeks, and he very clearly did not look at Ash. The older man hadn’t been raised with much affection, and then had been on his own for years. When Nate first came into his life, he’d been a burden, then a help, and then family. Ash couldn’t imagine life without his kid brother around, but he’d never once said that to him.
From what Nate had told him of his life before his mother had died, the boy hadn’t had much affection either. Life was hard out west, and harder still for those deemed inferior by their neighbors. Nate was a bastard of mixed blood, and despite the fact that he was a good kid, that’s all anyone thought of him. Ash knew that the beating he’d saved Nate from hadn’t been the first, and the seven-year-old boy showed up at his home knowing more about the seedier side of human nature than he should have.
And now they were each the other’s only family, and Ash had never told him what that meant to him. He cleared his throat, trying to find a way to express what he felt, a new struggle for him. “Nate—”
His brother had turned his head away, and now he mumbled something that Ash didn’t understand.
“What?”
Nate turned forward again, apparently intent on the horse’s backside. He cleared his throat, and tried again. “Yeah. I love you too, big brother.”
Ash nodded, satisfied that nothing more needed to be said on the subject. More miles passed beneath their runners, as he wrestled with the other concerns, though. Nate deserved to know what he meant to the ranch, too, not just to Ash. But how to show him?
They were turning into the gully that led down to the stream, when he cleared his throat again. “You know, I’ve been thinking about starting a breeding program next year, like you suggested. Maybe we can grab some two-year breeders in the spring, rather than just racers. What do you think?”
Nate turned incredulous eyes to the older man. “What do I think…?”And Ash felt shame that the kid was so surprised to be asked his opinion. Have I really been that bossy? But Nate cleared his throat and started again. “Yeah, you know I think it’s a good idea. I think a few of the stallions we’ve got left are viable options for breeders, too, but before you do anything you’ll have to build at least one more corral, and some stronger partitions, if not a new barn.”
“We’ll have to build a new corral in the spring, then. We can make plans this winter. And if it takes us an extra year, that’s fine too. I like the idea of working towards a goal, rather than just doing the same thing every year.”
The kid was still dazed when they reached the group of pines, and while Ash enjoyed his reaction, he wished he’d said something earlier to show Nate his value. They picked a tree for boughs at random and each worked one side of the handsaw. Then they debated on which tree to choose for Molly’s Christmas tree. Ash honestly had no idea what made “the perfect tree”, as Nate said, but the kid had plen
ty of opinions. So Ash sighed, sat on the edge of the sleigh next to the first tree, and watched his brother pick his way among the snow drifts, looking at each tree from several angles.
“Here it is!” It was bigger than the rest, a good foot taller than even Ash, and nice and bushy. Ash supposed it was a good first Christmas tree for Nate.
He clambered down from the sleigh with the saw, and stomped to the base of the tree, where Nate was busy brushing the show away, so that they could cut the trunk as close to the ground as possible. It was a little galling to Ash to know that he still needed his brother’s help with something as simple as cutting down a tree, and he looked forward to next month, when Doc Sanderson would take the cast off his arm.
As with almost everything they did, the brothers worked well together, communicating without words, and the tree was soon cushioned on the snow beside the frozen stream. Leaving the saw to Nate, Ash lifted one end of the pine with a grunt, and lugged it towards the sleigh. “So, what had you so quiet on the trip here?”
Nate looked away and tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Just thinking.”
Lifting the tree into the sleigh didn’t take much effort, but Ash was distracted. “About what?”
It wasn’t until they’d turned the sleigh around and were heading back home that Ash realized the kid hadn’t answered. “What were you thinking about?”
Nate sighed, and Ash could tell he wanted the older man to drop the subject. But then Nate surprised him by blurting “Molly.”
The flash of jealousy surprised Ash. “What about Molly?”
Nate shrugged again. “I like her. I like her cooking. It’s nice to have someone else in the house.”
Ash felt his hackles lower, and reached up to scratch his beard to cover his momentary anger. “Yeah. I like her too.”
“Oh, really? I couldn’t tell.” Ash heard the sarcasm, but was still surprised when Nate lowered his voice comically and grunted out “‘And if you fall in love, Molly? What then?’” Turning slightly in his seat, Nate fluttered his lashes at his brother and pursed his lips like he was waiting to be kissed. His falsetto was laughable when he squeaked out, “‘Oh, Mr. Barker! Oh, let me fetch you some more flapjacks! Oh, your shirt’s unbuttoned, I’ll finish dressing you, teehee!’”