by Anthology
I’d figure out some way to make Ellie realize we were good for each other. I wasn’t giving up until I did.
A while later Ellie returned, laptop in hand. Her lips were pursed and her forehead crinkled. She’d gone in there like a raging bull full of confidence, now she looked more like a lamb being led to slaughter.
“All done?” I asked.
She took a deep breath in. “Yes, but I wanted to show you first before I hit the upload key. I’m not sure it’s a good idea now.”
“I saw your ideas in action earlier tonight. I’m sure it’s brilliant.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence but I don’t know. Here take a look.”
She set the laptop down in front of me at the breakfast bar where I’d been having a beer waiting for her to finish. After she pressed a button, a video of her came on the screen. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed.
As the video started, Ellie stepped back, chewing on a fingernail, clearly nervous.
“Some of you may know who I am. For those of you who don’t my name is Ellie Wagner. I graduated from the University of Miami with a degree in Comparative Media Studies. I’m like a lot of other twenty-one year-old college graduates. I’m a boomerang kid, back at home with Mom and I’m still looking for that elusive first job in my field, but lately I’ve been best known for this…”
A brief clip of the video of Ellie shoving food down her date’s throat played for a few seconds. I suppressed a chuckle because I didn’t think she’d appreciate it.
“And this…”
A picture of the two of us outside the nightclub flashed on the screen followed by the article scrolling slowly by. This time I didn’t chuckle but clenched my fists in my lap. Images of various newspaper articles about bullying and kids who had taken their lives as a result followed. Ellie’s voice spoke over them.
“You never know what someone else is going through until you’ve walked in their shoes. After the video of me went viral I received all kinds of hurtful messages. I didn’t know anyone who sent me these messages but they caused me pain regardless. I was wrong for throwing my date’s dinner in his face. What none of you know is that I was upfront with him. He knew I wasn’t going to sleep with him and chose to keep seeing me. He thought maybe his charm would work himself into my pants, and when I assured him it wouldn’t, he dumped me, called me every vulgar name in the book and told me I was a worthless whore. I didn’t take too kindly to that, which is when the food and foul language went flying.
“I only tell you this to show you that when you say nasty things to people you may or not know the whole story. But you WILL hurt them. Words can cause as much damage as fists, if not more. The only difference is that the damage is on the inside where no one can see it and it accumulates over time. Please, the next time you find yourself ganging up with others to make fun of someone think of this. And think of all the faces that you’ve seen on the screen while I’ve been talking. Every single one of these kids could still be with us if the people tormenting them had stopped to consider the repercussions of their actions.
“I decided to speak out because something happened earlier today that put everything in perspective for me. I’ve decided to stop worrying about things I can’t control and continue to do what it takes for me to succeed. I know who I am and it doesn’t matter what a bunch of strangers think of me. I’m an honest, intelligent, forthright person. I know this and for the first time in a while I believe it in my own heart.
“I want to say to anyone else struggling out there whether it’s because someone you know is bullying you, you have low self-esteem, or maybe you’re just going through a hard time…it will pass and you’ll be okay. You ARE good enough. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks of you, as long as you know your worth in your own heart. So stay strong because life really is too short and it can all be taken from you like that.
The video ended and the screen went blank. I turned to Ellie who was now pacing the floor behind me.
“Well?” she said quietly.
“That rocks.”
A smile crept on to her face. “Are you sure?”
“You have to put that up. It’s like a big F.U. to everyone who talked shit about you. Besides, it has a great message for other people to hear.”
“I wanted to take control. I figured I could tell my side of the story and people could either choose to believe me or not. If not, then there’s nothing else I can do about it. I’m going to move on.”
I hopped off the bar stool and gave Ellie a fierce hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Why?” she mumbled against my chest as I rocked her back and forth.
“Because. You’ve been through a lot the past couple of months and instead of wallowing in the fetal position, you’re grabbing life by the balls.”
She laughed into my chest because I hadn’t yet let her go. It felt right for her to be there. She belonged there.
“I hadn’t really thought of it like that…but okay. So you really think I should do it? What if a potential employer sees it?”
“If they see it and they don’t realize all the reasons they should hire you, it’s their loss.” I let her pull away. Finally.
She nodded. “You’re right. Let’s do it.” She leaned down to the laptop, pressed a few buttons and straightened. “Done.”
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“Like a weight has been lifted. Now that I’m done wishing I could change it or control what people think of me I feel better about it.”
“I’m glad. How long until I can get all the changes for my website working?”
A huge grin split her face. “Really?”
“Yeah. You’ve got so many great ideas. I want to get started on them right away. The sooner the better since I think they’ll help with my pitch to the show producers.”
“I can have everything going in a day or two tops. All the stuff on the site is pretty much done I just have to bring it live. But I’d want to get your social media set up beforehand so we can announce it via those channels.”
“Let’s make it happen.”
“Shouldn’t you talk to your manager or record company or something first?”
“Last time I checked it was my face and my name on the music. I don’t need their permission.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I am. Make it happen. Let me know if you need anything from me.”
“You’ve already given me best thing,” she said as she threw her arms around my neck.
“Oh, what’s that?”
“Your confidence. Having someone believe in me. It means so much. I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t.” I grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head in one motion, leaving her in a white lace bra. “Now I have to figure out how I’m going to show you how grateful I am.”
Ellie’s eyes heated and she reached around to unclasp her bra. She slid it slowly down both arms until it dropped on the floor in front of her.
“Oh, Mr. Nash…I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
I actually thought of a few somethings that night and showed her every single one.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The next few days went by in a blur between work at Beachside Realty during the day and getting everything up and going for Mason’s social media platform at night. I think he may have started to regret letting me do it because he spent a couple of nights sulking on the couch when I wasn’t paying him any attention. It was adorable.
A few days later everything was online and live. Some time would have to pass before we knew how the public was going to react to the changes I’d made. While I’d enjoyed using my skill set again, before I knew it, it was the end of the week and we only had one more day together.
I’d been putting this day out of my mind. Any time it slipped into my consciousness I’d push it back and refuse to acknowledge the impending doom I felt. Mason hadn’t brought it up either. I took it a
s a sign that he was okay sticking to the original plan of moving on once our time together was done.
Skye and Katie had been blowing up my phone all week. First about the video I’d posted and how proud they were of me. The response online had been overwhelmingly positive. I’d graduated to people calling me ‘c’ words of a different variety now, like compassionate, caring, and considerate. Then they’d try to see if Mason and I had broached the subject of him leaving yet. I finally got so sick of telling them we hadn’t that I’d been doing my best to avoid them for a couple of days now.
It was the day before Mason was to leave and we were lounging around the pool, having a few drinks before we went inside to make dinner. I was sitting on a lounger watching the water flow in and out of Mason’s six pack as he floated on his back in the water.
There was something so damn sexy about that man in his swim trunks slung low on his hips. The perfect ‘V’ leading from his hips to his groin was positively X-rated. At least it made my brain travel to X-rated thoughts.
I took a sip of my beer and closed my eyes, relaxing under the warmth of the summer sun heating my skin. Just as I was drifting off to sleep the bottom of my lounger dipped down and water dripped onto my legs. Without opening my eyes I said, “I’m going to get you for that.”
Mason chuckled a bit from where he sat by my feet. He started drawing patterns on my leg with his wet hands, his touch slowly inched up higher and higher toward the apex of my thighs and my girly parts all roared to life.
“You’d better not start something you’re not going to finish,” I said with a grin and finally opened my eyes. His face was serious. Not what I had expected. I was immediately on alert. “What’s going on?” I asked warily.
“We need to talk.” His voice was low and much softer than usual.
This was it. The Dear John speech. The it-was-fun-while-it-lasted talk. I thought I’d at least have until tomorrow. I gulped and braced myself. I felt like a little kid waiting for the bandage to be ripped off. I knew it was coming, knew it would hurt but there was nothing I could do about it except wait for the pain that was sure to come.
I nodded and with that one small gesture felt like I’d set the guillotine in motion. It would be hard. I’d probably cry for weeks but I’d get over it. I knew better than to let him become important to me, knew it would only lead to heartbreak when he left. They always left. Whether they were your daddy, your stepdaddy or your lover. I had no one to blame but myself.
His hand rubbed up and down my calf in what I’m sure was supposed to be a soothing motion. It only put me more on edge. “When I came here I was looking forward to being by myself, relaxing before my next tour began, and one other reason.”
“Which was…”
“I’d wanted to do some soul-searching and figure out what was missing in my life. I was successful in a career I enjoyed, I had money but there was still something missing. Some piece of me that wasn’t satisfied with everything I had and all I’d accomplished. I thought being away from all the demands of my daily life might give me some perspective. I didn’t expect I’d meet anyone like you, let alone find you sprawled half-naked on the bathroom floor.” I gave a sad smile at the memory. “When this first started we agreed it’d be casual, that neither of us wanted anything more.” Here it comes… “Things have changed for me.”
Wait—what?
“How have things changed?” Hope bloomed inside of me.
“I don’t want tomorrow to be the last time I see you. Since I met you I haven’t once felt like something is missing in my life. I’m not sitting around thinking about why I’m unfulfilled because when I’m with you that’s not how I feel. That has to mean something. I enjoy spending time with you and I want to do more of it. I want to try to work something out even though I’m on the road most of the time.”
My heart leapt at his words, but then did a nosedive back to earth. As much as I wanted to be with him I knew it would never work out in the long run. He’d be surrounded once again by starlets, get sucked into the demands of his world and I’d end up a distant memory. I was taking charge of my life now. It was better to sever our ties at this point rather than after I’d fallen in love with him. And there was no doubt that if I gave my emotions free rein, I would. I’d fall hard and fast. I couldn’t deal with anyone else choosing to leave me behind.
I knew walking away was the right thing to do but I couldn’t make myself say the words. I wanted to make one more memory with him to hold onto when I was drowning in the depths of the murky ocean I’d be left in with no glimmer of light from above.
“Mason…” I slid down the lounger and placed my hand on his cheek, staring deep into his extraordinary green eyes. We stayed like that, just breathing and looking at one another, each with our own unsaid thoughts.
I leaned slowly toward him and our lips pressed against each other softly until finally our tongues met. His hands pushed into my hair. We kissed, content to go no further for longer than we ever had before. It was like we were telling the universe to back off. We had all the time in the world and we’d take as long as we wanted. When Mason finally pulled away from me those green eyes were heated embers and could have seared my flesh.
He stood up, then bent down to pick me up so he could carry me inside. He said nothing but never broke eye contact once as we made our way through the house to his bedroom where he gently laid me on top of his bed.
Mason stood at the end of the bed in all his perfection, his swim trunks still wet and clinging to his muscular thighs. He undid them, slid them to the floor, and crawled on top of me.
He kissed me again and languidly trailed more kisses down my neck. Eventually he got around to removing my bathing suit, which he did slowly and with intention. He laved my breasts, my stomach, my arms, my legs…there wasn’t an inch of my skin that he didn’t worship with his tongue.
When he arranged himself at my centre I was more than ready. He gazed straight into my eyes and slowly slid himself, inch by glorious inch, into me until he was seated to the hilt, filling me completely—mind, body, and spirit.
He pumped in and out of me at an easy pace, his forehead against mine, both our eyes open to the other. I’d never felt so connected to anyone before, the intimacy we shared in that moment would have brought me to my knees had I been standing.
Mason began to increase the pace and our breathing became more laboured. Tension curled in my belly and I arched my back. He rocked his hips into me, circling my core. The tension snapped, filling me with light and love. It poured out of me as I watched Mason rock into me and achieve his own release.
We lay there panting and Mason kissed both my eyelids. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that a lone tear rolled down my cheek. That had been the purist, most beautiful moment of my life and now I had to say goodbye to this man.
“Hey…Ellie. What’s with the tear?” Mason whispered.
I couldn’t speak past the painful lump that had formed in my throat. It felt as if I had swallowed a hot coal. I shook my head. Another tear escaped, despite my best effort to stop crying. When I finally managed the words I spoke quietly. “It’ll never work.”
Mason looked confused. “What won’t work? Us?” I nodded. “How can you say that when we already do?” He brushed my tears away with his warm fingers. I resisted the urge to lean into his hand.
“That’s different. This isn’t your real life.”
“I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. I know I’m traveling most of the time but you can come visit me on tour. I have some small breaks where I can come visit you. We can talk every day. We’ll figure something out.”
I didn’t dare believe what he was saying. My heart had been broken before but this man held the power to completely annihilate it, the likes of which it would never recover.
“I don’t see how it’s possible.”
“Don’t do this, Ellie. You’re the first woman in so long that I’ve let myself trust. We’re good together. Don’t throw it
all away because you’re scared. Don’t let your fear control you. You didn’t let fear control you at the women’s shelter, don’t let it now. Please. Fight. For Us.” He dropped his forehead back down onto mine.
Those words changed everything. With that one statement I realized he was right; fear was controlling me. I’d managed to take control of my situation in the press. It was time to risk a piece of my heart. This man was worth it.
With trepidation and shaking lips I nodded against Mason. “Okay,” I said softly.
“Okay? You’ll try?”
“We can try.”
Mason squeezed me tight against him and kissed my cheek. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. You just took ten years off my life.” I squeezed him back. Inside I hoped I wouldn’t have to hold on to him this tight, in order to keep him near.
Monday morning at work I was wallowing by myself in the lunchroom when Katie came in and plopped herself down in the seat beside me.
“What’s shakin’, bacon?”
“Really?” I asked.
“What? It’s a saying. People say it.”
“If you say so.”
“How you doing? Talked to Mason yet since he left?”
“We talked on the phone briefly last night and he texted me this morning.”
“That’s good.” She looked at me intently. “Why don’t you sound like that’s good?”
“It’s hard. I’m happy to be able to talk to him still, but being away from him sucks.”
“Put so eloquently.”
“Leave me alone. I’m wallowing.”
“By all means. Don’t let me interrupt a good wallow. After all, if anyone deserves a good wallow it’s definitely the woman with one of the hottest men on the planet practically begging her to continue seeing him.”
“All right, now I feel stupid.”
“That was never my intention.” Katie batted her eyelashes innocently. “When do you get to see him next?”