by Anthology
It wasn't ever just a pen that he picked up off the floor.
It was so much more. And though I tried to be with the guy that Alec kept pushing me toward, my heart wouldn't ever let go.
"Stupid pen," I grumbled.
"Huh?"
I giggled. "Never mind. So…" I played with the hair on the back of his head, twisting it between my fingers. "About this date."
"I'll do anything. Just don't stop." Alec rested his head against my chest and groaned.
"Our date?" I reminded him.
"Uh-huh." His hands wrapped around my body hugging me close to him as I continued to play with his hair and rub his neck. "I think I may like this better than sex."
I froze.
"Damn, did I say that out loud?" Alec tensed above me. I burst out laughing.
"At least I know what I need to do to get you to confess to me all your dirty little secrets."
"That's bribery and manipulation, a federal offense…" His words trailed off as he moaned again and relaxed against me.
"You were saying," I whispered as I wrapped my hands around the base of his neck then worked down to his broad shoulders.
"Marry me."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you only asked so you'd have a personal masseuse."
"I have other reasons."
"I'm sure you do."
"Fine, but I'm asking again tomorrow," Alec grumbled and turned his head so his ear was pressed against my chest.
His admission should have scared me. I mean, he was kidding, but I knew Alec. He didn't really kid about stuff. He was the serious one, the brooding one, the one who made girls want to pass out when he crooned into the microphone. I shivered.
"You cold?"
Nope, just hot for you and pretty freaked out that you just joked about marrying me. "I'm good."
"Nat."
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
Holy crap. I froze again. It felt like my heart stopped beating, but I knew I was alive because I was still breathing. He really needed to stop surprising me like that. I mean, I'm young, but a girl can only handle so much.
I took an earth-shattering breath. The type that you need before you say something that you know is going to shift the planes of your universe, the type you take when it's inevitable that nothing in your life is ever going to be the same.
"I love you, too."
****
I got into the backseat of Alec's SUV and began nervously wringing my hands together. I knew Demetri would be riding with us. I also knew Demetri probably noticed that Alec didn't sneak back into their house until about an hour ago. It didn't help that he had a very satisfied grin on his face.
I took special care in dressing plain. I didn't want anyone staring at me, I wanted no attention whatsoever. To get attention meant people would notice the not so subtle looks Alec threw my way.
Demetri emerged from the house. He opened the car door and glanced at me. "Hey, Nat." His voice was sad. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but the temptation to strangle him was also really strong, so I kept my hands in my lap and nodded.
"Hey, Demetri."
"Listen—" Demetri turned around while Alec drove the car out of the driveway. Oh gosh, there wasn't any escape at all. I had to sit there and look into Demetri's eyes while he made me feel like a complete jerk, when really he was the one who was whoring around. Not that I was any better. I cringed when I thought of my behavior over the past few weeks.
"I'm sorry."
"Huh?" I felt my jaw drop.
He shrugged. "I'm sorry I lied." And that was it. He turned back around. No more apologies, no more words. It was as if the past few months didn't even happen. Our history together, the drama between the two of them. I mean, didn't I at least get an explanation?
The rest of the ride to school was filled with awkward silence and the sound of my breathing. At least that's what it felt like. By the time Demetri hopped out of the car and I opened my door, I wanted to turn right back around and jog home.
"Hey…" Alec grabbed me as I sat on the edge of the seat, my legs hanging out the door. "If it makes you feel better, it's rare for him to admit he's wrong about anything."
I nodded. "Okay,"
"Class?" Alec held out his hand. I grabbed it. Yes, people would talk and they would stare, but I needed his strength to get me through the day.
By the time the lunch bell rang I was actually feeling pretty positive about the whole situation. Nobody had said anything about my and Demetri's very public break up, and even though I noticed some girls whispered when I walked in with Alec, for the most part it was a normal day in Hell.
"Nat!" Evan waved me over to our usual table. "So," he said when I took a seat. "You cut off his balls?"
"Evan!" I slapped him and felt my cheeks blush crimson. "It's not as bad as that. I mean, he's a rock star. It's not my business if that's the circle he wants to date in."
"Huh?" Evan looked between me and Alec then leaned forward. "Not talking about last night's news, Nat. I'm talking about today's."
"Today's?" I looked to Alec, but his eyes were already trained on something across the room. His jaw clenched. I followed his eyes and gasped.
Demetri was making out with a girl from my class. His hands everywhere on her body. I gripped the chair and called him every name I could possibly think of in my head.
Alec made a move to get up. I reached out and stopped him. "Just let him, Alec. If this is how he wants to deal with the past few months, then let him."
Alec did not look convinced. In fact, it looked like he wanted to murder someone. He pulled out his cell and in very clipped, scary tones ordered one of the security team to give Demetri aid. Like that was going to help, what was he going to do, castrate him?
Sure enough, Bob moved very swiftly through the gathering crowds and whispered something in Demetri's ear as he assaulted the girl in his chair.
He leaned back, just enough to make eye contact with me, and then with his eyes opened kissed the girl again, alternating between licking her face and tugging her lower lip.
It was like watching porn.
If porn took place in high school.
And the lead was a rock star.
"Sometimes I hate my brother." Alec cursed. "Now do you wonder why we need to take a year off touring? Clearly we've got issues."
"We?" I lifted my eyebrow.
"Yeah, we." Alec looked down and cursed again.
Within minutes Demetri's little show was over, and wonder of all wonders as he walked away from the girl who was now pouting in the corner, he grabbed another. Yes, another girl, and began to kiss her.
What type of girl kisses another guy when they still have remnants of a previous kiss plastered across their face?
She pulled back after a few minutes. And I watched Demetri stagger behind Bob as he was escorted out of the cafeteria.
"Is he drunk?"
Alec was silent.
"Alec?"
"Probably." He looked away. "He doesn't handle rejection well."
"He did this!" I pointed at the door, angry that Alec would again take the blame for choices someone else was making. "Not us!"
Alec looked like he wanted to scream; he shook his head and then ran his fingers through his hair. "I know, Nat. It's just hard to watch this again."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'll tell you, just not now."
I nodded, but didn't trust his word. Both guys had been ridiculously secretive about whatever incident happened between them two years ago. It was stupid vain hope that kept me trusting that he would keep to his promise and actually say something.
The bell rang. "Come on, I'll walk you to class." He threw my bag over his shoulder and grabbed my hand.
The rest of the day went by smoothly. Two girls asked me if I was dating the other brother in AD2 now that Demetri was clearly occupied. I glared, and briefly contemplated giving them the finger.
N
eeding to calm my temper. I stomped over to my locker and threw my books inside. Escape… I needed to escape before I said something that would make me more of a target.
I pushed through the front doors of my school, a hand reached out and jerked me back just as my feet touched the curb.
It was Demetri.
"Nat," he groaned, pulling me against him, his head dipping down as if he wanted to kiss me. He smelled like whiskey, I pushed away from him but he held me fast. "Nat, I didn't mean it."
"Demetri, stop, you're drunk." Frantic, I looked around for Alec, but he wasn't anywhere near us. Kids continued to trickle out of the school. Please hurry, Alec.
"I'm not that drunk." He swayed on his feet. Really? He was completely and totally wasted. "I just need to talk to you I just want to tell you why!"
Okay, no shouting. I patted him on the arm. "Okay, why?"
"I love you."
Oh no.
"I love you so much and I know you love him! I know you do! I saw you two, the way you looked at each other! I didn't want to be second." Here we go again with this second crap.
"Listen, Demetri. You really need to get your crap together. I'm sorry we didn't work out. I'm also sorry that you didn't have the balls to say it to my face before you stormed out and hooked up with the first girl in L.A. you could find."
"We didn't." He looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets. "We didn't hook up, I kept thinking about you. Saw your texts." He swayed again then braced himself against the brick wall backing me up against it.
"I saw them, Nat. I wanted to respond so bad, but I needed time to think. And then Alec does what he does best."
"What's that?"
"Steals the only girl I love."
"Oh, so he makes a habit of that?" I sneered, angry that he would again blame Alec for his obvious poor choices.
"You have no idea how messed up we are."
"I'm beginning to understand," I answered, teeth clenched.
"He stole her."
"Okay, Demetri." I patted him on the arm and stepped around him.
He reached out and tugged me against him. "No, you don't understand. My girlfriend. He slept with her, got her pregnant, abandoned her."
Nausea rolled over me. "He said it was a one night stand."
"With my girlfriend." Demetri scowled. "Who was too much of a good girl to even think about sleeping with me. She slept with him."
I gulped. I wanted to throw my hands over my ears and tell him to stop talking, that I couldn't listen anymore, but I was frozen, unable to move as he stepped closer and continued.
"She was mine!" Demetri's voice cracked. "And he knew it! He was such a cocky son of a bitch. We were drunk. He said I needed to seal the deal. I told him it was impossible, so we made a bet."
I didn't like where this was going.
"He said if he got into her pants that I owed him a new car." Demetri looked away from me, tears blurring his large blue eyes. "I laughed it off. Alec was always the player. I knew he'd try, but she loved me. I knew she loved me. Just like I knew you loved me. And now…" Demetri cursed and punched the wall with his fist, blood trickled down his knuckles. "Now she's dead."
The wall where we stood began to spin. I tried to balance myself, tried to lean on Demetri but he had already walked off, leaving splatters of blood in his wake. I fell to my knees.
"Nat!" Alec called my name, but it hurt too much to breathe let alone speak. "Nat!"
I swallowed, air whooshed by my ears. My eyes began to feel heavy as tunnel vision took over.
"Nat!" His voice was closer, and then I was moving through the air. "Damn it, Nat. Don't you dare pass out on me!" Alec's hand was warm against my face. My eyes flickered and then focused on him.
He half-carried me, half-walked me to his SUV and helped me inside. Too shocked to say anything, all I could do was stare at the heating vents in front of me. The slam of the car door jolted me back from my current state. I looked at Alec and gasped.
Blood trickled from his lip.
"You lose a fight?" I asked weakly.
"Not funny." Alec hit his hands against the steering wheel. "You scared the crap out of me, Nat! Are you okay? Did you eat today?"
I looked down at my trembling hands. "No."
He cursed again and pulled out of the parking lot. I tried to sit up to buckle my seatbelt, but by the time I fumbled with the lock, he had already driven into the McDonald's driveway.
He ordered me fries, ice cream, and a Coke.
"Sugar, salt, carbs, and caffeine." Alec parked in a nearby lot and turned off the car. He pushed the food towards me and nearly growled when he said, "Eat. Now."
"No."
"Nat, I'm not in the mood to argue with you."
"And I'm not in the mood to hear about your entire sordid history with Demetri, but that's what happened about fifteen minutes ago!"
Alec's eyes widened, he looked away and didn't say anything for a very long time.
"He told you everything."
I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me. "Tell me it isn't' true."
Alec laughed bitterly. "I can't do that."
"Can't or won't?"
After a heavy sigh, Alec looked at me his eyes full of sadness. "I can't deny the truth. I did everything he said, and what's probably worse is I got her hooked on drugs in the process."
I closed my eyes.
"Nat…" His voice was a whisper.
"Just take me home."
We rode home in silence. My brain tried to put together the pieces of the puzzle. Alec had single-handedly destroyed a woman's life, all because of his cocky attitude and rock star ways. He hurt his brother so much that I'm surprised they still spoke to one another. And now it all made sense.
Being first and second.
The way they had switched roles.
Demetri dealt with pain the way Alec had originally dealt with life. Drink, have sex, and numb yourself to everything around you. Alec shied away, like a turtle in a shell, continuing to punish himself for the crappy decisions he made.
When the car pulled up to my house I didn't move.
"Nat…"
I closed my eyes, unable to believe I was about to utter the words that I was thinking. "Tell me everything."
"It's complicated. I don't think..."
"Tell me. Now."
Chapter Twenty-three
Alec's story was worse than Demetri's account. The only difference was what he had already admitted to. He was a cocky piece of work and was pissed at his brother for messing up a huge deal for them with a new TV show that was supposed to document their entire tour.
He was also, as he admitted, jealous that Demetri had a girl who loved him so completely, so when Demetri made the bet out of humor, Alec took him seriously.
"Heroin." He laughed humorlessly. "I told her it would help her relax." Alec refused to look at me. "We had been partying all weekend and Demetri was already in bed. She was drunk."
I wiped some stray tears from my eyes. And kept listening.
"It was all over within twenty minutes. Neither of us was really thinking. Had I been thinking, I wouldn't have gone through with it. But alcohol? Drugs? They have a way of messing with you. I knew what I was doing, I just didn't care. I knew it was wrong, but I felt so good — it felt so good — that I refused to acknowledge there would be any consequences." He cursed and shook his head. "Demetri found us in bed together."
My heart was in my throat.
"I've never seen that look on his face before. They had a huge fight, broke up, and we didn't hear from her again until we found out she was pregnant. By then we also found out she was hooked on everything under the sun, made easy by yours truly, considering I paid her off to keep her mouth shut."
We sent her into rehab. Our little boy, whom I never met, went to his grandma's. The next we heard from her, she was released from rehab and sounded really happy. I apologized again and told her how sorry I was. She and Demetri talked on the phone and
got in a fight. She, um… She went to pick up Benjamin and was hit in a head on collision. She went the wrong way on the freeway."
I closed my eyes and spoke, my voice hoarse from trying to keep my emotions in check. "So the canceled concert tour this year? The time off?"
"Grief counseling and addiction."
"Addiction?"
"Not me, Nat." Alec bit his lip. "I don't touch the stuff. I don't touch anything. It ruined a part of me that I don't think I'll ever get back. The addiction? That would be my brother's. Also my fault."
"He makes his own choices. It's not your fault." I had no idea why I was defending him.
He laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I think it is, Nat. It was all me. I was the partier, the wild one. I never got in trouble, I never had any consequences. Somehow, I got lucky, and for some reason I never felt addicted. I just liked the feeling drugs gave me. That was not the case with Demetri."
"Is he on drugs now?"
"I don't know." Alec shrugged. "He's drinking heavily again, that much is clear. Nat…" He turned to me. "You don't have to stay. You can go." His eyes watered. "I kill everything I touch. It's like I'm poison."
"No!" I reached for him but he jerked back. I reached for him again and pulled him into my arms, the console kept us from being closer, but I needed to reassure him. I needed him to know that I was there for him.
"Alec, look at me." His gaze fluttered to mine. "What you did was messed up. I'm not going to deny it. Nor am I going to say that I'm not seriously tempted to jump out of this car and run away from you, but I love you. I love who you are now. The man you are now. If those things wouldn't have happened to you, who knows where you would be?"
Alec trembled in my arms his body tight with tension. "Nat, you have to know. I'm not that guy anymore. I don't even know who that guy was, I just—"
My kiss was forceful and pleading. I wrapped my hands around his shoulders, jerking him closer to me. His tongue licked my lower lip then dove into my mouth instantly driving me insane. Never had I been kissed so desperately. My body was on fire for him. I needed to be closer. Part of me believed that if I just showed him, rather than used my words, how I felt, he would begin to understand the depth of my feelings.