by Anthology
His shoulders flexed as he took a deep breath in and held it. His dark eyes lost their playful light and he stared at her for a long minute before lowering his voice and answering her in a clipped, angry burst. “You know better than to ask about that, Liv.”
“Everyone is talking about it.” She lifted her chin defiantly.
“It’s not safe for anyone to think that my wife knows anything—“
“Stop,” she cut him off in a rush. “Just…stop calling me that.”
“No.” He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and hooded his gaze. He was still tense, but he wasn’t yelling at her. Maybe they should have had more of their fights in public. Although that had never stopped him at the diner. Maybe it was because he was in uniform.
She’d always respected that he needed to focus on work, and a deep sense of shame washed through her gut that she’d slipped now after all this time. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything about the bust. I’m going to go.” She pushed up to a stand and this time he didn’t reach out to stop her. He let his words do the heavy lifting instead.
“You’ll always be my wife.” His voice was rough and tense, and then he stood and stepped right into her personal space. “And because of that, you can ask me whatever you want. I need to do better by you on that front. Listen more. But baby, there are some things I can’t tell you. That I won’t tell you. And you can be pissed at me about that all you want, but this time I’m not walking away because you’re mad at me.”
They were almost the right words. Beautiful, perfect words that made her heart swell and her sex clench. Stupid heart, stupid sex. Her head knew better. This had been a nothing conversation and it had put him on edge. If she let him close, it wouldn’t take long for all the old hurt to bubble up and boil over. And he’d leave her again in a heartbeat.
“Fool me once, Rafe…You can try your damnedest, but there won’t be a this time.”
His jaw pulsed hard. But then instead of biting out a retort, he slid his sunglasses back on and smiled. “Keep saying my name, baby. As long as my name is on your lips, I’ve got hope we’re going to make it.”
— —
He knew Liv thought he was delusional. He didn’t care.
When he saw her car outside the coffee shop, he hadn’t really thought about pulling in—he’d just done it, like a moth to a flame. Except no matter what she thought, there was nothing destructive about their love. They just hadn’t known what to expect the first time around. They hadn’t dated, not really. From the first night, he’d had the looming deadline of heading back up north in his head, and it hadn’t taken long to decide he wanted to take her with him.
And then he lost her, and like a fool, he thought that would sort itself out.
So now they had another looming deadline. Six months instead of three. Too many similarities, really, but he was six years older and at least a little bit wiser. This time he was going to show her what he was offering.
It might not be what she wanted, not exactly, but it was what they both needed.
And for that reason, he had no doubt she’d show up at the legion for the stag and doe on Saturday night. Because he was her flame just as much as she was his.
EIGHT
THE lights flickered on, encouraging the last partiers to head somewhere else, and Rafe shoved his empty beer bottle to join its friends in the middle of the table. She hadn’t shown up.
“You look miserable.” Jake Foster dropped into the chair opposite him and he gave his friend the finger. “And thanks for that.”
“I didn’t see you here earlier.”
“I had a date.” Jake wrinkled his nose.
“Don’t let Matt see you make that face.”
“Who do you think set me up? I’ve already sent him a few texts suggesting what he can do with future blind dates.” His friend hesitated for a minute, then leaned forward on the plastic covered table. “I wanted to ask you—“
Before Jake could spit out his thought, Dean clapped him on the shoulders. “Need a ride, baby brother?”
“Nah, I didn’t drink anything.”
“Good, then you can take me home.”
“Hey, I was in the middle of talking to Rafe, ass-wipe.”
Dean looked in Rafe’s direction. He shrugged. Jake was such a girl. Who wanted to have deep and meaningfuls at the end of a Saturday night? Or ever? “I’m heading home, too. We can catch up later.” He wasn’t in the mood for whatever Jake had on his mind. He stood. Whoa. Who’d let him have so many beers? Shit. His apartment was only two blocks from the legion, so he’d walked over, but it probably wasn’t good for anyone to see him stagger home.
Jake stood, his question forgotten. “Come on, I’ll drive you both home.”
“You’re a good brother, man.” Dean was obviously in that happy drunk stage. Rafe had passed that a while back.
“Let’s call Matt and Sean and put you on speakerphone while you repeat that.”
“No can do, buddy. It’s our little secret.”
Rafe snorted and pushed through the glass doors, not caring that the early October night was damn nippy. “Take him home first, Jake, he needs to be put out of his misery.”
“You’re the miserable one, but I’ll loop back.” Jake lived just outside of town, past Rafe’s apartment, in a house he’d built himself—the house that had started his contracting business. A big four-bedroom monstrosity.
“Why is your house so fucking big, dude?” Rafe stumbled against the dark green Foster Construction pickup truck. He managed to get the door open on the second try and climbed into the back seat, shoving aside a thick binder and a box of screws on his way.
Dean snorted. “The fucker wants a wife and kids.”
“You sure have a funny way of showing it.” Rafe leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Jesus, his head wouldn’t stop swimming. “Tell Dean about your date tonight.”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Good, because I don’t want to share.” Rafe heard a heavy thump of a fist on denim and Dean swore as Jake lit into him. “Keep your damn feet off my dashboard.”
“You obviously didn’t get laid tonight.”
Rafe tipped his head forward and grimaced. “It’s a good thing Matt wasn’t here, he’d have a field day with the lot of us.”
“Is that why you’re drunk out of your gourd? Liv stand you up?”
Not exactly. She’d warned him she wasn’t interested. He just hadn’t believed her.
Jake turned off the main drag, then again onto Dean’s street. He didn’t bother to turn the truck off, just idled as his brother slowly and happily undid his seatbelt. “Thanks, bro.”
“No worries. You need a ride to get your truck in the morning?”
“Nah, I’ll walk. Or maybe catch a ride with Liv on her way to the diner.” Dean flashed a wicked smile back at Rafe, like he knew what he was doing, but the asshole had no clue. Rafe was over the centre console and rather ineffectively whaling on his friend before the smile had made it all the way across his face.
“Rafe, don’t be an idiot,” Jake yelled as Dean shoved his door open and tumbled out, laughing the whole way.
Rafe followed, weaving back and forth. Why were there two Deans? That made it hard to hit him. “Leave her alone.”
“Man, I was just…she’s my friend.”
“Well she’s my wife!” he yelled.
Both Deans stopped and shook their heads. “Not anymore.”
Bah. What did they know, anyway? Rafe pushed away at the air around him and spun in a circle. In front of him loomed Dean’s house. And forty feet behind that was his woman. He staggered toward the side path to the backyard. Behind him the Foster brothers fought about who should follow him but he didn’t care. He’d grabbed a ride as far as he needed tonight and he was done with them.
“Liv!” he hollered as he jogged into the backyard, triggering the motion sensor floodlight. “Livvie! My Olivia fair!”
Behind him, Jake snorte
d. “I need to record this for blackmail purposes.”
Rafe turned. “That’s a great idea, let’s make a video.”
Dean stepped between them. He was drunk too, so why wasn’t he staggering around? “Time for bed.”
Sure thing. He notched his thumb toward his house. Where his wife was sleeping. “I’ve got one over there. She didn’t come to me, so I’m going to her.”
“If she didn’t come out tonight, man, that means she doesn’t want you banging on her back door in the middle of the night.” Dean reached for him and Rafe danced out of the way. Except he wasn’t nearly as nimble as he wanted to be, and he tripped over his feet and tumbled sideways, hitting the ground hard.
“There’s a time and a place for crazy declarations of love, man, and this isn’t it.” Jake gestured to the house. “Want to crash on Dean’s couch? Think this over and maybe do it in the morning if it seems like a good idea once you piss out all that beer?”
“What do you know about love? She’s my fucking soul mate.”
Jake gave him a long, level look. “I know what it’s like to want something you can’t have.”
“I can have her.” He ground his teeth together.
“You’re divorced for a reason, Rafe. You guys fought constantly for months. Don’t you remember?”
He really didn’t. Sure, there had been a few fights, but all he could remember was the soft, warm heat of Olivia sleeping next to him and how much he fucking missed that. He turned away from his friends and looked toward Liv’s house again. He’d hopped the fence plenty of times when sober. And in the daylight. He took a running start and grabbed the top of the fence, heaving himself into the air. One leg got up and over the top rail, but his momentum was short of what he needed, and he just hung there like an overfed baboon before dropping to the ground, still on Dean’s property.
“Come on man, let me take you home.” Jake tapped him on the shoulder.
Maybe the beer was starting to wear off, or maybe he wasn’t as committed to acts of insanity as he should be for a man in love, but Rafe was done. “Sure.” He nodded a vague goodbye at Dean and trudged back to the truck.
Jake started laughing at him as he pulled away from the curb. “Fucking idiot. It’s only five degrees out tonight, you’re drunk as a skunk, there’s no moon, and you’re trying to hop a fence like a teenager.”
“Fuck you.” Rafe grinned. Whatever. He had five more months of acting like a fool—he didn’t need to spend it all in one night. “Speaking of acting like a teenager. I’m not so drunk I didn’t notice what you said earlier. Who are you pining for, anyway?”
Jake snorted. “Oh, the time for sharing has passed, trust me.”
— —
It turned out her willpower wasn’t completely shot after all. She’d curled up on the window seat in her bedroom and watched Rafe stumble drunkenly around Dean’s yard. Other than the first few shouts of her name, which had woken her up, she hadn’t heard anything he said. That didn’t stop her from watching him, though, her private perch allowing her to hungrily soak up the sight of him. Even drunk and disorderly Rafe was yummy.
She knew he’d be upset that she didn’t show up. She’d thought he might even come over and insist on dragging her out—or coming in. She’d been half-disappointed that he hadn’t, and when she’d gone to bed it had been to a bittersweet memory of the first stag and doe he’d ever taken her to. Of sitting on hard plastic chairs, drinking toonie drinks and dancing all night. Rafe got handsy when he drank, and she missed that possessive slide of his body against hers, his big hands stroking up her back and across her hips.
It would have been so easy to go downstairs and turn on the back light. Let him come in and sober up, maybe let him do some of that touching and brush it off the next day as a drunken mistake.
But they’d both know the truth. So she just watched instead, biting her lip, until long after Jake dragged him away and Dean’s yard went dark.
When she fell asleep, it wasn’t to a memory. Instead she dreamed of a late night visit, of muttered promises of renewed effort and quiet, desperate lovemaking. She woke up five hours later with her sheets tangled around her legs and she cupped her swollen sex. Lifted her hips in tiny, hard jerks. Touching herself and thinking of Rafe…the very opposite of emotional progress. As she spread her legs and dipped her fingers into her shockingly wet core, she promised herself that she’d find new fantasy material tomorrow. Or maybe the next day.
It didn’t take long. As always, she didn’t get much further than Rafe’s face between her legs before going off like a rocket. It had been far too long. Dani had urged her to go away for a weekend and have some vacation sex, but Liv couldn’t even fathom getting naked with someone else. And dating in Pine Harbour was out—all the single men were Minellis or Fosters.
Besides, the only man she wanted was Rafe. As long as he was around as a living, breathing example of exactly what did it for her, no man would measure up.
So she’d go another six months without sex. Once she moved away, it would be easier to start again. Date and kiss and—
She shuddered. Unless it was Joe Manganiello, who topped her “top 5 celebrities to sleep with” list, she just wasn’t interested. But maybe Joe would be cast in this movie. She snickered to herself at the possibility of actually seeing famous people in Pine Harbour.
Greg had sent her on three reconnaissance missions in the last week, and her first paycheque had been deposited into her account. It was nice to see the extra zeroes on the balance line, but that didn’t make the project any more real.
And from the little she gleaned from the information she had, she doubted there were many sexy male lead roles.
She stepped into the shower and closed her eyes, letting the steam wake her up the rest of the way. Rafe looked a bit like Joe with shorter hair. Maybe she should transition her fantasies to a celebrity. But as soon as she pictured Joe kissing along her collarbone, Rafe showed up behind her. He cupped her breasts and lifted them for Joe to nuzzle his face between.
That wasn’t like Rafe at all. He wasn’t into sharing. She shampooed and tried to start again, but this time the fantasy was just two Rafes, front and back, and she gave up.
Masturbation would need to be off the table for a while, too. It was the only answer.
She briskly finished her shower and headed for the diner. Sunday was a short day, as they closed at one in the afternoon. Maybe she’d go for a hike after work, do something physical to burn off the energy. But the good intentions disappeared as she arrived at the diner to find Rafe sitting on the steps.
“Frank didn’t let you in?” she asked in disbelief.
He stood and offered a rueful smile. “I didn’t ask. I thought I’d wait for you here.”
“It’s cold out!” She pulled the door open, holding it for him to follow her in. She shrugged out of her fleece zippy and wrapped on her mini apron. She put coffee on then dashed back to the office to grab the money tray for the till. She counted out a float for her apron, writing the amount on an IOU note for the drawer, steadfastly ignoring her ex sitting at the counter. When the coffee machine beeped, she finally gave him a bit of attention—in the form of a cup of joe. “Here.”
“Thanks.”
“You look rough.”
“Last night didn’t go exactly as I expected.”
“Really? People didn’t bend to your magnetic will?”
He gave her an inscrutable look. “I only want one person to bend on my command, Liv.”
She blushed. Damn him. “Are you up for food? Or are you too hungover?”
“How do you know I was drinking? Rumour mill find you this early?”
She bit her lip. In the kitchen, Frank wasn’t listening, but he wasn’t not listening either. “I heard you last night. At Dean’s. Just the first bit when you were hollering my name.”
He groaned. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Not quite Romeo and Juliet, eh?” She stumbled over the words as she realiz
ed what she was saying. “Not that I would want you to be Romeo. And I’m no Juliet.”
He smiled, and it was soft and deep, reaching all the way to his eyes, but it wasn’t happy. “I know, baby. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
She ignored the nickname. “Do you want eggs?”
He shook his head. “Just toast. Four slices, please. With peanut butter.”
“This is a meal you could make at home.” She cast him a baleful glance and he just stared back at her, naked emotion written all over his face. He was done pretending he couldn’t cook for himself. “Well, it’s a stupid and expensive way to try and win me back.”
“Or it’s the only way I get to spend time with you, and since we’re not married anymore, you don’t get to tell me what to do with my money. So shut up.”
“You’re rude, you know that?”
“You’re pretty.”
It was her turn to tell him to shut up, then it got too busy to keep teasing each other. But she felt his eyes on her as she hustled coffee and plates and bills. It was different now, and a nervous disquiet rippled through her. Somehow a humble Rafe was so much more dangerous than his normal cocky self.
— —
He was too damn tired to keep up the game today, but that hadn’t stopped him from rolling out of bed and heading to the diner anyway. It was like he needed to be there any day he wasn’t working. Why couldn’t she understand that? His attachment to her wasn’t optional. Maybe it would be easier if he actually could disassociate. But love didn’t work like that.
Not for the first time, he considered the possibility that she really had fallen out of love with him. This time the thought had a new stickiness to it and he didn’t like that one bit.