***
Four: Baked Beans
We rifled through the kit bags and found the baked beans, we opened the tin and ate the beans cold, with our fingers, spitting out the bullets. We hadn't said a word since we had fallen through the world, we had crawled to the cave's main entrance, it was mid-way up a cliff overlooking the sea, we had dragged our kit there and found the food and eaten it, then we stretched and laid back and enjoyed the view. Kashmere's idea of enjoying the view was to prop her gun up and try to get in a firing pose, to be ready for anything but her eyes kept closing and eventually she fell asleep, I joined her. We awoke with a start, perhaps we had heard something, we listened, cocked our guns but there was nothing.
'It was like a superman comic,' I said. 'You got shot in the collected works of Shakespeare and I got shot in the baked beans.'
'Close shave,' she said.
'Those beans were nice.'
'It was difficult out there but we came through.'
'I like a bit of excitement before dinner.'
'Restocking of essential energy sugars,' she said, 'is vital in a combat scenario.'
'Still we aren't dead, I enjoyed the beans, if I could get hold of a can of cold beer I'd be in paradise.'
'We must make plans to retake the initiative.'
'I don't suppose we have any spaghetti hoops?'
'We need to formulate a plan to counter their fire power and man power superiority.'
'I don't wanna go to the party with you, I don't wanna go to the fair, I don't wanna go anywhere with you I just wanna stay here and love you, whoa oh whoa oh oh,' I sang to her.
'Do you always have to play the idiot?' she said.
'I fancy myself as a bit of a crooner.'
'Don't give up your day job.'
We were sitting propped up in our narrow cave looking out over the sea, great waves crashed on the rocks below, it was stunningly beautiful.
'Here I am on some beautiful bit of coast with a beautiful woman,' I said, 'so…'
'So what?' she said.
'It's just my opening gambit, I can't ask you to dance, or ask you if you would like cup of tea and a buttered bun, so I said so.'
'You talk a lot of bullshit.'
'Why do you carry that great heavy complete works of Shakespeare in your backpack? We're going into action, surely a small and lightweight Regency Romance would be better?'
'If I read a small and lightweight Regency Romance I'd be dead now.'
'True, Shakespeare saved your life.'
'If you must know, I'm planning on getting into university and studying English language and literature.'
'So in between assassinating right wing terrorist leaders you intend reading up on the puppy love of Romeo and Juliet.'
'I wouldn't put it quite like that.'
'Romeo Romeo where fore art thou Romeo, bang one down. A rose by any other name smells just as sweet, bang another one bites the dust. To be or not to be that is the question, bang that's a hat trick.'
'I suppose you fancy yourself as an actor as well as a crooner.'
'Laurence Olivier's got nothing on me.'
'Bottom from A Midsummer Night's Dream, he turns into an ass, you don't need to turn into one.'
'You say the nicest things.'
'I just don't like you.'
'You could be a librarian.'
'Why?'
'Somebody doesn't bring back the book they borrowed from the library on time: bang!'
'You think you're so funny, you nearly got us killed and I believe it could only have been you who gave the information about this operation away, they were sitting waiting for us.'
'What if I did? I tell you frankly, I don't believe in going someplace, where nobody is hurting our people, and assassinating someone, that sort of thing is all behind me now, when I get out of here I'm out of this man's bloody army.'
'We are going after the second most wanted man on earth.'
'So he's a terrorist leader, yes?'
'Yes.'
'Then he should be captured and brought to trial.'
'You make me laugh, these people get away with murder.'
'Well isn't that what we've been sent here to do?'
'That's different.'
'I don't see it, I used to see it, in the old days, drop me on a lonely island and tell me who to shoot and bang! But today I don't see it.'
'Look you enlisted in the Australian Army, you volunteered for the special forces, you weren't conscripted, you're here of your own free will.'
'No.'
'Yes.'
'No, I volunteered to undertake operations to save people's lives. The train that was hijacked in Malaysia, by this same gang, the Black Shirt Brigade, I volunteered to go in there and help get the people out.'
'I read the report, you killed three Black Shirts.'
'Yes because they were about to shoot innocent people. I've been on United Nations assignments, I was in on the operations in Timor, enough said about that, I've done my fair share of fighting but from now on I will only kill if it's absolutely necessary to save my skin or that of innocent civilians, I will not go to an island to assassinate people, I'd rather throw a chop on the barbie and knock back a cold beer.'
'But you are on this island and you will do as instructed.'
'No way.'
'They said you'd be difficult but not this bad.'
'Then let's call it a day and go home.'
'We have a job to do.'
'Well count me out of this one.'
'I can't do it by myself.'
'You'll have to.'
'Bastard, I hate you.'
'Good, I'm not sure I want to be liked by someone like you.'
'If you don't obey orders I'll shoot you.'
'Not if I shoot you first,' I said and pointed my gun at her.
'You'll be court martialled.'
'I don't give a rat's arse, I am no longer an assassin, I have resigned.'
'Who do you think organised the hijacking of that train in Malaysia?'
'I don't know.'
'Spode.'
'And he is?'
'Sir Singen Saracen-Spode the White Crusader, the commander of the Black Shirts.'
'It's all little boy's games to me.'
'It is a big boy's game.'
'Big boys, little boys, they're all the same.'
'Spode was on that train you helped liberate.'
'Pity I didn't shoot him then when they were shooting at me.'
'He organised it and he organised the London supermarket massacre.'
'Then he's got a lot to answer for.'
'My mother was in London at the time.'
'So?'
'She was killed.'
'I'm sorry.'
'I don't need your sympathy.'
'I'm still not…'
'Well I am, I'm going to get him if it's the last thing I ever do.'
'Look why not try to contact the fleet and get some reinforcements in here?'
'No, we have the immediate and overwhelming advantage, they haven't factored in an attack at this point.'
'You're incurable.'
'I'm going to do it.'
'Or die trying?'
'Or die trying.'
'Okay I'll back you up.'
'That's all I ask.'
'But I'm not assassinating anybody okay, all I'm prepared to do is cover your arse and, I have to say, it looks like it would be quite a nice arse to cover,' I said and she hit me in the jaw. 'I guess I know where I stand with you.'
'Yes.'
'So a quick one in the back of the cave is out of the question?'
'I really hate you.'
'I do have an irresistible charm, the ladies just can't help falling for me.'
'Don't kid yourself fella.'
'I could tell we hit it off the moment we met, I remember you tried to pull my arm off.'
'I should have shot you then.'
'You see you do like me.'
'If you'r
e court martialled I'll volunteer to be on the firing squad, terminating your incessant drivel would be a real pleasure.'
'Can't keep away from me even at the end.'
'You make me feel utterly exhausted.'
'There you are, your whole body responds to my charm.'
'Personally I find you puerile.'
'I think we could be soul mates.'
'If you were the sole of my shoe I would enjoy stomping all over you.'
'You do get enjoyment from me.'
'Why don't you listen to what I'm saying.'
'I read between the lines.'
'Well let me make myself clear, I need you to get the job done but the moment Singen Saracen-Spode is dead I don't want to see you ever again, full stop.'
'There, you admitted you need me.'
'You're hopeless.'
'It's weird, I don't like you and you don't like me but I get a kick out of telling you that you do like me and you get a kick out of telling me how much you hate me. I think it must be love.'
'For God's sake, I wish I could just shoot you and put an end to your drivel.'
'I think we have a real thing going here.'
Shakespeare on the Roof Page 4