by Ebony Olson
I didn't need the test to know I was pregnant. My period had never been late before. When Sunday morning rolled around and it still hadn't shown, I'd known what that meant. I hadn't gone out and purchased a test yet, because I knew when I saw that result I would have to call Darius and tell him, and I wanted him to reach out to me first. Even if it didn't change anything. I needed him to apologize for the way he’d handled the situation.
Of course, I knew Darius well enough to know that apologies weren't his strong suit. As Sophie walked me into her doctor’s three hours later to get a pregnancy confirmation and discuss my options, I pulled out my phone and texted Warren.
I need to see him. It's important.
The response was almost instant.
I am sorry, Mora. He will not see you.
A blood test and a lot of information pamphlets later, Sophie dropped me home. "Do you want me to come in? We could read through the information?"
I shook my head. "No, I've got something I need to do."
"Oh, boy."
"Oh, boy, what?" I asked.
"You have that look on your face. The one that threatens danger to anyone who gets in your way." Sophie held up her hands when I glared at her. "You have set your mind on something and I know better than to get in your way, Mora. I will come by tomorrow and we can talk then."
I nodded and took her hand. "I'm going to be okay, Sophie. I just needed to retreat for a while, but I'm back in reality now. I'll deal with this and find my way forward. You don't need to worry about me."
Sophie gave me a gentle smile. "I'm not, Mora. You’re made of stronger stuff than me. Alex called me this morning and asked me to come over. He and your dad don’t know how to help you through this."
"Tell them just to give me a hug and let me do what I need to. I'll come good in the end," I instructed. Sophie nodded and I closed her car door, walking inside to pack a bag. Darius wouldn't take my calls and I knew he’d refuse to see me if I gave him the choice.
Unfortunately for him, I knew his schedule off by heart.
***
"Mora, what are you doing here?" Warren asked, seeing me arrive in front of his desk. Darius’ office door was open so I knew he wasn't there right now. Probably still out of town. "Better question, how the hell did you get up here? Darius locked out your access and informed security you were not to be let in the building."
"Nice to see you, too, Warren." I rolled my eyes. "I'm here to return what doesn't belong to me," I stated, pulling the trolley case to a stop in front of his desk.
Warren's eyes dropped to the case. "Did Steffen pack something that didn't belong to you?"
I raised a brow. "We both know Steffen didn't pack my bags. Goodbye, Warren."
Warren's brows lowered in confusion. "Wait." He stepped around his desk and lifted the bag on top, unzipping it. His confusion increased at the sight of the clothes and shoes. "Mora, Darius purchased these clothes for you. They were a gift."
"I don't want or need anything from that coward," I replied evenly. "A broken heart and inability to trust another man for the rest of my life is plenty gift enough. He wanted me out of his life entirely? Well, I'm out, but it goes both ways. I do not need any further reminder of his broken promises." I stepped toward Warren. "Do you want to know the worst thing?"
Warren hesitated, his eyes and head flicking over his left shoulder toward Darius’ office door. I let my eyes drift there and saw movement. I realized Darius was in there, lurking in the darkness. He must have been in the back when I arrived, but it was clear he was hiding now. That realization spurred me on.
"The biggest thing he gave me… I mean, this is something that is going to stay with me for life, I can't give it back." My voice struggled not to break on the final words.
Warren looked like he wanted to hug me, but dropped his head instead. "I am sorry, Mora. I know your father explained the situation. You must understand, Dare never meant to hurt you like this."
I looked away and almost laughed. "Yeah, Marshall explained. That’s the problem. It's not what happened, it's how it happened." I met Warren's eyes. "Darius should have been the one to explain the situation to me. He should have told me everything there and then at The Mill, sat me down and explained why he was about to break every promise he made me. Instead, he threw me out. He couldn't even look me in the eye and say goodbye. He still won't. He's a coward."
Warren sucked in a deep breath and collected a manila envelope from his desk. I was about to tell him I was pregnant when he handed the envelope to me. I held my tongue, unsure what he was giving me.
"You’re right, Mora," Warren admitted sadly. "Dare handled it badly… he’s still dealing with it. I do not agree with what went down at The Mill and I do not agree with everything that has happened since then. He is my boss and I do my job."
"What's this?" I asked, taking the envelope.
"Your annulment papers." Warren winced as he said it.
My hand shook where it held the envelope. "He signed them?" I whispered.
Warren stepped forward with concern. "He did. I was meant to drop them by on my way home tonight."
I felt myself about to break. Darius had dissolved our marriage like it meant nothing. I was carrying his child and it would be born illegitimately because of these papers. I took a deep breath. "So, I'm unattached, single, never been married? It was all a dream that never really happened?"
Warren's throat looked like he was trying to swallow a bitter pill. "Once you sign the papers and lodge them, you will be free to marry someone else. To the church and the government, you will have never been married."
I huffed to prevent myself from crying. "Just another of his lies."
"Mora," Warren pleaded.
I held up the envelope. "You and I both know this is a lie, Warren, and you know why it is a lie. We consummated our marriage and he is denying we did, here in a legal document. That’s perjury." I carried the truth inside me.
"It is a lie that will allow you to move on with your life. You will both be free to build a future with someone else," Warren encouraged.
I lifted my eyes to the ceiling and nodded my head in understanding. "So he can find someone else and pretend I never existed, is what you mean?"
Darius was already in damage control. He wanted a wife and kids; that meant I had to disappear. Any thought of telling him about the fetus inside of me vanished. I shoved the envelope in my bag and turned to leave.
"Mora, do not think for a second it is any easier on him." Warren grabbed my arm to turn me back to him. "You’re not the only one hurting in this."
"No," I answered sharply, pulling my arm free from his grasp. "I am, however, the only one who lost everything, aren't I?" I inched closer to Warren's face. "I gave up my career for him. I broke my rules for him. He took everything from me, Warren, and all he gave me in return was a living nightmare. He has turned me into my mother, and I will hate him for all eternity for doing so."
Warren's mouth fell open as I turned and marched down the corridor. I threw open the fire door and made my way out of the building the same way I came in. I knew the negligent night-shift guard wedged the door open each night while he smoked in the alley.
I'd come to do the right thing and give Darius a say in his child's future. Instead, I was left feeling broken, precisely as my mother must have felt all those years ago. I crossed back to the front of the building and hailed a cab. I needed my aerial class tonight. I needed to work this anger out of me.
An hour later, I was practicing my bird drop. I wrapped my legs and started the fall immediately.
"Mora, check your anchor before you..." my instructor yelled.
I'd already started my descent, and after an initial jolt, the silk let me go and I fell. It was a heavy hit. Thankfully, the thick gymnastic mats below stopped me from hitting the hard surface.
"Mora." My instructor rushed toward me. "Call an ambulance."
"I'm fine," I moaned. I gritted my teeth as the pain spread
through my right side.
"Bullshit," she murmured. "You're pregnant. That means you go to hospital after any sort of fall."
"She's what?" a male voice I recognized boomed around me.
I closed my eyes, realizing Zander had heard. I'd confided in my instructor to ensure I would be fine to carry out moderate practice. I was seriously regretting that now.
"Stay with her," my instructor directed Zander before she moved swiftly to the office. Zander knelt by me, his eyes full of incredulity.
"What are you doing here?" I asked mournfully.
"Warren told me about your visit. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I knew this is where you would be." Zander touched my cheek. "Did you tell him?"
"I went there tonight to tell him. He hid in his office and had Warren give me the annulment papers. I couldn't tell him after that," I sobbed.
The ambulance arrived, and I was taken to the hospital for a full check over. Zander showed up an hour later while I waited for the results.
"Please don't tell him," I begged immediately.
Zander shook his head. "I’m not going to. He does not deserve you, Mora." Zander took my hand in his. I noticed the bruised knuckles.
"Have you been in a fight?"
Zander frowned. "I made you a promise, Mora. He broke your heart; I broke his face." He grimaced. "Dare is on the other side of emergency as we speak, waiting for the plastic surgery consult."
"Zander!" I breathed.
"I know you would never want to hurt him, Mora, but I made you a promise and I am a man of my word."
I squeezed his hand. "How bad is it?"
Zander smiled and shrugged. "Broken nose, black eye, and busted lip. Your brother softened him up for me first."
"Wait, Alex was there?"
"Not tonight, no. Alex and Darius got into a fight after you ran out of the reception. Neither of them got injured really, but I suspect he might have cracked Darius’ nose and I just finished the job."
I closed my eyes, hating that men sorted things out with their fists.
"Mrs. Blake?" The doctor came in.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. I didn't bother to correct him. "Yes."
"Your results all came back good. No broken bones and the baby is fine. You might be a little bruised for a week, but other than that, there is no cause for concern." The doctor smiled. "I will leave a note for your doctor with your discharge form. Your husband can take you home now. Just stick to the ground for the rest of your pregnancy."
"Thank you, Doctor." I forced a smile as he left the room. I turned my eyes to Zander. "I'm married to you now, am I?"
Zander shrugged. "Only way I could get in to see you. Your father and brother are on the way to get you."
I looked at him, panicked. "You didn't tell them, did you?"
Zander looked at me with concern. "You haven't?"
I swallowed. "I only had it confirmed today. I haven't decided what I will do yet."
"I see. Well, no, I haven’t told them and I'll keep it to myself until you make up your mind."
"Thank you."
"Mora…" Zander hesitated. "I don’t want to lose you as a friend. Please don’t shut me out of your life just because my best friend is a moron?"
I gave Zander a weak smile. "I think I've lost enough these past few months, don't you?"
Zander touched my cheek. "Good, because I was thinking, since you're homeless, and I'm pretty sure I just became homeless..."
Chapter Ten
Two weeks after the fall, I sat in my father's basement-level living room playing my cello. Two stories above, my father was preparing to have guests from the Fehu Brotherhood in his drawing room. Now that aerial was off the cards for me, my cello had become my absolute release of emotion. Not that I'd stopped flying altogether; only meters away hung my sling, which I was using for aerial yoga and retaining my strength.
"That was beautiful, Mora." Jeremy Green smiled from the doorway. "Jacqueline Du Pré would be jealous."
"Jeremy." I nodded, greeting him.
"I was worried a broken heart would affect your talent. It appears my concern was unfounded. I felt every ounce of your anger just now."
I sighed, placing my cello aside. "Dad told you?"
"The entire brotherhood knows. Both about you and Darius, and that you were hurt badly as a consequence." Jeremy slid his hands into his pockets. "Your father decided open candor was best. He took the blame himself and spared Darius." Jeremy looked at me with sympathy. "I’m sorry, Mora. I could see how in love you two were that night."
I stood and met Jeremy's eyes. "Thank you." I moved to go upstairs and get something to eat. My appetite had been nearly non-existent since the wedding, but now, with a life growing inside of me, I needed to eat.
"Cassandra is upstairs with your father," Jeremy informed me.
"That is a mental image I didn't need, but if they are in the drawing room, then the kitchen is still usable." I gave a half smile and walked up the narrow hall to reach the stairs.
My father’s kitchen was at the back of the house. I loved the large glass stacking doors that opened out onto a courtyard above the family room. At the far end of the courtyard was a wall covered in leaves. I quite often stood in the kitchen just staring at it. I started fixing myself a milkshake. When I turned around, Jeremy was standing there watching.
"Do you want a milkshake, Jeremy?" I asked to be polite.
"I am good, thank you." Jeremy stood watching me as I puttered around the kitchen.
As I put the milk back in the fridge, I grabbed the block of cheese and cut myself a few slices, nibbling them while I whisked the milkshake.
"Cassandra is upstairs telling your father she is pregnant again," Jeremy started out of nowhere.
I stopped and looked at him. "Congratulations. I hope you get the daughter you are after."
Jeremy smiled. "I just want a healthy child and a happy wife. It's Cassandra who has her heart set on a girl."
I smiled. "She is lucky to have such a supportive husband."
"I am lucky to have found a woman so perfect for me," Jeremy responded quickly. "Just like Darius was lucky to have found you. If Cassandra's father turned out to be a brother, I do not think I could have given her up so easily or thoroughly."
I glared at Jeremy. "Well, I guess Cassandra is a luckier woman than me, to have found a husband willing to fight for her."
"I didn't say I would fight for her, Mora. I said I could not have walked away from her so entirely," Jeremy explained. "I dare say, I would have explained the situation and taken her as my lover instead."
"Made her your mistress?" I asked with raised brows.
"No." Jeremy shook his head sternly. "Mistresses are still classified as a relationship, Mora, and do not have the restrictions about sharing that a wife does."
"The other men can have sex with your mistress?"
Jeremy nodded. "I am saying that I would have chosen to never marry and have a casual affair with Cassandra rather than give her up. Just like Marshall did with Alex's mother."
"What?"
Jeremy smiled. "The brotherhood has known for a long time about their affair. She married another man, though, so we let it be. In our eyes, Marshall had already paid the cost of membership. He sacrificed love." Jeremy shrugged. "We knew about Alex, but we thought he was his stepfather’s son. You, however… we did not even know you existed. Marshall loved Alex's mother. When he asked her to marry him, he explained about the brotherhood. We are talking thirty years ago, Mora. Women were a lot more repressed sexually. She wouldn't be shared. They continued to see each other until she found herself pregnant, at which time she ended things with Marshall and quickly married the man who became her husband.
"Alex's stepfather is gay. Thirty years ago, that, too, was not so well received. It was a good arrangement for the pair. He got a wife and child, and they both had their lovers on the side," Jeremy explained. "It is why Alex is an only child. Though, I am surprised his m
om and Marshall did not have more together."
"It would have been the perfect arrangement," I agreed. "Marshall got his woman and a family without the sacrifice."
Jeremy smiled. I turned off the blender and poured my milkshake into a glass before cleaning up.
"For Darius to give you up so instantly and completely is like going cold turkey and shows just how in love he is with you, Mora," Jeremy started. "He has walked away entirely to allow you to move on without him."
"Did you come here to throw me a Darius Rafal pity party, Jeremy?"
"No."
"Good. Because nothing anyone says to me about him is going to undo what he's done." I lifted my milkshake to my mouth and caught a whiff of it. I frowned and took a deeper breath. I turned and poured the milkshake down the sink, trying not to gag. "Milk must have soured."
There was a pause twice as pregnant as I was. "How far along are you, Mora?"
I turned and looked at Jeremy unhappily. Who knew men could be so perceptive? "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Mora, I've seen Cassandra through two pregnancies already and she's in her first trimester with a third. I watched her pour an entire carton of milk down the sink only last week because it smelt so bad to her even though there was nothing wrong with it."
I shook my head. "The milk was off. I'm going up to my room. Goodnight, Jeremy."
Jeremy caught me at the door and turned me to face him. "He wanted you pregnant straight away so he would not have to share you, didn't he? I know, Mora; I suggested it to him. Now how far along are you?"
My heart raced and my body started to shake as I failed to contain my emotion. "The doctor says seven weeks. I suspect four would be more accurate."
"Have you told him?"
I dropped my head and shook it. "I tried." I lifted my head to meet Jeremy's eyes. "He wants me out of his life completely, Jeremy. You can't have a child with someone who doesn’t want you in their life. He is better off not knowing at all."
"You intend to keep it?" Jeremy asked carefully.
I nodded my head. "It’s my child, too. I will love it and care for it with all my heart, no matter who the father is."