“I can’t eat. My face hurts...and I’ve got...such a...knot in my...stomach, I don’t...think there’s room...for food.”
“All right. Be back in a couple."
With her eyes closed and her head lying back on the seat, Emily took advantage of the few minutes of solitude offered her to get her thoughts and emotions under control. She needed to get control of herself now and be prepared to meet Eric in case he was at home when they got there. She sighed and thought, "I just need to get through today. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. I just hope to God he leaves me alone tonight. I don't think there is a spot on my body that doesn't hurt.”
Chapter 6
Jeanie had made dinner for Emily and the boys, seen to it that Emily ate something and had her and the boys settled into bed before she reluctantly took leave of them. "I don’t like the idea of leaving your here but I have to get home. I do wish you and the boys would come with me. This really irks me, you know, I don't like feeling so helpless."
"We'll be...all right. And...thank you. I don't know...how I would have...managed... without you...today."
"Before I leave I'll get you a pen and some paper. I want you to get that letter written to your Mom and Dad."
"Thanks, I will."
It was a peaceful night. Eric didn't come home.
He stayed away until late next afternoon and walked in with no explanation of where he had been and Emily didn’t ask, for she had long ago stopped caring or asking about his whereabouts when he wasn’t at home. It was enough that he wasn’t there to make life unbearable for her and the children.
After shedding his outer clothes, he joined the family who were gathered around the television watching a movie. His 'hi' as he sank into the Easy-Boy chair was met with some quiet, “Hi, Dads”, but nothing from Emily. She was afraid that he would be annoyed that she hadn’t greeted him in a manner due to ‘the man of the house’ but she found that her mouth was suddenly dry and speech was impossibility.
They watched the remainder of the movie in silence, although Emily’s mind wasn’t on the movie. She was worried about how she would manage to get supper on the table. Sitting perfectly still and taking shallow breaths didn’t cause her any pain, but whenever she moved, even slightly, the pain in her chest took her breath away. As the credits appeared on the screen, she knew that she had no choice. She grasped the arms of the chair and began to slowly slide forward. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she reached the edge of the chair and began to slowly raise herself upright.
"Putting on a pretty good show aren’t you,” snarled Eric.
Kyle jumped up before she had a chance to answer and faced his father, "Don't hurt her anymore, Dad. The doctor said that she has to be careful 'til her ribs get better."
Eric stared at his son. The little brat was telling him what to do! He controlled the sudden urge to backhand him. It wasn't the kid’s fault anyway. How could you expect a kid to respect his father when he was always being mollycoddled by a spineless excuse for a woman like this one?
By then, Emily was on her feet and turned to face her husband. "He's just...trying to... help me. Please...leave him...alone."
"What do you mean, leave him alone? I haven't said a word to him. He has a sassy mouth and you have the gall to tell me to leave him alone. Don’t you dare start nagging me. You might better spend some time teaching these kids something. You seem to forget that it is my responsibility to bring up these boys as God-fearing people. Do you hear me - my responsibility! I want to show you something.” He reached for the Bible on the stand near his chair and flipped through it for a moment, “Here it is! I marked this a few days ago. Read this, you damned excuse for a woman - first Timothy.” He thrust the book at her and when she didn’t take it from him, he tossed it back onto the stand, “Of course you won’t look at it. You don’t want to see where you are going wrong. It says in the Bible that a man must rule his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. Did that sink in to that head of yours? It said - in subjection. That is from the mouth of God."
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "I'll get supper."
"You’re going to get supper all right, and you’d better get it fast. It’s the Sabbath and I will not be late for church. You boys get upstairs and get ready to go. Now! I want to have a little discussion with your mother."
He had not taken his eyes off Emily as he spoke to the boys and dread washed over her and she felt her mouth once again go dry. The boys hesitated, reluctant to leave their mother but afraid of the consequences of not obeying their father. Therefore, as usual, they did as he demanded. Eric waited until they were gone and then spoke slowly, without raising his voice, "Now, what is this I heard about 'the doctor said'. Tell me more." She could hear the sneer in his voice.
"I had to...go Eric. My ribs...and nose...are broken."
"And how, may I ask, did you get there?"
"Jeanie...took me."
"How nice! Jeanie took you. How neighborly.” The sarcasm was replaced by cold fury. “Of course you didn't stop to think of what this would mean to your family. You didn’t think about what would happen if people start talking about us. None of that is important to you. I have a reputation to uphold in this community, you know. But, that isn’t important. Our whole family could be ripped apart. But, of course, that doesn't matter to you either. The only thing that matters to you is getting the neighbors involved in our personal business. And not just any old neighbor. Oh, no, you call on the one neighbor who you know I don’t like. The one neighbor who would love to get some dirt on me.”
"I'm sorry."
"I'm so sick of you putting this family in jeopardy and thinking of nobody but yourself. For two cents....” He stepped towards her and raised his hand.
"Don't do it Eric." Emily was angry by now. "You can yell at me...all you want but...I didn't do this...to myself, you know."
"Oh, didn't you! You all but ask for it and then try to make me look like a fool."
"I've got to...get supper." Emily turned away from him, afraid to say any more although there was a great deal more that she wanted to say.
"Don't you dare walk away from me when I'm talking to you," Eric spat as he grabbed her by the shoulders and began to shake her. "I should drive you one."
As he began to shake her, the pain began to mount in her chest until it was more than she could bear and she found that she couldn't get her breath. Her nose began to bleed and slowly she lost consciousness.
She became aware of a cold wet cloth on her forehead and opened her eyes to see the frightened face of Sam bending over her.
"Mom, can you hear me?"
She found that she didn't have enough breath to answer so instead raised her hand to signal to the frightened boy that she had heard him, and looked into the somewhat relieved face of her worried son. “Gosh, Mom, I thought for a minute that you were dead. I was so scared.” She lay quietly for a couple of minutes until she was able to breath somewhat easier and was able to talk.
"Where...is your...father?" she whispered.
“Upstairs." her son answered, "He's getting dressed for evening services. I'm supposed to be getting ready, too. But I can't leave you here on the floor."
"Help me...up...I'll be...all right...you go with...your father."
"I don't want to go."
"Have to, Sam. I’m O.K. Honest."
Just then they heard a shout from upstairs, "Sam, what are you doing? You’d better be ready when I get down there. I won't be late."
"I'll just be a minute, Dad."
Emily gritted her teeth and began to move. To get up from the floor, she knew, would be an almost impossible task, but she had no choice, she certainly didn’t want to spend the evening on the floor, and her only hope of getting up would be now while her son was here to assist her.
By the time she was settled on the couch, her face was white, she was sweating profusely and she was again unable to get her breath. Meanwhile, Eric was yelling, and Sam's face again had that hard, ang
ry look. He started to answer his father back but thought better of it so instead went to his room and put on his suit. By the time he got back downstairs, Eric had the car running and his younger brothers were dressed and ready to leave, so Sam grabbed his heavy coat and followed the others out of the house.
Before Eric pulled out of the driveway, he turned to his sons. "If anyone asks, your mother has an upset stomach. I won't have people getting involved in our private business. If I find out that any of you are telling private things to anyone, you will be sorry boys. I don't care which one of you opens his mouth, I'll get all four of you for it."
The boys were very familiar with their father's rules and had heard this particular speech many times before and therefore, made no comment as he put the car in gear and turned onto the road. The drive was done in complete silence. Even Danny, at his young age, although he didn't understand exactly what was happening, knew that he must not cause problems for his father.
Eric stopped at a fast food restaurant where he bought food for them, as they had eaten no supper. He waited in line for the food as the children found a table and waited there for him. As they waited, Kyle turned to Sam and asked, "Is Mom going to be O.K.?"
"I think so, but he sure hurt her bad this time."
"When I get big," Scott's determined voice vowed, "I'll make him stop hitting her."
"Me too!" added Kyle.
Sam looked around at his brothers and shared his thoughts with them, "I may not wait. I may get him some day real soon."
Scott looked at his brother with alarm. "What are you gonna do?"
"I don't know but I've got to do something. He’s gonna kill her if I don’t do something. I’ve got a knife."
Kyle saw his father approaching and warned, "Shut up. Dad's coming."
Eric sat down and handed out the food, warning them not to dare get anything on their good clothes. He draped a towel around Danny to protect his clothes and then prayed over the burgers and fries. They ate in silence, and when they were finished and Sam had put the garbage in the barrel, they continued the silent drive to the church.
Meanwhile, Emily spent the time while they were gone resting and trying to formulate a plan that would enable her and her children to escape from the hell in which they were living. Jeanie’s offer of a place to stay until she could build a life for herself was exactly what she needed and how desperately she wished that she could take the offer and go there, but she knew that she needed to put more distance between herself and Eric. If she were living that near to him, she would be afraid to leave the house or to let the children out of her sight. If only there was someplace she could go to where she and the children could be safe and could start to build a decent life. She realized that there was one very great difference in the way she was thinking. She had wanted for a long time to leave Eric but in her deepest heart she had been convinced that this was impossible and that she would be with him until one of them died. The difference now was that she at last believed that there was a possibility that they could escape. Just the thought of getting away buoyed her flagging spirit and although she wasn’t able to get up from the couch, she began to mentally prepare for a move so that when the opportunity came she would be ready. It was a small start but at least it was something constructive and it gave her a good feeling.
"How do I do this?" she thought. "I guess first of all I need to decide what I’ll take when I leave. Money’s important and it’s a necessity that I have very little of. I’ve probably got about $40.00 that I’ve been sneaking out of the grocery money and gosh, that’s not much. Even if I start taking double the amount each week, it will be a long time before I have enough money to be bothered with and I have to hope that he doesn’t catch me taking it. But, I guess that a little is better than nothing. We’ll need clothes but they can be gathered up in just a matter of minutes. I guess the next concern will be furniture. Now that will be a problem. How on earth can I get enough furniture out of here to set us up somewhere? We will need beds, fridge and stove, table and.... No, maybe I don't. We can always get what we need from the Salvation Army and a fridge and stove are usually included when you rent an apartment. What I need to worry about are the special things, like my Grandmother's lace tablecloth, pictures of the children, the silverware that my Mom and Dad gave us for a wedding present, and things that the children have made for me. And the boys will want to take some of their toys. The things that Eric and I have accumulated together can stay right here. I don't want or need anything that will remind me of him and the life we’ve had here."
In her mind, she moved from room to room, deciding to take this and to leave that behind. She resolved that as soon as she was able, she would begin to pack these items in readiness for the day she could escape. If she was careful, she might be able to pack a lot of the things she had chosen without Eric being aware that they were gone. Having made a plan, even a preliminary plan, gave Emily a sense of accomplishment. Suddenly, she felt that there was real hope. And with that hope came joy. She wondered how it was possible to be in so much pain and at the same time feel so good. “Hope.” She said the word aloud, just to hear the sound of it in the quiet room. “Hope.”
She said a short prayer of thanks for the few moments of clear thought she had experienced and for the hope that she was feeling for the first time in many, many months. Then she slept.
Chapter 7
After evening services, Eric dropped the boys off at home and hurried off to an Elder’s meeting being held at Pastor York’s home. This meeting meant a great deal to him for he was aware that he and the other Elder’s were considered to be the elite of the church and as such were given opportunities to work closely with Pastor York. More than anything in life, Eric was proud to be held in such high esteem by the members of his church. This was the proof that he needed to show the world that he was reputable and an upright member of the community. He made certain that he was always available to assist the pastor, visiting the sick, spearheading fund-raisers, or chairing meetings. The Pastor often commented that he would be lost without Eric, who had proved time and time again that he was one of the most faithful of the flock. Even though his wife often didn't attend Sunday Services, and never went to Mid-week Bible Study, Eric could be counted on to be there, providing he was not working. Not only did he attend faithfully himself, every Sunday he brought his children to Services. What a wonderful father he was, and what an asset to the congregation. He smiled to himself in satisfaction. He had constructed a good life.
During the drive to Pastor York's, Eric contemplated the different aspects of his life. He had many friends. Some, like John and Dorothy, were friends he had made through church. They were good people and good friends that he could count on in almost any circumstances. Others, like those who had come home to party with him a few nights ago, were only there to help him relax when life got to be more than he could handle. He frowned slightly as he realized that those times were coming more and more frequently as time passed. And now, his life had taken another direction. He had met a woman at work and become friends with her. He knew enough to avoid getting too close and they had enjoyed a relaxed friendship until she had suddenly quit her job and he was able to take their relationship to another level. She had become the anchor in his life and he wondered what his life would be like without her. Rita was the perfect woman, asking for nothing from him, willing to accept what time he was able to give her and never complaining. With her he had all the advantages of marriage without the responsibilities, for she was exclusively his and waited at home night after night for him. Whenever he felt a need for her, he had only to call and then go to her apartment, which became in his mind an oasis of peace. Just thinking about her made him angrier with Emily. If it weren’t for her, Rita wouldn’t have to be kept a secret. He would be so proud and happy to show Rita off to the people at the church for she was a very pretty girl. He often marveled that she loved him and was willing to stay in the background of his life so as not to upset
things for him. He was certainly a fortunate man to have her so devoted to him. That devotion added to the respect and admiration of so many at the church made him feel good, for he knew that he was a good man and was worthy of the respect that was shown him. He could quote scriptures with the best of them, he could make decisions dealing with the congregation and convince everyone that it was a good idea and his children were in meetings every week, taken there by him, which proved that he was a good father. The boys were well behaved, too, for they knew better than to make trouble for him. Indeed, his religious life was good.
His mind moved on to work and his contented mood lessened, for work was another story. He had an unappreciated job at a factory where he operated a twister that made carpet yarn from nylon fibers. He had worked there for eight years and on numerous occasions had submitted his name for promotions, as supervisory jobs became available, but time after time he was passed by. He knew that he was qualified for these jobs and could do a better job than the whole bunch of foremen and supervisors currently in charge at the factory. Not one of them had put as much into the job as he had and as a result not one of them deserved to be where they were. They were simply lucky. Thinking about these men in management at the plant made him really angry for he knew that they had all been given more opportunities than he had and every one of them had a much easier time with life in general. Life gave some people all the breaks and others just got a raw deal. His whole life was a raw deal. Perhaps if he hadn’t been cursed with a wife and four kids, he would have had more time and energy to devote to the job and he would have more chance at advancements.
"My old man warned me," he thought, "He said that women were nothing but trouble. And boy, is that the truth. Emily wiggled her fanny and I was eating out of her hand. Next thing you know there’s a kid on the way and I'm getting married and now four kids later I don't have a chance. I work my butt off so she can sit at home watching the soaps and thinking up ways to drive me nuts. If she had to do a real days work, it would probably kill her. I should have learned from my old man. He spent years working for my mother while she sat around playing solitaire and giving him a hard time. Women are nothing but users. If it hadn't been for my mother, Dad wouldn't have hit the bottle so bad and things would have been a whole lot better at home. Women sure mess things up. Man, life really sucks."
Leaving Sharpstone Page 5