DAVID insisted on preparing her a light snack and serving it to her in bed, feeding her each mouthful of the fluffy golden eggs and toast, his arm supportive about her shoulders as she sipped the hot, sweet coffee, before he would even contemplate eating his own food.
And then he removed the tray from the bed between them and they made love again.
It was just as beautiful as before, made even more poignantly so for Jade because she had the inner knowledge that this would probably be her last time in his arms, her last chance to know the warmth he gave her.
That knowledge made it doubly difficult for her to be parted from him later that evening, and yet she knew she couldn’t allow him to stay the night as he wanted to do; it was only a matter of time before the police no longer only watched from a distance. David accepted that they had her reputation to think of with the village people and also with Penny and Simon. It was no longer those things that worried Jade, but it was easier to let David go on believing it was.
‘I don’t want any clouds to mar our future happiness together.’ He kissed her lingeringly on the lips as they stood close together in the living-room as he prepared to leave.
Pain darkened her eyes; after the encouragement she had given him today he no doubt felt he had more than a passing right to assume she was more open to his suggestion that they should get married. The truth of it was, she was even less open to that idea than ever before; at least before today she had been able to look on it as fanciful foolishness on his part; now she just knew the idea was totally impossible.
‘No clouds.’ David smoothed the frown from between her eyes. ‘And no more doubts, either. You couldn’t have made love to me the way you did if you didn’t love me.’
It was true, all of it. She had made love to him, and she did love him.
He smiled gently down at her silence. ‘I know, it’s still too new to take in. But we have the rest of Christmas to get used to the idea, and in the New Year we can—’
‘How you do love to make plans,’ she teased huskily, her fingertips light against his hard cheek.
His smile became rueful. ‘And how you do love to avoid them,’ he chided.
Jade shrugged, moving slightly away from him, holding her robe wrapped tightly about her. ‘I’m just not as impetuous as you are…’
He gave a soft chuckle. ‘That’s something else I’m not known for in the business world. You make me throw caution to the wind—but I suppose I can stop being so damned impatient now,’ he announced cheerfully. ‘We belong together, and we both know it.’
She swallowed hard. ‘It’s getting late,’ she urged him, anxious to be alone now.
‘At least Wellington has decided he likes me again now.’ David moved down on his haunches to stroke the purring cat as he lay in front of the fire.
She didn’t doubt that was because Wellington could see how happy David made her; the cat wasn’t really in the least possessive, he just wanted a happy and contented mistress to feed him. Jade didn’t walk around in a daze when she was happy. And she didn’t forget to feed him then, either. And he even got titbits from her plate to eat when this man was about. Yes, Wellington had decided he liked him again.
She had never stopped liking him—that was the problem!
David straightened, moving to kiss her lightly on the lips. ‘I wish I could stay… But I know I can’t,’ he accepted ruefully. ‘So I’ll be on my way.’
‘Could I have—could I be alone tomorrow?’ She looked at him with widely pleading eyes, knowing that if he insisted on seeing her she wouldn’t be able to say no to him.
He looked down at her searchingly, his expression softening with love. ‘Of course,’ he readily agreed. ‘But don’t forget Penny is throwing one of her famous parties in the evening.’
She had forgotten, but it didn’t matter. Almost twenty-four hours on her own should be enough to shore up her sadly depleted defences. Not that they would ever be quite that strong again, her love for David weakening her in a way she had hoped never to be weak again.
‘I won’t forget,’ she nodded abruptly.
‘Now I really had better go and let you get some rest.’ He seemed to feel her distant behaviour was due to tiredness. ‘A fine nurse I’ve made today,’ he said ruefully. ‘I’ve succeeded in tiring the patient out rather than letting her rest.’
Warm colour darkened her cheeks at the mischievous glitter in his eyes. ‘AH the more reason for me to have tomorrow on my own to recuperate,’ she bit out tartly.
David held up his hands defensively. ‘I’ve already conceded tomorrow,’ he reminded her gently, his expression slightly reproachful.
She knew that; she just needed to assert some control, to re-establish that distance she needed to put herself back on that course of self-survival. If she could survive loving a man as wonderful as David and having to let him go…
‘Get some sleep now.’ He lightly grasped her arms to kiss her firmly on the lips. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow. Just to check how you are,’ he defended ruefully at her frowning look, pulling on his jacket to tug the collar up about his neck and face against the driving snow that had begun to fall a short time ago.
Jade stood at the doorway and watched him go, anxious for these last glimpses of him, because by tomorrow— Oh, God, she didn’t want to think about tomorrow.
David turned back after he had gone only a few steps. ‘Go back inside before you catch pneumonia,’ he shouted against the wind that whistled about him in the icy darkness.
Flakes of snow were clinging to her hair and clothes, melting on the warmth of her face and hands, but she made no effort to move, watching until he had climbed into the Range Rover and driven off with a wave of his hand before turning back inside.
She closed the door slowly behind her, lost in her own thoughts, miserable thoughts of the loneliness she had to return to. She glanced down as she felt Wellington rub against her calf. ‘Except for you, boy,’ she choked as she bent to pick him up. ‘No offence to you, darling,’ she told him gruffly. ‘But I don’t think you’re going to be enough any more.’ Tears cascaded down her cheeks and into the snowy white fur as she hugged him to her, her face buried against his purring body. ‘I love him, Wellington. I love him so much!’ she sobbed brokenly, her control slipping completely.
How could she have come to love him so quickly, so deeply? How could she have allowed it to happen, for both their sakes? But she had needed—oh, God, how she had needed—
She gave a shaky sigh as Wellington seemed to look up at her reprovingly. ‘I know, I was being selfish. I am selfish,’ she groaned self-disgustedly, dropping down on to the sofa, her wind-tousled head thrown back against its softness, closing her eyes as the tears silently continued to fall.
The silence instantly closed in about her, with only the howling of the wind outside to alleviate the oppressive stillness that suddenly surrounded her.
She couldn’t stand it, not when she had been surrounded by so much love and happiness since the moment she woke in David’s arms, and she leaned forward abruptly to switch on the television set.
But that was little comfort either, the picture just flashing in front of her eyes, meaningless people who couldn’t even begin to fill the sudden void in her life.
She had been staring at the photograph displayed on the screen behind the newsreader for some seconds before she realised that it was Peter. She scrambled forward on to the carpet to turn the sound up to an audible level, on her knees in front of the set as she heard confirmation of what she had already known within her heart.
‘—it is hoped that, now the escaped man’s name and photograph have been distributed by police, his capture will be forthcoming. And now we turn to the North of England, where—’
Jade no longer listened to what the attractive newscaster was saying, having heard all she needed to. She sat back on her heels with a sigh that was almost as heavy as the weight she now carried on her shoulders. The weight of guilt. Not for anything that
had happened in the past—although goodness knew she had enough to blame herself for about that!—but for taking David’s love so selfishly today.
She buried her face in her hands and wept.
David hadn’t asked about past men in her life, although he had to know there had been some. But even if he had asked she couldn’t have told him about Peter, a man she had loved with such joy that when she had learnt the shattering truth about him it had made it so much harder to bear.
David loved her with that same joy now, she was sure of it, even though the words had never been spoken. How much deeper he was going to be hurt when this all shattered about the two of them.
It was so easy to say she shouldn’t have allowed him into her heart; it was another thing completely to keep him out. And because of the nature of the man he was, she knew that getting over him was going to be an impossibility.
She gave a guilty start as a knock sounded on the door, staring at it like a startled doe.
It had to be David, he had to have come back for some reason, she realised in dismay, brushing hurriedly at the tears that still dampened her cheeks. She couldn’t allow him to see her like that, wasn’t up to answering the questions that would engender.
The two men standing outside in the driving snow didn’t need blue uniforms to proclaim their profession, the casual clothes and heavy winter coats doing nothing to disguise the fact that they were policemen.
Jade recoiled as if she had been struck, caught completely unawares. And then she admonished herself for showing such a reaction; she had been expecting them for some time, after all. In fact, she was surprised they had taken this long to come and talk to her.
She faced them with calm dignity now that she had herself under control again. ‘Please come in, gentlemen,’ she invited stiffly.
‘Miss Roberts, we’re—’
‘I know who you are,’ she calmly interrupted the older of the two men as he seemed determined they should introduce themselves in their official capacity. Who else but policemen would know her real name in this vicinity?
‘Detective-Inspector Shelton, and Detective-Sergeant James,’ the man continued as if she hadn’t spoken, although the younger man looked a little uncomfortable about the intrusion, a fact he quickly disguised as he saw she was looking at him.
‘I hope we haven’t interrupted anything.’ He looked pointedly at the television set as it still continued to play, the sound not too intrusive, although it was noticeable.
Detective-Inspector Shelton made a point of looking at the watch on his wrist. ‘Been watching the news, have you, Miss Roberts?’ Grey-blue eyes pinned her to the spot. ‘It is Miss Roberts, isn’t it?’
He was good, Jade realised abstractedly, knowing he meant to unnerve her. But she was used to experts, had learnt to distance herself from the pressure they could exert while seeming to be polite. ‘Why don’t you just get to the point of your visit?’ She moved impatiently to switch off the television set.
‘Unless you would prefer us to use the name Mellors—’
‘I’m sure none of us has any time to waste,’ she prompted waspishly, wishing she had on something more substantial than her robe for this confrontation, all the more defensive because she felt at such a disadvantage dressed like this.
Grey brows rose over those hard grey-blue eyes, iron-grey hair brushed rigidly back from his face, deep lines grooved beside his pale features, as if the life he lived had totally disillusioned him more than once. And in the profession he had chosen to pursue, maybe that wasn’t so surprising. ‘I’m sure none of us has, Miss Roberts,’ he drawled. ‘But we didn’t like to announce our presence before this.’
Jade looked at him blankly for several seconds, and then, as his meaning became clear, humiliated colour darkened her cheeks, pain clouding her eyes. They had been watching from a distance all the time David was here, had—had— Oh, God!
‘We thought it might make things less awkward for you if we waited until after your—guest had left,’ the younger man explained quietly.
She sat down heavily in an armchair, all pretence of self-confidence gone. And not even the fact that these two men had probably desired just this result made any difference to the way she now felt; David had seemed like a beauty completely separate from this part of her life, and now even that time with him had been made to seem as ugly as the rest of it.
‘You will have realised that Peter Gifford has escaped from prison?’ Detective-Inspector Shelton prompted with husky intent.
That was right, hit her when she was already down. But then, wasn’t that just the way they were trained to carry out these sort of investigations? Jade acknowledged with dull pain.
‘Has Gifford been in touch with you, Miss Roberts?’ Once again the younger man was gentle with her, but Jade distrusted even that, knowing it was another part of the routine, one man tough, the other seeming more approachable and sympathetic.
‘Been in touch with me?’ she repeated incredulously. ‘Been in touch with me?’ she said again, more shrilly this time. ‘I’ve spent the majority of the last eighteen months trying to forget I ever knew the man; why should he be in touch with me?’
The older man held up his hands defensively. ‘Miss Roberts, we’re just making enquiries—’
She stood up forcefully, her eyes blazing, her hands twisted painfully together. ‘I was subjected to the same sort of “enquiries” eighteen months ago,’ she snapped tautly. ‘And unless you have some charges you wish to make against me, I suggest you—’
‘Miss Roberts, please believe me when I say we have no intention—’
‘If some of our colleagues were a little—heavy-handed, in the past then I apologise,’ the older man cut in with slow emphasis. ‘But these investigations are completely separate from those, and we—’
‘Do you, or do you not, have any charges you wish to make against me?’ she insisted through clenched teeth, so tense she felt as if she might snap with the strain of it.
‘Of course we have no charges to make,’ Detective-Inspector Shelton said impatiently. ‘We’re just making routine enquiries, and as you were once involved with Gifford we naturally—’
‘Naturally,’ she cut in sarcastically. ‘But I have no intention of “helping the police with their enquiries”,’ she bit out harshly. ‘Now, if you have nothing further to say,’ she wrenched the door open, standing rigidly beside it as the snow blew inside in gusts, ‘I would like you to leave.’
The younger man looked at her sympathetically. ‘We understand this is difficult for you, Miss Roberts, but we have a job to do—’
‘I doubt you understand the first thing about how I feel,’ she choked scornfully. How could these two men possibly understand?
Detective-Inspector Shelton gave a heavy sigh. ‘We’re sorry to have bothered you, Miss Roberts.’
The blaze in her eyes told him exactly what he could do with his perfunctory apology.
‘We realise you’re upset, Miss Roberts, but if you should happen to hear from Gifford—’ He broke off uncomfortably as the blaze in her eyes became a fierce fire.
‘I won’t!’ Jade rasped as the two men reached the door, daring him to dispute the claim with the proud lift of her chin.
The older man shook his head. ‘I wish you would realise that we’re only trying to help—’
‘The best way you can help me is to leave!’ she grated forcefully.
He sighed. ‘You have our names if you should change your mind—’
‘I won’t change my mind because I won’t hear from Peter.’ She was shaking with her anger, staring rigidly at the wall opposite as first one policeman left and then the other, the latter, Detective-Sergeant James, giving a regretful shake of his head as he passed.
Jade closed the door with controlled movements behind them, the gusting wind outside muffling the sound of their departing vehicle, but she did hear them leave, and relaxed with shaky relief.
Not only had those men brought the past ba
ck into sharp focus, but they had also managed, in the last few minutes, to degrade something that had been so beautiful to her. Not with what they had said particularly, but with what they hadn’t said.
The nightmare of having once loved Peter Gifford just went on and on and on…
CHAPTER EIGHT
THERE was no soft thud of snow on the windowpane to wake her up this morning, no gentle laughter with David in the snow, with them both soaking wet, but happy and relaxed together. There wasn’t even a gentle awakening, with Wellington stretching lazily at her side as he started his day; the hammering below on the door had caused him to leap off the bed with an indignant yowl, digging his claws into Jade’s thigh as he leapt across her.
Which was why she had awoken with such a sickening start of surprise.
The clock beside the bed told her it was almost nine o’clock, late by her standards, but she had had such a restless night’s sleep that her lids felt like sandpaper rasping across her eyes as she moved them up and down to clear her vision.
And she didn’t want to go downstairs and face whoever it was on the other side of that door.
She didn’t want to face anyone ever again. In fact, if she could have done, she would have left last night without having to see David again, but the falling snow had made her departure impossible. And now it seemed she wasn’t to make her escape today without at least one confrontation.
The pounding on the door grew louder, more insistent, and she knew the culprit wasn’t about to be fobbed off by the lack of response so far to that determined knocking.
Wellington was glaring fiercely at the front door when Jade got down the stairs a few seconds later; if it was David—and she couldn’t think of anyone else that persistent!—then he was definitely going to be out of favour with the cat again!
The banging came to an abrupt halt as soon as Jade threw back the bolt at the bottom of the door in preparation of turning the key in the lock, and she felt her tension rise as she hesitated about doing the latter, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she just stood there. What if David had realised who she was after all the renewed publicity in the media about Peter? What if—
The Loving Gift Page 10