by Khloe Wren
“Great name. Let’s meet, him shall we?”
As the doctor and nurses went to work behind the drape, I stayed focused on Marie, watching every twitch and wince she made as the staff did their thing. I hated I couldn’t take this from her, go through it myself in her place. But it wasn’t possible, so I did what I could. I sat there, holding her hand, letting her crush my fingers while I stroked her face and held her gaze with mine.
I have no idea how long it took, but I’ll never forget the moment the doctor told her she’d feel some pressure, then the sweetest sound I’d ever heard reached my ears. My son’s cry.
Marie started sobbing and I did nothing to stop the flow of my own tears.
“Is he okay?”
“He looks good.”
The nurse briefly held him up over the top of the drape for us and I’d never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. Covered in muck with his face scrunched up in displeasure, he was still utterly perfect.
“Babe, you did good. He’s so beautiful.”
Pulling the material over my mouth down, I bent to kiss her, not caring that my tears were dropping onto her face. I whispered my love for her before I rose up and let the cover flick back up over my mouth. Then the nurse wheeled the table thing they had Joey on next to us and we watched as they wiped him down and did their tests and shit.
My heart expanded more with every second I watched my boy. I had a son. Marie, my beautiful, perfect wife, had gifted me with the ultimate, most precious gift. Ariel was my daughter, I loved her as if she were my own, but I hadn’t been there when she came into the world. This feeling right now, being here from the very beginning of Joey’s life, it was on a whole new level and had me feeling things I’d never felt before and had no idea how to articulate.
Once they were done, they wrapped his wee little body up in a blanket and brought him over to us. In less than a heartbeat, my palms were out. I wanted to hold my boy. The nurse lifted up the tiny bundle of baby and placed him in my hands.
“He’s so light. And tiny.”
“Hey, baby boy, look at you.”
Marie reached up and stroked a finger down his nose, then I shifted his little body up so she could give him a kiss on the cheek.
“See you again soon, baby boy. Mommy loves you.”
Before I was ready, the nurse took him from me and placed him in a bassinet. The doctor had explained earlier that he’d need to go down to NICU after the birth. I was completely torn on what to do. Did I stay with Marie or follow our son? I wanted to split myself in two so I could do both.
“Go, Charlie. Stay with Joey. I’m gonna be fine. Doc will sew me up, then I’ll go chill in recovery for bit. I know if I could, I’d be following Joey.”
Her voice broke at the end. My poor woman, she wanted so bad to not be separated from our son but forces outside our control wouldn’t allow it.
“I’ll always take care of you both, Marie. I wish I could be in both places at the same time.”
She reached up and pulled the cloth away from my mouth.
“But you can’t, so kiss me and go take care of our boy. He needs his papa.”
“I love you, Marie.”
I did what I was told, kissing her hard and fast before heading for the door, following the nurse pushing my son’s bassinette.
Chapter 9
Ariel
“You ready to meet your little brother?”
Butterflies were going crazy in my tummy as I jumped up and down.
“Oh, yes, Papa. Where is he? Where’s Mommy?”
After Papa had called Mac to let him know I was allowed to go in, he, Zara and baby Cleo had piled into their car with me and came straight to the hospital so I could meet my brother. I stopped jumping and squeezed harder on Zara’s hand as I looked around the empty hallway. Where were they? I noticed Papa when he crouched down and took my other hand in his.
“Well, sweet angel, when babies come early like your brother did, they need to come down here to what is called the NICU. It’s a special part of the hospital where they look after babies who come early or are sick. Only babies are allowed to stay down here, so Mommy is back in her room, waiting for us to come tell her everything about him.”
I gave him a small nod and let go of Zara to move toward Papa, who picked me up. I loved how big and strong he was and I really liked it when he held me like this. Like his big, strong arms would keep me safe. I hadn’t been sure I could trust him to start with but he’d shown me since I came to live with him and Mommy that I could. I’d especially liked this past week with him. He’d spent a lot of time with me and Mommy in her hospital room. He’d read stories and twice after we left Mommy, he took me to go buy pretty sunflowers for Momma, and we went and put them on her grave.
As the glass doors whooshed open and Papa walked in, I looked over his shoulder and smiled when I saw that Mac, who was still holding baby Cleo, and Zara, were following us.
My tummy twisted up in knots and I tightened my grip on Papa as he brought me up to a plastic cage with a baby inside. I gasped at all the wires on the little body. Who would be so cruel?
“Why is he stuck in there? And the wires? Why is he being hurt? We need to get him out, Papa. He’s hurting!”
I wriggled, trying to get down. If he wouldn’t help my brother, I would.
“Shh, sweetheart. He’s just fine where he is. Calm down and I’ll explain why.” Papa stopped talking until I stopped trying to break free of his hold. “Look at his face. He’s peacefully sleeping. He’s showing no sign of being in any pain.”
I forced my gaze to focus on his face and saw that Papa was right. He sure didn’t look like he was in pain. Papa moved right up close to him, close enough I could press my palm on the glass and really see him.
“When babies come early, sometimes parts of their body aren’t fully formed yet. We were very lucky. Your brother just needs a little time in the incubator to help his lungs get enough oxygen. All the wires are attached to the little stickers, not poking into his skin. They’re small sensors to pick up his heart rate and other things so the doctors and nurses can make sure that he’s doing okay.”
A nurse came over to us and I tensed when I saw she held one of the stickers.
“Here’s what your brother has on him. You can have this one.” I took the little sticky square from her hand and frowned down at it. “Why don’t you put it on the back of your hand? See what it feels like, so you can be sure we didn’t do anything to hurt your baby brother.”
Papa thanked the nurse while I did as she said, sticking the small patch on the back of my hand. It really did feel like a sticker. And nothing jabbed at me, even when I twisted my hand around. That made me smile up at Papa.
“You okay now, angel? You know I’d never let anything hurt either you or your brother, don’t you?”
“I know, Papa. I just got scared when I first saw him. What’s his name?”
Mommy wouldn’t tell me before he was born, saying I couldn’t keep it a secret. I was very good at keeping secrets. Mommy and Papa both tried to tell me it would be more fun this way, but I wasn’t so sure.
“Joey Ronald Dalton.”
I nodded as I said the name inside my head a few times. Joey. My baby brother.
“He’s so pretty, Papa. When can I hold him?”
“Ah, not real sure, Ariel. Maybe in a few days’ time, once he’s a little stronger. I promise, outside of me and Mommy, you’ll be the first to get a cuddle. Sound good?”
“Uh huh.”
I looked down at Joey, leaning in so I could press a kiss to the glass. He was so tiny. He was going to need me to help keep him safe. I vowed that I’d never let anyone hurt him. I might only be five years old, and had Momma, who’d done her best to shield me, but I’d seen things. Felt things. Things I would never, ever let Joey see or feel.
“Can we go see Mommy now?”
With a chuckle, Papa shifted me in his grip so he could press his palm on the glass over Joey. Aft
er a few moments, he turned and we headed toward the exit.
“He’s a good looking boy, prez.”
I grinned as Mac spoke with Papa. Joey was perfect.
“He sure is. Takes after his mother.”
I hugged Papa tighter. I thought he was perfect, too. Zara laughed and nudged Papa with her elbow. “You’re not so bad, yourself, Scout. I love the name, very sweet. And he looks good, bigger than I was expecting, considering he’s early.”
Papa chuckled. “Yeah, that he gets from me. Big and in a hurry to get where he’s going.”
“I took a few photos with my phone to show Marie.”
“Thanks, brother. You’re a life saver.”
I stopped listening as the adults continued to speak. Instead, I started playing with the edges on the patches on Papa’s vest as we moved through the hallways and thought about all the things I was going to do with my little brother when he was big enough to play with.
Marie
Taking a deep breath, I swiped the tears from my face and tried to control myself. I’d been moved from recovery back to my hospital room, but that meant I was all alone. Scout was down with Joey, Ariel was no doubt down there too, by now. But I was here. Stuck in a bed, unable to even get up and take myself to the toilet, let alone go care for either of my kids. I slapped my palm over my mouth when a sob broke free.
None of this was how I’d imagined it would be. I was supposed to carry Joey to term. Then when I went into labor, I’d be screaming for drugs while clutching Scout’s hand. Followed by pure joy when I got to hold my son, to snuggle his little body in against me as Scout looked on proudly.
More tears flowed, and I squeezed my eyes closed against them. I’d failed. I’d failed my son and my husband. Fuck, I’d failed Sarah, too. How had I let her vanish like she had? I should have known she’d get into trouble out in the world on her own. But I’d been selfish, I hadn’t wanted to leave Scout. Now I had her little girl to raise and I was already failing her. Ariel had needed me and I wasn’t there. She’d run away, to the cemetery. To the grave of her mother, who even in death was doing a better job of being there for Ariel than I was.
“Oh, sweetheart.”
Instantly I stilled, my runaway thoughts cut short as my gaze flew to the doorway where Donna stood. She came in, closing the door, before she made her way over to me. When she sat beside me on the mattress and leaned over with her arms out, I leaned forward and wrapped mine around her neck, letting my sobs out unchecked.
“Let it all out, sugar. Nothing good will come from bottling it all up.”
I took her advice, I stopped trying to pull it back and just let it all out, soaking the shoulder of her top as my thoughts continued to twist and turn, tormenting me with all my shortcomings. Finally, my tears slowed, and with a hiccup, I pulled back from Donna, releasing her and laying back against the mattress, feeling drained but lighter for the release.
“Let me guess—you’re feeling like you’ve failed because things didn’t go to plan? I’ll let you in on a secret, Marie. Very few of us get the dream. The ideal life we plan for when we’re young girls, day-dreaming with our bestie. The trick is to roll with it. To let that dream change and know it’s fine to veer off the path and find a new road.”
As much as I’d seen and chatted with Donna at countless Charon family barbecues, I didn’t really know her. She was Keys’ old lady and their daughter, Emma, had been killed year before last when a heap of shit went down with Zara getting kidnapped. Naturally it was all club business so I didn’t know what happened, other than the fact that Emma had been killed somehow in the mix.
“We’ve never really sat down and chatted, have we? Strange, since it looks like we have a lot in common. Did you know Keys wasn’t Emma’s biological father?”
I shook my head. I’d had no clue. Never once over all these years did I think Keys wasn’t that girl’s father in every sense of the word.
She scoffed a short laugh. “Yeah, my plan didn’t turn out either. Like you, I grew up down in Galveston. I grew up rough. On the wrong side of the tracks. We never had any money so I did whatever I could to get a foot up. God, I wanted out of that life so bad. Bad enough that when a guy from down the street took a shine to me, told me he was rising up through the ranks of the Iron Hammers, I saw a way out. Damn, the shit I fell for back then. He spun some good ones, and I lapped every one of them up. For a while it was good. He was affectionate and protective. And true to his word, he was, indeed, rising up within the club. The day I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. Figured he’d surely propose to me when he found out. I’d never been inside the clubhouse before that morning. He’d told me it wasn’t the place for me, that I was too innocent and pretty for the place.” She huffed out a breath. “More like he didn’t want to change his ways for me. I walked in to find him balls deep in some random woman. It was ugly. I yelled at him, he yelled back, I slapped him and he hit me in return. I never did tell him about Emma. Just packed up and hitched a ride out of town. I didn’t want to ever see him again.”
“How’d you end up here? Meeting Keys?”
Her expression softened with a smile. “I’d heard my ex say often enough how much he hated the Charons that I’d figured Bridgewater was a safe place to go to get away from him. The Charons are good men. I was living on the streets, sleeping down in the park, when Keys found me. One of the men had noticed me down there doing it rough and they’d reported it back to the club. Keys was a prospect back then and they’d sent him out to pick me up and bring me in to meet with the president. I’d been so scared. Hadn’t wanted to get anywhere near another MC. Keys was sweet. He’d left his bike there at the park, pocketed the keys and walked with me down to the motel where he paid for a room for me to stay in for the week.”
She leaned over and grabbed a tissue to wipe her own face.
“It certainly wasn’t my original plan, but I ended up with Keys so it worked out all right. By the time Emma arrived, Keys had moved me from the motel into his place. He was there when she was born. Of course, it would have been so much better if her biological father had stayed out of her life. But no, that bastard came back and took her from me.”
Compared to her, I had nothing to whine about and suddenly felt about an inch tall for even complaining.
“I’m so sorry, Donna. You must think I’m so foolish for carrying on like I am. It’s just, hell, I feel like I’m failing them all. Scout, Ariel, Joey, Sarah. I couldn’t even hold on to the pregnancy to term! And now I’m up here on my own while they’re all down in the NICU.”
With a gentle smile, Donna gave my hand a pat. “Oh, honey. I don’t think anything of the sort. We all have our trials—they’re different, but no less painful. I came up here before Scout and Ariel made their way up because I had an inkling that you might be struggling. It’s only natural. And you didn’t fail anyone, Marie. Sarah made her choices, ones I’m sure she regretted but they’re done and in the past. None of us had any control over those bastards coming into your cafe with guns out ready to cause trouble. You did good. All of you did. No one stirred them up to the point they started shooting and you all got out of there alive. You held on long enough for the drugs to do their thing and Joey looks really good, and he’s big for a preemie. I went and had a peek in on him on my way up and had a quick word with your doctor. He’s confident Joey’s going to be just fine.”
She was making it all sound so simple but it wasn’t. Nothing about this was.
“Ariel ran away. She needed me and I wasn’t there.”
That got me another gentle smile. “Life happens, honey. Sometimes we can’t be where we want to be. You were laid up here, unable to do much of anything. Scout had it under control. Granted, it took him a bit to get there, but he did. And thankfully Keys is a paranoid man who tags anything he can on the kids of the club. Well, the women and kids. I suspect he does it to his brothers too, but just doesn’t tell any of them. I love that man, but I swear, he’s got some serious
issues about not being able to locate those he cares for.” She shook her head.
“You only had Emma, right?”
I’d always been curious why they only had the one child. They were both such caring people, I could easily see them raising a whole heap of kids. She gave me a sad smile.
“Keys got really ill as a child. He never would tell me what exactly he had, but it ended up making him infertile. Guess that’s why he always considered the fact I was already pregnant when he fell for me was a blessing.” She chuckled. “Of course, he had no idea I was pregnant to begin with. I’d been petrified they’d send me back to the Hammers if they knew I carried one of theirs inside me. So I didn’t say anything about being pregnant until after I started to show. When I did finally confide to Keys who the father was, I swore him to secrecy. I’m pretty sure he only ever told the previous president about her true paternity. Well, until Sledge opened his big ol’ mouth after Zara’s rescue and told everyone.”
Holy shit! I tried not to let my mouth gape open in shock.
“Sledge? As in the former president of the Hammers? He was Emma’s dad?”
She winced. “Yeah, we all make dumb decisions when we’re young. If we’re lucky, we get to live long enough to learn from them.”
Before we could say anything more, the door opened and Ariel came bounding in.
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! He’s soooo perfect!!! I love him so much!”
Hiding behind Donna for a moment, I wiped my face free of the last of my tears.
“Is that right, sweet angel?”
“Uh huh.”
Donna moved to stand as Scout strolled in the room, Mac and Zara following with Cleo. Scout was wearing the broad grin of a man proud of himself. I couldn’t help but return his smile. Donna was right. I knew she was. But it was going to take me a little bit to get my brain and emotions on board with the new plan. Thankfully I had a brilliant, strong man to support me while I did. I turned to face Ariel, who was still dancing around the room, clearly too riled up to sit still and give me the cuddle she normally did when she first came in. My eyes teared up again for a different reason as I watched her. I’d not seen her this alive since we first got her. This was what I wanted for her. This pure joy and carefree happiness all children should experience.