‘Maybe not, but I should have been more careful. I did try taking the Pill, but it made me feel so sick, and Andrew said that he would take care of...’ She broke off abruptly, staring down at the pool of coffee in the saucer, wondering why she was telling him such things.
He swore softly, his hand closing over hers for a moment before he let it go just as abruptly. ‘Men like Andrew should be made to take the consequences for their actions, but they always get away with it one way or another. What are you going to do now? Are you going to have the baby, Beth?’
She looked up with shock in her eyes. ‘Of course! I couldn’t get rid of it. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.’
‘Then how are you going to manage? I assume Andrew knows nothing about the child, so are you going to try and contact him again?’
‘No!’ She shook her head then smoothed the silky strands of hair back from her face. Her hair was very fine, curling and waving past her shoulders in baby-soft tendrils. She always wore it drawn into a knot and now that it was loose it seemed to move and float with every slight turn of her head. ‘I only found out about the baby two days ago myself—found out for definite, that is. I’d had my suspicions for a couple of weeks, but I said nothing to Andrew. Not that he’s been around much recently.’ She smiled bitterly. ‘It took me all my time to make him agree to meet me today, but I should have known better than to...’ She broke off, swallowing hard against the lump of pain. ‘I was going to tell him today, but there’s no point now. It will achieve nothing, only cause more upset to his wife and family, and that’s the last thing I want to do!’
‘But he should be made to pay towards the child’s support. Think this through sensibly, Beth, before you make any decisions you could come to regret. Babies are expensive. You are going to need every penny you can get to support this child.’
‘You sound as though you speak from experience.’ She gave a brittle little laugh which held scant humour. He was right, but there was no way she was going begging to Andrew for a penny after what he’d done. She would take care of the child herself...she would!
‘Some... A...friend of mine found herself in much the same position as you, and I know how hard she struggled to make ends meet at times.’
There it was again, that fleeting hint of some bitter memory, but Beth had her own problems without going into his. ‘I don’t intend to ask him for a penny! I shall manage. I have a good job and somewhere to live. Hundreds of women have less than me and manage to survive.’
‘You have no friends or family who can help you?’
‘No. My mother died a few years ago and there’s no one else, no sisters or brothers. As for friends...’ She shrugged. ‘I haven’t lived in London long, just over a year, in fact. The friends I’ve made aren’t close enough to turn to now.’ She gave a sad little laugh. ‘I didn’t really seem to need any close friends once I’d met Andrew, if you want the truth. And as for the ones I left behind when I moved, well, they have their own lives, their own problems; I can’t suddenly turn up on their doorsteps and burden them with mine. I shall cope.’
‘It is your right to claim child support, Beth. You can’t afford to worry about Andrew’s family when it’s blatantly obvious that he didn’t give a damn about them himself.’ His voice was deep and assured and she glanced at him in surprise.
‘You sound like a lawyer. Are you?’
He shook his head. ‘Not any longer. Oh, I trained in law and practised for a number of years, but I gave it up. However, I remember enough to state that you are entitled to maintenance for the child.’
‘Well, I don’t want it!’ She pushed back the chair and stood up. ‘I’ve already told you that I don’t want anything from Andrew. The baby is mine and as far as I am concerned he has nothing to do with it any longer. He gave up any rights he had when he told that first lie!’
The man stood up also, towering over her in the close confines of the room. ‘Then all I can do is wish you luck. It won’t be easy but I’m sure you will manage. You have guts, Beth, I can see that. You’ll make it.’
He held his hand out and Beth slid her fingers into his, feeling the shiver which rippled along her skin with a start of surprise. Just for a moment she let her eyes linger on the clean, almost angular lines of his face, the steadfastness of his grey eyes, and felt a tiny ache of regret throb in her heart. If she’d had to go and fall in love why couldn’t it have been with someone like him? He would never have let her down, would never have lied to her, used her, then cast her aside.
‘Thank you,’ she said quietly. ‘You’ve been very kind, Mr...’ She stopped and smiled wryly. ‘I’ve just realised that I don’t know your name.’
He laughed deeply. ‘I guess we never had time to get around to that. It’s Kane, David Kane.’
Beth returned the pressure of his fingers, then removed her hand and picked up her bag. ‘Then thank you again, David Kane.’
She left the room, walking swiftly along the hall to the front door to open it.
‘Would you like me to drive you home?’
He had followed to stand just behind her, so close that she brushed against him as she turned. She stepped back a pace, aware that her control had reached its limit. Now all she wanted was to be by herself, to make plans, to just have time to absorb everything that had happened. ‘No, thank you. I prefer to be alone so that I can think everything through.’
‘Then I want you to promise me something.’ In the shadowy hallway his face was grave, his eyes shadowed, and for some strange reason Beth found herself unable to look away from the hypnotic gaze.
‘What?’
‘That you will come to me if you ever need help.’
‘I...’ She nodded quickly, strangely touched by the request. ‘I promise.’
‘Good.’ Very gently he smoothed a wispy curl behind her ear, his fingers lingering for a moment longer than was strictly necessary, before his hand fell to his side.
Beth turned and ran down the steps, fighting the almost overwhelming urge to turn back and ask him there and then for help. She couldn’t do that. David Kane had helped her enough today, doing more than most people would ever have done, and she didn’t have the right to ask him for anything else. Now it was up to her to work things out, to cast aside all the foolish dreams and face up to reality.
CHAPTER TWO
SHE shouldn’t have come. All the time the bus was making its way across town Beth had tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing, but now that she was here she knew it had been a mistake. An act of kindness and a hastily given promise made nearly a month ago didn’t constitute an obligation on either side.
She turned to go, then stopped when the front door of the block of flats opened and a tall blond-haired man came out. He didn’t notice her standing in the shadows of the trees which lined the drive and Beth shrank back, praying that he wouldn’t. As she watched, a woman followed him out of the door, laughing as she linked her arm through his, and stood on tiptoe to whisper something in his ear. He laughed deeply, bending to drop a light kiss on her parted red lips before turning to lead her over to where his car was parked. And that was when he suddenly caught sight of Beth.
‘Beth! What are you doing here?’
There was no mistaking the surprise in his voice and Beth felt hot colour glow in her cheeks. It was obvious that he had never expected to see her again, so how was she going to extricate herself from this situation without embarrassing them both?
‘Hello, David. I was just passing and thought I’d call in on the off-chance that you were at home, but I can see that you’re on your way out so I won’t delay you.’
She gave him a brief, tight smile, then started back down the drive. It had seemed like her one last ray of hope, but now she could see how foolish it had been to come here and expect a stranger to solve her problems for her.
‘Wait!’ He came after her and caught her arm to swing her round. ‘What’s happened? You must have had a reason
for coming, so tell me what it was, Beth.’
She shook her head, looking away from the intent stare. She’d been a fool to come, but she wouldn’t make herself an even bigger one by explaining why she had. How could she explain that it had been the memory of his kindness that day that had kept her going these past weeks as one problem after another presented itself?
‘Come on. Something has happened, hasn’t it, Beth?’ His voice was low, filled with such concern that she had to physically stop herself from pouring out the whole tale there and then.
‘No. Really. I...I shouldn’t have come.’
‘David...darling! Come on. We’re going to be late!’ There was undisguised impatience in the woman’s voice and Beth looked past him with an apologetic grimace.
‘I seem to be holding you up. I’m sorry.’
He cast a fleeting glance over his shoulder, arrogance in the tilt of his head. ‘Never mind about Janette. There is no way that you’re leaving here without telling me what’s wrong.’
Suddenly, irrationally, his attitude annoyed her, and Beth pulled her arm free. ‘I’ve already told you! It was just an impulse that made me call round, but now I’ve changed my mind. Don’t let me delay you any longer. It might not worry you that your friend is annoyed at having her evening spoiled, but it worries me that I am the cause of it!’
His mouth thinned as he stared coldly back at her. ‘I don’t want to spoil anyone’s evening, but let’s get this into perspective, shall we? Janette and I were going to the opera, a very pleasant and enjoyable way to spend a few hours, granted, but hardly a matter of urgency. It is immaterial whether we go tonight, tomorrow, or any damned night this week! It occurred to me that whatever had brought you here must be far more urgent, but if you prefer not to tell me then have it your own way. I’ll be seeing you, Beth...maybe.’
He turned to walk back to the car and Beth chewed her lip as she watched him go. If she left now then she could never come back again and she desperately needed to talk to someone.
‘David, I...’ She drew in a determined breath, fighting against the despair which had been her companion these past few days. ‘I need to talk to someone. That’s why I came.’
He stopped at once, his eyes like quicksilver as they skimmed over her strained face before he felt in the pocket of his dinner-jacket and handed her a key. ‘Let yourself into the flat. Remember which one it is...number twenty-two, second floor on the left? I shall have to make some arrangements for Janette, but I’ll be back as soon as I can. Wait for me, Beth.’
Beth nodded obediently as she took the key. She avoided Janette’s hostile stare as she hurried into the building and let herself into the flat, then made her way to the kitchen. For long minutes she stood in the doorway remembering the last time she’d been there, when the pain of Andrew’s deception had been so sharp and fresh. Now it had faded to a dull, ever-present throb, superseded by events that had happened since. A few weeks ago she’d thought in her naïveté that she’d hit rock-bottom; now she knew that had only been a taster of what was to come. Reality was colder and starker than she’d imagined.
There was a sudden knock at the door and she hurried to answer it, surprised to find David standing outside so soon.
‘You found the flat all right, I see. Have you made yourself a drink?’ He walked past her, pulling his bow-tie undone as he closed the door firmly behind him.
‘No, I haven’t had a chance to even think about it. You were so quick.’
‘Janette decided she would prefer to take a taxi and I was lucky enough to stop one at the end of the road.’ He led the way into the sitting-room and picked up a bottle to pour himself a small measure of whisky. ‘Want one?’
‘No, thank you. Look, David, I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you. Was Janette very annoyed about me turning up and spoiling your evening? Is that why she took a taxi?’
He shrugged carelessly, dropping down into one of the huge leather armchairs and crossing his long legs as he took a swallow of the drink, then closed his eyes. ‘Probably. But it was her decision.’ He opened his eyes and looked directly at Beth over the rim of the glass. ‘Don’t start worrying again. Janette and I are old friends—more than mere friends, if you want the truth, but we are both free to do what we choose. If I’ve had to make alterations to our plans then it’s unfortunate, but she is well aware of the rules. What I decide to do and why is my business. Understand?’
Beth nodded, unease rippling down her spine. She’d clung to the memory of his kindness like a talisman, but now he sounded so cold and hard that she didn’t know what to think any longer. Heaven knew she was no judge of men if her disastrous affair with Andrew was a yardstick to measure by, but had she been mistaken about David Kane as well?
She walked over to the window and stared out across the tree-tops, her hands twisting the soft folds of her grey coat. Autumn was just setting in, turning the leaves gold and russet. By spring the baby would be born, but she still had to get through all the long dark days first. Was she being foolish to imagine that talking to David Kane could help her do that?
‘Want to tell me about it, Beth?’ His voice was soft and quiet and she turned slowly to look at him.
Just for a moment she hesitated, then went and sat down in the chair opposite his. ‘I don’t know where to start.’
‘Try taking it from the beginning. It sounds trite, but it’s usually the best place.’
‘I...’ She closed her eyes as she tried to get it all into some sort of sequence, yet the words still rushed out, betraying her fear. ‘I’ve lost my job and I’m going to lose my home and, frankly, I don’t know what to do next!’
‘I see.’ He took another swallow of the whisky, his face betraying nothing. What was he thinking? Was he regretting his previous kindness; was he now sorry that he had become involved in her affair? It was impossible to tell what was going on inside his head. Life had taught David Kane to hide his feelings and he did it well, so well that Beth suddenly regretted coming up to his flat.
She jumped to her feet, colour flaring in her cheeks. ‘This has been a mistake. You don’t want to hear my problems.’
‘Sit down.’ He didn’t raise his voice, yet she found herself obeying. She sat down abruptly, shaken by the easy authority he displayed, the total conviction that an order given would be obeyed. Who was this man called David Kane? The warm, kind, caring man who had offered comfort to a stranger, or a cold, ruthless dictator who seemingly cut his own path through life?
‘How did you lose your job? You were confident that you would be able to support yourself on what you earned so it seems unlikely that you would do anything to jeopardise it.’
‘I didn’t.’ She smiled bitterly. ‘Well, that’s not quite true. I got pregnant.’
‘That’s hardly a reason to sack you. There are laws to protect women from that, Beth.’
‘I know, I know. I’ve become an expert on them in the last few weeks! However, it appears that they don’t apply in my case. I’ve been with this firm a little over four months, still on a trial basis, in fact. I’d been with the other company for three years, transferring from the Liverpool branch to the London one. I would have been entitled to full maternity benefits if I’d still been with them, but now...’ She broke off and took a deep breath to ease the constriction brought on by anxiety. ‘Andrew had been pressing me to go on holiday, but there was no way I could afford it on the salary I earned then. When this job was advertised—secretary to the assistant manager—I jumped at it even though it meant leaving a firm I’d been so happy with. It would have been fine if I hadn’t got pregnant.’
‘Did they actually dismiss you because of that? That is against the law no matter how long you’ve been there.’
She shook her head so that a silky curl slid from the pins. ‘Oh, no. They weren’t that stupid. I was dismissed for bad timekeeping. I’ve been sick a lot of mornings and had an official warning about three weeks ago. Then when it happened again last week th
at was that.’
‘But surely you explained why?’ His face darkened in anger.
‘Of course, and that probably put the final nail in the coffin! I think they half suspected anyway. They were very careful about how they put it, but the end result was that I was out. Oh, I’m not stupid, David. I’ve been to the Citizens’ Advice Bureau and the DSS, but neither of them think that I’d have a case if I took the firm to a tribunal, and what’s the point in doing that? It wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out of work. I’ve put my name down with a few office temping agencies and done an odd day or two, but the fact that my references are hardly glowing and I was dismissed doesn’t endear me to them, and that’s even allowing for the fact that they don’t as yet know that I am pregnant.’ She pressed her hand protectively against the still flat plane of her stomach, her face wistful. ‘I’m barely three months pregnant, but what happens in a few months’ time when I’m five or six months and as big as a house? I can’t see any of the agencies sending me out in that state, can you?’
‘I see. You really do seem to have a problem. Have you thought any more about contacting the child’s father? Surely in the circumstances he would be prepared to help you?’
‘Even if he were, which I doubt, I wouldn’t ask him! I don’t want anything from him, not a single penny!’
‘Don’t you think that’s foolish?’
‘It would be far more foolish to go begging to him! It would achieve nothing, only hurt his wife and children, and that is something I won’t have on my conscience. I don’t want him to ever find out about this child; he doesn’t deserve to.’
‘So, in reality, he gets off scot-free while you struggle and worry. You must still care for him, Beth, if you want to protect him, despite what you say.’ He swirled the whisky around the glass, yet she had the feeling that he wasn’t really seeing it. What was he thinking about? What hurt was he remembering that showed so fleetingly on his face? However, before she could make up her mind whether she should ask him or not, he looked up again, once more in control. ‘You mentioned something about losing your home; is that because you can no longer afford to live there?’
Promise Me Love (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 2