‘Yes. I promise.’ It was little more than a whisper, yet the words echoed in the silence and lingered long after she’d fled from the room.
CHAPTER FOUR
HUNGER drove Beth from her room in the early hours of the morning. She’d spent the time since she’d left David trying to think what to do, but there was no easy answer. Now the hollow feeling in her stomach had her creeping along the hall and into the kitchen.
She made herself a sandwich then sat down at the table to eat it, but after only a few bites found that her appetite had disappeared. Setting the bread back on to the plate, she sat staring into space, going back over everything that had been said as she’d done a hundred times already. There was no way she could accept such an offer as David had made, yet in her heart she knew that she was tempted to and that scared her. She didn’t want to let herself become too fond of David. That was a route to even more heartache.
‘Are you all right?’ His voice was soft, but Beth still jumped when he spoke. She swung round, feeling the colour flare in her face when she found him standing in the doorway watching her.
‘I...I’m fine. I was hungry so I came to make something to eat.’ She picked up the sandwich and took a bite, then had to force herself to chew it.
‘No wonder. You should be more careful, Beth. You can’t afford to skip meals at present.’ He came further into the room and opened the fridge to pour himself a glass of milk, leaning a hip against the worktop as he drank it slowly, his grey eyes intent as he watched her over the rim of the glass.
Beth looked away, putting the sandwich down to tear at the crust with nervous fingers. If only she knew what he was really thinking then maybe she would know how to handle this situation, but it was impossible to read anything in the coolly level gaze.
‘Have you thought about my offer, Beth?’
She nodded, her hair swirling against the navy silk of her housecoat, the red-gold curls glowing in the bright electric light. ‘Yes. I’ve done little else but think about it.’
‘And what have you decided?’ There was no inflexion in his deep voice. To an outsider he might have been asking anything, not asking if she’d decided to marry him, and it stung.
‘That it’s totally ridiculous. Maybe if you told me the whole truth then I could find the idea more acceptable, but...’ She straightened, her eyes over-bright with a combination of annoyance and tiredness. ‘How will marrying me solve your problems, David?’
‘Just accept that it will, Beth. Is that too much to ask in the circumstances?’
‘What circumstances?’
He set the glass down, hunching his shoulders as he slipped his hands into his pockets. He was still wearing his suit trousers although he had shed the jacket, and Beth could see the faint ripple of muscles under the fine fabric of his pale blue shirt. She looked away, strangely disturbed by the sight, feeling a tightness in her chest.
‘In view of the fact that I offered you a job and somewhere to live quite unconditionally. I didn’t go delving into your past, Beth. Is it too much to expect the same courtesy from you?’
Beth flushed, hating him for reminding her so pointedly of all she owed him. ‘This is different!’
‘In which way? It’s just another solution to your problems and it will go a long way towards easing my life.’
He was inching her back into a corner, using that cool, clear logic to confuse the real issue at stake, playing on the fact that she felt beholden to him for all he’d done. ‘But this isn’t just a business proposition! You’re talking about marriage and all that implies! Maybe this isn’t to be a normal arrangement...’ She broke off, her face going pale. ‘I take it that you don’t intend this marriage to be a normal one? I...I may have misunderstood before.’
He came over to the table and pulled out a chair. ‘It can be whatever you want it to be, Beth.’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ She laughed bitterly. ‘Stop playing games, David. I’m far too tired to cope with that. Did you or did you not intend this marriage to be a real one?’
‘If by that you are asking if I expect you to sleep with me, then no. That wasn’t what I intended.’ He caught her eyes, the lean planes of his face seemingly carved from stone. ‘I never intended that you should jump into bed with me as some sort of a payment, Beth. I’m well aware of how you feel about Andrew.’
‘Payment? Fine payment it would be in my present state!’ She glanced down at her thickening waistline, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. ‘I’m hardly the catch of the year, am I?’
‘Stop that!’ He caught her chin to lift her head so that he could look deep into her eyes, and Beth was shocked to see anger burning in his. ‘You are a beautiful woman, Beth. Being pregnant doesn’t change that fact.’
She smiled shakily, more disturbed by the look and the touch of his fingers then she cared to admit. ‘You’re just saying that. I’m not beautiful. Maggie is beautiful, so you should be able to see the difference by comparing us.’
His fingers contracted, making her wince as they bruised her flesh before he let her go. ‘Let’s leave Maggie out of this. She doesn’t concern either of us right now.’ He looked past her and Beth had the sudden, strangest feeling that he was lost in thought and bitter thought at that. He seemed to collect himself all at once, his face smoothing out. ‘I want you to marry me, Beth, because it would be the perfect solution all round. There is nothing sinister about my reasons for suggesting it, just a long-overdue desire to clear the air once and for all, to end an old grievance before anyone else gets hurt. I don’t want to pressurise you, but you should look at this from a rational viewpoint. If Andrew had been free then none of this would be happening. But he is married, and presumably, from what happened that first time we met, fully intending to stay that way. I will provide for you and the child for however long you need. It’s as simple as that.’
‘”Simple”? It isn’t “simple”! The whole idea is full of pitfalls!’ She glared back at him, but he seemed unmoved and she hurried on, desperate to make him understand, desperate to make it clear inside her own head why she couldn’t accept. ‘We hardly know one another. Who’s to say if we can live together in any degree of harmony? A couple of weeks here in the flat is hardly any guarantee!’
‘No? From where I’m standing it seems a reasonable bet. You aren’t a difficult person to have around, Beth.’
She ignored the deliberate compliment, racking her brain for more reasons, good ones this time. ‘But what happens if circumstances change and you meet someone you really want to marry? There will be all the delay of obtaining a divorce.’
‘That won’t happen.’ He stood up to walk over to the sink to wash the milky glass, a stiffness to his actions as he swirled water round and round the bowl.
‘How can you be sure? Life doesn’t always follow the route we plan. I know that.’
He turned round, drying his hands on a towel. ‘Maybe not, but I can state quite categorically that love is the last thing I’m looking for from life.’
Beth shivered, chilled to the bone by the coldness of the response. ‘I guess I can second that. Love isn’t something I’m looking for after what’s happened.’
‘Then doesn’t it make even more sense that you should agree? Look, Beth, you know you’re embarrassed by your present state. I might not be the child’s father, but marrying me will help you cope more easily with the coming months, plus it will make my life far simpler.’
‘Will it?’
‘Yes. Come on, Beth. What have you got to lose?’
She smiled shakily, wishing he weren’t so persuasive. He knew exactly how to cut right through all her objections. ‘On the surface I haven’t anything to lose, but I’m not so sure about you.’
‘Leave me to worry about that. So...what do you say? Yes or no?’
‘I...’ She swallowed hard, her heart pounding so fast that she felt it would explode. What should she say? ‘Yes’ seemed like every sort of madness, yet...
‘Yes.’ It came out as a whisper and she repeated it, afraid that he might not have heard. ‘Yes!’
‘Good.’ He came and took her hands to draw her to her feet. ‘You won’t regret it, Beth.’
She tried to smile, but her mouth felt stiff as the shock of what she’d done hit her. ‘I hope not. But you must promise me one thing, David. That if you meet someone else you will tell me. I don’t ever want to ruin your happiness and have you regret what you’ve done.’
‘That won’t happen, but, if it will set your mind at rest, then yes.’ He kissed her gently on the cheek, his touch almost impersonal.
Beth closed her eyes, letting herself lean against him for a moment as she drew on his strength before she moved away. She hurried from the room, her eyes shadowed with doubts despite her acceptance. David had said that it would be up to her which direction the marriage took, but she must never lose sight of the reasons why he had asked her to marry him in the first place. If she hadn’t been alone and pregnant and he hadn’t seen it as a way to end the quarrel with his brother then it would never have taken place. She must never let herself start imagining that he had asked her because he cared.
* * *
The dress was exquisite. Pale creamy silk, it fell in soft folds to skim the fullness of her breasts and drape softly over the slight swell of her stomach.
Beth stared at herself in the long mirror, touching a hand to the silky strands of her hair which floated around her shoulders. David had asked her to wear her hair down and she had readily agreed, but now she wondered if it had been a mistake. She looked young and strangely innocent in this dress with her soft curls drifting around her face, but she knew she wasn’t that. She had lost her innocence and the child she was carrying was testimony to that. Her whole appearance was a sham just as this wedding was a sham. She must have been mad to agree to go through with it!
Panic rose inside her, hot and fierce, and she spun away from the mirror. She had to stop this now, had to find David and tell him that she couldn’t go through with the wedding before it was too late.
She half ran from the room, stumbling as the heel of one cream leather shoe caught on the hall rug. She slowed, listening to the silence as she wondered where David was, then saw him as she came level with the sitting-room door.
He was standing staring into the empty fire-grate with an expression on his face which made the words die on her lips. What was he thinking about? Beth had no idea yet she experienced a deep reluctance to intrude on his privacy.
He must have sensed her presence in the doorway because he turned suddenly, his gaze skimming her in one long, assessing look which made a frisson run down her spine.
‘You look lovely, Beth.’ There was no mistaking the genuine appreciation in his tone and she was woman enough to feel a rush of pleasure at the compliment although she wouldn’t let it deter her from what she had to say.
‘Thank you.’ She moved further into the room, glancing nervously around, wondering where to start, but he took the initiative from her.
‘Cold feet, Beth?’
There was cool amusement in his voice and she stiffened. ‘Yes, if you want the truth! Look, David, I know we’ve been through all this before, but I’m still not sure we are doing the right thing.’
‘It’s just bridal nerves, Beth. I imagine most women feel like that on their wedding day. It’s quite normal.’
‘But this isn’t a normal wedding!’ His attitude annoyed her intensely. ‘Stop trying to make this out to be something it isn’t, David!’
‘This is our wedding day. That’s a fact just as it’s a fact that you are experiencing last-minute doubts the same as dozens of other women before you. What’s so strange about that?’
‘Nothing. But this marriage is hardly the norm, is it?’ She glared at him, close to tears at his deliberate refusal to understand what she meant.
‘Perhaps not, but that doesn’t make it wrong. What is really troubling you, Beth? The fact that we aren’t in love? I’d say that was a plus factor. Love doesn’t guarantee happiness as you very well know.’
He was never cruel and that he should be so now devastated her. Tears shone like diamonds on her lashes as she faced him across the room. ‘That was a horrible thing to say. How could you, David? Do you imagine this is easy? I loved Andrew and the fact that it didn’t work out for us was just a tragic mistake.’
‘A mistake?’ He smiled harshly as he came towards her. ‘It might have been a mistake on your behalf, Beth, but it was hardly a mistake on his! He knew exactly what he was doing and the risks he was taking right from the start. The trouble is that he wasn’t the one to get hurt. Andrew used you all along the line and don’t ever forget it!’
‘No!’ She backed away from him, her face going pale. ‘He couldn’t have foreseen that I would get pregnant. Andrew loved me...he did!’
‘So he loved you, did he? Loved you so much that he was willing to risk your unhappiness by asking you out when he knew he was married? Loved you so much that he took no precautions to ensure you didn’t get pregnant? It doesn’t sound like love to me. It sounds like lust. Don’t confuse the two.’
‘How can you say that? You know nothing about our relationship. It wasn’t lust! He...oh!’ She stopped abruptly, her breath catching as he caught her to him and held her tightly, his hand splayed across the hollow of her back so that she was brought into abrupt contact with his muscled body. Just for a second shock kept her immobile, then she began to struggle, pushing wildly at the steely strength of his arms.
‘Let me go! What do you think you’re doing?’
‘Attempting to show you the difference between those two emotions.’ He slid a hand behind her head, tugging gently but insistently at her hair so that she was forced to tilt her head back. ‘You’re old enough to realise that there is a difference, Beth.’
His mouth came down as he took her lips in a kiss which sent a shiver of pure hot fire sliding along her veins. Beth stilled at once, her whole body going rigid with shock. Nothing had prepared her for this, forewarned her that just the touch of David’s mouth on hers could make her burn with a heat she’d never felt before. When his hand slid up to tilt her face so that he could deepen the kiss, Beth made no move to break away. She felt boneless, melting under the warmth of his mouth and the strange curling sensations rippling hotly along her veins.
When his mouth slid away from hers, she moaned softly, turning her head to recapture his lips then shuddering as he began to skim a shower of kisses along the curve of her jaw to the hollow of her neck. Slowly, gently, he traced the delicate hollow with his tongue before moving on to nibble at the lobe of her ear in a way which stole what little remaining strength she had from her so that she trembled against him. He caught her even closer, steadying her against his strength as he continued the assault on her senses by taking her mouth again in a long, drugging kiss, and everything ceased to exist apart from the feel of his mouth on hers and the hot, delicious magic they were creating together.
Slowly he drew back, holding her steady as he felt the shudders which racked her, his hand smoothing the silky disarray he’d made of her hair. ‘Do you see now, Beth, how easily desire can spring up between a man and a woman, but it isn’t love? The two don’t always have to go together.’
Beth pulled away, her face pale as she turned her back on him so that he wouldn’t see the shock in her eyes. She loved Andrew so how could she feel this way about another man? How could the touch of David’s mouth on hers make her feel as though she’d never been kissed before.
‘If we’re going t
o get to the Register Office on time then we shall have to leave now. Are you ready?’
Was she? Was she ready to take a step which could turn out to be a huge mistake? But if she refused to go through with it then there would never be a second chance. David would never ask her again, she knew that, and the thought frightened her even more. She should have hated him for what he’d done in trying to teach her such a bitter lesson, should have loathed the fact that his kiss had wiped away the memory of Andrew’s kisses, yet, as she turned to look at him standing quietly waiting for an answer, she knew that wasn’t how she felt at all. Right or wrong, she couldn’t imagine life without David now.
‘Yes.’
He smiled suddenly, the aloofness fading as he held out his hand to her. ‘You won’t regret it, Beth.’
She slid her hand into his, shivering despite the warmth of his fingers. Someone walking over her grave, or a premonition of things to come? She had no idea. All she could do now that she had given him her answer was pray that it would turn out right in the end. The last thing she wanted was to get hurt again, and something told her that David had far more power to hurt than he should.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘THANK you, Mrs Kane. Here’s your card and your receipt. Mrs Kane?’
Beth jumped, taking the cheque card from the assistant with a murmur of thanks. She picked up her parcel and made her way from the counter, wondering when she would ever get used to being called by that name. They had been married for almost a month now, but she didn’t feel any different from how she’d felt before. David treated her with an unfailing courtesy, but that was it. They could be two polite strangers working together and sharing a flat, yet what more did she expect? She knew why he had asked her to marry him and should be glad that he was keeping to the guidelines. So why did she sometimes find herself watching him and wishing for something more?
‘Beth! It is you, isn’t it?’
She turned when she heard her name being called, smiling as she recognised the beautiful redhead hurrying towards her through the crowd. ‘Hello, Maggie. How are you?’
Promise Me Love (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 5