by J. Saman
And…it’s time.
“Okay, settle down,” I say to everyone in that asshole way I’ve perfected over the years. They groan at me. I’m annoying them, interrupting their lively chatter. But I don’t care. This is the moment. “Seriously, Gia and I wanted to thank you all for coming to celebrate this miserable holiday with us.”
That actually gets a few chuckles if you can believe it.
Gia throws me a look and I shrug. It’s not like it isn’t true. Well, partially true. This is the anniversary of the day Gia and I got together, so I guess that makes it better.
“Gia, love,” I say, turning to look her square in the eyes. Goddamn, that’s a sight that will never get old. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You not only tolerate my insanity, but you accept me for who I am. You’re the light to my dark. The fire that keeps me burning. I am yours as you are mine and I am going to love you forever. I knew it the moment I saw you. The moment I sat next to you on that stoop outside that emergency department.”
Gia is crying now. Those beautiful tears she cries.
Those exquisite tears which make me want to hold her that much closer.
Smiling, I lower myself to one knee and everyone in the room gasps.
But not, Gia.
No, my girl laughs at me, shaking her head and covering her mouth. “God, you’re an asshole.”
I nod, because I am. The perfect asshole. And she’s my perfect counterpart.
“You’re my soul mate. The woman I’m meant to spend forever with. Gia Bianchi,” I grab her hand, gazing up into her eyes. “Will you tell your mother and my mother they’re going to be grandmothers?”
No one makes a sound. Except Gia who laughs and forces me to stand. “You’re going to be grandmothers,” she says through her laughter and tears. “And you’re going to be uncles and aunts,” she says pointing to Monique, Mike and Chloe. Chloe’s boyfriend looks a little sick, but I don’t think Gia was including him in this moment.
“But…” That’s my mother and I can’t help my grin.
“Don’t worry, Mother. I married her. I talked her into it when I took her to the Bahamas last month,” I say, this time looking right at Gia. “In fact, that’s what I had planned the whole time. It’s not my fault she sneak-attacked me with the pregnancy thing.”
It’s true.
I had planned on asking her to marry me there, but I also wanted to do it there. I didn’t want a big wedding and I knew Gia felt the same. I figured it was the perfect solution to that. The day after Thanksgiving last year was a total disaster for us. That’s when everything fell apart. I wanted to change that for her. For us. So I bought her a ring and I had the whole trip to the Bahamas planned out.
But the moment we landed, she turned to me and said, “I’m pregnant.”
And I said, “Awesome, then you won’t say no when I try to give you the ring that’s been burning a hole in my pocket.”
She said yes, in case you missed it. Because Gia loves me and I love her and we’re going to have a baby. Amazing how the pendulum can swing back around.
We have no plans to find out the gender. We’re excited to be surprised. Very few surprises in life are good, but this is one of them.
At least that’s what Gia keeps reminding me. I wasn’t so sold on the surprise notion.
“You’re married and having a baby?” Chloe shrieks a bit incredulous. It has been a month since we got back after all. But I needed to wait before we told people. At least through the first trimester. Stepping forward, her mouth slightly agape, she points a very stern finger at Gia. “And you didn’t tell me? You didn’t even invite me to the wedding?”
Gia shrugs nervously, chewing on the corner of her mouth. She’s got a lot of ground to make up with her friends, because Monique has a very similar expression on her face. “I have pictures,” Gia offers sheepishly.
“Oh, hell no,” Monique says as Mike puts a hand on her shoulder, giving her a light squeeze. “I expect more than pictures. I expect details. I expect stories.”
“Promise,” Gia laughs, hugging her friends, who giggle and squeeze her tighter than I would like considering our baby is growing inside her body.
“Grandma?” her mother says, glancing down at Gia’s still mostly flat tummy. The dress hides it well. Only she and I know that bump is there. The most beautiful bump I’ve ever seen. “Gia, you didn’t let me make my only daughter a wedding?”
I think her mother is upset.
“Sorry, Mom. It all happened so fast,” Gia says, still chewing on her lip as she reaches out for my hand.
I take it, holding her close to me.
“I’m so happy for you, honey,” her mother says and Gia bursts into tears. Her hormones are all over the place. “But I’m still making you a party,” she warns. “And you’re letting me go with you to pick out a dress. You will not take this away from me, Gia,” her mother scolds, before she reaches for her and wraps her in a huge hug. “Your father would be so happy. Il tuo papà ti sta guardando.”
I have no idea what she just said, but now Gia is a mess, hugging her mother fiercely and sobbing into her neck. Then her mother hugs me and the three of us are hugging. It’s a new experience if I’m being honest.
“I’m delivering the baby,” Monique yells out and then her and Chloe get into it, calling dibs on the birth of my child.
Mike steps forward and hugs me the way guys do, complete with back slaps. “I knew it all along, man.”
“Always taking the credit,” I tease. But really, I thank him. I thank him without words when they seem to fail me. I thank him for what is probably the hundredth time. It’s because of him I’m here with her.
My mother gives me a stiff nod and a half smile, because that’s as much emotion as she capable of. It’s enough. She likes Gia. She even invited her to the club as a lunch guest. That’s a pretty big honor coming from my pretentious mother.
Everyone lingers a bit longer, but I consciously made the decision to tell them at the end of the night for a reason. Because I have plans for Gia.
Once everyone leaves, I drag her into our bedroom. She’s exhausted. The first trimester of pregnancy hit her hard and hasn’t seemed to abate in the second. Lots of nausea and vomiting. So I strip her down, run her a warm, but not too hot, bath, loaded with bubbles and help her in. Gia groans when she hits the water.
“I need to clean up.”
“No,” I say. “I’m on top of it. You get to relax.” She smiles the smile of a wife who is very happy with her husband. I love that smile. It might in fact be my favorite of the ones she gives me.
I leave her to soak and clean everything up. Our friends and family really know how to make a mess and it takes me longer than I would like. By the time I return, I can’t tell if Gia is asleep or awake or somewhere in between. Lowering to my knees, I move over to the edge of the large tub I had installed for her when we bought this condo.
She opens one eye. “I’m relaxing, Finn.”
“I can see that, love. But I have something for you.”
Gia shifts in the tub to face me, water sloshing all around her gorgeous naked body. “But I have everything I need.”
“No,” I say. “But close.”
“Okay, Finn. Explain to me what exactly I’m missing.”
“This,” I say and then I hand her the dark red box. Her eyes widen and her mouth pops open and when she opens the box and sees the tiny baby bracelet with the name Natalie engraved on it, she starts to cry again.
“You, asshole,” she yells, splashing water at me. “We were going to be surprised.”
“Yeah, but it’s a girl, Gia. And I had to look. No way I couldn’t. There was a very obvious lack of male parts on that ultrasound. Natalie,” I say again. “It’s a very pretty Italian name and it was Nonna Bianchi’s first name, so it’s perfect.”
She shakes her head, those beautiful tears falling down her cheeks again.
“No,” she says. “We did it together. We made her together. We made this together.” Her fingers thread through mine and I think I’m forgiven for peeking even though we agreed on surprise. I lean in and kiss her lips, playing with her wedding ring she finally let me put on her finger. “And besides, you know as well as I do, she’s only a little girl because of you.”
“Maybe,” I muse. “But if we’re lucky, she’ll be so much more.”
The End
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End of Book Note
Thank you so much for reading this book!
Well, what can I say. Finn, right? Yeah, he had his ups and downs. I found myself both loving and hating him. There were times when I wanted to smack him upside the face for the things he put Gia through. Then there were times I swooned along with Gia.
Love is real shit sometimes. I think we forget that. I think we read these books and see these characters and forget that not everything about it is easy. That after the declaration is made, there is still work to be done.
That’s what I wanted in this one. I wanted there to be recognition that all the fear and anxiety and mistrust doesn’t get washed away with simple words. Even if those words have profound meaning. I love you is not a panacea. It does not erase our pasts or our mental hang-ups.
After I finished this book, I had a small epiphany. It seems like love not conquering all, is a common theme in my books. In Start Again, Kate had to figure her own crap out before she could be with Ryan, even though she loved him. Start Over, well, Luke was a mess. He had a ton of issues and Ivy, being the strong chick that she was, went off to live her life. Their love didn’t fix their insurmountable obstacles. Same with Start With Me as Claire had some crazy life stuff she needed to navigate in order to move past the “I will never be in a relationship” thing with Kyle.
In Forward, Lara does love Tom. There is no denying that. But their love wasn’t enough to breach the divide. In LR, well, I don’t know. Xander and Abby just had issues.
I loved Gia. I hope you did too. She was fun and spunky and tough while still having a soft squishy side. There was so much about her that I admired. So many things that I found real in her character. I sort of wish she was real because I think she’d be an awesome friend.
One of my beta readers suggested that I remove Grace from the plot all together. That Kelly cheating on Finn was enough of a betrayal. And I toyed with that. I thought a lot about it. And then I realized that her cheating on him and their marriage ending, wasn’t enough to put him into a place where he literally shut himself off emotionally. In the chapters with Kelly, he’s so sweet and warm and affectionate. Yeah, he’s still Finn. He’s still sort of a jerk, but he clings to her love because it’s the only thing he has.
And when she takes everything away from him, all that love, all that trust, all that future and possibility, he turns into the Finn we see throughout most of the book. I don’t think losing Logan and then having his wife cheat on him was enough to get him to that point. A marriage can very easily fall apart after a tragic loss and I think he would have been able to accept that eventually. I think Grace was the key.
So yeah, I kept her. I hope you don’t think it was too much. If you do, well, I made a choice and I stuck with it and I hope you can appreciate that. I also threw in a Lara Gould (from Forward) cameo, because in my mind, it was her hospital and her ED and I love her.
I hope you enjoyed this one. I’m working on a few other things at the moment, so stay tuned. More to come.
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Other books by me:
Forward
Start Again
Start Over
Start With Me
Love Rewritten
Thank you again! I sincerely appreciate that you take the time to read my books. I would love it if you’d leave a review for me on Amazon, Goodreads and/or Bookbub.
Much love,
J. Saman
This is the first chapter of a new book in a new series I’m working on. It is NOT edited, so please, ignore the grammar, typos and whatever other madness there is. I hope you enjoy it!
Illusion of Forever:
Chapter
Aria
“I can’t go on,” Margot moans. “Just leave me here. Save yourselves. This will only end one way.” I’d say my friend here is being dramatic, but considering her head is now pressed against the side of the wood bar, eyes closed and hand lingering next to the now empty shot glass that she just finished off, I know she’s not. Because she’s right. This will only end one way. With her face down in the toilet.
“I told you not to take that last shot,” Rina chastises with a disapproving scowl on her face. She puffs out a breath, her hand going to her lean hips. She’s not even being a bitch. Margot does this. A lot even. Every time we go out in fact. Neither of us understands it. And when we ask for an explanation of her rampant shot consumption, she just shrugs us off. I wouldn’t call Margot an alcoholic, because she’s not, but when she’s hiding something or the slightest bit upset, she drinks. And clearly has no idea what a limit is.
Margot manages to flip Rina off, but that’s all she’s got left in her.
I sigh, turning to face Rina. Time to get serious. I raise my hands, curling one into a fist and positioning it above my other hand, that is open, palm facing up. “You ready?”
Rina nods. Brushing her long strawberry blonde hair over her shoulders so it doesn’t detract from her focus, she rolls her neck, cracking it once. Then she pivots to face me dead on. Getting her game face on, she mimics my position. She nods her head again, this one a signal that we should start.
“Rock, paper scissors, shoot,” we say in unison before throwing out our best offering. I go with paper and she goes with rock.
“Ha,” I grin, giving her a hip bump. “Have fun with sloppy Joe over here.”
“Hey,” Margot objects to my pet name for her, but she doesn’t really have the energy to do much else.
“Best two out of three?” Rina begs with wide big puppy dog eyes. That shit never works on me so I don’t know why she bothers.
I shake my head. “Nice try doll face. But I had this distinct honor last time and it took me two weeks to get the smell of vomit out of my car. Plus I didn’t drive tonight so…” I trail off with a shrug.
“Fine,” she concedes her loss with grace. “But we really need to put a cap on Margot’s shots. I mean, if the girl can’t handle her liquor–”
“I swear, this is the last time,” Margot slurs out, attempting to raise her head off the wood of the bar and not getting all that far.
“You always say that, gumdrop.” I pat her shoulder. “But for real, next time, we’re putting you on a limit. Think of your liver.”
“Seriously. You’re a nurse. Don’t you know better?” Margot offers up a weak shrug, her brown hair is, well, it’s everywhere. Probably stuck to the beer encrusted bar top. Even the people sitting next to her have shifted to give her a wider berth. “Didn’t you out grow this shit in college?”
Margot is finally able to raise her head, her eyes opening into tiny bloodshot slits. She shakes her head and then winces. “I went to an all-girls Christian college. It was worse than my all-girls Christian high school. No men. No alcohol. I might as well have been in a convent. I think I’ve still kissed more girls than I have boys. I know I’ve had sex with more and I am most definitely not a lesbian.”
Rina and I exchange looks of horror. “How did we miss this?” I ask.
“No idea,” she says back. “How many men have you
had sex with?” Rina asks, turning back to Margot.
“Four. And they were all awful. Especially the guy last night.” Ah. So now the shots make sense. “Tiny dicks that couldn’t last more than a couple of minutes. The women were actually better. Sort of made me wish I batted for the vagina squad.”
“That’s quite possibly the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Ditto.” We both stare down at our poor friend Margot. In truth, we’ve only known her less than a year and we’ve never talked much about college, so that’s probably how we missed it, but still. I feel like that’s something we should have known right off the bat. “Have you at least had an orgasm?” She nods, but her expression is grim. And then it hits me. “Holy shit. You’ve never had one by a member of the opposite sex.”
She shakes her head this time and I think I might pass out. That’s how distressing this news is. “But you’re…” Rina trails off. “How old?” We both realize we don’t actually know how old Margot is other than the fact that she’s at least twenty-one. It’s not exactly like we’ve asked to see her ID and we know she’s graduated college because she’s a nurse. So yeah, never paid much attention to that one. I think we really need to bump up our best friend knowledge here. This is just pathetic.
“Twenty-three,” she supplies. Okay, I guess that’s not terrible, right? I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who have been plagued by terrible sexual experiences. But still. I feel for my very drunk friend.
“Next time we go out, you’re staying sober and we’re getting you a guy. Someone hot. Someone who knows how to work their fingers and mouth and dick.” That’s Rina and she’s clearly taking this situation as seriously as I am.
But Margot just shakes her head at us again. “I’m done with one-night stands.”
Okay. I guess I can understand that. I don’t ride that train myself. Then again, I was in a relationship up until six months ago for over a year and a half. It’s how I met these two lovely ladies. And sex was not why we broke up.