The fact that this abrasive woman had a vulnerable spot stunned him. He had often thought there was nothing that could shake her. Her impenetrable shell stood firm against anyone daring enough to converse with her. Even her posture and clothing reflected her harsh attitude. She wore only the drabbest colors, carried herself rigidly, and wore her hair scraped back into a tight roll. Just thinking about her hairstyle gave him a headache.
Yet here she was, clinging desperately to him. He tightened his hold around her waist, trying to make her feel more secure as their bodies jolted together on the saddle.
“It’s all right,” he said quietly. “We’re almost there.”
He maintained his firm hold, though his arm ached, and it was difficult to keep his balance. When the house came into sight, Luke slowed the horse. Jane released his arm gradually until she was sitting on her own accord. Luke dismounted, then held his arms up for Jane, who was visibly shaken.
As they mounted the porch steps, Luke prayed that Jane would be able to get hold of herself in time to help Sara. They entered the house, and Luke stopped at the bottom of the stairs as Jane ascended to the second story.
❧
Jane’s legs trembled as she mounted the stairs. She’d never been in the McClain house before, but the quiet moans seemed to be coming from the first room to the left of the landing. She wished she had time to compose herself. First the ride, now this. She gritted her teeth and forced her mind to the task at hand.
The door to the bedroom gaped open, and Jane quickly surveyed the situation as she rushed over to Sara’s side. The woman’s face was twisted in a grimace of pain, and her throat emitted a primal groan. She was half-sitting on the bed, her upper body propped up by a mound of pillows. Her skirt was draped tentlike over her knees, which were drawn up toward her swollen belly.
Jane intuitively grasped Sara’s hand, which was clutching a handful of quilt. Sara didn’t acknowledge her presence, for she was too deep in her pain to even be aware of anything else.
When the pain subsided, Sara rolled her head on the pillow to face Jane. Her face was flushed with effort, and beads of perspiration dotted her forehead and upper lip.
“Oh, Jane! Thank God you’re here!” she gasped. “I thought I was going to have this baby all by myself.”
Jane put on what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m here now. Everything’s going to be just fine.”
“I’ve been trying not to push for the last few pains, but it’s getting almost impossible.” The last words were released with a gush of air as her pains began again.
Sara’s face slowly darkened to a deep red as she squeezed her eyes shut and ground her teeth together. Jane knew by the sound she released that she was bearing down.
Sara clasped her hand as she pushed. The pressure this small woman was exerting on her hand amazed Jane! Sara caught her breath and began bearing down again. Jane’s mind worked furiously. What would she do if the baby came before the doctor arrived? She scanned the room for something she could use to wrap around the infant. A stack of folded bedding sat on top of the bureau. That would have to do. She also saw a pitcher and wash basin that would serve to bathe the baby.
The pressure on her hand began to let up, and she turned her thoughts back to Sara.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Sara breathed.
Jane smiled and awkwardly patted her hand. She wouldn’t be so glad if she knew how inexperienced I am!
“The water in the basin is fresh. I can’t believe this is happening so fast! I just had a backache all day, and then my water broke at supper and. . .”
Sara drew a deep breath and began bearing down again. Jane covered their hands with her other one and murmured, “That’s it. You’re doing fine.”
Once again, Jane began planning what to do next. She would put some bedding under Sara’s hips to keep the quilt clean. Would there be blood? And what about the cord? What was she supposed to do about that?
Jane went to work when the pains let up, easing some cloths under Sara and arranging her skirts so she could see when the baby’s head appeared.
A voice from downstairs diverted her attention. “Jane, is everything okay up there?”
“Everything is fine!” Except I have no idea what I’m doing!
Sara looked into Jane’s eyes. “I don’t think the doctor is going to make it.”
“If he doesn’t, then he just doesn’t, that’s all. We’ll do it together. You and me.”
Sara’s faced relaxed in a smile before tensing up again as another contraction gripped her body. Every muscle was taut as Sara worked with all her power to bring her baby into the world.
“I can see the head!” A patch of black hair, about the size of a buckeye was showing. When Sara stopped pushing, the head retracted, and she could no longer see it. Sara caught her breath as Jane told her it wouldn’t be long, now.
Sara was obviously buoyed by the knowledge that her baby would arrive soon.
With the next contraction, the head appeared once again. “You’re doing great, Sara! I can see more of the head now.” This contraction lasted longer than the others, and Sara drew a deep breath and pushed for the third time. She was progressing quickly, and Jane wondered if the next pain would yield the baby’s head.
Sara relaxed as the contraction passed and smiled wearily at Jane. “How much can you see now?”
Jane touched her index fingers and thumbs together. “About this much. You might be able to get the head out on the next push.”
“Doesn’t look like the doctor’s going to make it.”
Jane thought she looked a little worried, so she tried to reassure her. “God is in control.” Where did that come from?
On the next contraction, Jane could see the baby’s whole head, and she wondered that it didn’t just pop out from all the pressure that Sara was exerting, but it wasn’t until the one after that that the head finally glided out with a gush of blood and water.
“The head is out!” Jane used a corner of the bedding to wipe the mucus off the face and out of the mouth.
“Is he okay?” Sara asked.
“I think so. Now with the next pain, maybe his body will come out.” Jane continued cleaning the baby’s face with one hand, while supporting the head with the other.
Shortly after the next contraction began, the door downstairs slammed, and Jane heard the thundering of feet on the stairs. Her mind, however, was on the baby that slithered into her arms, warm and wet. “Oh, Sara!” Jane was overcome by the tiny slippery bundle.
Hetty and the doctor rushed into the room in time to see baby McClain slide into the world.
Sara tried to see the baby. “Is he okay?”
Just as the doctor rushed over to the baby, a loud cry filled the air. Everyone smiled and released a breath of relief.
Hetty grabbed Sara’s hand as the doctor took the baby from Jane. “From the sounds of it, he’s as feisty as his daddy!”
Jane joined the women at the head of the bed. “Actually, she is as feisty as her daddy!”
Sara and Hetty gaped at Jane and said simultaneously, “It’s a girl?”
Jane nodded and smiled. “Oh, Sara, she’s just beautiful!”
The doctor finished clamping the cord, and Hetty went to bathe the baby.
A voice from downstairs called, “Is everything all right up there?”
Jane walked to the open door and called down to Nathan, Luke, and Gus, who were gathered at the foot of the stairs. “Sara and the baby are fine! Nathan, you have a beautiful daughter.”
“A girl! Did you here that, Luke? I have a daughter.”
“You’re happy now, but just you wait until the boys start callin’ on her,” Luke said.
Jane smiled, then went back into the bedroom and shut the door. Hetty finished bathing the baby, who did not appear to enjoy her first bath. The doctor continued to work with Sara, so Jane perched herself on the edge of the bed.
“I don’t know how to thank you, Jane. I
couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Nonsense. You were doing just fine by yourself.”
Just then, Hetty brought the bundled baby over and handed her to Sara.
“Oh, just look at you!” Fresh tears filled the new mother’s eyes as she gazed at her baby. The infant hushed upon hearing her mother’s voice and stared at Sara wide-eyed.
The doctor stood and gathered his supplies. “Well, Mrs. McClain, looks like a perfectly healthy baby to me. I’m all through here. Hetty, if you’ll get Mrs. McClain all cleaned up, I’ll go and reassure the new papa. Miss Cooper, you did a fine job.”
Jane smiled, and Hetty profusely apologized to Sara for not being with her during the labor. Sara insisted that everything was all right. After Sara was cleaned and put into her nightclothes, Jane and Hetty went downstairs to get Nathan. He quickly scaled the stairs to see his wife and new baby.
While Dr. Hathaway said his good-byes, Hetty prepared tea and cakes for her husband, Jane, and Luke. Jane, ravenous from having missed supper, had to restrain herself from devouring the cake, for fear of appearing gluttonous. Luke, however, had no such compunctions and freely attacked the food.
Nathan came down shortly afterward, and Hetty went back up to care for the baby while Sara rested. Jane was exhausted, and when Luke suggested they return home, she was more than agreeable. However, she’d forgotten their only means of transportation and stopped short when she saw the stallion tied loosely to a tree. Luke nearly plowed her down.
“Sorry!” he said when he collided with her.
The force of the impact sent her forward a step, but she abruptly gained control of herself and stiffened her spine. If he thought she was going to climb on that beast again, he should think again!
Luke couldn’t have missed her hesitancy. “Want to race home and see if we can beat the time we set on the way here?”
Jane heard the laughter in his voice and knew without looking that a grin tugged at his lips. She crossed her arms, saying nothing as he stepped beside her. Leave it to him to find a weak spot and rub it in. Why did he insist on tormenting her?
To her surprise, Luke touched her chin and turned her face toward him. His eyes were twinkling with amusement, but his grin reflected compassion rather than ridicule. “I’ll take it real slow, all right?”
She briskly nodded once, dislodging his hand, and walked rigidly to the stallion.
“Why don’t you sit astride this time? You’ll be able to balance better.”
He hoisted her up to the saddle, and she swung her right leg over. The horse staggered to the side, and Jane grabbed the saddle horn with both hands. To be up so high on an unsteady horse was a frightening thing, and she was relieved when Luke pulled himself up behind her and draped an arm around her waist.
After nudging the mount with his foot, they set off at a slow pace. The ride was long compared to their earlier dash across the terrain, but she’d rather ride all night at this pace than be subjected to a repeat of their earlier harrowing experience. They arrived at the Reiley home without incident, and Jane immediately retired to her cottage.
That night as she laid in bed, her mind repeatedly reviewed the baby’s delivery. She smiled in the dark, remembering the miniature hands and perfectly formed face. She was in awe of the whole process of child bearing, that two people could join together and create a new little life. How exciting it must be to see the little one that’s a part of you and your spouse.
Jane had never truly thought about the fact that she would never have children of her own. Oh, she had known, of course, that since there would be no husband, there could be no children, but she had never allowed herself to consider what that meant. Suddenly, the life of a spinster seemed lonely and dismal.
Tears formed behind her eyelids as she allowed herself to grieve the children she would never have. A part of her was envious of Sara, who had all the things Jane would never have. She was disgusted with herself for her begrudging thoughts.
If only God had made her differently! Why did she have to be the one who was ugly? The one with the long, spindly arms and legs, the unsightly freckles, and the homely features? And why did she have to be born into a family of beauties? That was the worst of it! She was plain by anyone’s standards, but when held up next to her sisters, she stood out like a wart. She would never forget the taunting and teasing during her childhood that had humiliated her so. She learned very early that boys did not want to play with homely girls. When boys began calling on other girls her age, no one was less surprised than she that no one expressed an interest in her. Socials, parties, and hayrides only marked further humiliation for Jane as all the other girls received invitations and twittered about dresses and courting.
Jane had always been on the outside, excluded from the normal activities of young people, and too mortified to go to them unattended. She had been so preoccupied with just getting through those horrible years, that she hadn’t fully realized the implications of spinsterhood.
In that moment, helping her parents in the restaurant didn’t seem very fulfilling. In fact, the prospect seemed downright depressing. If only God had made her differently!
six
Jane woke in a sour mood the next day. During breakfast, Elizabeth chattered about Sara and the baby until Jane was ready to tell her to hush. She felt mean-spirited, and al-though she knew Elizabeth was merely excited, she didn’t want to hear about babies today. Luke left her alone for a change, seeming to sense her bad mood.
Jane’s critical attitude followed her to church, where she sat with her family. Luke had arranged for Jane to have Sundays off, so she planned to spend the afternoon with her family. The congregation rose and sat at the appropriate times, and Jane complied with the rituals without interest. As they rose for the reading of the Scriptures, Jane listened to the Reverend Hill, if only to occupy her mind.
“Today, we will look at Psalm 100, verses 3 and 4. ‘Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.’ Let us pray.”
Bitterness boiled up within Jane as she bowed her head. God had made her! She would not argue with that. He had made her ugly!
When Jane was a young girl, her mother had talked to her about Jesus, and she had asked Him into her heart that day. She remembered how carefree and naХve she’d been. She had been old enough to understand what Jesus had done for her, but too young to know that her appearance would ruin her life. Some of the bitterness drained from her heart as sadness creeped in to take its place. She had given herself to God, but somewhere along the way, they had diverged, she and the Lord.
This was another way she was set apart from her family. Everyone else in her family seemed very close to God. Her mother was forever quoting Scripture. In fact, it was a joke amongst the Coopers that she had a verse for every occasion. Jane had always sensed her mother’s disappointment in her lack of spiritual depth, although she had never said anything directly.
Jane startled from her reverie when those around her took their seats. She settled back against the hard pew, arranged her skirt, and let her mind wander. The service seemed long today, perhaps because of the stifling heat in the small chapel. A warm breeze, almost oppressive, wafted through the open windows, bringing in the thick vibrant fragrance of lilac. Women waved fans with hypnotic repetition, men shrugged out of their suitcoats, and children fidgeted while their parents warned them to be still.
Jane looked forward to the afternoon. She would take the noon meal with her family, go see how the restaurant was progressing, then take a nap in her own bed. Just thinking of her feather mattress made her sigh with contentment. The sound drew her father’s attention, and Jane gave a small, sheepish smile and made an effort to focus on the sermon.
After the service, she went home with her family for a meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans,
and some of her mother’s delicious buttermilk biscuits. Her plans to see the restaurant were delayed in favor of a nap once the food settled in her stomach, making her feel satiated and lazy.
She enjoyed being in her own room again. Although she typically shared the space with Katy, her sister had gone to a friend’s home for the afternoon. Now, Jane relished the idea of a couple hours of solitude. Her bed felt every bit as good as she remembered and, before she had time to think anymore, she drifted off into the darkness of sleep.
The sound of feet clomping up the stairs woke her, and she opened her eyes to see Katy tiptoeing into the room.
Katy saw Jane’s eyes open and whispered, “Sorry! Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“That’s all right. What time is it?”
“Four o’clock.” Katy rummaged around in her chest until she found what she was looking for. “David is downstairs reading. I think he’s eager to take you over to the restaurant; he’s so proud, you’d think he built the place all by himself. The plans are still on schedule. The restaurant and house portion should be finished by the beginning of August, and the boarding rooms ready to rent sometime in August or September.”
“I can’t believe how much has been done this week.” Jane sat up and rubbed her eyes. “It’s by far the biggest building in town.”
“Wait’ll you see the inside. I can hardly wait to put everything in place—the tables and lamps and all.”
Katy prepared to leave the room, and Jane called to her, “Tell David I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
Jane’s hair had come loose, so she pulled it back and washed her face. That done, she went downstairs to join her brother.
Since the building was on the other side of town and the afternoon heat was sweltering, they took the carriage. David caught her up on what they had done that week. He was clearly enthusiastic about carpentry, and Jane wondered if he should consider it for a trade. Her father probably assumed he would take an interest in the restaurant and inn, but she thought the rest of them could manage fine. Her father could handle the bookkeeping. Of course, Katy would get married sooner or later, but by then the business would probably be earning enough to warrant some paid help.
Never a Bride Page 4