She resigned herself to avoiding Luke. That was the only way to prevent her increasing attachment to him. Just two weeks remained before Cassy and Caleb returned. She would just spend as little time as possible around Luke and remain detached when he was near. No more horseback riding lessons, for certain. Anyway, she felt she was able to do—
Jane abruptly noticed the silence and darted a look at Elizabeth, who was staring at her with a cocked eyebrow and an amused smile.
“Did you say something?” Jane asked sheepishly.
Elizabeth laughed. “You haven’t heard anything I’ve said, have you?”
Jane smiled sheepishly. What a dreadful example she set for this young girl, letting her mind drift away while she talked. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
With a chuckle, Elizabeth forgave her and started on a new subject.
Later that afternoon, Jane yanked the last handful of weeds from the vegetable garden, stood to her feet, and placed a hand on her aching back. She noted the position of the sun in the sky and realized she had at least an hour before she had to start supper, so she determined to weed the flowerbed at the front of the house. This was the one task she’d neglected since she’d been here and, as she approached the garden, she saw to her dismay that the weeds had taken over the ground, spreading like a disease across the colorful pallet.
With a resigned sigh, Jane lowered herself to her knees and began ruthlessly snatching clusters of stubborn weeds. Now that she saw the work before her, she wished she had not sent Elizabeth to Mary’s house to play.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been toiling when a shadow fell across the flowerbed. Gasping in surprise, she turned and saw Luke’s silhouette, her heart suddenly hammering.
“You might at least give me a warning before you sneak up on me like that!” Her sharp words reflected her irritation and dimmed the smile in his eyes.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
Jane returned to her work, more to occupy her hands than anything. Perhaps he would sense her withdrawal and go away. Her head told her this was what she wanted, but her heart thumped tenaciously, as if to refute her thoughts.
Luke’s boots shuffled beside her, stirring up puffs of dirt. His perusal made her uneasy. “I hope you don’t think we’re going to eat early, because I haven’t even started supper yet,” she spat.
Luke flinched at her biting tone. “No. . . I was just going to go wash up in the creek. I’ll be back around suppertime.”
Jane heard the confusion and hurt in his voice and felt a pang of guilt. Despite herself, she felt the need to smooth things over a bit. “I’m almost finished here, then I’ll start supper.”
Luke was already backing away and shoving his hat on his head. “No hurry.” Ducking his head, he turned and ambled toward the creek.
Jane watched his back as he walked away. His shoulders slumped, and once again Jane felt the stab of guilt. She’d hurt his feelings. She was sorry that things had to be this way, but she knew of no other course of action to keep a distance between them. When Luke turned back to look at her, she quickly pretended to be absorbed in her work.
❧
Supper that night was a quiet affair. Even Elizabeth seemed caught up in her own thoughts. She’d returned from Mary’s in time to help Jane with supper preparations, and Luke had returned from the creek shortly after.
Pings of silver against china punctuated the silence. Jane tried to eat hurriedly without appearing uncivil. It was a challenge, but the small portions she’d spooned onto her plate expedited the process. She was rising from her chair as Luke was helping himself to seconds.
“Finished already?” The warm smile he offered caused Jane to purse her lips, steeling herself against his charm.
“I’d best get things cleaned up.” Jane removed her dinnerware and hurried into the kitchen. A week and five days to go. How was she going to manage?
She pumped water into the basin, using the physical effort as a release for her anxiety. If only she could come down with some minor ailment, then she could return home, and they could find someone to take her place. But such a thing would never happen. She never got sick. Certainly not in the middle of summer. She attacked the dishes with vigor.
Luke appeared suddenly, and she jumped. “Sorry. Apparently, I’ve startled you again.”
Jane noted the contrite look on his face and abruptly turned back to her dishes and clenched her jaw. I will not let him get to me!
“I was wondering if you’d like to go for a ride tonight. The sky’s clear and it’s going to be a beautiful sunset. I think Brownie—”
“Not tonight, Luke.”
Jane caught his startled pause and softened her words with an easy excuse. “My back aches from gardening.”
Elizabeth clattered a plate down beside the basin and returned to the table with a cloth to wipe it down. Jane snatched the plate, thankful it was the last, and plunked it into the water.
“Why didn’t you say so? I have some liniment in the other—”
“I don’t need any.” Jane hung the wet towel to dry. “I think I’ll head on home now.”
Elizabeth bade her farewell, but Luke just stood with his hands in his pockets and his brows drawn together in confusion.
❧
Luke just couldn’t seem to concentrate tonight. He closed his Bible, leaving it to rest on his lap, and reclined on the upholstered sofa. With his hands behind his head, he drew a deep breath and released it in a puff of frustration.
What was going on with Jane? Sunday morning when they’d left for church, things had been just fine. She’d laughed with him over breakfast and shared smiles with him on the way to church.
And Saturday night. . . How could he forget Saturday night? He’d almost kissed her, and he was sure—well, almost sure—that Jane would have welcomed it. He’d planned to get to know Jane better; see if their relationship developed into something more.
But something had happened. Ever since she’d come back from her parents’ house, she’d been aloof. She acted as though she’d wiped out the past two weeks and reverted to her former behavior. Worse even. She was avoiding him, being snappy with him, and acting as if she didn’t care to be near him. And that smarted.
Just when he decided to pursue the relationship, she pulled back and left him fluttering in the wind. Women!
Why was she pulling away from him? Perhaps she was worried he still had feelings for Cassy. Maybe she was distancing herself from him to protect herself. He couldn’t blame her. Even he wasn’t sure how he felt about Cassy.
Should he just continue on, hoping she would warm up to him as she did before, or should he ask what was wrong?
I guess you’d better get on your knees, Luke. His lips turned up in a bittersweet smile. His mother’s words would live forever in his heart. Clasping the Bible between his hands, Luke eased himself off the couch and obeyed the ageless advice of a wise mother.
twelve
The next week trudged by. On Monday morning, Jane allowed a smile of relief. Only six days to go. Then she could get on with her life.
Her family had proudly shown her through their completed house on Sunday. Even their home in Philadelphia had not been so lovely. The banister was etched with intricate carvings, and the cabinetry was replete with detail. Carpets covered the floors in each room, ready to warm their frigid feet come winter. The fireplace was massive; a grand, stony throne that seemed to encompass the whole parlor. The spacious kitchen, crammed with cubbyholes and drawers for storage, was her mother’s pride. Along the outside wall, a big black stove waited quietly to be fired up and used. The house was an impressive structure, and Jane was eager to move in. They’d already moved all their boxes and furniture, and next week she was going to paint the restaurant’s name on the big picture window.
A warm bath would be bliss, but there was no time for that this morning. Jane quickly got ready and headed to the Reileys’ house. On her way up the porch stairs, she met Elizabeth, w
ho was going to collect the eggs.
“Good morning!” Elizabeth greeted her cheerfully. “Luke’s already had breakfast and left, so there’s no hurry.”
“Why don’t we have pancakes, then, since they’re your favorite.”
Elizabeth bounced off to do her chores, and Jane set about making breakfast. By the look of things, she could have had that bath after all.
Luke had missed breakfast several times in the past week, and Jane wondered if his absence had anything to do with her. Probably not. But she felt oddly disappointed each time, when she should’ve felt relieved.
Suddenly, the truth slammed into her, and the discovery hit her full force. She was in love with him.
Shock turned into anger. Why had she been put in this miserable situation? If she’d never come to stay here, her feelings never would have had a chance to develop. But God had allowed it. He’d put before her something she could never have; dangled it like a bone before a dog. Bad enough that she had to live with herself the way she was, but now she had to suffer unrequited love as well. Did God despise her so much?
Why, God? What did I ever do that was so awful? She slammed a glass down onto the table and cringed at the echo that sounded. Just six more days, she told herself, then she could retreat to her parents’ house and nurse her broken heart.
❧
Monday dragged into Tuesday, which turned out to be another unbearably hot day without so much as a breeze to cool a person’s skin. Heavy chores were put off in favor of lighter, outdoor chores. Laundry filled the bill, so Jane and Elizabeth scrubbed and wrung, then hung the clothes to dry on the clothesline, which was as stagnant as a cactus.
Next, Jane and Elizabeth watered the garden. They stirred up dust, which clung to the roofs of their mouths, as they hauled buckets from the pump to the plants. Occasionally, they sprinkled water on each other to fight the heat and provide a little fun. When half of the garden was watered, they sank into the grass under a huge oak and agreed to finish tomorrow.
Supper that night followed the same pattern as the pre-vious week. Jane, feeling Luke’s silent perusal, rushed through the meal and cleanup, then retired to the sanctuary of her cottage. After a cool bath in the cabin’s tiny kitchen, Jane scooped up her sewing basket and eased herself into the rocker on the porch in hopes of escaping the house’s stifling heat.
She was nearly finished with Elizabeth’s new dress. Draping the yellow fabric over her shoulder to keep it off the ground, Jane began hemming the gown, leaving a generous three inches for growth.
Tiny, even stitches, the trademark of fine sewing, were produced with little conscious effort. In fact, the tedious work lulled her mind into a dreamlike state.
The slam of a door released her from her stupor, jerking her mind to the present like a fisherman yanking a snared fish. Her eyes followed the sound, and her stomach dropped to her toes when she saw Luke headed her way. She couldn’t slink back into the cottage, because he had already spotted her.
Jane continued sewing, determined to pay him as little attention as possible until he took the hint and left her alone.
His feet shuffled to a stop and, when she glanced up, she saw he was lounging casually against the porch rail in front of her, his hands in his pockets.
“ ’Evening,” he said.
She steeled her heart against his lopsided grin and re-turned to her task, not even bothering to return his greeting.
“Making yourself a dress?” he asked, irritating her further.
“No. This is for Elizabeth.”
“What a shame. That color looks real nice on you.”
She heard the smile in his voice and clenched her teeth in frustration. “Is there something you wanted, Luke?”
Luke disregarded her question. “You’d look pretty in a soft color like that. I’m used to seeing you in plain colors.”
She stiffened as though he had struck her as the singsong voices from her childhood taunted her, “Plain Jane. . .plain Jane. . .” Her mind reeled with images: Bart Matthews slinging mud at her, a group of children snickering as she hurried past, cute little Emily Parker sneering at her.
Jane smothered the images from her mind, but Luke’s words chafed at her like a burr against her skin. Who is he to criticize my clothes? What does he know about fashion, anyway?
In one motion, Jane scooped up her basket and whirled around to the door. She grasped the handle and gave a yank, but a viselike grip on her arm forestalled her departure. She tried to wrench her arm away, but his hand held firmly, so she let the door swing shut with a bang.
“What? What did I say?” She heard his soft words and felt them, as well, as his breath stirred the wisps of hair near her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.
“Nothing. I–I’m just tired, that’s all.” She squared her shoulders.
“Something’s wrong. What did I say?”
“You didn’t say anything,” she snapped.
Luke spun her around to face him, and she witnessed his anger for the first time. The planes of his face were hard and forbidding, his eyes alive with emotion. Jane sank back against the door to distance herself from his body, and the knob dug into her spine. The ache in her back matched the one in her arm caused by Luke’s grip, and she squirmed. Luke released her abruptly, as if he hadn’t realized the strength of his hold.
He exhaled in a puff of frustration. “Then what’s wrong, Jane?” he asked between clenched teeth. “You’ve been avoiding me. Things were fine a week ago, now you can’t get far enough away. Did I do something to make you mad?” His eyes searched hers, and Jane dipped her head in guilt.
“No. . .no.” She avoided his eyes. “It’s not you, it’s me. I just want to be left alone.”
Silence wove around her, filling up the space between them. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, betraying her inner turmoil.
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
The words, spoken so simply, drew a silent gasp from Jane. Her eyes darted to meet his gaze, and she wanted to melt in the warmth of his eyes. But cold reality stabbed at her, and she hardened herself against his kindness. “I don’t need your pity, Luke.”
He drew back suddenly, as though she’d slapped him. “Pity. . .? I want to spend time with you, get to know you better. I don’t pity you.” His fingers curved under her trembling chin, and he met her with a direct gaze that went straight to her heart. “I’m beginning to care for you, Jane.”
Her eyes glazed over, and she blinked rapidly. What was he saying? Could it be possible that—
“I was planning to tell you after you came back from your parents’ house last Sunday, but you were so. . .cold. I don’t even know how you feel about this now.” Luke dropped his hand. “Am I making a fool of myself?” A red flush climbed up his neck and into his face.
She swallowed, trying to dislodge the hard lump that had formed in her throat. “What about Cassy?” she asked in a monotone voice, afraid to give away her feelings. Afraid she’d somehow misunderstood him.
Luke’s face clouded with uneasiness. “I’m going to be honest with you. I’m a little confused about my feelings where she’s concerned.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, then met her gaze. “With her being away. . .my feelings for her have. . . I’m not sure how I feel.”
Jane felt for him and encouraged him with a slight smile.
After an audible exhale he continued, “The truth is I won’t know exactly how I feel about Cassy until she comes back. I don’t know why that is. . . . Maybe what I felt for her was shallow.” His eyes drilled into hers with passion. “What I do know is, I want to get to know you better, Jane. After you return home, I’d like your permission to call on you.”
Jane opened her trembling lips to respond, but closed them again when nothing came out.
“I have made a fool of myself, haven’t I?” Disappoint-ment lined his face, covered by a shadow of humiliation.
A tight cord knotted inside her stomach, and Jane felt an overwhelming
urge to ease his discomfort. “No,” she denied emphatically.
Her sudden response drew a startled look from Luke, and her face filled with the white heat of embarrassment. “I mean. . .I would like. . .that is, you may call on me after I return home. If you’d like.” Her eyes darted to his in an effort to gauge his response. His eyes were wide in surprise, then they were sparkling and framed by familiar crinkles. His grin widened to a full smile as her words sank in.
“That’s great. . .just great,” he said with a dazed smile.
Jane removed the dress that was draped across her shoulders and transferred the sewing basket to her other hand. The uncomfortable silence stirred her heart.
“Well. . .here, let me get the door for you.” Luke opened the door, and Jane slipped inside, glad to end the awkward moment. “I’ll see you in the morning, then,” he said.
His intense gaze mesmerized Jane. “All right. Good night.” She shut the door, then discreetly watched from the window as he walked away.
Her heart pumped vigorously. I can hardly believe it, she thought. He actually cares for me! She felt a childish urge to jump up and down, but her mother’s persistent training restrained her.
Jane put away her sewing supplies and lit the sitting room lamp. She was in the mood to draw, and she knew just the picture to work on.
❧
The next day dawned bright and warm, the heat of yesterday melting into yet another scorching August day. Clouds lining the horizon hinted at the possibility of rain, and the trees sheltering the two houses whispered secrets to one another as a fine breeze toyed with their branches.
Jane was as nervous as a turkey on Thanksgiving Day as she made her way to the Reiley house. She’d fussed with her appearance, combing her hair into various styles, each more ridiculous than the one before, until finally clasping it back into her usual knot. She was behaving like a silly schoolgirl.
She began her routine in solitude, glad to have the time to collect herself before facing Luke. Elizabeth joined her, and soon breakfast was on the table. Luke slid into his chair, after running late with his morning chores, and offered Jane an intimate smile.
Never a Bride Page 10