I take one last look at myself, grab my cream clutch and head out into the corridor. It’s empty, of course, because everyone that was staying here was going to the wedding. I glance at the clock and realise it’s fifteen minutes past twelve. They’ll be well into the service now, but I know I’ve got at least another ten minutes until the end.
I don’t want to stop their wedding. I left him, and if he’s moved on and married someone—albeit quickly—then that’s his choice. What I do want to do is to give him an explanation. Maybe I’m really overestimating the feelings he had for me, but if they’re anything like the feelings I have, then I know he’ll still be craving the answers to his questions. He’ll want to know why I just abandoned him like that. He’ll want to know why I acted as if I didn’t care.
I step out onto the cobblestones, feeling the warm summer breeze as it wraps around me, and head towards the paved path on the other side of the road. I wonder if he was nervous. I bet he looks ridiculously handsome in a full suit.
Just as I round the corner by the pub, I notice a girl in a bridal gown with her back to me and then I see a groom with his arms around her, facing me. Shit! I freeze, and just as I see his eyes move from her face towards me, I dash back around the corner. I place my hand over my chest and pant. What are they doing here? Did I get the time wrong? Fuck! I wait two minutes and then peep back around the wall.
Noah’s head is lowered so I can’t see his face. Tara is wearing the biggest, whitest dress I have ever seen with a ridiculously long veil that’s blowing in the breeze. She’s shaking as if she’s laughing at something he’s saying and her arms are tight around him, exposing the whole of her back.
I keep staring because I want to see Noah’s face. I want to see those eyes to see what colour they are. If he’s happy, then I’ll leave. If they aren’t as bright as the sky after he’s just married her, then I’m going to tell him everything that he wants to know.
He eventually looks up enough for me to see his beautiful face and I’m so mesmerised by it that I forget to look at his eyes. My memories of him haven’t done him justice—either that or he just got really attractive over the last four months. He leans forward and tenderly kisses Tara’s forehead. I feel the snake of jealousy waking up and it’s not going to be happy. I have to go. I have to leave here now and never come back because Noah has moved on without me. I turn around and walk away from him… for good this time.
When I land in Zante, I head straight for a taxi and ask to be taken to my hotel in Tsillivi. I know it’s a random place to be, but it was the first thing I saw in the window of the travel agency and I’ve never been to Greece, so here I am. Apparently, the food here is amazing. Random people on the plane kept trying to talk to me, but I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to hear about the kebabs or the beef stifado. I just want to go and put on my bikini and lie on the beach for the next three weeks and get shit-faced.
As we start to drive down the main street in Tsillivi, I notice all the little Greek taverns and the restaurants and cafés. There are a couple of bars and lots of souvenir shops.
“Stop!” I call out when I notice a stand of postcards. “Can you just wait two minutes, please?” I ask.
“Yes, Madam,” he says in perfect English.
I jump out of the car and buy a postcard and a pen. When I get back in, I stare at the picture of the white beach and turquoise waters and turn it over. I write Noah’s address on the right-hand side as the car begins to pull away, and then I write him my message:
Dearest Noah,
Congratulations on your marriage to Tara.
I hope you’ll both be very happy together.
Ariel x x
P.S. Balance switching seems easy. Why did you make it sound so hard?
P.P.S. I wish you were here. And I’m sorry.
I rest my head against the seat and smile. I’m going to post this to him. I want him to know that I know that everything we had was complete bollocks. I thought he loved me. The way he acted and the way he treated me all pointed towards it, but how could he if he married Tara just four months after we split up?
Chapter 30
NOW
Rest and Recuperation
“You were lucky,” Noah says to me as we walk out of the hospital seven hours later.
Not that lucky. The A&E wait was ridiculous. “I know,” I say, holding my bandaged wrist up to my chest. “And like I’ve already told you, I didn’t mean to do it.”
He huffs and presses the key fob for his Range Rover. “It looked like it.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, I’m telling you I didn’t. I was just messing about because I like the feel of it. If you hadn’t have barged into the bathroom while I was having a bath, it never would have happened.”
“Get in the car,” he tells me.
“You shouldn’t have just walked in on me,” I say.
“I know.”
I huff and then climb into the car.
“She just said to get some R&R?” he asks, reversing out of the parking spot.
“Yes. Something about blood loss and using energy.”
“So there was definitely no tendon damage?”
I look out of the window as we turn onto Winginton Road. “Nope.”
He sighs but chooses not to say anything more. I watch the world pass me by and wonder what he’s thinking. He’s heard a lot today.
“It was good that you corroborated my story,” I whisper, shooting him a sly grin.
“Indeed,” he smiles. “If I hadn’t, you’d be in the psych ward right now.”
I nod.
“And we both know a psychiatrist is the last person you want to see, isn’t it?” he says.
“Correct,” I mumble.
“Ariel,” he says, “I need you to see someone.”
“Why?” I ask, turning around to look at him. “What’s it got to do with you?”
“I care about you,” he says, glancing at me. “A lot.”
“It’s a bit late for that now,” I say, even though I love the bones off him. I remember his wedding and how I felt that day when I was hiding from him. Maybe he’s not the only one who struggles to let go of the hurt. “I’m just glad you got your answers.”
“Don’t be like this,” he says. “It’s not like I gave you an ultimatum or anything. I just asked for an explanation.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I just don’t want to think or talk about it anymore.”
“Okay,” he says slowly.
Twenty minutes later, he turns the car onto our road and then pulls into our underground garage.
When the car stops, I unclick my belt and sigh. “I really appreciate you going to my family’s grave every year. That was a really nice thing you did for them…and for me. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to give you an explanation.”
He nods, killing the engine. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” I say. And for once, I actually mean it.
“How many man have you had sex with since you came to York?”
“Can I ask why you’re asking?”
He shakes his head. “It’s a simple question. I just want a simple, honest answer.”
I’m not sure where he’s going with this, but I answer anyway. “None.”
He raises his eyebrows at me as if he doesn’t believe me. “Really? How come?”
I look at him. I really look at him and take in every single feature of his face. I have an incredible urge to touch him—specifically, his secrets scars—but I resist and lean over to kiss his cheek instead. “I truly haven’t. You’ve messed up my mojo,” I tell him.
I pull back just a fraction and stare at his lips that are plump and light pink. “And thank you for all that you did for me seven years ago. One of my biggest regrets about leaving you like that was that I didn’t thank you. I will never forget that Christmas for as long as I live. It was the worst I’ve ever had, but it’s also the best.”
He looks at me a little shyly and s
miles. “So, what now?”
“I guess we just go back to living our lives, except we’re going to have to accept the fact that we’ll see each other occasionally.”
He frowns as if I’ve just said something that he doesn’t understand. “And you’re alright with that, are you?”
No, I’m not alright with that. What I’d really like to do is to kiss him until there are no longer stars in the night sky and beg him to take me to bed, but I nod with confidence that I don’t feel. “Completely.”
He rubs at his temple and shakes his head. “I got that wrong,” he mumbles.
I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Pardon?”
“Nothing,” he says. “Come on, we both need a good night’s sleep.”
I follow him around the car towards the lift. “You got your Christmas shifts yet?”
He nods. “They’ve given me annual leave for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I have a day shift on Boxing Day and then three night shifts after that.”
“That’s good,” I say. “Why don’t you seem pleased?
He turns and stares at me, his eyes moving across my face. “For the same reason that you’d be sad if you had those days off too.”
I nod. I’ve always worked on Christmas. Since that first one when Noah made it extra special, I’ve decided to keep myself busy. Christmas is the hardest part of the year, but I would have thought Noah would be happy to be off so he can spend it with Tara. “I think our rotas are up, but I volunteered for every shift so I’m not worried.”
Noah smiles. “So did I.”
“What did you say when you rang work anyway?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I informed them of your injury. I told them I was with you when it happened and that I was taking you to the hospital so they needed to arrange someone to cover my surgeries.”
“Don’t you think tongues will wag?” I ask, thinking about the gossip lovers.
“I don’t care,” he says. “You should know that by now.”
Ruby is sitting opposite me with a piece of popcorn between her fingers that’s hanging in mid-air. Her mouth is wide open and her deep brown eyes are narrowed.
“And you just left it like that? No kiss for old time’s sake? No declaration of love?”
I shake my head. It’s been two days since I got back from the hospital with Noah and I’ve finally cracked to her constant questioning by giving her an edited version of the history between Noah and me. I haven’t mentioned Michael, but I have told her about the baby. Luckily for me, Ruby doesn’t dwell on the past too much.
“But you do love him?” she asks. “You’re actually in love with the silly sod right now?”
I nod. “I always have been.”
“I think he loves you too,” she says, sitting back against the sofa. “Why else would he do all those nice things for you?”
“Maybe he does,” I say, “but I think for him that it’s more like one of those weird connections that you don’t think you can let go of. He’s not in love with me. We shared something deep, painful and meaningful, and I don’t think you ever forget that.” I plunge my hand into the popcorn and pull out a handful. “And then there’s Tara. I don’t know what’s going on there, but it feels really weird because that’s not my Noah. At all.”
Ruby nods. “I’ll say. It’s like he’s leading two separate lives. And what’s strange is that Owen has never mentioned her at all.”
“It’s all fucked up,” I sigh.
“It sounds like you were both fucked up,” she says bluntly. “And that you just both got sucked up into each other’s fucked up little worlds.”
She’s probably hit the nail on the head. “Yes,” I say, “but I think what we felt for each other at that time was real. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.”
She nods towards the bandage on my arm. “I think I know what you need.”
I raise my eyebrows at her. “And what’s that?”
“A night out. We haven’t been out since we got here,” she says. “I want to go and paint the town red with you.”
I glance down at my bandage. The cut has been itching, but I’m not in pain anymore. Although it was deep and I had to have stitches, no real damage was done. I have to keep the gauze on to prevent an infection, and because of where the cut is, it just screams ‘cry for help.’ “I’m not sure,” I tell her.
“You can wear a long-sleeved top. You’ve got that nice cream one with the chiffon sleeves,” she says, bouncing on the sofa excitedly. “Pleeassse!”
“Alright,” I say, glancing at the clock. “It’s nearly nine though,” I tell her. “You won’t have much time.”
She grins at me. “Since when have I needed more than half an hour to get drunk?”
True. Ruby is the cheapest date ever.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re dressed and ready to go out. Ruby has choked me to the point of heaving with her disgusting perfume and has sprayed enough hairspray to keep her hair in place for the next three weeks. I smile at her as she walks ahead of me through the apartment. Her supermodel long legs are on show for the world to see as they stick out from her tiny green dress. It’s so tight that she’s even had to dig out her “magic” knickers.
“You look great,” I tell her.
She glances over her shoulder at me and grins. “I know. Sometimes it’s a really good thing being dark.”
What does the colour of her skin have to do with anything? “Do you not get cold or something?”
She giggles. “No, I mean that I can wear bright colours and look good. Pale-skinned people just wouldn’t look good in this colour of green.
Sometimes I think her brain goes for a walk. “No,” I say, frowning at her. “I suppose they’d look ill.”
Just as Ruby reaches the door, someone knocks. She swings it open and sticks her hand on her hip. “Why, hello there,” she says smoothly.
Great. So she invited Owen and Ben without telling me.
“Hello,” says a familiar, deep voice. “You headin’ out?”
“Yes,” she says, “we’re going to get shit-faced.”
“On a Wednesday?”
“It’s as good a day as any,” she replies. “Did you want Ariel?”
“Please.”
She swings the door open wider and I smile when I see Noah in his comfy sweats.
“Hey,” I say, suddenly feeling shy. This man has seen me naked more times than anyone else on the planet. Why do I feel shy all of a sudden?
“You look nice,” he says, surveying my black skinny jeans and long-sleeved top.
“I’ve gone for the conservative look,” I tell him, nodding at Ruby.
Noah grins. “At least you’ll be warmer.”
I smile and pull my tiny bag over my shoulder. “Did you want me for something?”
He nods and hands me a folded-up piece of paper. I open it and see a doctor’s name, an address and the date written across it. “What’s this?” I ask, even though I think I already know what it is.
“I’ve made you an appointment,” he says.
“For Friday night?”
He nods.
“At ten?”
He nods again.
“Who does appointments at that time? It’s Friday bloody night! Not that I’m going anyway,” I tell him, pushing the paper back towards him.
He takes a step back. “Do this for me,” he says. “Please.”
“Noah,” I say, shaking my head subtly. “I can’t do this right now.”
“Please go. Just the once,” he says. “He’s the best.”
“I have to work,” I say quickly.
He smiles at me and it’s a sly smile. “I checked your shifts. You finish at nine that night and he’s only a fifteen-minute walk away.”
Ugh. “Noah…” I begin.
“I won’t bother you again,” he says, walking away from our apartment.
“What if she wants you to bother her?” Ruby asks, following him.
“What?” he sa
ys, spinning on his heels.
“Ruby,” I warn.
She throws me a smile and then shrugs at Noah. “I think you heard.”
“Good night,” I say to him.
He frowns at Ruby. I know exactly what he’s thinking. “Good night, Ariel,” he says with a smile.
“Hey, Noah?” Ruby calls when he starts to walk up the stairs.
I hear him sigh from where I am. “Yes?”
“When are you going to tell your wife that Ariel is back in town and that you’ve snogged her face off?”
Noah’s eyes dart to my face and then he frowns at Ruby. “I’m sorry, but what’s this got to do with you?”
“Seeing as though you’re screwing around with my best friend’s head, it’s got a lot to do with me,” she says.
Oh God. She’s doing it. She’s breaking the bloody promise she made me right before I told her everything.
“Have a good night, girls,” he calls, starting to walk back up the stairs again.
Ruby doesn’t look at me as she marches out into the corridor. I can’t believe her.
“Let’s go, Ruby,” I say sternly.
“What does your wife think you’re up to when you’re here? Does she know that you have a shagging pad in the Moors? I can just imagine you now,” she says, smirking. “Hey ladies, do you wanna come see my big house? They say, ‘my, what a big bed you have.’ You say, ‘all the bigger for banging you on.’”
“That’s enough,” I say to her, pulling on her arm. My cheeks are beetroot so I daren’t look at Noah. “We’re going out, so let’s just do that.”
She holds firm and I can see her glaring at him. I know for a fact that he must be glaring right back.
“Ruby,” I hiss. “Let’s go.”
“Is that what you think?” Noah says.
I take a deep breath and look up at him. “What?”
“You think I take women back to that house to cheat on my wife?”
I glance at Ruby. She looks as confused as I feel. “Yes.”
Noah and Me Page 23