That same cop told Revik what he’d done, after he brought him back to a police building, somewhere in Bavaria. He told Revik in detail what he’d done to Pirna and her husband, what he’d done with the gun, what he’d done with his fists and feet.
Pirna had been his schoolteacher. That had been even earlier, back when he used to get the shit beat out of him daily instead of once every few months. Pirna, who’d tried to defend him, who tried to get the German authorities to take him away from Menlim––who tried to help him. Pirna, who he’d loved in his own way, even if thinking about her brought unbearable shame, given how he’d gotten her fired from her job at the school.
Revik had murdered her and her husband.
The thought broke something in Revik’s mind.
He looked down at Allie, feeling the wounds on her, the broken parts of her light. The broken parts of her body.
He’d done this.
He didn’t know how he knew, but he did.
Vash! Revik called out in the Barrier space. Vash! I need you!
He remembered then, and his light crashed back down around and into him, sparking in harder eddies as a different, more recent memory grew real. Grief hit him before he could protect himself, before he could pull it back in any way.
Vash wouldn’t answer him. Vash was dead.
The one person who’d truly acted as a parent to him after his own parents died, the one person he could turn to with anything, at any time, and long after Vash should have shut the door on him––was gone.
As much as the emotional tie, Vash felt like protection.
A safety net, maybe. Mostly a safety net from Revik himself––from his own nature, or whatever was wrong with his light, whatever the Dreng had broken in him, seemingly permanently. For decades of his life, Vash was the one person whose vision and motives Revik trusted without question. He never had to second-guess him, never had to wonder if Vash was lying, or trying to manipulate him.
Vash always operated on the side of light. Always.
He was light, even when Revik didn’t agree with his tactics.
Revik never had to wonder if Vash might be working for some darker force. He never had to worry if he might succumb to greed, or ego, or even loss of hope.
He only felt that way about one other person in his entire life.
That was Allie, his wife.
The pain in Revik’s head worsened.
Balidor, he amended, his light more subdued as he changed the resonance there, looking for the Adhipan seer. Balidor… Tarsi. I need to talk with one of you. I need to talk to one of you as soon as possible. Now, if you are available.
He felt the fear in his light as he reached out to them.
He knew they would feel it, too.
He didn’t care. It was irrelevant.
Balidor answered him first.
Illustrious Sword, is that you I hear? The Adhipan leader’s thoughts were guarded, despite his teasing tone. It is the middle of the night, brother. Can this not wait until we are more or less conscious? Or caffeinated, at least? Neither of us is as young as we used to be.
Tarsi’s mind rose, sharp.
Speak for yourself, Adhipan.
Revik could almost hear Balidor smile.
He could feel both of them now, well enough to wonder if they’d already been talking to one another before he contacted them. He sensed Tarsi, at least, had some suspicion why he was contacting them.
He also felt that both of them were housed relatively nearby, in some other part of the ship.
Ship. They were on a ship.
Not the carrier. A different ship.
Why was Lily with them? Hadn’t they sent her ahead? With Maygar?
She felt you’d both been hurt, Balidor explained, a faint apology in his voice. She insisted on seeing you for herself. Maygar brought her here yesterday. We did not see the harm, since you are all more or less tied to one another still. Balidor hesitated. We will be land bound soon, at any rate, brother. Satellite activity tells us that we are being tracked again… that the ships are no longer safe places to house any of our people. We are heading for shore.
Which one? Revik sent.
Even with everything else, he couldn’t pull himself out of tactical thinking entirely.
Pattaya, Balidor answered at once. Then to Bangkok. Briefly only, brother. We were offered safe haven there, and will be met by more Adhipan. They have brought some of the refugees from China south, so there is some chance they could meet us in Laos or Northern Thailand, depending on how we end up dividing our resources. Your wife thought the location might be helpful for other reasons as well, at least until some of the teams she has in mind are deployed. They still have a working airport, for one.
Revik nodded, letting his head fall back into the pillow.
His mind was back on the other thing.
He had to ask. He wanted to ask.
Now that he had them both there, he didn’t know how.
Tarsi, as usual, broke the impasse.
Yes, she sent. You did that to your wife.
Revik felt his breath stop in his chest.
Tarsi only paused long enough for him to hear her words.
You attacked her in that boathouse, following a trigger phrase spoken by your old guardian, Menlim.
She paused, but again only briefly.
It was not of your own free will, nephew. There is no reason to indulge in guilt around this. And yes, we are already looking for some way to neutralize this thing, whatever this trigger is that Menlim has installed in you. Truthfully, this was not a complete surprise to either of us, given Menlim’s attachment to having you in his construct––and his arrogance around being able to control you. We had no idea of the extent of it, but it had occurred to both of us there might be a backdoor there. We expected the influence to be more subtle.
Something about her blunt confession both relaxed Revik and sent his light into a fucking tailspin. He noted Balidor’s silence.
It occurred to him the other seer might not have told him at all, at least not right away.
The thought angered him briefly, but he brushed that aside, too.
Tarsi was right. None of that shit was the fucking point.
How did they bring me down? he asked instead. And why the fuck are my wife and daughter in here with me, under the circumstances?
Balidor side-stepped both questions neatly.
We will bring more of our high-ranked infiltrators into this as soon as you allow it, he sent, his thoughts bordering on a military report. I would like to recommend Varlan to help us in locating the trigger itself. And brother Wreg.
Balidor fell silent; Revik could almost hear him clearing his throat.
He could almost see him gesturing with his hands.
We have an additional operational priority upon landing in Bangkok, Balidor added. Your wife helped us find two more leads on Network seers. She has asked us to send two groups, and to deploy them upon reaching Bangkok. With your approval, of course. She has an additional desire that is more diplomatic in nature.
Revik felt his jaw harden.
Of course, he’d caught the obvious deflection.
At the same time, Revik hated being out of the loop––even for a coma––and couldn’t help wanting more information. Balidor undoubtedly knew this about him. After the barest pause, Revik decided to let the deflection stand, at least temporarily.
Where? he sent. What leads?
Balidor answered without hesitation.
That old woman. Xarethe. Balidor’s thoughts grew irritated. You might remember her as “Novak,” the Supreme Court Justice under Wellington. It is believed she may still be using that alias. According to intel extracted from that last Washington D.C. run with Loki’s team, there is a very strong chance she is still in the United States… that she never in fact left her government post, but went into hiding with the rest of that administration.
At Revik’s questioning pulse, Balidor went on, still sound
ing irritated.
We must now assume that many of these “reported deaths” following the dispersal of the disease might have been fabricated. We saw words to that effect in one of the contingency plans Loki pulled in D.C. A list of seers and humans who would be claimed dead in the aftermath of any “FEMA-led emergency efforts.” Novak’s name was high on the list. For similar reasons we cannot trust the reports that President Brooks had died. Alyson wishes to approach the delegation to the United States in a diplomatic fashion… in addition to going after Novak.
Revik nodded. Smart.
His wife had always been good at the big picture.
Of course, given that Brooks’ name is on the List, I am thinking this protection was not put in place for her. These plans were likely drawn under the assumption that Terian or Galaith would be President for the outbreak.
Revik sent a pulse of agreement.
Either way, Balidor added. The infiltration team led by Varlan and Yumi has since gathered intelligence that supports the theory that these contingency plans are still in effect. From what we’ve been able to determine, they’ve likely all been underground in an upgraded NORAD facility since this whole thing started. We don’t know how many of them are alive, or even if President Brooks is with them.
Revik nodded. You are sending someone?
Your wife suggested Chandre. She would leave from Bangkok, as well.
Not Loki? Revik sent. He knows that terrain.
Your wife and Wreg wanted Loki on something else, Balidor sent.
At Revik’s second questioning pulse, Balidor exuded reassurance.
Afghanistan, he explained. It was your wife’s call, but I think it is a good one. Loki knows the culture and the language, so he can speak with the humans. Alyson says Loki could possibly be sent to aid sister Chandre after, if she requires back-up in the United States, but Wreg has a possible lead in Kabul on that other female seer in the Network.
Revik nodded, once.
When? he sent.
Loki, Neela and Hondo are already looking for the best way out of Bangkok so as not to draw attention, given the eyes on us. Wreg tells me the Bridge instructed Loki to just go once he has his team in place… pending your approval, of course… and to not tell us the particulars.
Revik felt Balidor shrug.
Knowing Loki, he will not wait long once he gets the green light. Although things are different for him now. With his personal life, I mean.
Revik nodded, sending a brief flicker of understanding.
Even so, his anger worsened as he thought over the seer’s words.
Not only what Balidor had said, but what he had not.
That is all well and fine, brother Balidor, Revik sent, softer. And I sympathize with brother Loki. I do. However, it still doesn’t answer the question I asked, meaning why the fuck my wife and daughter are in here with me now.
There seemed small risk–– Balidor began.
I’m glad it seems that way to you, Revik cut in, sending a heated pulse of anger. Your optimism inspires me, brother. Truly. But pardon me if I’d rather not test your sunny outlook on the lives of my goddamned family.
At the stillness on the other end, Revik made his thoughts harder.
You couldn’t collar me, at least? Handcuff me to the fucking bed?
The silence deepened.
Revik stripped his thoughts, biting the inside of his cheek. How the hell did you bring me down? Did she do it? Allie?
No.
Then how? Are you going to tell me?
The silence deepened.
Then Balidor chuckled. You wouldn’t believe us if we did––
So tell me anyway, Revik sent.
It is not the important issue right now, nephew, Tarsi sent, her voice a warning, one seemingly aimed at both of them. As to your security precautions regarding your family, we’ll put them in place as soon as your wife allows us to.
Revik felt his jaw harden.
Allie.
Fucking Allie. Of course.
His arm tightened around her even as he thought it. He looked down at her sleeping face, fighting a perverse desire to shake her. A mixture of love, exasperation and more of that heat coiled up and through his light, making his frustration worse.
Focusing back on the Barrier, he tore his eyes off her, fighting to think.
They were going after Shadow’s network. That was good.
He was glad Allie hadn’t waited for him for that.
That wasn’t what stood out to his light, however.
You’re not talking like Menlim was neutralized, Revik sent. Did Chandre take him down in the boathouse? Or not?
Yes, Balidor said at once. She shot him. It was a clean hit.
There was another silence.
And? Revik waited, feeling that heat grow in his light. Is he in play? Or not? Do we have a real window here to go after the network?
Brother, Balidor began, clicking at him sharply. Frustration seethed off the Adhipan seer’s light. Brother… no. It does not appear that anything has changed with the Dreng network as a whole. At Revik’s silence, Balidor’s thoughts grew warning. Brother, we are in discussion about this, about what it means––
What it means? Revik cut in. He grunted humorlessly, even as frustration and anger built in his light. He held Allie tighter. We already know what the fuck it means. It means Allie was right. He can’t be killed. We can’t weaken the network through him at all. Which means we have to go after the network itself before we can do anything for Lily. And before we can make me safe to anyone here… or anywhere.
Brother, please. Balidor’s thoughts remained a warning. Please do not contemplate anything drastic at this point. We have discussed several different scenarios, in addition to the hunting of Network seers. We are not blind to the urgency of our current situation. I understand why you are concerned, given what happened in that boathouse––
Yeah, I don’t think you do, Revik cut in.
He looked down at the two heads cushioned on his torso and bit his lip, fighting to think.
Allie had been right. They couldn’t kill Menlim.
That meant Lily was still vulnerable to him.
More than that, Revik himself was a danger to all of them. If there really was a “back door” into his mind and light as Terian said––and as Menlim more or less proved in the boathouse––he shouldn’t even be allowed in the construct, not the security side of things at least.
They’d have to start screening intel before they gave it to him.
They’d have to start keeping him out of ops.
Nephew, Tarsi cautioned. Adhipan Balidor is right. Now is not the time to act rashly, whatever your concerns for your family’s safety. We still do not know what this means precisely, or how much or in what ways he might have compromised your light. It’s possible he can only do these things for short durations, and that he needs to be present––in the flesh––to trigger it. That gives him significantly less ability to use it against you.
Revik nodded. Once, seer-fashion.
He didn’t really answer her, though.
He agreed in principle.
At the same time, his mind was grinding over the reality of this, of what it meant in terms of going after Shadow for real.
He failed, Nephew, Tarsi added. Remember that. He showed his hand, thinking it would bring about the death of the Bridge, and the end of the war. He failed. That is no small thing. He no doubt intended that back door to be a weapon of last resort. He knows we will now do everything in our power to dig that worm out of your light.
And if you can’t? Revik sent, his thoughts bitter.
Anything that is put in place can be removed, Balidor sent, his thoughts firm.
Revik didn’t answer. He agreed with the other male in principle, but he knew in reality, things often weren’t that simple. Things that were broken could not always be unbroken––or, if they could, the timeline for their healing might be longer than they had.
L
onger than they could survive.
He stared down at the dark heads on his chest and frowned, even as conflicting pulses of love and fear came off his light, making his throat tight, his heart hurt.
He knew one thing for certain.
This would not happen again.
It wouldn’t.
Not if it meant cutting his own throat.
2
NINE MONTHS, FIFTEEN DAYS
“WE BOTH KNEW this would happen. We saw it,” he murmured.
Without thinking, I answered him.
“So we know it'll be all right,” I said. “That it'll all work out all right in the end.”
I trailed, then looked over at him sharply.
Meeting his gaze, I swallowed. A dark, swift, sinking feeling filled my gut, like something in there was kicking at me, making me bleed on the inside.
That feeling was fear.
The sudden stab of déjà vu that came from our exchange of words only made that fear worse. But it wasn’t déjà vu really––it was memory. The blessing/curse of being a seer made me entirely certain of that memory.
The night of our wedding. Tarsi’s cakes.
Revik and I said those exact words to one another as we looked into our future together, under the spell of those crazy cakes and a lot of wine and not enough sex.
The actual vision remained foggy still, but I remembered the feeling with shocking clarity. I remembered the love there, the feeling of sacrifice, of having no choice but to do something drastic, something that might finally tip things in our favor.
This moment resonated with that one. It resonated too much, forcing me to see the threads of time crossing over, creating that same fork in the road.
I glanced over at the couch, where Lily slept.
We were in what used to be her quadrant of the tank, in a smaller ship, just the three of us. We were there because Revik wanted the privacy from the main construct so we could talk, so we could plan, and because, increasingly, he didn’t want to be around Lily anywhere that Menlim might be able to get to his light.
He was afraid he might hurt her.
He was afraid he might hurt me.
One small arm curled under her dark head. Her clear, green-rimmed eyes were closed now, framed in dark lashes under an already narrower-looking face. I watched her almost clinically in those few seconds, looking her over in a way I never could while she was awake.
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