That more distant pain throbbed somewhere in his light as the question left his lips.
It hung there, detached. Looking for meaning.
She had… hurt him. He could not remember how.
The pain lingered. It coiled into and around him, like a living thing.
It reminded him––
But he could not remember what it reminded him of. Not precisely.
He was not sure he wished to know.
Menlim clicked regretfully, making a graceful gesture with one hand. Leaning forward, he laid the same hand on Revik’s arm, pulsing light into his skin. “I do not know that, Nenzi,” he said gently. “But do not concern yourself. We will rescue your brother from her. I promise you. We will not allow her to harm him again.”
Revik nodded.
Revik… gods, baby…
Pain hit at him. Intense.
Not his.
He nodded again, looking up at the kites, watching them twirl slowly in a colder breeze.
But that pain in his chest didn't lessen.
He stared at the edges of blue sky, grown darker against shocking white clouds.
Revik… baby… I’ll meet you by the wall.
He sees an image there. In his mind.
An opening in the outer wall around the City.
He sees it so clearly, there in his mind. A secret latch that lets one outside, a latch that only the guards know. It opens out. Outside the wall. It opens to more trees, a small park––
He sees a horse there. A white horse.
The horse is beautiful.
Not now, baby… not now. Look at the other side. Your side of the wall. I’ll be there tonight. We’ll see each other soon, husband. Very soon…
He nods to what the voice says.
He knows the place. He remembers those trees. The side he knows, the corner of garden inside the wall, it is where the roses are, when the season allows. He saw a squirrel there once. He has walked there before. Alone?
Yes. He had been alone.
Come to me, please. After dark. Don’t let them hear you, baby. Come tonight, okay? When it’s late. I’ll be there tonight…
So familiar.
So, so familiar.
The pain in his chest felt like fire now. Distant, but almost frightening.
Distant though, so distant––
“Are you going somewhere, brother?”
Revik looked down.
He realized only then that he had regained his feet. He stood on the platform now, looking down on the aged seer in his throne-like chair.
He thought about the seer’s question, about the currents he could feel pulling and coaxing his light.
Baby, please. Please gods… come to me tonight. Find some way to get away. Please.
“I want to go for a walk,” he told the seer, feeling that pain in his chest worsen.
“Would you like company, brother?” Menlim asked gently.
Revik––
“I want to be alone,” Revik said.
Taking a breath, he fought to think.
He did want to be alone. Why did he?
Normally it made no difference to him.
“I want to walk in the gardens,” he said. “There is a horse there. A white horse.”
He tried to think of more words. His mind went utterly blank.
He could not hear in that high place. He could only feel––something, like a light tugging around his throat and mouth and tongue. It made him want––something. That wanting slid through him, dissipating between his fingers like smoke on wind.
It left behind––something.
Some wanting of light. Some wanting of beauty.
He remembered the birds.
They would be leaving here soon.
“Of course, brother,” Menlim said to him gently. Leaning forward, he smiled, patting Revik’s hand without getting up from the wooden chair where he sat. “Of course. Enjoy the afternoon. I will find you later today. There is no need to worry about this now. We will discuss this again, and I will tell you more about what has been decided.”
Revik glanced at him. The ancient seer looked different to him now.
Revik tasted that flavor on the edges of his lips.
Death. Like the leaves. Like what lived down below.
He didn’t let his discomfort with that thought mark the contours of his face.
“Of course, father,” he said politely.
Bowing, he fought to think what more he could say. He felt he should say more. He did not know why he should, when he had not in the past.
Then he did know.
The thought came, even as its meaning eluded him.
This was goodbye.
His mind turned that over, not fully understanding it, but feeling it as true.
It was goodbye.
“Thank you, father,” he said.
He could feel the part of him that meant it, that felt a warmer gratitude as he looked at the sitting corpse. So he said it again.
“Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome, my son.” Menlim’s smile was faint, his eyes holding affection as he looked up at him. “You are very, very welcome, my beloved Nenzi…”
51
GOODBYE GIRL
“LET ME GO, goddamn it!”
He caught hold of my arm again, even as I turned. I had to bite my lip that time, doing everything in my power to keep from unleashing the telekinesis to shove him back, if only to get him to let me go.
Even so, I felt some sliver of the intention there, the awareness of how close we were to Menlim’s construct, how easily he might feel me.
When I turned, Jem’s eyes met mine, his green eyes holding an intensity that made me flinch. “Allie, he could kill you. He could really fucking kill you.”
I shook my head, pulling his hand off me as I met his gaze.
“Alyson!”
“Jem… you haven’t been feeling him!”
“I’ve been feeling him through you,” Jem said, his voice harder, more frustrated. “It's the same bloody difference!”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, it’s not.”
I stood there, wearing some of the least appropriate clothes imaginable, from a certain perspective at least. The dress had been Balidor’s idea––to keep me from being conspicuous, I suppose, at least in a way that might be relevant. I think he meant the clothes to provide an alibi of sorts, if I were to be found anywhere outside or near the City.
I had no idea if anyone was looking for the Bridge in Beijing yet, but I agreed with Balidor that if they were, they wouldn’t be looking for me dressed like this.
The one thing that had been heavily imported inside the City’s walls since the Dreng got here was unwillings. Balidor seemed to think there was a commerce element there, meaning for later export, in addition to the more immediate needs of the invading force. He seemed to think there was an element of psychological warfare going on, too.
Which yes, made sense.
It didn’t make it any easier to think about, though.
Dalejem’s fingers gripped me tighter.
“Alyson! He’s completely fucking gone right now. From what you’ve shown me, he isn’t Revik at all anymore. You have no idea what he’ll do like this. He might bring you back to Menlim simply because he can’t remember who or what you are!”
His voice grew harder.
“…Or he might just decide to snap your fucking neck, Allie. He might decide you fall into the ‘dangerous’ category and kill you, then drag back your corpse to show his master…”
I shook my head, unable to hold his gaze.
His words brought that pain back to my chest.
I knew he was right. Logically, I knew.
I just didn’t care.
“We’re out of time.” I repeated myself numbly, hands clenched into fists as I fought to writhe out of his grasp. “We're out of fucking time, Jem!”
“Allie.” His voice grew helpless-sounding, even as I fel
t the fear there intensify, enough that I pulled my light away from his. “Allie, gods. I know. I know how bad this must be for you, darling. But you can’t be rash with this. Lily––”
“Don’t you dare throw our fucking daughter in my face!” I glared up at him. “We did this for her! We both fucking did this for her!”
“Allie, that’s not what I––”
“I’m well aware of the fucking danger, Jem! But if Revik turns back into Syrimne, Menlim will use him to go after Lily, too… i’thir li’dare, we’re all fucking dead if that happens! All of us! You have no idea what he’s capable of when he’s like that. All that single-mindedness and wanting to redeem himself turns him into a goddamned one-man army. If he thinks he’s fighting for the light, there’ll be no fucking stopping him––”
“Allie, I get that. I do. But you can’t just––”
“No.” I shook my head, jerking my arm away when he reached for me again. I was fighting tears, but I forced them back, shaking my head, more vehemently that time. “No. We don’t have time for this! I told him to meet me. I told him to meet me there––”
“How do you know he even understood that?” Dalejem asked, his voice frustrated. “He hasn't understood a single fucking other thing you've sent to him!”
“I don't know. Maybe he didn’t. But I have to be there, Jem in case he did.” I shook my head, feeling that pain in my chest worsen. “I mean it about being out of time, Jem. That’s not just me panicking. I can fucking feel it. Menlim’s going to move him. He’s going to transfer him somewhere where we can’t find him, do something more to his mind. We’re going to fucking lose him if I don't go now. We’re going to really fucking lose him!”
I heard the fear in my voice, even before I felt Jem flinch.
When I looked up, he was staring at me, his eyes careful now, wary. Seeing the expression on his face, I realized it wasn’t just fear pulsing off my light.
It was terror. Full-scale panic, at least.
I was breathing harder, out of my fucking head with it.
It took us too long to get here.
It took us way too goddamned long.
We’d been held up too many times. Those fucking Wvercian bands outside Beijing held us up for most of the previous day.
“Allie––” Jem began.
“This conversation is over, Jem. It’s over.”
I was already walking away from him.
Lifting the shoulder bag I’d procured from the same abandoned house where I’d gotten the clothes, I walked to the jeep that stood in the shadowed part of the alley. Bullet holes now riddled one side of it, but that hardly made it conspicuous out here.
Grabbing the scarf off the box of clothes and ammo in the back, I proceeded to wrap it around my head and hair. Then I reached back into the jeep, pulling my gun off the back seat.
Feeling the other seer approach, I looked up at Jasek only after I started fitting my headpiece around my ear.
The sun was going down.
I didn’t expect Revik for at least a few hours, but I wasn’t going to be late.
“Contact Balidor,” I told Jasek. “Tell him we’re going to need him ready for pick up. Water possibly, since everything else seems to be out right now… and driving won’t be fast enough. But we’ll need airlifts ready as backup at least, in case things go south.”
Jasek shook his head. “We can’t, Esteemed Bridge. Contact him, that is. All of our clean channels out of here have been compromised by the new security measures in effect over Beijing. We’ll definitely be overheard if we try to transmit out.”
My jaw hardened.
I didn’t glance at Jem when he walked up to stand by the shorter seer.
“What about Brooks?” I said, gruffer. Reaching into the back seat of the jeep, I grabbed a few magazines out of the open box, stuffing them into the dark green bag I already wore around my head and shoulder. Arranging it so that it wouldn’t interfere with the off-the-shoulder dress, I added, “Can we use one of the secure lines we set up with her?”
Jasek shook his head, gesturing a seer’s hard no with his hand. “No, sister. The same problem applies.”
I looked at Jem, feeling my shoulders tense when I saw him frowning at Jasek, too.
“I thought we had an emergency signal for this,” I said. “A back up.”
Jasek clicked softly, but not at me. “So did we. We were wrong.”
“But we’re up against that deadline,” I said. “We need to contact her. Within the next four fucking hours, unless I’m mistaken.”
Jasek frowned, not answering. He rested his gloved hands on his hips, but not before making a brief gesture in seer.
I interpreted its meaning as being along the lines of, Reality is reality.
Wasn’t that the fucking truth.
“Send someone out,” I said, reaching back into the ammunition box. Shoving another two magazines into the shoulder bag, along with an extra gun, I tied the bag closed, feeling a ripple of pain off Dalejem as he looked at me in the low-cut dress.
I ignored that, too.
“Use my access code,” I added to Jasek, motioning towards Jem. “Jem has it. Along with my passwords. Tell whoever you reach to let Brooks know what we’re doing. Tell her not to kill us, goddamn it. Tell her I’ll contact her myself as soon as I can.”
Jasek gave me a bow and a formal salute. “Yes, sir.”
He retreated then, frowning briefly at Jem as he left. The way he did it made me wonder if he’d overheard us arguing, or if he’d felt Jem’s pain––or if it was because I’d given Jem my pass codes. I wasn’t sure if I could give a flying fuck about any of that, though.
I looked at Jem. “You’re going to have to be the one to coordinate with ‘Dori.”
Jem nodded, making a dismissive gesture. “I know.”
“I mean it, Jem. You should get out of here. Go with whoever Jasek sends. In fact, all of you should just get out of Beijing. There’s nothing more you can do for me here, not now. Get to where you can coordinate with ‘Dori’s team after I find Revik. I’ll signal you when I need it. We won’t have much of a window. I basically have to do it as soon as I can get into his light. I don’t have any way to estimate a timeframe––”
“I know all of that, Alyson,” Jem said, his voice angry.
When I looked at him, I saw pain in his expression.
He clicked at me when I continued to look at him, his light hardening.
“Do I warrant a fucking kiss goodbye, at least?” he said.
My mouth curled into a frown.
He was already walking towards me though, that aggression thing flaring in his light before he made it halfway to where I stood.
“Jem––” I began, my voice angry.
He didn’t let me finish.
Catching hold of me around the waist, he yanked me up against his body, nearly crushing me in his arms. Lowering his head, he kissed me, hard, wrapping his arms around me in that dress, pain and possession clutching at my light even as his heat flared in my chest.
I felt my light react, but it only made me panic.
It nearly hurt me, too, right before I clamped a shield down over us without thought. He helped me with the shield, but only kissed me again after he came up for air, harder than the first time.
When we finally parted, I could barely breathe.
“I have to go,” I told him, panting, pushing at his chest. “I have to go, Jem… please. Please let me go…”
He looked down at me, his mouth hard. After another pause, he nodded. His green eyes turned infiltrator-still, like two panes of tinted glass.
“Goodbye, Alyson,” he said.
He released me, stepping back. For a moment we only looked at one another, me still trying to catch my breath and him staring at me with that expressionless face.
I felt like I should say something. Anything.
As soon as I thought it, he frowned, pain flickering back over his expression.
“Go.” He
made a shooing gesture with one hand, his mouth still hard. “Go, Allie. I’ll make sure Balidor and the others are ready. Go do your part in this.”
Hesitating a last time, I only nodded.
Then I turned.
Still fighting to control my light, I broke into a run.
I could barely see as I aimed my feet, making my way swiftly to the end of the alley. I knew where I was now; I knew the exact streets and alleys that would lead me around to the back end of the City. Wrapping the scarf tighter around my head and hair, I pulled it down to cover the lower half of my face before I gripped the satchel I’d slung around my back.
By the time I got to the end of the alley, my mind felt almost clear.
Even so, I didn’t get far enough, fast enough to evade the dense pulse of pain I felt off of Jem’s light.
52
BROTHER MINE
REVIK LAY ON a dense cushion, looking up at a carved wooden ceiling. A female lay next to him. He didn’t remember her name.
She called him brother Sword.
She’d been kind to him, but he couldn’t remember her name.
He couldn’t remember precisely when she’d come here––or if she’d been here before.
He frowned, fighting to coil together strands in the lower part of his light.
He decided it didn’t matter.
He unfurled the warm covers with the silk covering, relieved to feel the cool air. Then he sat up and began moving his body off the cushion slowly, carefully. He could see no reason to wake her, since she seemed to prefer to sleep.
Come alone.
He remembered that being important for some reason. The secret there tugged at him, even as he remembered the white horse.
The horse was there. He could almost see it inside his mind’s eye.
He dressed quietly, throwing a shirt over his head, pulling on pants.
He found his shoes outside the round wooden door, and put his feet into them, remembering the small rocks in that part of the garden, thinking they might not feel very good on the soles of his bare feet. He was thirsty, but he would drink from one of the waterfalls, he decided. The water was clean, used for humans and plants. It would not hurt him.
He walked leisurely across the grounds.
A full moon shone over his path.
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