by Hannah Ellis
“Does it involve me helping Annette with the dogs while you’re gone?”
“She’ll say she doesn’t need any help, but I’ll feel better if I know you’re calling in.”
She smiled sweetly as he agreed.
Chapter 34
Josie left for Oxford first thing on Saturday morning and arrived in time to have lunch with her parents. It was good to catch up with them and refreshing to be away from Averton. She hadn’t realised how much she needed a change of scene. Conversation with her parents was neutral, and she didn’t mention anything about her job offer. She wasn’t ready for their opinion.
Emily was a different matter. Josie blurted everything out to her almost as soon as she saw her. They met in a pub in the centre of Oxford that was an old haunt of theirs. She’d gone to school with Emily and they’d lived not far from each other growing up, but it wasn’t until after school that they really became close friends. They’d connected at an amateur dramatics club and were fairly inseparable for a while.
Emily listened intently as Josie filled her in on her news.
“It’s perfect,” Emily said excitedly about the job offer. “You could come and live with me!”
“What?” Josie was taken aback. She’d considered it herself but knew how tiny Emily’s flat was and didn’t think she’d be quite so quick to suggest it.
“Yes!” Emily reached to squeeze Josie’s hand. “My rent is killing me and it’ll be so much fun living together! I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Josie said slowly. What she really needed was some huge obstacle to the move, not things falling into place as though it was meant to be. “Isn’t your place a bit small for two, though?”
“You’d have to sleep on the couch,” Emily said. “But it would be so much fun. Didn’t we always talk about getting a place together in London? You were going to be a famous actress and me a famous author!”
Josie chuckled. “I think we’ve got a way to go still.”
“I know but it’ll feel like we’re at least trying to do what we planned. It’d be such an adventure. And after all those times you came crying to me because you’d got rejected from some acting job, how can you even think of turning it down?”
“I was just feeling settled at last. I’m worried I’ll just turn my life upside down for what might end up being another dead-end job.”
“But I thought Michaela said it could end up being a speaking part.”
“It might,” Josie said. “It also might not.” She paused. “Things are going so well with Sam. I don’t want to mess everything up.”
“But you keep telling me what a great guy he is. Surely if he’s that great he’ll be supportive. You don’t have to break up with him.”
“I think you might be simplifying things,” Josie said.
“That’s because it all looks pretty simple from where I’m sitting.”
“Maybe we should swap seats,” Josie said drily.
***
She was filled with anxiety as she drove back to Oakbrook on Sunday. She really was going to take the job in London. Emily made the move sound so exciting – and easy since she’d have a place to live, at least temporarily. It was one of the hardest decisions she’d ever made, but it felt like the right thing for her.
She could find someone to take over her job at the kennels so she wouldn’t be leaving Annette in the lurch. And her relationship with Sam could surely survive long distance. She was dreading breaking the news to him.
He was at Oakbrook when she got there. The dogs had already been fed, which Josie was happy about – she wouldn’t miss the smell of dog food.
Sam and Annette were sitting at the kitchen table playing cards.
“I’m just gone for a couple of days and he leads you astray with gambling and drinking,” Josie remarked, leaning on Sam’s shoulder and kissing his cheek before stealing a swig of his beer.
“There’s no money involved,” Annette said, flinging a card on the table.
“Which is good for me,” Sam said. “I’ve yet to win a hand.”
“Did the dogs behave?” Josie asked.
Sam nodded. “It’s a very easy job you’ve got here.”
“She works very hard,” Annette put in. “Leave her alone.”
The comments stung and Josie had a wave of nausea at the thought of leaving.
“I’m just teasing,” Sam said. “There’s more beer in the fridge if you want one.”
She declined and took a seat. Sam dealt her in on the next hand and they spent an hour happily playing gin rummy. When Annette went up to bed, Josie braced herself to talk to Sam, but he complained about having to be up early for work the next day and said he needed to get home to bed. On the patio, she kissed him goodnight. He was just about to leave when she reached for his arm and pulled him back. Her heart was racing.
“Can we talk?”
He swallowed hard, then gave her a lopsided smile. “Can it wait until tomorrow?”
She could tell by the look in his eye that he knew what she was going to say. He just didn’t want to hear it.
“Okay,” she managed weakly.
He kissed her again.
The sinking feeling came as she watched him walk away. Why did it feel like she was losing him?
Chapter 35
Josie broke the news to Annette over breakfast the next morning. It was unnerving how calm Annette was about it. She was understanding and reassuring, even encouraging. She seemed excited for Josie. If only Josie could muster the same enthusiasm.
There was no trip to the bookshop for coffee with the girls that morning. Instead, Josie called Lizzie and gave her the news. They discussed finding a replacement for her at the kennels. That made it all seem real. She was leaving. Suddenly, she was terrified by the prospect. What if she’d made the wrong decision?
She wanted to speak to Sam, needed him to wrap her in a big hug and tell her everything would be okay. With his reassurance, she’d be able to breathe easily again.
It wasn’t that simple, though.
When she perched on his couch that evening, he took the armchair. There was distance between them already.
“You accepted the job, didn’t you?”
She nodded and moved to the arm of the chair. “I need to give it a try. I feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t. I’ll forever wonder.”
“When do you leave?”
She bit her lip at the hurt in his eyes. “A couple of weeks.”
There was silence for a moment before he spoke. “I thought you liked working for Annette. I thought you were happy here.”
“I was … I am. But I—”
“You’re never happy.” He stood and crossed the room, turning back to her when he reached the window. “Max did try and warn me.”
“Warn you of what?” she demanded.
“That you wouldn’t stick around. That you never stick at anything.”
She couldn’t help the tears then. It was partly true, of course. She hadn’t been great at sticking at jobs. She’d spent a long time drifting from one thing to another, always looking for something better.
“This is what I wanted for so long,” she said tearfully.
“I thought you wanted to be with me. What was this, just a bit of fun for you?”
“No.” She went to him, reached for his hand. “I love you.”
“Don’t,” he said bitterly, snatching his hand back.
“But it’s true.”
“It’s slightly hard to believe when you’ve already decided you’re leaving me.”
“I’m not leaving you.” She took a deep breath.
“I’m not moving to London, Josie.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to. But we don’t have to split up.”
“So, what’s the plan? You’ll come back here on weekends? Didn’t you recently have a similar conversation with your ex?”
“It’s not like with Jack,” she said.
He stood rigid. “I told you I won’t h
ave a long-distance relationship.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. “You said you didn’t want one. I know it’s not ideal …”
“It’s not just that I don’t want it. I won’t do it.”
She frowned, biting her lip as her chin quivered. “But I love you. And I thought you loved me.”
His features softened. “I do. Of course I do. I just know long-distance won’t work. Not for me. I need to see you more than just a couple of times a month.”
“So what are you saying, that it’s over between us?”
His eyes pleaded with her. “I’m saying don’t go.”
There was a short pause. She knew if she stayed for Sam, she’d end up resenting him. She hated that he’d even ask. “London isn’t the other end of the world. It’s only a drive away.”
He moved away from her and sat on the couch. “A five-hour drive.”
Her brow furrowed and she could feel her blood pulsing faster. “So you claim you love me but not enough to drive five hours to see me? You don’t love me enough to make that much effort?”
He hung his head and rubbed at his temples. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Tears streamed steadily down her face. Every muscle in her body was tense. He only wanted to be with her on his terms. How could he say he loved her and then ask her to give up her dreams? When he finally looked at her, there were tears in his eyes too, but she couldn’t rustle any sympathy. Wiping her cheeks, she walked to the door. He called her name, but she didn’t stop and he didn’t come after her.
She was still crying when she got back to Annette. She sat at the kitchen table and hugged Macy when she jumped into her lap.
Annette gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. “You talked to Sam?”
Josie nodded miserably. “He asked me not to go. Said it’s over between us if I go to London.”
Annette switched the kettle on and joined Josie at the table. “Give him some time to get used to the idea. Talk to him again when he’s calmed down.”
“I don’t want to lose him.” More tears appeared. “Maybe I shouldn’t go? I might be making a huge mistake.”
“I think you should go,” Annette said.
“Really?” Josie wasn’t sure whether to be happy at the support or offended.
“You’re following your dreams. How can that be a mistake?”
“But if I lose Sam …”
“If you give up on your dreams for Sam, things won’t work out anyway. You know that. He should never have asked you to stay.”
“I know. I’m so angry with him.” She sniffed. “But he looked so hurt, and that’s because of me. I never wanted to hurt him. And I really can’t stand the thought of losing him.”
Annette patted her hand. “He loves you. You won’t lose him.” She stood and began to make a pot of tea. “Everything will be okay in the end. You’ll see.”
Chapter 36
Josie’s stubborn side took over, and she didn’t get in touch with Sam but waited for him to contact her. It had never occurred to her that she’d end up missing him before she even left. She almost called him lots of times, but every time she reached for her phone she remembered how adamant he’d been that their relationship was over if she left. He wouldn’t entertain the idea of a long-distance relationship. If she left, that was it. Could she really be with someone who gave her ultimatums?
In the end, she was sure that if Sam really loved her, he’d be supportive and do whatever it took to make things work. He just didn’t care enough. It broke her heart, but that was the conclusion she came to.
She spent her days walking the fields with the dogs. She’d miss all the fresh air and exercise, and Annette too. Annette being alone was something she worried about a lot. Of course, Annette insisted she’d be fine, but Josie felt guilty all the same.
She’d thrown herself into finding a replacement – someone to help Annette with the kennels. Max had insisted he could find someone, but Josie wanted to do it. It reminded her of those first days in Averton when she’d driven to all the pet shops and vet’s practices, putting up adverts for the kennels. Except now she was advertising a job. Her job. She trawled job sites on the internet too and put up online ads. It should be someone local who could call in every day. She couldn’t stand the thought of someone living at Oakbrook like she had.
On Friday morning she drove to Hope Cove. When Lizzie wrapped her in a hug, it made Josie cry. She wiped away tears and they moved into the living room. Max was at the desk in the corner and looked up from a pile of paperwork.
“Sorry for disrupting your morning,” Josie said when he left to make coffee.
“It’s fine,” Lizzie said. “I’m glad you came. We were planning on calling over to see you before you left.”
“I can’t believe I’m leaving in a week,” she said. “I’m worried about Annette. I think I might have found a replacement to help her with the kennels. I’ve been emailing a local girl who’s looking for something part-time working with animals. She’s coming over tomorrow and I think she might work out.”
“That’s good. Don’t worry too much about Annette. We’ll keep an eye on her, and Sam said he’ll help out as much as he can.”
“That’s nice,” Josie said bitterly. “He’s not speaking to me.” Her hands covered her face as she dissolved into a blubbering wreck.
Lizzie patted her shoulder.
“I really thought that when he got used to the idea, he’d be okay with it. I never wanted to lose him. I thought he’d call and we’d work things out.”
“I know,” Lizzie said gently.
“And I’m angry, so angry with him!” Josie’s voice quivered with emotion. “He’s being unreasonable. He wouldn’t even talk about it. All he says is that if I leave, that’s the end of things between us.”
Max arrived and put mugs of coffee on the table. “He’s really upset too.”
“Did he talk to you?”
Max nodded. “He’s being pig-headed but he’s got his reasons.”
“What?” Josie said, desperately.
Max glanced at Lizzie before he spoke. “I take it he didn’t tell you about his ex?” Josie shook her head, remembering a conversation where he’d brushed the subject aside. “When he moved back to Averton, he was with someone. They were living in Bristol, but Sam wanted to move and she agreed to it. Except she had a project she wanted to finish up at work, so she was supposed to be in Bristol for six months while Sam moved back first.” He waved a hand as though skipping a few details. “She ended up cheating on him with one of her colleagues.”
Josie sunk into the couch. At least that explained his aversion to long-distance relationships. “I live in a village. Everyone gossips. How didn’t I know that?”
“I don’t think he told anyone why they split up.” He smiled. “Didn’t want everyone gossiping about it, I suppose. He barely spoke to me about it.”
“I think he had a lucky escape,” Lizzie said lightly. “If you can’t manage six months apart then you really shouldn’t be getting married anyway.”
“Married?” Josie said.
Lizzie winced. “He didn’t tell you?”
“That he was engaged?” she snapped. “No. He forgot to mention that!”
There was a silence, and Josie caught Max glaring at Lizzie. They shouldn’t be caught up in her and Sam’s problems. Life would be much simpler if she’d never agreed to take the job at Oakbrook. She would never have got together with Sam, and getting her old job back would have been exciting rather than stressful.
Of course, she also wouldn’t have become so close to Annette or met Amber and Tara. There were lots of positives to her time in Averton, and she couldn’t let them be overshadowed by her problems with Sam.
“I’m sorry,” Lizzie said. “I just assumed you knew.”
“It doesn’t matter. He obviously didn’t want me to know. I’m starting to think things would never have worked out with us anyway. I thought I knew him so well, but I cl
early don’t.”
Max cradled his coffee and sighed. “I’m sure he would’ve told you eventually. You’ve not been together long.”
Lizzie scowled at him. “That’s not really the point.”
“Max is right,” Josie said, hating the friction. “We haven’t been together long. It was probably never as serious as I thought. I got carried away, that’s all.”
“Well, I didn’t mean it like that,” Max said, letting out an exaggerated sigh.
Josie crumpled into tears and sobbed as Lizzie enveloped her in a big hug. She really hadn’t been together with Sam very long so she shouldn’t be so upset to find out things she didn’t know about him. Except that she distinctly remembered him telling her about the girlfriend he’d lived with in Bristol, and he’d made it sound pretty casual. He’d purposely not told her they were engaged. It’s not like she would’ve cared. She just hated that he’d kept it from her.
Max moved to sit on the other side of her and patted her knee. “Do you want me to talk to him?”
“No.” She sniffed and took a calming breath. “Thanks. I don’t think it’ll make any difference, and I don’t want to make things awkward for you. I’m sorry you’re caught up in the middle of my mess.”
“Don’t worry,” Max said with mischief in his eyes. “We have pretty boring lives these days. It keeps us entertained.”
“Oh my God,” Lizzie said. “You’re the most insensitive person in the world today! What is wrong with you?” She pushed Josie back into the couch so she could give Max a playful shove.
“She beats me up like this all the time.” He chuckled. “I thought I might get away with one joke since you’re here.” He raised an eyebrow at Josie. “Mrs Crazy Hormones doesn’t get jokes any more.”
“Because all you do is joke about my hormones! It’s not funny. I have two babies inside me.” She paused. “And I live with an idiot!”
“See what I have to put up with?” Max said.
Lizzie glared at him. “See what I have to put up with, more like!”
Josie couldn’t help but smile. They were very entertaining when they bickered.