Crash Position

by Liz Woods

FIFTEEN

  It was proving time for Tanya on the red-eye. It was her annual review, which meant a manager would take a seat on the flight and observe the quality of the service and conduct of the crew under Tanya’s control. A lot of crew would often comment that these types of checks reveal little about an employee’s skill and that they were merely an excuse for managers to keep their jobs. Although Tanya thought herself untouchable–and in many cases she was–any negative review would mean administrative headaches and performing more favours to the upper powers. Anyway, it was her ego on the line, and we she warned us not to make a fool of her on the trip.

  Simon and I had barely exchanged words since I told him about the watery demise of his coke stash. He was bitter about the money it represented and angry that I had been “so amateur,” as he put it, in my panicked disposal.

  “You’re in my debt now. Don’t forget that,” he said before instructing me to take the hot and dirty job of galley operator from him in exchange for my easier mid cabin position. I obliged. I couldn’t argue. Tanya had shown her disgust at my amateur mistake with silence, and being even more standoffish than usual. And I knew that it would get worse if Simon wanted it to.

  The crew were a little more nervous and blunt with each other for about the first half of the flight. The pressure that Tanya had deflected on to us meant we were higher strung until we calmed down a little and again trusted ourselves that we were just as capable as ever to provide the illusion with the smoke and mirrors.

  Then Simon slipped up. With just over two hours to go it was time to serve breakfast in economy. Eight ovens loaded with hot food were ready and I needed the crew who were on rest to return and start loading the carts and delivering meals. It was just Simon and I in the galley. We spoke only about the job at hand. No pleasantries.

  “Could you call them up now? Let’s get this meal service done and dusted.” I had oven gloves on and he was standing there doing nothing. It only made sense that he should use the interphone to call the crew rest area to wake the others.

  “Sure.” He picked up the phone.

  “Hey, wake up! Time to feed the pigs in economy!” His voice was loud as it broadcast through the entire aircraft.

  My jaw dropped. Simon stood frozen in horror, staring straight at me. Heads were stirring in the cabin. I looked up to the front of the cabin where the curtain had opened revealing the silhouette of Tanya.

  “What the hell did you press on the interphone?!”

  “I ahh.. I ahh..”

  I threw off the oven gloves and grabbed the phone out of his hand.

  “Ladies, and gentleman, all passengers are reminded that the use of the aircraft interphone is strictly for crew and not for use by passengers.”

  I was surprised that the words came so quickly to my head and that I was able to sound graceful considering how tired and lethargic I felt. There were random chuckles from the cabin. It worked. They had bought the charade. We would soon know if the manager observing the flight had bought it too.

  I looked at Simon, who was still lost for words. “So, what were you saying before about that debt?”

  He closed his eyes, trying to block out his public gaff. I wish I could have read his thoughts. I assumed he was trying to wish he cold turn back time. Or that Tanya would go easy on him. He must have been furious at himself for letting the tables turn on him. Careful to press the correct interphone buttons, I called through to the crew rest.

  “Wake up guys. I’ve got a funny story for you!”

  Tanya appeared in the galley. She looked at Simon pitifully.

  She looked at me and nodded her head. “Good thinking, Lizard.”

  I felt a strange sensation of flattery move over me. The boss was impressed. I had proved to be an asset and saved them both from humiliation. While the rest of the cabin would enjoy omelettes and hash browns, Tanya and Simon would have to settle for humble pie. There was still the matter of the money that I owed Simon for the flushed coke, but the personal score seemed settled. The money, I could eventually pay back. Other than that I owed Simon nothing.

  He owed me.

  Tanya owed me.