More than you'll ever know. But the words remained unspoken.
Brian was tempted, very tempted, to take her up on her offer. To extend the evening a little longer. To walk in, close the door behind him and let things happen.
But if anything was to happen between them, it had to evolve slowly so that she wouldn't feel rushed. So that she had time to think it through and be very, very sure that she wanted to be with him.
It was up to him to set the parameters. "Much as I'd like to, it is getting late and I should let you get your rest."
As if that was possible, she thought.
She was far too keyed up to get any sleep and by some standards, the evening was still young. Not long ago she could stay up all night instead of turning in at ten.
"Just because you leave doesn't mean I'll be getting any rest." That was too honest, she chided herself silently. She gave him an alternate reason for her nocturnal vigil. "I seem to spend my nights now, waiting for the phone to ring."
He had a simple solution. "If it rings, don't pick up. Let the machine get it."
It was a matter of pride. "That would let the caller think I'm a coward."
"No, that'll show him that you're not going to play his little game. That he can't intimidate you."
That still didn't change the bottom line. "I'll still be waiting for it to ring," she confessed.
"Then shut the telephone off."
She'd thought like a mother far too long to change gears now. "What if one of the kids needs me?"
He knew that saying they were all grown up now wasn't going to carry any weight. He worried about his own and they were older than hers. "Tell them to call you on your cell."
"I'd have to give them a reason why I've stopped answering my phone."
Some of the younger detectives didn't even have a landline to begin with, claiming their cell was all they needed to stay in touch. "Say you're economizing and getting rid of your landline."
Lila frowned and shook her head. "That would be lying."
"Not if you get rid of your landline," he pointed out.
That had never even crossed her mind. Not having a working phone in the house was a completely foreign concept for her. "I forgot, you always had an answer for everything."
"No, not everything," he told her quietly. Like why he waited so long before getting together with her. Why he let so much time go by in the first place.
The porch light created an intimate setting. So much so that it became increasingly difficult to do the right thing and walk away.
He'd been doing the right thing all of his life and sometimes he grew very weary of it, of walking the straight and narrow path. Right now, he should be turning on his heel and walking toward his car, not standing here in front of her door, looking into her eyes and feeling...
Feeling.
Raising his hand to her face, Brian brushed his fingers along her cheek. Something quickened inside his gut.
Her heart felt as if it had just shifted positions, rising from her chest and into her throat, breathing was difficult and talking was a challenge.
"I had a nice time tonight, Brian." The sentence came out in a whisper.
"Me, too," he murmured.
Leaning over, he brushed his lips against her cheek. That was all he meant to do. Kiss her cheek the way he'd done a number of times before. A simple kiss between old friends.
But then she moved her head and his lips touched hers. The simple kiss blossomed into something more.
Unable to draw away, he kissed her again. Longer this time and with more feeling.
The next moment, he was taking her into his arms.
The kiss deepened, swiftly taking him beyond the scope of friendship to a place he'd never been to with her. A place he'd only touched in unguarded moments in his dreams.
Damn, but she tasted good. More than good, sensual. The pull he felt within him was almost too hard to suppress and definitely too hard to ignore.
Her pulse was racing.
All these years, she'd wondered if it would be this good. Or if kissing Brian would ultimately be a disappointment after the way she'd built it up in her mind. The chemistry she'd felt almost from the very beginning encompassed her and she leaned her body, her whole being, into this moment.
Into him.
She realized that her arms had gone around his neck and that she was standing here, acting like a teenager. And then he was drawing back. Thoughts rushed around her brain, none of them making any sense.
"I'd better go," he murmured again.
Please don't. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?"
"No, I'm not sure," he admitted. "But that's why I've got to go. We need to back away from this."
Her eyes raised to his and pinned him. "Why?"
Damned if I know. He smiled at her as he ran his knuckles against her cheek. "That's why I've got to go. To give myself time to figure out why."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"I'm working on it."
He tried to leave, he honestly did. But it was hard to walk away when his feet refused to move.
"Oh, hell."
Wrapping his arms around her, Brian brought his mouth down to hers again.
Scanned by Coral
* * *
Chapter 6
« ^ »
The frown on his lined face deepened as the couple on the porch walked inside the house. He felt more than heard the front door click into place behind them.
He remained in the shadows, absorbing the darkness. From his vantage point, he could see the lights go on in the living room. The curtains were drawn, but he saw the silhouettes of the two people he'd watched enter the house.
And then the silhouettes retreated, moving to another part of the room—or beyond. Their outlines were no longer visible.
His imagination immediately flared, filling in what he couldn't see and a hot, bitter rage surged inside him. His strong fingers curled into his palms, the short manicured nails digging into his flesh as he unconsciously formed fists.
There was no one to strike.
* * * * *
Lila hadn't felt this vibrant, this alive, in years. So many years that she couldn't remember the last time excitement and anticipation had galloped through her like this.
She was certain that her body temperature had risen several degrees, enough to be identified as feverish. But Lila couldn't measure since she was too involved pressing her body against Brian's, seeking his warmth, needing his heat to fuel her own.
When his hands passed over the curves of her body, she moaned, feeling herself both melting and galvanizing at the same time. She didn't bother trying to figure out how, she was too busy enjoying the sensations inside of her.
"Lila." Brian whispered her name against the hollow of her throat. A wildness beat within her flesh, her head spun. All she could do was hang on for dear life. "Are you sure?"
She could hardly draw in enough breath to answer him. "Stop asking stupid questions, Brian. I've been sure for a very long time."
Maybe it was the margarita talking, or maybe the margarita was giving her enough courage to talk. Either way, it didn't matter. The words that had been ricocheting around inside of her were finally able to see the light of day.
It was all he needed, all he wanted, the last words to make this right. Because if there was even the slightest bit of doubt lingering in her mind, Brian knew that he wouldn't be able to face himself in the morning. It wasn't about his gratification, it was about destiny.
"Where's your bedroom?" he asked hoarsely. Brian could feel her lips spreading beneath his own in a wide smile.
How so like Brian, she thought. He was always mindful of doing the right thing. If he hadn't been, then maybe he would have never taken no as an answer when he'd come by with his offer to help right after Ben's body was found.
And she wouldn't have been alone all this time.
"No one lives here anymore, Brian. We can make love on the stairs if we w
ant to."
"No stairs." Brian framed her face in his hands. Part of her was still unable to believe that after all this time, this was finally happening. "I want to do this the right way."
"Any way you do it will be right," she told him, her breath growing shorter. And then, because he was waiting, she added, "First door to your right at the top of the stairs."
He kissed her lips again, just to be sure, and tasted her eagerness. Nothing had ever felt so right before. Picking her up into his arms, he sealed his lips to hers and took the first step toward the staircase.
Behind them, in the foyer, the front door opened and then closed again, the sound reverberating through the room.
"Hey, Mom, whose car is in the driveway?"
Brian barely had enough time to set Lila back down before her oldest son, Zack, walked out of the living room and into the hallway. And saw them. But as to what he thought was anyone's guess. Zack had a fantastic poker face.
"Oh. Chief, I didn't realize that you were here with Mom—is something wrong?" Zack's deep blue eyes darted back and forth from his mother to the chief of detectives, a vague confusion wrinkling his smooth forehead. And then what he had walked in on apparently dawned on him. "Did I...interrupt something?"
Brian rallied first. He'd always been quick on his feet, but that speed usually involved some sort of police-related situation, not a personal one.
"No," he told the young detective, carefully edging away from Lila, "your mother and I were just catching up on old times." His eyes shifted to Lila's face. "And I was just leaving." He took her hand between both of his. "It was wonderful seeing you again, Lila." An idea suddenly came to him. "Andrew's having a family barbecue in a few weeks. Why don't you, Zack—" he looked toward the detective "—and the rest of your kids come? The more, the merrier." He was pretty certain that Andrew had that tattooed on his person somewhere.
"But you just said it was a family barbecue," Lila protested. She was fairly surprised that her knees had come around so quickly. They'd all but been melted a moment ago.
"That's right—and to Andrew, anyone on the force is considered family." His eyes shifted to Zack. "Think about it." He nodded at Lila. "I'll see myself out."
She wasn't about to let him just slip away like smoke, not after he'd nearly caused her to burn up.
"No, let me walk you to the door," she insisted. "It's the least I can do since you paid for dinner." With that, she took Brian's arm and ushered him back to the front door.
She held her peace until they were at the door. Opening it, she let him go out first, then joined him on the front step.
"I'm sorry about this. They all have keys to the house," she confessed. As each moved out, she'd insisted that they keep a copy in case of emergency—and to know that they always could come home. "But they don't usually drop in during the week."
He couldn't deny that he felt frustrated, but he could see an upside to this. "Maybe it's just as well. Some things only become sweeter if you have to wait for them."
Her eyes held his for a long moment. "I think we've both been waiting for a very long time."
This time, when he brushed a kiss against her cheek, he backed away before the steel trap of temptation closed around him.
"A little longer won't hurt," he assured her before turning toward his car.
Wrapping her arms around herself, Lila watched Brian get into his car and then drive away.
A little longer.
That meant that this wasn't over. That maybe this was just the beginning. The very thought made her pulse race again. It was nice to know some things didn't necessarily change with time. She felt like a teenager again.
Closing the door behind her, she was face-to-face with her son.
Zack's eyes searched her face. "I did interrupt something, didn't I?"
Lila didn't answer immediately. She'd always made it a point not to lie to her children. If she was guilty of anything in that department, it was the sin of omission. Not telling them things. But that was only to protect them from what they were better off not knowing.
Like how verbally abusive their father had become toward the end. She wanted them to draw their own conclusions about their father and not see Ben through her eyes but their own. For her part, she'd become completely and devastatingly disenchanted with the man she had once loved with all her young heart.
She shrugged carelessly now in response to Zack's question. "Just some conversation, that's all."
The enigmatic smile on his lips told her that he knew better. "Give me a little credit, Mom. Your face was flushed."
She had that covered. "It's warm in here."
"Not that warm," he countered. "And you looked guilty, like the time when you went back to work without telling Dad." He saw her open her mouth to defend her actions and he raised his hands to fend off the flow of words. "Hey, Mom, it's okay. You have a right to live your life. You're not some Hindu widow expected to throw herself on the funeral pyre just because her husband's dead."
'That practice went out of style a long time ago," she informed him.
"You know what I mean." Making himself at home, he headed toward the refrigerator and took out one of the bottles of beer his mother always kept on tap for him and his brother. "I like the chief," he told her heartily. "Always have. He's fair and honest, and he doesn't play favorites even though he could. Hell, most of his family's on the force in some capacity or other and he could be handing out commendations right and left if he wanted to. But he doesn't."
Turning from the refrigerator, Zack jerked off the cap with his thumb, sending the metallic cap flying onto the countertop. He took a long swig before saying, "Riley, Frank and Taylor have been worried about you."
"Riley, Frank and Taylor, but not you."
He pretended to shrug noncommittally. "Me maybe a little."
Lila looked at her oldest born. What had brought this on? Had he found out about the phone calls in the middle of the night? But how? Brian was the only one she'd told and he had in turn told Lopez and sworn him to secrecy.
"Why? What brought on this sudden concern?"
"Because you're alone and you shouldn't be. You've still got a lot to offer."
Only the very young could phrase it that way to someone who didn't have one foot in the grave. Her mouth curved wryly. "Thank you for that."
Zack walked back into the living room. "You know what I mean." He nodded toward the closed door. "If you want to start seeing the chief, I think it's great."
Poor Zack, she thought, he meant well. But this wasn't something she was willing to have up for discussion just yet. Because she had no idea where it was going.
For a second there, just before Zack came along, she'd been set to go, to tumble into bed with Brian and feel all those things a woman was supposed to feel. But now that her blood was cooling, well, maybe Zack's untimely entrance had saved her from herself.
Everything happened for a reason.
But right now there were some ground rules she needed to refresh. "Not that I'm 'seeing' the chief, but if I were, I wouldn't have to ask any of you for permission."
Zack's eyes raised to hers. She saw amusement in them. "I know that. I also know that you'd feel better about it if we were happy you were seeing someone."
There was no denying that he was right, that if she felt that Zack or any of the others took exception to her seeing Brian, or anyone else for that matter, it would make her hesitate and reevaluate her actions. Their peace of mind meant the world to her.
She affectionately touched her son's face. "How did you get to be so smart?"
With a laugh, Zack kissed the top of her head. "I had a great teacher. Strict, but fair."
Ben always said she was a pushover when it came to the kids. One of the rare times when he was right. "I was never strict."
Sitting down on the sofa, Zack made himself comfortable. He rested his boot-clad feet on the coffee table. "I thought you were when I was younger."
Lila pushe
d his feet off again. She didn't need him scuffing up her furniture. "And now?"
He grinned and a dimple winked at the side of his mouth. "Now I don't know why you didn't hit me upside the head back then—a lot."
As he began to move his feet back onto the table, Lila pretended to raise her hand to strike and dead-panned, "Never too late."
The feet remained on the floor. Zack took the hand she raised and kissed her knuckles. "I could always tell when you were bluffing."
Just then, Lila heard the front door being unlocked and opening again. She spared Zack a quizzical glance and then looked in the direction of the front door. "Are you expecting someone?" she asked.
Before he could respond, she had her answer.
"Hi, Mom," Riley's and Taylor's voices blended together as they walked into the living room practically simultaneously.
They were followed by the youngest of the brood. Frank nodded his head at her. "Mom."
Something was definitely up. They just didn't all just "happen" to congregate at the house without a mandated invitation.
Lila looked from one young face to another. The girls, willowy and slender, had her coloring while Zack and Frank were dark, like Ben. But no one ever missed the fact that they were all related.
"Okay, to what do I owe this impromptu gathering of the clan?" she asked.
Riley took the lead. "Dirty Harry is on tonight." She mentioned the cable station and then glanced at her watch. "Starts in five minutes. We thought you might want to watch it for the—" Stopping, she turned toward her sister. "How many does this make, Taylor?"
"Twenty-seventh, twenty-eighth time," her older sister guesstimated, rolling her eyes. But the expression on her face was pure affection.
"We thought it'd been a while since we all got together," Zack added. Frank nodded in agreement.
Lila's eyes swept over her brood. In her mind's eye, she could still see them as little children, running around, yelling and fairly bouncing off the walls—or each other. But those days were gone. It had been years since any of them had been shorter than she was. Now, to varying degrees, they all towered over her. They got their stature from their father. Their sense of honor, thank God, they got from her.
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