Manny Lopez turned in his chair and looked at him. "Is this still under wraps?"
"I'll let you know when it's otherwise," Brian ordered.
Taking Lila by the arm, he escorted her out of the room. "You know what we have to do next." It wasn't really a question but a grim statement. There was only one thing to do.
Lila stared straight ahead of her and nodded. "I know."
"I need your permission."
She raised her eyes to his. "Do you think I'd say no?"
He'd been too concerned about her to entertain that idea. "Right now, I can't begin to imagine what you're going through."
The slightest hint of a smile curved her lips, fading in the next heartbeat.
"That makes two of us," she said ironically. "I'm too numb to really feel anything." She ran her tongue along lips that had gotten so dry she could almost feel the words brushing against them as they left her mouth. "Dig him up," she told Brian. "Or whoever we wound up burying instead."
She suddenly felt completely drained. And cold. She ran her hands up and down her arms, thinking she would ever rid herself of the chill that had descended over her.
When she finally spoke again, her words mingled with a sigh. "I guess, then, that was him I heard on the phone."
"Don't go getting ahead of yourself," Brian warned. He wanted her to cling to a positive outlook for as long as humanly possible. If he could have accomplished this without telling her, he would have, even though she would have been angry with him for withholding information. But there was no way around her knowing. "Let's dig up the body first."
"You know what we're going to find," she countered. And then it felt as if a ton of bricks had hit her. She covered her face with her hands, struggling for strength, for control. "Oh God, how could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I ask for a DNA test when he washed up on the shore?"
"For the same reason none of us thought of it at the time," he reminded her gently. "Everything pointed to it being Ben."
Lila blew out a long breath, doing her best not to come unglued. "I guess that was what Ben was counting on."
But if the man they'd buried wasn't Ben, why had he gone into hiding? Was he as guilty as everyone said? And who was the dead man? Had Ben killed him? Had he killed his partner, too?
How could you have done this to the kids? she demanded silently.
Weary, she glanced at Brian. "Do what you have to do." And even as she said it, her eyes widened as she realized something.
For the second time the blood seemed to drain out of her face. Brian took hold of her shoulders, afraid she was going to faint. "What?"
"This means I'm still married to him." Each word felt like a shard of glass. And then more thoughts assaulted her. "Oh God, we made love. What if he knows? What if he's been watching the house?"
He was going to put a surveillance detail together to watch the house, but he kept that to himself for the time being. "Lila, until we have the DNA results—and you know that's going to take time—I want you to put this out of your head."
"How?" she asked. This wasn't happening, she thought. It couldn't be. "Short of falling into a coma, how am I supposed to just 'forget' about this?"
"By being the strong woman you are," Brian told her simply. He could see a retort rising to her lips. He cut her short. "And by doing it for your kids."
"The kids," she echoed.
They deserved to know, and yet she didn't want to put them through this. Not until they were absolutely, positively sure. Right now, she just wanted it to all go away. But the nightmare had come back for her and it was real. Ben was alive. She didn't need a DNA test to tell her that. Her gut told her.
"I don't want them to know. Not yet. Not until the evidence is conclusive." Because maybe, just maybe, she was wrong and Ben was actually dead.
"They won't hear it from me," Brian promised solemnly.
She trusted him, but he wasn't the only one involved. "What about—?"
"Troy, Jared and Callie know enough not to say anything," he assured her. "And Manny knows his job's on the line if he tells anyone anything that goes on in the lab." She didn't look convinced. "Don't worry." Brian took her hands in his. "I can have the body exhumed at night. Since you agree, the request doesn't have to go through the court. And if I rent the equipment myself, I don't even have to inform the higher authorities. This can be viewed as a private exhumation. We don't have to bring anyone into this beyond the people already involved."
But once the body was exhumed, the test still had to be run. Which meant that someone had to take a sample from the body. "What about the M.E.?" she asked. "He's going to have to take a sample—" But Brian was shaking his head. "He doesn't have to take a sample?"
"Patience can take a sample so that we can run the DNA test."
Patience. That was another niece, she recalled. The daughter of his dead brother, Mike. There was only one thing wrong with that. "Patience is a veterinarian."
"Patience has medical training," he told her, "and it doesn't take much to take a sample."
This was beginning to sound almost doable. "So no one needs to find out?"
That wasn't strictly true. "Not until we're sure," he qualified. "After that—"
She nodded. "I know, it becomes public." She thought of her sons and her daughters. And cursed Ben for putting them through this. "And then the shame starts all over again."
He knew she wasn't thinking of herself. Her mind was on her children, as his would be if he faced something like this. It was one of the many things that made him feel close to her.
"We're an advanced society, Lila," he told her. "The sins of the father are no longer visited on the sons and daughters. All four of them are damn fine cops. We'll all get through this," he promised. "Together. In the meantime, all of you are attending that party that I mentioned Andrew is throwing."
A party was the last thing she wanted to face. "I can't—"
"Yes," Brian said firmly, taking her hand and threading his fingers through hers, "you can. Don't make me pull rank on you."
A detective from the homicide division passed them and grinned broadly as he looked from one to the other. "Morning, Chief."
Brian nodded. So much for a low profile when it came to his private life. This was going to make the rounds before the end of the day. "Morning, Dempsey."
"And let the rumors begin," Lila murmured under her breath.
"I've never been afraid of rumors," he told her. "I didn't think that you were."
He knew how to get to her, she thought even as she felt herself reacting predictably. Knew just how to press her buttons.
"I'm not," she replied with feeling.
Brian nodded. "Good to hear." He continued to hold her hand as they walked to the elevator.
* * *
Chapter 12
« ^ »
"Heard you were seen holding hands with the chief of d's."
Startled, Lila turned from her desk to see Riley standing behind her, a whimsical smile playing across her younger daughter's face.
It was the next morning and they were both in early. As was her custom—when she wasn't completely swamped and behind in typing up her reports—Riley had stopped by her mother's office before officially going on duty. She tried to do it at least once or twice a week.
"Any truth in that?" Eyes the color of bright shamrocks pinned her as her daughter leaned a hip against her desk and waited for an answer.
Lila rolled her eyes, wondering what other rumors were spontaneously combusting throughout the building. "Oh God, I thought it would take a little longer to make the precinct rounds than just eighteen hours."
Riley had her answer. "So—" she pretended to study the brim of the hat she held in her hands "—it's true. You were holding hands with Brian Cavanaugh."
Had Zack said anything to his sister? Lila wondered, then dismissed the thought. Zack was as close-mouthed as a tomb. This was probably something passed on by word of mouth. She should have said somet
hing to the rest of her family about getting together with Brian rather than have them find out from outsiders.
"Riley, I—"
But her daughter held up her hand to stop whatever words were about to emerge in protest or explanation. "Mom, Mom, it's okay." She flashed a brilliant smile. "We like him."
"We?"
Riley twirled the hat before setting it rakishly on her head, looking more like the front woman for a band than a serious policewoman. "Zack, Taylor, Frank and me—"
"And I," Lila corrected automatically before she could stop herself.
"That's a given."
When Lila sighed, Riley added, "As a matter of fact, when I was a kid and things got kind of bumpy between you and Dad—" which was her polite way of saying that her father's yelling became almost intolerable "—I used to pretend that Brian Cavanaugh was my father." Riley smiled wistfully. "He was always so cool, so even-tempered. And he talked to me whenever he stopped by." Shrugging, she looked off through the window. The sky was a stunning shade of blue and the day promised to be beautiful. "Dad never seemed to have time for any of us."
Because she'd spent so much time trying to be the peacemaker, the one who kept things on an even keel at home, it was second nature to her to try to defend Ben's actions to one of her children. "Your father had a lot to deal with."
"So did you," Riley pointed out, "so did your partner. And Brian had four kids, just like Dad." She seemed to know the topic only raised bad memories. Very smoothly, Riley switched gears. "Anyway, that's all in the past." Leaning forward, she took her mother's hands in hers. "Dad's gone and you're not. You should have a shot at finding some happiness."
As gently as she could, Lila withdrew her hands. Inside she felt a fresh wave of guilt. Guilt because she still kept her loved one in the dark both about Ben possibly being alive and about her seeing Brian. "You're making too much of this."
Riley wasn't fooled. "I've got a hunch that maybe you're making too little of it. You shouldn't tell yourself lies and—" She fixed her mother with a look, doing her best to keep a straight face. "You shouldn't lie to your kids."
Lila's head jerked up as if she'd been pricked by a sharp needle.
"Mom, I'm only kidding." And then Riley peered more closely at her mother's expression. "Mom," she lowered her voice even though only one other person was in the vicinity, sitting all the way across the room, "is something wrong?"
Lila had always been a truthful person. Which was why she would have never betrayed her marriage vows and given in to her desire to sleep with Brian when they were partnered. Had she done that, she couldn't have kept it from her husband. Keeping this secret—that Ben might be alive—from her children was tantamount to lying in her eyes.
A sick gut feeling grew since Brian had asked her to exhume Ben's body. Lila knew Ben was alive. The truth would come out. It was just a matter of time. While she really didn't want to burden her children with all this— especially if it turned out not to be true—she didn't want them to be caught unaware.
Lila pressed her lips together, then made up her mind. The way she saw it, she had no choice. Rising, she motioned for Riley to follow her outside into the hall.
Once out of the office, Lila made sure they were alone. Three policemen approached. One she didn't recognize nodded his head at Riley while the other two tendered greetings as they passed. Lila waited until all three had turned the corner and disappeared from view.
"I've got something to tell you," Lila said, wishing there was a way to stretch out each word and that this was already out in the open and over with. Being a mother, she was never going to get over wanting to shield her children.
"I think I know what it is," Riley told her mother.
Lila was stunned. "You do?" This was supposed to be kept secret. Brian had promised her the news wouldn't leak out. "How?"
Riley's smile was amused. "Not too hard to figure out, really. Mom, you're an adult, it's okay."
All right, maybe Riley didn't know. This wasn't adding up. "What's okay?"
Riley brought her head down, her words hardly above a whisper. "Sleeping with the chief. Like I said, you deserve some happiness. And if he—"
Oh God, Lila wished it was all this simple, that admitting to being with Brian was the bombshell about to be dropped instead of the one she still harbored. "That's not what I wanted to tell you."
"But you are sleeping with him, right?"
Riley's eyes danced. 'This isn't a proper conversation for a mother and daughter to be having," Lila protested.
"If the tables were turned, it would be," she reminded her mother.
Those days were long gone, Lila thought. These days Riley had more boyfriends than fingers. "You're twenty-four, Riley. At this point, a little bit of ignorance on my part might be a good thing."
"Okay, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"It's not that I want to," Lila told her ruefully. "I have to."
"Okay." She watched her mother's face closely.
"Riley, we think your father is alive."
The natural exuberance that had been part of Riley since the day she was born slipped away right before her eyes.
"Go on," Riley said quietly.
Lila steeled herself. As succinctly as possible, she told her daughter everything she hadn't wanted any of her children to be exposed to, omitting nothing, including the exhumation scheduled later that night.
Riley listened intently, making no comment until the end. "Then who's in Dad's grave?"
Lila shook her head. It was a question she'd asked herself over and over again since yesterday. "If it's not your father, then I haven't any idea."
Riley's eyes widened. "The drug cartel guy."
"What?"
"It makes sense," Riley insisted eagerly. "Everyone thought that Dad and his partner were killed by the guy they'd tricked into bringing them into the deal. Maybe the guy found out who they were and shot Walker. Then Dad shot him in self-defense."
They both knew that was only one scenario. A more likely one would be that Ben had killed the go-between not in self-defense but because he was in the way. After that, he'd made off with the money. Otherwise, why hadn't he come forward in all this time? Why had he let his family think he was dead?
But she knew how hard it had to be for Riley to think of her father being on the other side of the law, so she didn't try to offer an alternate theory.
"Maybe," Lila said.
Riley shoved her hands into her pockets. "You know, you should have told me about those calls when they started coming in."
"I didn't want you—any of you—" Lila emphasized, "to worry."
Riley laughed, her features softening. "Mom, we're cops, we're supposed to worry. It's part of the job description, remember? And so is protect and serve."
That worked both ways, Lila thought. "In case the fact temporarily slipped your mind, Riley, I'm a cop, too."
"Yeah, but you're a mom," Riley teased, putting her arm around her mother's shoulders for a moment. "The rules are different." And then, out of the blue, she made an announcement. "I'm moving back in."
Lila's eyes met hers. "You are staying put," she said, mimicking Riley's tone. "You're entitled to a life of your own, Riley," she added firmly. "I've got things covered."
"The chief staying with you?"
Lila smiled, shaking her head. She wasn't about to step into that trap. If she admitted to a relationship with Brian, she knew her family. There would be expectations. And those very expectations might signal the death of whatever might be in their future, killing it before it ever had a chance to flourish. "You ask too many questions."
"I'll take that as a yes. Because if he's not staying with you, I'm moving back in."
Lila glanced at her watch. They could finish arguing about this later. "Get upstairs or you're going to be late for roll call."
Riley began to head down the hall to the elevators. "This isn't over yet," she promised, tossing the words over her shoulder.
"No," Lila agreed, not about to be browbeaten by someone she'd given birth to no matter how much she loved her. "Not while there's breath left in my body."
* * * * *
"You don't have to be here, you know."
There was a full moon out. Somehow, it seemed almost ghoulishly appropriate, given that she was standing in a cemetery. She'd stood in silence beside Brian as the large power shovel Jared was operating broke ground, biting into the earth and then spitting out the dirt to one side.
Every bite brought it closer to the casket buried below.
Closer to the truth.
She looked at Brian and smiled. When was he going to learn? "Yes, I do have to be here. I never did 'sitting on the sidelines' well, remember?" She sighed, her mind momentarily taking her elsewhere. "This damn desk job I have is killing me, Brian." She made a decision then and there. Life moved too fast for her to hang back and stand still. "I'm fully healed." She could see her statement had caught his attention. "I'm going to put in to get my old job back."
Surprised, Brian was silent for a moment. Only the noise of the machine filtered through the night air. "You're serious?"
She nodded. "Never more."
Damn, but she was a stubborn woman. A trait he found infinitely sexy. Usually. "You realize that the chief of detectives has to approve this."
A smile played on her lips. "I've got a special in with him." Her eyes searched his face for a sign that he wouldn't oppose her. That he was only teasing. "I don't think he'll turn me down."
"Don't be too sure."
She couldn't tell if Brian was serious or not. But he had to understand what this meant to her. It was the difference between opening up a window and letting the air come to her, and going outside.
"I need to get back on the street, Brian. I can't push another piece of paper and maintain my sanity. I'm a doer. Remember?"
He'd lost count of how many times, waking and sleeping, that he'd relived the scene, her on the ground, her blood seeping between his fingers as he tried to stop its flow. Stop her life from flowing away along with it. "All too well."
Cavanaugh Heat Page 12