by Penny Jordan
‘It’s serious between you and Vanessa, then?’ she asked him without answering.
‘It could be. I haven’t known her long after all. I’ve only met her four times before tonight. She showed me round the cottage the first time then I came down.’
‘And she was the one you fell in love with, not the cottage as you told me,’ Sara tried to tease.
‘I should have talked to you about her before, but it was all so sudden, and she’s so shy and insecure that I don’t want to rush her.’ He made a wry face. ‘After all, even if something does develop between us, she won’t be getting any bargain, will she?’ He glanced at his wheelchair and said quietly, ‘I know I’m making good progress, but I’ll probably never be entirely free of that…’
‘If she loves you that won’t make any difference,’ Sara assured him swiftly.
‘Ah yes…if she loves me…’
‘You didn’t tell me that she and her brother were looking after Miss Betts’s animals, or about Miss Betts’s relationship with their uncle.’
‘Mmm? No, I didn’t, did I?’ There was a faintly ironical gleam in his eyes. ‘You seemed so dead set against Jonas it seemed a shame to tell you the truth. It was the first spark of emotion I’d seen in you since the funeral. You’re taking Carly round tomorrow when you go to collect the animals, then?’
‘Yes…if you don’t mind?’
‘Of course not.’ He stretched and winced slightly. ‘That reminds me, I’ve got a hospital appointment pending. I’d better check when it is.’ Since his discharge from hospital, Sam had to go for regular physiotherapy sessions, and these had now been transferred from the London hospital he had previously attended to a more local one. ‘Vanessa offered to run me there and back any time you were otherwise occupied, by the way.’ He grinned slightly shamefacedly at her. ‘I told her it could be quite awkward for you, now that you’ve got Carly at home from school. She’s bound to get bored hanging around the hospital waiting for me.’
It was unreasonable of her to feel this jealously and slight resentment against Sam, Sara told herself later as she prepared for bed. That it sprang from fear she already knew; she liked Vanessa and in other circumstances would have been pleased about the relationship developing between them, but now she felt betrayed and very much alone.
As always when she closed her eyes she conjured up Rick’s image, or at least she tried to do. Disturbingly, on this occasion his beloved features refused to form, and instead all she could see was Jonas’s arrogantly handsome face and mocking grey eyes.
She always looked forward to this part of the day, this secret communion with Rick when she allowed herself the pleasure of denying to herself that he was dead, but now it seemed that even that had been taken from her.
Cursing Jonas, she turned her face into her pillow and prayed for sleep.
* * *
‘Well, what sort of dog is it?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Sara told her niece as they walked hand in hand down the gravel drive that led to their neighbour’s house.
Following Vanessa’s instructions, she had driven along the main road, until she got to the impressive wrought-iron gates that marked the entrance to the house. They had been left open, the gravel drive curving away through massed rhododendron bushes and specimen trees set in immaculate lawns, and opening out at the front of the house. Sara had parked her car next to a pale green estate car which she guessed must belong to Vanessa.
From the front the house looked every bit as impressive as she had been told, although perhaps impressive wasn’t the right word, for it conveyed a cold hauteur the house did not possess. Rather it presented a warm, welcoming façade to the visitor, suggestive of a house that had known the happiness and warmth of many generations of busy family life.
The red brick was softened with age, ivy clinging to the walls. Elegantly proportioned white-painted sash windows looked out over the drive and grounds.
As she turned her head, Sara caught the glimmer of sunlight on water.
The door opened as she stood absorbing the scenery, and Vanessa came running down the steps to welcome them.
‘Right on time,’ she greeted them, pushing down the enthusiastic Old English sheepdog puppy who had jumped up at Sara. ‘Jonas’s dog,’ she told Sara with a smile. ‘Mum bought him for Jonas for his birthday to replace the old dog he lost last year.’
‘Where’s our dog?’ Carly asked Vanessa importantly, reaching down to pat the puppy’s curly head.
‘He’s in the kitchen at the moment. Why don’t you come in and say hello to him?’
Nodding eagerly, Carly let Vanessa take her hand and guide her up the steps.
‘I had planned for us to have tea first,’ Vanessa apologised to Sara as they headed straight for the kitchen, ‘but something tells me that Carly wouldn’t think that a good idea.’
As they walked through it, Sara noted the lovely proportions of the hallway, with its airy wrought-iron staircase and marble steps. Several portraits graced the walls, family ones, Sara suspected; her suspicions were confirmed when Vanessa commented, opening a thick, richly polished mahogany door, ‘The house has been in Jonas’s family for a long time, but gradually over the years the family has had to sell off more and more land, so all that’s left now is the house and its grounds. That’s why Jonas wanted to buy the paddock off Miss Betts. He could use it to expand the business. The cottage was once part of the estate, and it was sold to Miss Betts’s parents by Jonas’s great-grandfather.’
Vanessa stopped to let Carly and Sara precede her into the kitchen. A solid-looking Aga filled a brick alcove and the kitchen units had wooden doors, the wood looking heavy and old. A large refectory-style table filled the centre of the floor.
‘Unless we’re entertaining, we normally eat in here,’ said Vanessa. ‘Jonas needs a proper meal at lunchtime, but he never has time to sit down and eat properly, never mind getting changed, so we tend to eat here in the kitchen. Fortunately he’s having a bit of a lull at the moment. Obviously our season runs ahead of the retailers, and we should have a pretty quiet time from now until late summer when we have to start making up the orders for autumn planting. Mind you, with so much container-grown stuff these days, Jonas is always kept busy. It’s a very competitive and demanding business, and if we can’t satisfy a customer’s requirements, they’ll pretty soon go somewhere else.
‘Jonas should be in in about an hour,’ she added. ‘He normally has something to eat about five, and then goes out again to do some more work. We have to take advantage of the light evenings while we can. I’ll get him to show you round if you like. Sam said you were very keen to get to grips with the garden at the cottage.’
Fortunately, before Sara was forced to reply, Carly spotted the golden retriever basking in front of the Aga.
‘Is that our dog?’ she asked Vanessa eagerly.
‘Yes, that’s Simon,’ confirmed Vanessa, reaching up to push the tumbled curls off Carly’s excited face. If Carly had to have a stepmother she’d be hard put to find one who could love her more then Vanessa, Sara reflected, watching the emotion play over the other woman’s face.
‘She’s so lovely,’ Vanessa said huskily as Carly ran off and crouched down beside the dog, patting the golden head and crooning nonsense in the fluffy ear. ‘The cats are in the conservatory,’ she added. ‘We have a small goldfish pond in there, and they’re living under the illusion that one day they’re going to catch their own tea.’
Watching her ten minutes later as she took a glass of orange juice to Carly, Sara was again struck by the intensity of emotion the little girl seemed to arouse in Vanessa.
‘You obviously love children very much,’ she commented when Vanessa came back to pour their tea.
The blue eyes became shadowed, her mouth trembling slightly. ‘Yes…I do,’ she agreed huskily. She seemed as though she was about to burst into tears, and Sara felt slightly uncomfortable. Had she said something to upset Vanessa? She had already realised how
sensitive the other woman was, and she hated to think she had hurt her, however inadvertently.
‘I’m sorry about this,’ Vanessa managed. ‘I’m not normally so…so emotional. It’s just that… Well, I may as well tell you. When I was eighteen I was pregnant. I wasn’t married. My…my lover was, though. He was someone I’d met through schoold—older than me. I behaved stupidly, but at eighteen…’ She shrugged. ‘You know how it is, you think you know it all. Of course I’d kept the relationship secret from the parents. Jonas was working in Canada at the time, and when I told him about the baby my lover insisted that I had to have an abortion. I didn’t want to…but I was too scared to confide in my mother. I had no close friends to talk to. It was already arranged that I would go to Cambridge if my A-level grades were good enough. I allowed him to persuade me. Unfortunately something went wrong, and I was very ill.’
Her eyes avoided Sara’s, but it didn’t take much imagination to sense how desperately unhappy she must have been. Sara felt bitterly appalled that any responsible adult could inveigle an adolescent into such a damaging situation. No doubt her lover had been anxious for Vanessa to have an abortion, especially since he was married, no doubt with children by his wife. She felt towards him as she had done towards Wayne Houseley, only in this instance her sick disgust and revulsion was, if anything, even stronger.
‘The parents had to be told, of course. They were marvellous—so supportive and understanding. Jonas came home on holiday and when he found out what had happened…’ She shuddered. ‘He wanted to confront my lover with what he had done, but his father managed to dissuade him by pointing out to him that innocent people would also have to suffer—his wife and two sons. I’ve wished so many times since then that I’d had my child. Sometimes I can’t forgive myself for giving in so weakly. The man concerned means nothing to me now, but a child…’
Sara thought she understood, now, the reason for Vanessa’s shyness and insecurity. It must be incredibly damaging to have your child and your love rejected by your lover.
‘I’ve told Sam about it…’
Deep in thought, Sara took several seconds to register Vanessa’s comment. When she did she said softly, ‘I’m sure he understood how you must have felt, Vanessa.’
Sara knew her brother well enough to know he would be the last person to condemn any woman for something so completely beyond her control.
‘Yes… Yes, he did. I really like him, Sara,’ she added shyly. ‘And Carly… I’ve always wanted a little girl.’
Sensing that Vanessa was trying to gauge whether her relationship with Sam was going to elicit her disapproval, Sara told her firmly, ‘And he really likes you. I’m glad he’s found someone to…to help him to build a new life, Vanessa. It’s what he needs and it’s what Holly would have wanted for him.’
It was only as she said the words that Sara realised how true they were. Holly wouldn’t have wanted her husband and daughter to spend the rest of their lives in mourning for her. Just as Rick wouldn’t have wanted her… Frantically she tried to dismiss her thoughts. She wanted to go on mourning Rick. She needed… Needed?
She was glad of the diversion created by Carly, who came up to ask when she could see the cats.
Lifting the little girl on to her knee, she promised her that they would go and see them just as soon as she had drunk her tea.
CHAPTER FIVE
IT was only when she came to leave that Sara realised the impossibility of bundling one extremely large dog, plus two cats and a small child, into her very small car. Gazing helplessly at Simon’s bulk and Carly’s mutinous face at her suggestion that they leave the dog behind until another day, she was relieved when Vanessa came to her rescue.
‘Look, why don’t I run Simon, the cats and Carly back in my estate car?’ she suggested.
A faint tinge of colour warmed her skin, and Sara guessed sympathetically that she would be glad of the excuse to see Sam again. ‘Fine,’ she thanked her. ‘I’ll follow you in my car.’
Vanessa bit her lip. ‘Oh, I’d forgotten—I’ve got an important message to give Jonas. One of his buyers wants to come and see him tomorrow morning at ten, and I think he had planned to be out. Sara, would you mind staying behind until he comes in? He won’t be long, only about half an hour. It would be a good opportunity for him to show you round the greenhouses as well.’
Sara wanted to refuse, but Vanessa was so sensitive to the least nuance of criticism that if she did so, she might think that Sara didn’t trust her to take care of Carly, or, worse still, that she disapproved of her relationship with Sam.
‘OK, I’ll stay and give Jonas his message,’ she agreed, adding with a faint grimace in Carly’s direction, ‘you might tell Sam, though, that a certain young lady ought to have a bath and an early bedtime tonight.’
‘I’ll tell him,’ Vanessa promised, ushering her charges into her car. Sara was pleased to see that she put Carly in the back, carefully fastening the seat belt around her. At her side, Simon perched regally on the seat, the two cats in their baskets in the back.
As she drove past her, Vanessa rolled down her window, and called cheerfully, ‘Thanks, Sara; Jonas shouldn’t be long.’
* * *
He wasn’t. She had been waiting in the kitchen for less than fifteen minutes when she heard the Land Rover draw up outside.
As he strode into the kitchen, he checked, eyebrows lifting in mute query as he saw her.
‘I couldn’t get Simon and the cats and Carly into my car, so Vanessa has run them back,’ she told him curtly. ‘Vanessa asked me to stay behind to give you a message.’
‘Can it wait until I’ve had a shower?’ he asked, grimacing faintly. ‘I’m filthy.’
He didn’t look it, but as he turned round she saw the patches of sweat down the back of his shirt, and she saw there were smears of mud on his arms, below his rolled up sleeves.
‘I’ve spent most of the afternoon digging out what we hope is going to be a breeding pond for koi carp. It’s a side-line I’m thinking of going into in a small way.’ He flexed his back and grimaced again. ‘God, I’m going to be stiff tomorrow!’
He tensed his torso exploratively and then relaxed it. Sara had been watching him out of the corner of her eye, and she felt the alien heat prickle over her skin, her muscles locking against the treacherous sensation.
Jonas was watching her, his eyes narrowing in mocking comprehension as he drawled flippantly, ‘I don’t suppose there’s any point in inviting you to come up and scrub my back, is there?’
‘None at all,’ Sara replied crisply, resenting both the lazy amusement in his eyes and her own colourful blush.
‘Give me ten minutes and I’ll be down,’ was Jonas’s parting comment as he headed for the hall, throwing over his shoulder as he opened the door, ‘oh, and I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee if there’s any going?’
Telling herself that it was only because she had nothing else to do that she was complying with his request, Sara set about making some fresh coffee.
True to his word, Jonas was back downstairs within ten minutes almost to the second. He came into the kitchen, bringing with him a clean smell of soap. His hair clung damply to his scalp, his bare forearms and exposed throat gleaming like polished satin.
Deliberately keeping the width of the table between them, Sara poured his coffee and gave him his message.
‘I’ll get back now,’ she concluded curtly, trying not to notice the clean neatness of his hands and nails, only the odd rough callous and his strong tan betraying the fact that he worked outdoors.
‘Why the rush?’ His tone was laconic. ‘Sam will be perfectly safe with Vanessa, or is that why you’re so keen to get back? Or don’t you approve?’
She didn’t pretend not to understand, her skin flushing with angry colour as she vehemently denied his suggestion.
‘So it doesn’t worry you that a…relationship could well develop between my sister and your brother?’
‘Not at all; why should
it?’
‘No reason, but I must admit to being rather surprised. You’re so determined to keep on living in the past yourself that I thought you could well resent Sam’s decision to go on living.’
It was a cruel thing to say, but there was no regret or apology in the grey eyes as they locked on hers. In fact, he seemed to be regarding her with a fierce banked-down anger that made her pulses jolt and her defence system spring to the alert.
‘Why is it you’re so eager to put me in the wrong?’
It was a silly question to have asked, and when she saw the derisory glint in his eyes, Sara wished it unsaid.
‘Perhaps because it stops me from being equally eager to do this…’ He put down his coffee mug and moved so quickly that there wasn’t time to avoid him.
The hard pressure of his body against hers forced her back against the table until she could feel the edge of it against her back.
She raised her hands to his chest to push him away, but it was like trying to move solid rock, as he slowly made her arch backwards. The hands she had raised to fend him off locked round his neck to stop her from overbalancing completely. As though he sensed how much her mind was fighting against him, despite the fact that he had subdued her body, the pressure of his mouth on hers betrayed anger as well as desire.
She didn’t want to respond to him, but the fierce heat of his kiss aroused a treacherous response inside her. His teeth tugged urgently at her bottom lip, his tongue taking full advantage of her sharp cry of protest, the smothered sound of satisfaction he made against her mouth dangerously erotic.
She disliked him; she hated him almost and loathed the physical effect he had on her, but none of those things could obliterate the fact that he aroused her. In his arms she experienced a need and responsiveness she had not even felt with Rick.
Her fingernails curled into his back as she fought the treacherous thought, wanting to deny it, but knowing it was too late. Irrationally, the knowledge that he could arouse her made her resent him even more. Her feelings towards him seemed to mirror those of Eve towards the serpent who tempted her and was thus instrumental in destroying her innocent paradise.