Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2)

by A. D. Ellis

  “Gee, Zach, I’m confused. What could Sawyer possibly need a whole night at Luke’s to do?” Kendrick played it up.

  “I don’t know, Kendrick, maybe they’re having a movie marathon or an all-night video game session.” Zach smiled as he teased his cousin.

  “I bet you’re right, I bet they are going to play video games. Probably a lot of new moves, secret buttons, joystick positioning, I bet it’s going to be all sorts of fun. Hey, Sawyer, can we come over too?” Kendrick was outright laughing.

  “No.”

  “Please, we want to play video games too.”

  “Nope.”

  “You two are awfully selfish with your joysticks.” Kendrick pretended to pout as Luke and Sawyer walked away.

  Chapter 17

  “As romantic as it would be to have you whisk me home and spend all night in bed, I didn’t actually think this through very well.” Luke blushed as they walked to the parking lot. “I have a plan for all day tomorrow, but it requires me to go to the store.”

  “No problem, I’ll go with you.” Sawyer leaned in and kissed his cheek.

  “No can do, man. It’s supposed to be a surprise, so I can’t have you with me when I’m buying the things I need.” Luke laughed at Sawyer’s scowl. “Since we both have our vehicles here, why don’t you run home and pack for tonight and all day tomorrow. Jeans and t-shirt with comfy shoes will be fine. I’ll run to the store. Meet me at my place in about an hour and fifteen minutes?”

  They had reached Sawyer’s car, and he wanted to press Luke against the door and kiss him senseless, but he wasn’t sure where Luke was with public displays of affection just yet. Instead, he opened the door and gently maneuvered Luke into the angle of the door. “Can I kiss you?” Sawyer’s voice was gruff and desperate.

  Eyes locked with his, Luke nodded, “You never have to ask.”

  Sawyer’s body warmed, and his heart swelled as their mouths met in a sensual coupling.

  Breaking away, a shy smile played on Luke’s lips. “I’ll see you in a bit.” He climbed onto his motorcycle and Sawyer sighed deeply as he watched him drive away.

  Pulling in at home, Sawyer noticed his parent’s car. He had to smile, they’d been extra protective the last couple weeks. He knew he just needed to let them work out their fears for his safety on their own. And having them drop by and bring food multiple times a week wasn’t a terrible thing.

  Walking into the kitchen, he found his mom and dad talking to Decker and Katie.

  “Hey, baby boy, how are you?” Libby reached up to brush his scar and pulled him into a hug. “That was a fabulous speech you gave tonight. We are so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. That means a lot.” He hugged her back and walked to hug his dad as well. “Listen I need to pack up a few things, but we’ll visit a bit when I come back down, okay?” Sawyer winked at Decker and Katie as he left the kitchen.

  Throwing a couple pairs of boxers in a bag, he grabbed jeans, a clean t-shirt, and socks as well. Pulling open the side table drawer, he tossed in lube and condoms too. A toothbrush finished off his packing, and he headed back downstairs.

  His parents smirked knowingly at him. “Son, Luke’s been gone for a while. Do you think it’s wise to rush into something with him? I’m not trying to dissuade you, I just want you to be thinking with the right head, if you know what I mean.”

  “Nate! I can’t believe you just said that!” Libby blushed and smacked her husband playfully on the arm. “I think your dad is just wanting to know if Luke has worked out his issues, and if the two of you have had time to discuss where it all leaves your relationship.” She raised he brows at Nate, and he nodded in agreement.

  “Yeah, what your mom said.” He smiled.

  “Well, we haven’t had a chance to talk yet, but he promised we’d talk tonight.”

  Everyone in the kitchen jerked their heads to the doorway when Kendrick breezed in with a fake cough covering his “Bullshit…”

  “What? I’m just saying, I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of talking going on tonight. That’s all.” Kendrick winked at Sawyer.

  “Really? In front of my parents?” Decker rolled his eyes at his cousin.

  “Sorry, Aunt Libby, Uncle Nate. Just callin’ it like I see it.” He kissed Libby on the cheek and shook Nate’s hand before leaving the room.

  “Anyway, we are going to talk tonight. I have a feeling his past is really bad. I have to admit I’m a little afraid he’s not ready or able to completely move past it.” Sawyer leaned heavily on his arms as he starred thoughtfully out the window above the sink.

  “Sawyer, sometimes a person’s past is just too much and they never overcome it. But, if Luke has something worth fighting for, it may be the motivation he needs to work through the demons. Heck, many people thought there wasn’t enough therapy in the world to get Audrey and your mom and I past our issues, but we worked through everything and came out better for it in the end. Look at all that Kyle and Josie overcame to be together. Only Luke can know if he’s willing to fight through the hard stuff to get to the good stuff.” Nate hugged his wife to his side and kissed the top of her head.

  “That was beautiful.” Katie wiped a tear and snuggled into Decker’s arms.

  “Okay, well, with that, I’m heading to Luke’s. I’ll be back at work the day after tomorrow.” Sawyer gave hugs all around and headed out the door with a definite skip in his step.

  ***********

  He arrived at Luke’s and let himself in quietly just as Luke was putting the last of the groceries away. Sneaking up behind him, Sawyer wrapped his arms around his waist and nuzzled Luke’s neck. “Mmmmm, I’ve missed you so much.”

  Luke feigned surprise and confusion, and turned in Sawyer’s arms. “Oh, hi Sawyer, I wasn’t quite sure who you were.” Trying to look innocent, Luke batted his lashes playfully.

  “Yeah, yeah…tease all you want. You knew damn well who it was.” Sawyer pulled him in for a soft kiss, and then spoke in a whisper, “I mean, I don’t think you hooked up with a bunch of guys while you were out of town. Did you?” A flash of worry crossed Sawyer’s face.

  “No, I had a whole lot more going on in my mind than worrying about random hook ups.” Luke wet his lips, and continued seductively, “Besides, there was only one hot guy on my mind the entire time I was gone.” Letting Luke control the kiss, Sawyer just held on and enjoyed the ride.

  Luke walked him backwards, stopping only when they reached the countertop. Rocking his pelvis against Sawyer’s, Luke groaned. “I want this so bad.”

  Breaking away, attempting to catch his breath, Sawyer cupped his hands on Luke’s cheeks. “I want this too, but do you think we should talk first?” Unable to control himself, he placed kiss after kiss on Luke’s lips, his neck, his forehead.

  “How about a compromise?” Luke suggested.

  “I’m listening.”

  “We do this, then we talk, then we do this again. I want to be focused when I’m telling you about my trip, but right now I can’t seem to focus on anything but touching you and kissing you.” Luke showered kisses along Sawyer’s collarbone.

  “I think that sounds like a fabulous plan.”

  Sawyer reached for the bottom of Luke’s shirt, pulling it quickly up and over his head. Mimicking the move, Luke made quick work of Sawyer’s shirt.

  Luke, being only slightly taller than Sawyer, seemed to have found a power and desire within while he was gone because he muscled Sawyer to the bedroom, never breaking their kiss.

  “You seem a lot more confident this time around.” Sawyer couldn’t help but note the observation as Luke pushed him down onto the bed.

  “I am very sure.” Kiss. “Sure that I want you.” Kiss. “Sure that I need you.” Kiss. “Sure that I want to see where this could go.” Kiss.

  Sawyer raised his chin so that Luke could trail kisses down his neck to his stomach. Stopping at his waistband, Luke looked up at Sawyer with lust-filled eyes. “I want this, I want you. But,
before it goes any further, I need you to know it’s not just about sex.”

  Sitting up and rolling up to his knees, Sawyer pulled Luke into his arms. Forcefully turning him and dropping him down to the pillow, Sawyer let Luke’s body feel the full weight of his own. “That’s good, because this has been about much more than just sex for me since the moment I saw you outside that boxing ring.” Crushing a kiss against waiting lips, Sawyer rubbed his rock hard length against Luke’s.

  With pants and boxers removed in the blink of an eye, Sawyer stretched out on his side, facing Luke. Caressing a hand along Luke’s face, down his torso, stopping to brush knuckles gently along his erection, Sawyer savored the salty taste and musky scent of Luke’s skin as his lips followed his hand’s path. He smiled inwardly as he heard the swift intake of Luke’s breath when he took him in his mouth.

  Luke allowed the act to continue longer than the first time, but pushed him away long before Sawyer was done. “Sorry, still working on that stamina.” Luke smiled.

  Sawyer worked his way back up Luke’s body. Grasping the man’s hands, he stretched them over his head and held them there while he kissed and licked his fill. Sawyer lifted up and turned Luke over, fitting his body underneath his own. Pressing his erection against Luke’s ass, Sawyer felt him go still.

  “What’s wrong? You know I’d never hurt you, I’ll never push you for something you’re not ready for.” Sawyer whispered and kissed along the outer edge of Luke’s ear.

  Luke pushed up on elbows so that he could roll over. Once again, they laid on their sides, facing each other. “That’s part of what I need to talk to you about.” Luke pushed Sawyer to his back and crawled on top of him. “But, first I need to be inside of you.” A desperate kiss, and a desperate plea. “Please.”

  “It’s the only place I want you to be.” Sawyer reached for the condom he’d placed on the bedside table earlier. Quickly rolling it onto Luke, Sawyer rolled to his stomach. The sexy look thrown over this shoulder was all it took before Luke took hold of his hips and pulled him into the perfect position. With a slow thrust, Luke gritted his teeth and fought to catch his breath.

  Several hot, sweaty moments later, Luke collapsed on top of Sawyer.

  Sawyer tried not to laugh, but Luke noticed the tell-tale shaking of the man’s shoulders underneath him.

  “What’s so funny?” Luke questioned.

  “We need to wash these sheets, unless you plan to sleep in the wet spot.” Sawyer chuckled and Luke joined him.

  “We’ll wash the sheets, wash ourselves, and then talk. By the time we’re done talking, the sheets will be ready.” Luke eased off of Sawyer’s body.

  Pulling him down for one last kiss, Sawyer laughed again, “Just in time to dirty them up again.”

  They showered, ate huge bowls of cereal, and then settled in on Luke’s couch to talk. Luke fidgeted with his hands, Sawyer noticed he was extremely nervous. Moving to the corner of the couch, he leaned back and opened his arms and legs, “Come here, let me hold you while you talk.”

  Luke’s eyes welled with tears. He crawled across the couch and met Sawyer with a sweet kiss. “Thank you. Thank you for being patient, for listening, for just being you.” Luke turned and nestled his back against Sawyer’s chest, and sighed as Sawyer’s arms wrapped around him.

  Kissing the side of his head, Sawyer whispered, “Take your time. It’s just me, and nothing you tell me is going to change the way I feel about you.”

  Closing his eyes, Luke began.

  “I don’t remember everything I’ve told you. I know I’ve shared more with you than with anyone else in my entire life, but I’m sure you’d like to hear it all, so I’m going to tell the entire ugly story.”

  Luke breathed deeply and Sawyer watched his profile for a few moments before letting Luke’s story transport him to a past nightmare.

  “My father hated me. I don’t know why, but the only memories I have are of him spewing hatred at me or neglecting me. I’m pretty sure the only reason he didn’t starve me to death is because of my mother. He was never mean to her. I think he had truly loved her at one point even though I never saw love between them that I can recall. His obvious hatred of me was confusing.” Reaching down, Luke grabbed Sawyer’s hand.

  “I was always blonde with fair skin and blue eyes, I looked a lot like my mom. My dad and older brothers weren’t tall, I’d describe them more as stout and beefy. Not overly fat, but definitely not built the same as me. They all three had dark hair, olive skin, and deep brown eyes. I always tried to stay hidden from my father; it was as if the mere sight of me would make him angry. He wasn’t a bad father to my brothers, he hung out with them, played sports with them, took them places. Except for the hate-filled words he spat at me when I wasn’t quick enough to hide from him, he all but acted as if I didn’t exist.”

  Sawyer squeezed Luke’s hand. “That must have been a really confusing and hard way to grow up.” He leaned in and kissed the side of Luke’s head again. “Go on.”

  “He never physically abused me, I know my mom would have left him for that. Sometimes I would wonder why she stayed, but I knew she loved her older sons too. And, even though he didn’t do it gladly, my father did provide food and shelter; had she left she wouldn’t have been able to provide for me. I think she was just doing the best she could.” Luke’s voice softened and Sawyer’s heart lurched to hear him defend his beloved mother while still trying to make sense of the hatred shown to him by his father.

  “My father and brothers all three teased me mercilessly, of course only when my mother wasn’t around or couldn’t hear. Luckily, I was almost always with her, so I didn’t have to endure the teasing much.” Luke stopped briefly, as if waiting to see if Sawyer would ask what he knew he was dying to ask.

  “What did they tease you about?” Sawyer whispered, although he had a feeling he already knew.

  “They’d call me things like faggot, queer, fag.” Luke’s voice gruffly mimicked the words used against him. “Nothing new or original, but at the time I didn’t understand the words, and I just knew they were meant to hurt.”

  “As I got older, and especially after my mom got sick and wasn’t able to be around to protect me as much, their words turned more sexually demeaning. They’d ask if I wanted certain things done to me and then laugh when I didn’t know how to answer them. At the time, I knew I was more attracted to males than females, but I didn’t really understand the words and phrases they were hurling at me. I just knew they scared me.” Luke shuddered and Sawyer wrapped his arms around him.

  “You’re doing great, thank you so much for allowing me into your story.” Sawyer just sat quietly, holding him, until Luke was ready to go on.

  “The day my mom died, she brought me to her bedside and began to speak. Her voice was ragged and so very soft, like every word and every breath caused her pain. She pulled me close and whispered words that I will never forget. ‘Luke, my dear baby boy, you’ve not been shown love from a father, but you were born from the love of both a father and a mother. I’m sorry you will never know the man your father could have been. Please forgive me for allowing you to suffer at their hands. Don’t give in, don’t let them win…’ She stopped to catch her breath, but she never spoke another word. She died a few minutes later, with me holding her in my arms.” Luke sniffed.

  “Babe, if you want to take a break, we can stop for a while.” Sawyer offered.

  “No.”

  Sawyer smiled into Luke’s shoulder, “Okay then, keep going.”

  “I didn’t understand most of what she whispered to me, I was a distraught 15-year-old. But ‘don’t give in, don’t let them win’ has stayed with me from the moment she breathed her last breath. I knew that very day that I could keep my mom’s memory alive; I’d never give in to my attraction to men. If I never let a man touch me, or me touch him, if my body and heart never got what it longed for, they would never win. I was determined to never give in, never let them win.”

  When Lu
ke paused in his story, Sawyer closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Understanding of Luke’s panicked reactions and determined rejections made more sense now, but he knew there was much more of Luke’s story still to come. And he feared it was going to get uglier before it got better.

  “I thought I’d had it bad when my mom was still alive, but when she died my life became a living hell.” Breathing deeply as if to prepare himself for what was coming, Luke continued. “Remember I told you that my mom had taken out a separate life insurance policy and her will stated the money was to go solely to me? Well, I graduated early and the lawyer in charge of her will made sure I got the money. I took off and never looked back. I feel grateful to her every day for leaving me that money; without it, I would have had nowhere to turn, and I don’t think I would have survived them any longer than I did.”

  Sawyer knew he really didn’t want to hear what Luke had lived through, but he also knew that it would probably help him to talk about it, and it would help him personally to know what demons haunted Luke. “Can you tell me about what they did to you?”

  Shifting slightly to curl into Sawyer’s body more fully, Luke whispered, “It started the day of my mother’s funeral. My father never physically hurt me, but he was just as bad because he’d let them do it; he’d just watch and smirk while they hurt me. It was like he was proud of them for giving me what I deserved.” He stopped, and Sawyer wasn’t sure if he was going to give more detail or not.

  “In the first few days, it was just fists and kicks along with the hateful taunts. But then they started dragging me to the shed outside the house and hitting me with sticks, chains, belts. I learned quickly not to fight back, or it just lasted longer.” Briefly lost in his memory, Luke paused before going on.

  “They beat me like that 2-3 times a week. I started hiding food away and gratefully accepting the breads and cookies and muffins the neighbor lady would sneak to me when my father and brothers were at work and school. I remember her asking about my bruises; I know she didn’t believe my excuses, but she never said anything more about them. Part of me wishes she would have turned my father and brothers in, but part of me feels like my past brought me right here where I’m supposed to be, so I can’t be too terribly upset with her.” He lifted up to kiss Sawyer gently.