by A. D. Ellis
Luke relaxed slightly when Sawyer spoke and kissed him. “I just worry that the pain, both emotional and physical, from your past is blocking us from being completely open with each other. I don’t want anything keeping us from being the best we can be, but I also never want to push you to do anything you’re not ready for. And, if I’m being honest and selfish, I’m a little hurt that deep down you could even think I would cause you pain.” Sawyer ducked his head sheepishly.
Lifting his chin with the side of knuckle, Luke gazed intently into his eyes. “Sawyer, I have every intention of getting there, hopefully sooner rather than later. And I know you would die before you’d purposely hurt me. I get that in my heart; it’s just getting my head to accept it.” Luke kissed him softly. “Thank you for being patient with me.”
***********
Several weeks had passed, and Sawyer was happy, except for two things standing in the way of him being blissfully happy. Luke still hadn’t worked through his fears completely, but Sawyer was determined to be patient with that issue. They’d get there when they got there. It wasn’t like he was missing out on fabulous sex, not at all. He just wanted Luke’s defenses to be dropped completely.
The second thing standing in the way of Sawyer being crazy happy was Luke still hadn’t agreed to coming to a family dinner. Sawyer had begged and pleaded, but Luke balked or made up excuses every single time.
“We are 100% completely together, right?” Sawyer had asked.
“Of course we are, you know that.” Luke huffed.
“You’ve met every member of my family. You hang out with a lot of them both in and out of work; everyone loves you.” Sawyer was beginning to sound exasperated. When Luke didn’t answer, he continued on, “I just want to be able to call you my boyfriend and have you by my side at family gatherings. My family is extremely important to me, and so are you. I want, no I need, for the two most important things in my life to come together.”
Luke smiled sadly. “I know, and I want that too.”
“Then what’s stopping us? I just want to make things totally, 100%, no-doubt-about-it official. Please? Come to dinner this weekend. I think it’s tacos.” Sawyer wagged his brows as he wheedled Luke.
“I’ll think about it. I don’t know what’s holding me back. Maybe it’s fear of the unknown. I didn’t grow up with a fabulous, and very large I might add, family, so this is all very new to me. I’m used to being on my own. I’m not used to big family get-togethers and weekly meals.”
Luke wrapped his arms around Sawyer’s waist and nuzzled his neck. “But, for you, I will try. Just let me work it out on my own, okay?”
Sawyer chuckled and kissed him, “Thank you. And I’ll keep waiting, because you’re worth it.” A kiss to his cheek, “100%,” a kiss on the other cheek, “totally,” a peck to the lips, “worth,” another brief kiss, “it.”
When Luke sighed and leaned into him, Sawyer deepened the kiss.
Several heart-pounding moments later, they broke apart breathing heavily when Sawyer’s phone buzzed. Looking at the text, Sawyer groaned, “Looks like they can get my car in tomorrow, but they want me to drop it off tonight.”
“I’d offer to follow you down there and drive you back home, but I’ve got that evening class at work tonight. In fact, I’m going to be late if I don’t head out right now.” Luke grabbed the back of Sawyer’s neck and pulled him in for one last kiss. “I…um, I’ll see you tonight. Llll…later.”
Sawyer’s heart swelled at the stumbled words and what Luke had wanted to say. Yeah, I love you too, babe. We’ll get there. Some day.
Picking up his phone, he called Hayden as he drove his car down to the auto shop.
“Hey man, can you come over to the new auto shop and pick me up?”
Sawyer smiled at Hayden’s response.
“Yes, yes, I could just walk home. But where’s the fun of that? Pick me up, and I’ll let you buy me a beer before you take me home.”
Chuckling, Sawyer ended the call. Hayden had turned out to be a great friend, and Sawyer was grateful for that.
Sawyer walked the keys into the new shop. It wasn’t actually a new shop, but had a new owner. He’d not met the man in charge yet, but his dad and uncles all liked the place and had started bringing their vehicles in.
“Evenin’. What can I do for ya?” A man about his own age came around the corner wiping his hands on a rag. Sawyer quickly appraised the six foot frame, blue eyes, and light brown hair. The man was extremely attractive.
Reaching out a hand to shake, Sawyer smiled, “Hi, Sawyer Morgan. You texted me a bit ago letting me know you could work on my car tomorrow?”
Recognition dawned on the man’s face. “Right, right. Glad to meet ya, Sawyer. I have to tell you I really appreciate the business your family has been sending my way.”
He shook Sawyer’s hand firmly, “I’m Mikael by the way, owner of the shop.”
“No kidding? I expected someone older, more my dad’s age. Good for you, already owning your own business. It’s nice meeting you, Mikael.” Sawyer glanced at the man’s nametag and noticed the unique spelling of his name. Nodding toward his tag, Sawyer spoke, “Bet that gets misspelled quite a bit.”
Mikael laughed, “You have no idea.”
Sawyer filled out the paperwork and handed Mikael the keys.
“You need a ride man? I’ll be finished here in a bit and can run you home.” Mikael asked.
“No, no, I’m good. I’ve got a friend coming for me. Thanks though.”
Making small talk while he waited, Sawyer continued, “So, what brought you to Torey Hope?”
“Long story.” Mikael’s laugh was a sad and bitter mixture. “Suffice it to say, I was born and raised in a town even smaller than this place. My family never accepted the fact that I was gay. My dad insisted on handing over the family auto shop to my brother and cutting me out completely unless I agreed to ‘just be straight.’ So, I left and never looked back. Worked for a few shops along the way, saved up a little bit of money, and lucked upon this place a few months back.”
Realization snapped in Sawyer’s mind; he’d had a sense Mikael was gay, but his senses seemed to have faded a bit since he’d gotten involved with Luke.
Pulling his phone out, he saw a text from Hayden.
Hayden: I’m here.
Sawyer spoke as he typed his reply. “I’m really sorry to hear about your family, that sucks. But you’ve found a great place here in Torey Hope. And, with the previous guy retiring, you’ve walked into a goldmine of business I’d think. Once you get some customers back who moved when this place closed down, you should be sitting pretty.”
Sawyer: Come in. I want you to meet Mikael.
Hayden: You want me to drag my ass into the auto shop to meet an old Russian guy named Mikael? I’ll pass.
“Well, I hope those customers come back quickly. Finances are really tight, and I’m probably going to need to talk to the bank to get something set up until money is flowing in a little better.” Mikael continued working under the hood of a car.
Sawyer discreetly snapped a picture.
Sawyer: No. I want you to come in to meet a young guy, about our age who happens to be gay with a unique spelling of his name. Check out how good he looks from my angle.
Sawyer stifled a laugh when Hayden appeared at the door in record time. Giving a quick nod in Mikael’s direction, Sawyer wagged his brows at Hayden and mouthed, “Niiiice...”
Hayden frowned and cleared his throat before speaking, “You ready, man? The chariot awaits its queen.” He smiled good-naturedly at Sawyer.
Recognizing a different voice, Mikael stood up straight and turned around. Wiping his hands on his rag again, he walked toward Hayden.
“Mikael, this is my friend, Hayden. Hayden, this is Mikael. You two have somewhat similar stories as to why you’re in Torey Hope. Maybe you should meet over coffee sometime and swap family disappointment tales.” Sawyer teased them, but he noticed that the two men’s eyes ha
dn’t left each other the whole time he’d been speaking.
“Actually, Mikael, Hayden is the bank manager at Torey Hope First Financial, you could set up a business meeting with him and then do coffee later. A little business and pleasure, kill two birds with one stone type thing.” Sawyer smiled smugly and looked innocently at Hayden.
Rolling his eyes at his friend, Hayden shook his head. “Sorry about Miss Matchmaker there. He thinks just because he’s all cozied up with his man, he can pimp me out to people he’s just met.”
Mikael laughed, “No worries, man. It’s nice you’ve got a friend willing to look out for you like that. Actually, I would love to sit down with you and talk about business. After is optional, but I do love a good cup of coffee.”
Sawyer watched in satisfaction as the two men exchanged numbers. My work here is done, he thought slyly to himself.
***********
Luke left the gym after his last class that evening with his head absolutely swirling around his relationship with Sawyer. He wanted to take the next steps. He wanted to be able to bare himself completely with Sawyer, have a completely versatile sex life with him. He knew he just needed to do it and prove to himself that Sawyer would never purposely hurt him.
He also wanted so badly to go to dinner with Sawyer’s family, to let them all see them together, in a real relationship once and for all, but he didn’t know what was holding him back. It was if he was afraid Sawyer and everything good in his life would go up in smoke if he took that next step.
“Luke?” The captain interrupted Luke’s musings.
“Evening, Captain. How are you doing?” Luke instantly felt nervous.
“I’m good, son. Listen do you have a minute?” The captain asked.
As if I’d tell you no, Luke thought. “Sure. Want to sit outside? It’s a nice evening.”
They walked out to a picnic table. Luke was on pins and needles wondering where the conversation was going to go.
“I’ve always been a straight shooter, so I’m going to just come right on out with what I want to say.” The captain began and Luke nodded to show he was listening.
“Son, I’m not going to pretend to understand what you and my grandson have together. But, just because I don’t share the feelings or completely understand something doesn’t mean it’s not real. I’ve watched you and Sawyer; I don’t think either of you chose to have these feelings and the struggles and stigmas that come with your lifestyle.” The captain paused again. Luke wasn’t sure if he was waiting on an answer or not, so he just nodded again to show his understanding.
“Now, something bad happened to me when I was a much younger man. It broke my heart and left me living as a shell of a man. I hid behind the pain, and I covered the pain with the bottle. I missed out on several years of living because I let the fear of moving on stand in my way. People were hurt in devastating ways because of my choices.”
“Son, I’m not saying you’re hurting others, but I do see you hurting yourself and Sawyer. I know you’ve had a rough past; I know you two will face some rough times in the future. In all honesty though, we’ve all got some shitty stuff in our pasts. We can’t let the past control our future happiness. And we’ve all got potentially rough times in our futures. We can either choose to face those rough times with the people we love by our sides or alone. I’ve done it alone. I think you’ve had your fair share of alone. I’d much rather face the future with love surrounding me. What about you?” The captain paused and let the question hang in the air.
“Yes, sir, I’d rather have that too.” Luke felt the man’s words to the very core of his being.
“Well, then. I suggest you stop pussy-footin’ around. Come to dinner this weekend; make yourself officially part of our family. We’d love to have you.” The captain abruptly stood and nodded his head at Luke.
Such an unexpected, touching, and abrupt talk they’d just had. Luke couldn’t help but smile.
As he rode his motorcycle home, a plan began to form in his mind.
***********
It was Saturday night; the next day was the big family dinner at his grandma’s house. Would Luke be joining him this week or not?
A sense of dread overtook him when his phone buzzed.
Luke: I need to talk to you. Can you come over, please?
Sawyer: Everything okay?
Luke: Yeah, just some things that need to be said.
Sawyer’s heart plummeted to his stomach. Climbing in his newly serviced car, he drove the short distance to Luke’s place.
Walking in the door, Sawyer immediately noticed something different about Luke. His body longed to reach for the other man, but his head told him that Luke needed to do this, whatever this was, on his own. He let Luke lead him to the bedroom.
“Have you heard the song Take Your Time by Sam Hunt?” Luke’s voice was raspy, only his cadence giving away his nervousness.
“No, I don’t think so,” Sawyer wasn’t sure where the conversation was headed, but he knew he wanted to keep Luke talking. Even if nothing ever changed between them sexually, he couldn’t bear the thought of not having Luke in his life. If Luke never settled in to Sawyer’s family completely, could he live with that? Pushing the thought aside he focused on what Luke was saying.
Watching Luke pace the floor of the room while he rolled a piece of paper in his hands gave Sawyer a flicker of hope. If Luke was going to tell him something bad, wouldn’t he have done it quickly to get it over with? With his heart full of half hope and half worry, Sawyer let Luke pace and work his words out in his own time.
Finally, seemingly satisfied with what he’d run through in his head, Luke stopped and walked to face Sawyer. “I want you to listen to this song; when it’s over, I have some things I want to say to you. I need to do something on the computer to get ready for my part; put these headphones on and just listen.” Luke gently placed the apparatus on Sawyer’s head.
“What…” Sawyer started to speak, but Luke shook his head quickly.
“Just listen.” Luke handed Sawyer his phone and indicated that Sawyer could push play, then he walked away and settled himself at the computer with his back to the room.
He was glad that Luke wasn’t going to watch him listen to the song; he walked over to the bed and sat down, pulling a bent leg up and leaving one hanging over the edge. As he listened to the song’s opening lyrics, he was confused: a guy talking to a girl in a bar, promising not to be another sleazy pick-up line, not wanting anything serious, just wanting her time. Where the hell is Luke going with this song? As he continued to listen his confusion grew; he could see no connection between their relationship up until that point in time and this song.
As the song ended, Sawyer sat still for a while just listening to the silence which surrounded him. That song wasn’t a break up song, but it wasn’t a love-filled, hopeful song. He turned cautious, wary eyes toward Luke and waited; his heart pounding.
Luke clicked a few more things on the computer then stood up with the laptop and came over to the bed. He put the computer in front of Sawyer. He settled in behind Sawyer, his legs mimicking the other man’s so that his front was flush with Sawyer’s back. Leaning in, he whispered, “That song is great, but it doesn’t say exactly what I want it to say; I’m no songwriter, but I’ve changed some of the lyrics and I wanted you to see how I would sing that song to you. Watch.”
Luke reached out to click play and a slide show type presentation came on the screen with Sam Hunt’s “Take Your Time” song playing in the background. Each slide presented the lyrics as Sawyer had just heard them through the headphones. Still not understanding what was going on, Sawyer took a deep breath and relaxed into Luke’s strong arms and solid chest.
As the chorus of the song played, Sawyer watched in breathless fascination as new lyrics of the chorus filled the screen. The original lyrics were played through the speakers while Luke’s new lyrics stood out in upper case letters on the screen.
YOU’VE BECOME MY FREEDOM
I WANNA BE ON YOUR MIND
YOU’VE ALREADY MADE ME LOVE YOU
I DON’T WANNA WASTE MORE TIME
I WANNA BE PART OF YOUR FAMILY
WE’VE ALREADY CROSSED THAT LINE
I WANNA SHARE YOUR COVERS
I DON’T WANNA WASTE MORE TIME
I DON’T WANNA GO HOME WITHOUT YOU
I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU
YOU CAN CALL ME BABY ANYTIME
I WANNA CALL YOU MINE
YOU ALREADY OWN MY HEART
I DON’T WANNA WASTE MORE TIME
Sawyer’s body tensed as he read the altered lyrics; he held his breath throughout most of the song until it reached a certain point. Instead of lyrics about blowing your phone up and blowing your mind, Luke had thrown in some lighthearted lyrics about “I want to feel you up” and “I just want to blow…um…” Sawyer’s body shook with laughter, and he felt relief flood through his body. He understood this was Luke’s way of letting him know he was done letting the past control them.
The song ended, and Sawyer immediately clicked the file to play it again. Luke ran his hands along Sawyer’s muscled thighs as the song floated in the air. Sawyer’s strong hands came over his; their fingers intertwining.
When the song ended a second time, Sawyer stood abruptly and carried the laptop to the desk. Walking back towards Luke, he sat down hard on the bed and drew in a deep breath. Luke, sensing Sawyer was going to need some clarification on what his words meant for them, knelt on the floor between Sawyer’s legs.
“So, like I warned you, I’m not a songwriter, but I hope you heard what I was saying with those words.” Luke’s eyes beseeched Sawyer to accept the words on the screen, let him off the hook, make this easy.
“I heard what those words were saying, but I’d like to hear it straight from your mouth.” Wrapping his fingers among Luke’s again, Sawyer longed to dip his head and taste Luke’s mouth, but he knew there’d be time for that later.