The Beginning
Page 2
From the pencil that I write, unable to erase anything that is inside.
Just spellin mistakes but they come as time goes.
Watching things take shape as my poetry flows.
I never knew what things could have been.
I never know why I never did seen.
The future ahead of me and left the past where it was.
Not wanting to look ahead nor behind.
Always having to walk with the blind.
Don't want to see the future.
To focused on the past and current.
Watching it take me away, making me something that I'm not.
Watching my soul an corpse begin to rot.
A shell is what I begin holding all the emotions that I can.
I never know where to look for help.
I never know where to turn when I seek it.
The ideas from my head rip me apart from the inside.
They tormented thoughts are only here to join the ride.
Here I sit looking down at the blank paper.
Never knowing which voice in my head to trust as they most seem lower than a whisper.
Do I, or should I leave it.
Would I or don't I believe it.
- Kennie Kayoz -
What Shall I Do
I never know anymore about what I should do.
The girl who I'm determined to be with for the rest of my life is turning blue.
Blue with sadness, as she feels she can't do anything that she wants.
Even though everyone can see the smile that her own mother flaunts.
Her own mother wanting her to not get better.
So she can be stuck in those four walls forever.
That isn't the life for her, she needs to get out.
Even though at times she wants to scream, break shit and get the fuck out.
She doesn't, she keeps herself calm.
Wanting for everything to be better.
When in her life nothing looked any wetter.
The rainy day as the cloud is stuck above her.
Knowing that she is stuck where she is.
But always wanting to go back to that bliss.
The life she enjoyed once before.
The life that never have gotten her so sore.
Never wanting to see the life that she never wanted.
Even though the smile on her mother becomes more clear as shes flaunted.
Around the house right in front of her own child knowing.
That the smile of her own child's torment is showing.
But here I sit and I feel like I can't do nothing for my wife.
Except to talk to her night after night.
Online as we can't be together.
Since two separate houses with miles apart are keeping her from getting better.
Allot of weight has been put onto my shoulders.
Got a wife with a broken leg, an I've been fatherless for almost a year.
The one year anniversary of the crash is coming up, as I can feel a tear.
Wanting to run down my face but I have the notion needing to be strong.
Since there are so many people around me crumbling is what I'm doing wrong.
I never seem to know wrong from right.
But 99.9% of my feelings cause me to want to write.
- Kennie Kayoz -
New Life
4E Inc is the site to beat
We won't settle for defeat
Blood, sweat and tears,
Releasing truth, fantasy and fears
We will be a force to reckon with
And our former lives will be only a myth
Because here lies a new life and new times
A new name and some new rhymes
It's all the same cause it's still us
Tryin to break free from all the fuss
You can say we won't make it
But in your face we will spit
We will rise to the top
And we won't stop
Cause 4E Inc is the site to beat
And we won't settle for defeat.
Puttin in our all to this site
So that everything will come out alright
Ain't nothin gonna slow us down
Not family or this town
Cause we gonna be on top
And there is nothing that will makes us stop.
Crystal Kayoz
Gonna Be{ Inspired by Fort Minors' song "Be Somebody" }
Gonna be somebody that makes it in this life
Gonna be Kennies' wife
Gonna live life the way it should be
We're gonna do it, just Shane and me
Gonna find a way to make it right
Gonna turn all the darkness into light
Gonna be someone that you can be proud of
And be like your glove
Always there to keep you safe and warm
Gonna be there for you through every storm
Gonna give all that I can give
So that together happily we'll live
Gonna be somebody who will stand tall
Gonna be somebody who won't let you fall
Who will be there every step of the way
And hold you every night and day
Gonna make it, just you and I
Never lookin back and askin why
We're gonna be strong, gonna succeed
We're not gonna follow, we're gonna lead
Crystal Kayoz
Deal With It
All ya do is bitch an crab
Makin my life so drab
Why can't ya just let me be
I'm not happy here, why can't ya see
Ya want control of my life
But I refuse to give up my knife
My knife is not real
But it shows how I feel
Like I'm trapped so I won't give up without a fight
Cause deep down ya know I'm right
Ya make my life hell cause ya won't let me live
So with my knife, my life I shall give
All ya do is bitch an crab
Makin my life so drab
Why can't I just be me
Why can't ya see
That my life is what I want to live
And I'm tired of ya always taking while all I do is give
That's it,I'm tired of ya shit
I'm done, goodbye, deal with it.
Crystal Kayoz
Escape
When all is said and done
When there's no more time for fun
I will find my way
I will seize the day
I will escape this life I hate so much
I will throw down life's crutch
And there will be no more of me
Nothing left for you to see
You don't know how I feel
You don't know the deal
I made so long ago in the dead of night
To give up this brutal fight
To find my escape from you
And all the shit you do
I'm living for me not you
I'm tired of that shit you do
Tired of how you are
Tired of happiness being so far
From reach for me
So this is all you'll see
When I'm gone
Read my words at dusk or dawn
Don't matter to me
Cause this is my escape.
Crystal Kayoz
Time Has Come
Sittin here, nothin to do
Except spend hours, thinkin about you
How did we get here
Why am I now so consumed with fear
What does the future hold
And why do I always feel like I'm being told
What to do and who to love
Putting me below and them above
No more, I won't have it
If that's how life is, then I quit
I want my life to be mine
> If this is wrong then show me a sign
Nothing comin my way
So today must be the day
That I start over again and live for me
Out in the open for all to see
I want to think about you
I want to be part of all you do
I'm tired of doin what they say
Tired of having to stay
In a world where I don't belong
Tired of feeling weak when I should be strong
So this is it, there is no more
I found you, you're the one that I adore
4E Inc is what we created
All this time we have waited
And now our time has come
To fly and show the world what we have become.
Crystal Kayoz
Baby To Be
I love you, my baby to be
Part of me can't wait to see
How beautiful you are
Knowing that you'd be the star
Of my life and heart
And that this would just be the start
Of a beautiful life for us
All the feelings I wish I could express
To give you all the love I never had
And same with your dad
We'd love you until the end of time
Love you so much it'd be a crime
I love you, my baby to be
And I know your daddy will agree
You were created with love
You will be sent from heaven above
Something so precious and small
We'll never let you fall
We love you baby to be
Mommy, Daddy and baby to make three.
Crystal Kayoz
Beautiful One
Here I am, look at me
What a wonderful sight to see
Precious angel that I am
Take my picture with that cam
How wonderful I will make your life become
No more feeling useless and dumb
I want to make you smile
And feel like all this was worthwhile
I want to laugh with you
To be part of all you do
So please take a picture of me
While I smile with glee
I'm happy cause you love me already
And our relationship is steady
I'm perfect for and to you
But that much you already knew
Look at me, I'm the beautiful one
Together, our life has just begun.
Crystal Kayoz
* UNTITLED *
I'm sorry for everything I've done
Sorry that I've taken away all your fun
Made it so your life has no meaning
So all you do is your cleaning
'Round the house you putter about
Your mind full of doubt
Thinkin about what could have been
And how you wish for once you could win
About how you could be happy
Instead of living a life that's crappy
But that's the life you lead
Everything rushing past you at warp speed
Yet you stay the same
And you're the only one who's to blame
You don't want to change
You just want a different life in exchange
Well, sorry, but it don't work like that honey
Least not unless you got a shit load of money
Which is something that you lack
So here you sit in your world so black
Feelin sorry for yourself day in and day out
Keeping silent, trying not to shout
So again I say I'm sorry for everything that I've done
Sorry for taking away your fun
But I won't turn out like you
I won't sit around with nothing to do
I will be happy and live my life the best I can
With the man I love, that's my plan
So good-bye mother dear
Time to wipe your mind clear
Cause I'm no longer yours to hold
You left me out in the cold
So here I go to my wonderful life
Being happy and being Kennies' wife.
Crystal Kayoz
No End
Change your life around
Wipe away that frown
Time for you to smile
And do something worthwhile
This is 4E Inc
The place that makes ya think
We post our thoughts for you
In hopes of bein true
To our company name
To make it last forever, that is our aim
Think of us what you will
Read until you've had your fill
There will be many books put out
So smile instead of pout
We want to spread the word about our name
In hopes of geeting a little fame
Cause we're gonna be here 'till the end
Just wait and see my friend
4E Inc is here to stay
Burning' some bridges along the way
Thinkin', rhymin', sayin' what's on the mind
Walk in our shoes and this you'll find
A life of crap turned into gold
Once love finally took hold
Now there's no end to what we can do
But watch your back or the next rhyme may be about you!
Crystal Kayoz
* UNTITLED *
Here I am, waiting to be seen
Lookin back at all the places I've been
Thinkin about where home is
And how 2006 was nothin but a fizz
Not much to tell
Wrapped up in 3 words; it was hell
Nothing went my way
Now I'm left with little to say
2 accidents, almost a third
My words never to be heard
By those I want to hear them
I feel like a rose, rather just the prickly stem
Never being seen
Just being stuck in between
The glass neck of your vase
Always being a disgrace
Always being the cause of your pain
Unless your my husband Shane
Then you see me as the beautiful thing I am
Sitting back thinkin 'damn'
How you got yourself the perfect wife
And how 4E Inc is your life
Somebody to share everything with for all of time
Somebody who shares your interest in rhyme
So I may be sittin here waiting to be seen
And lookin at all the places that I have been
But my 2006 hell is my fuel
To do what I think is cool
To be part of something big
And know that you can't break me like a twig
Cause I'm strong as can be
And soon enough you will see
Together we are a force to be recconed with
Cause 4E Inc ain't a myth.
Crystal Kayoz
Insecure
I hurt and I cry for you
Wanting to be with you
Not knowing what tomorrow will bring
Just wanting to see that ring
To feel secure
To know that it's for sure
Praying that you're the one
And my search for love is finally done
I feel inadequate for you
Like everything I do
Is wrong in some way
And this may be my last day
To say that I care
That you're my teddy bear
So why am I so sad
Why do I feel at me you're mad
How do I not cry and not hurt
How do I not feel like dirt
How do I truly know that for you I am the one
And that all this time was not just for fun
What is wron
g with me
In me, what is it that you see
Do you want to marry me for sure
Why am I so damn insecure?
Crystal Kayoz
Missing You
Why do I love you so
Why does it always hurt to see you go
Watching it bein to fade away
The happiness I felt today
Inside I die
Saying othewise is a lie
Feeling so very alone
Back to missery as I groan
Please don't wake me
This is how I choose to be
In bed hiding from it all
'Cause at least here I can't fall
Safe with my thoughts of you
Knowing I have nothing else I'd rather do
Than see you in my mind
'Cause there you're easy to find
Back to reality I must go
The happiness you see is just for show
'Cause how can it be true
I'm here instead of with you.
Crystal Kayoz
My Passion{ Inspired by NAS' song "I Can" }
I know that if I work hard I'll be who I want to be
And then it will be up to you to see
That I have changed and I'm a different person than I once was
And 4E Inc will have all the buzz
'Cause we are holdin on for life
Usin words as our knife
Being who we want to be
I'm livin life for nobody but me
I gotta work hard so I can be where I want in life
Bein happy usin words as my knife
I know I can do this
So don't sit 'round and diss
Me 'cause I'm doin somethin with my life that you ain't
You just sittin 'round feelin faint
'Cause I'm makin your world spin
Wonderin why it's me and not you who's gonna win
4E Inc is giving me the chance
To work on my passion, my romance
My words that express it all
Bein a pick me up when I fall
So I know that if I work hard I'll be who I want to be
And then it will be up to you to see
That my life is gettin good
Perhaps this is somethin that should be understood
I ain't nothin great
But this is my fate
Writing and lovin what I do
And if you don't like it, then screw you!
Crystal Kayoz
So Down
Sittin here all alone
Wishin somebody would call me on the phone
'Cause we had a little tiff
Now I sit and wonder what if
Things could have been different had I kept silent
But now I feel as though things have turned violent
Not with actions but with spoken word
And I feel as though I have not been heard
Never felt so all alone
So uncertain of the future and all that is known
Never felt so unloved
Never felt like I've been shoved
By merely words spoken
To be left feeling so utterly broken
To feel so down
To not know how to smile, only frown