by Alice Ward
“Can’t someone else help her?”
The chances of finding someone who was willing to spend their Saturday evening heaving a couch up several flights of stairs seemed pretty low. “I don’t think so,” I answered.
Dan sucked on his teeth. “She can get back on Craigslist and find someone to help her. It’ll cost thirty bucks. You’ll make more than that closing tonight.”
I wanted so badly to be agreeable. I needed so badly to be agreeable. But it was like Dan didn’t even get what he was saying. We were supposed to be picking up the couch in three hours. Relying on some stranger from the internet to help sounded like a bad idea in and of itself. And then there was the ever-cautious Ann-Marie. I didn’t need to mention the idea to her to know she would be staunchly against having some random dude in our apartment.
I lifted my chin. “I’m sorry. She needs me to help her.”
Dan’s chest puffed and his shoulders rose almost all the way to his ears. “I thought this job was important to you, Riley.”
“It is important to me.”
His nostrils flared, and he took a tiny step closer. “Maybe it’s not a good fit.”
I stared at Dan, my eyes blinking over and over again. I couldn’t believe he was suggesting what I thought he was. I’d given more hours to this bakery than anyone else who worked here. I’d postponed concerts with Ann-Marie, trips home on the weekends, and better money just to work overtime at Crumbs. I didn’t see anyone else doing those things.
And then it hit me. No one else was doing those things because they weren’t stupid like I was. They hadn’t been allowing themselves to be used.
Dan slowly shook his head. “I thought I could count on you, Riley. You’re my main girl up front. That’s why I need you to pull through for tonight. If you can’t do it, we’ll need to seriously consider whether you belong here or not.”
My eyes burned as I stared back at Dan. “You know, what? You’re right. I’m actually not a good fit for this job.”
Dan’s eyes widened. Seeing his surprise spurred me on. A strength bubbled up from somewhere deep inside and rushed through me like a shot of adrenaline. The words flew from my mouth like they were there all along, just waiting to get out. “I’m actually worth a lot more than this. This job barely pays my bills, and you walk all over me. So, goodbye.” I tossed my apron on the floor between us. “And next time you make the schedule, you might want to think about double-checking it to make sure you actually filled the whole thing out.”
Dan’s face turned red, and his jaw worked around, preparing to shoot something back, but I didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. I no longer cared. Spinning around, I grabbed my purse from the nearby staff coat area and breezed into the bakery.
“What’s up?” Preston asked.
I didn’t break my stride for a second. “I just quit.”
I heard Preston’s thrilled whoop from behind me. A second later, I was out the door, the bell jingling behind me for the last time. My shoes slammed against the pavement as I left Crumbs far behind. Each step became lighter and lighter, until I actually thought I might be soaring.
I couldn’t believe I just did that. I’d just quit that shitty job. That shitty job that I thought I needed. And yet here I was, feeling more relieved than I think I ever have in my whole life. It was like a massive weight had been lifted off my chest. I was free to live my life.
I just couldn’t understand how I did it. The girl who said those things to Dan was nothing like the Riley I was used to. She was someone else entirely.
I entered the subway station and caught the train. It was nearly full, but I managed to grab a seat right by the doors. Collapsing against the cool plastic, I closed my eyes and replayed the scene over in my head. Dan’s pudgy cheeks turning purple and red. The dramatic way I threw my apron on the floor. Preston’s triumphant cry.
Ann-Marie was always telling me to leave that job. She would be so proud to hear I finally did. And so would Xavier.
That thought made my eyes snap back open. Xavier. Because of the drama that just happened with Dan, I actually managed to go twenty minutes without wondering what Xavier was up to.
He’d be happy to hear about what I’d just done. Maybe. Actually, there was no telling just what his reaction would be, considering he acted so strange the last time I saw him.
It was partly because of him that I quit my job. Or maybe entirely because of him. He was the person who pushed me to be more decisive and assertive. And now I’d finally done just that.
Just not with him.
It was a hard pill to swallow. Here I was, standing my ground at work and taking charge of my life. It was exactly what I didn’t do with Xavier. I’d been allowing him to call the shots in our short relationship, without demanding that I get a say in things as well. He may have never opened up the door to me, but I’d never taken it upon myself to knock.
I sat on the seat in shock, staring at the floor. I’d been so dumb. How much of my life had I spent sitting around, just waiting for people to give me what I wanted? I went to school and studied something I didn’t care about because I didn’t have the balls to do what I wanted to do. I got a job at Crumbs and nearly killed myself putting in hours with the hopes I’d be noticed. And I started dating a man that I fell head over heels for, but who I never once asserted myself with.
My whole life had been speeding by, and no one had been guiding it. I’d thought I was present for it all, but I’d actually been checked out almost twenty-four-seven. No more. This passive way of living had to end, and it had to end that very day.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Xavier
I watched the runway lights from the very last seat in my jet. The plane dipped slightly, preparing for its landing. With a slight bump, we hit the runway and arrived back in New York.
Leaving was pointless. I’d hoped I would be able to clear my head and set myself straight, but I’d spent the whole weekend with my mind elsewhere. I couldn’t stop thinking about Riley, wishing I’d invited her to join me in Florida.
It got so bad that I eventually left my Key West house and went to Miami instead. There, I booked a suite and called up a local modeling agency I was friendly with. They had three girls at the hotel in under an hour.
But even the company of three beautiful women and endless champagne couldn’t scratch my itch. I ended up sending the girls away without anything happening. The rest of the night was spent working. I stayed up so late going over plans and writing emails that I slept until noon.
And now here I was, back where it all began. Back in the city that Riley was in.
She hadn’t called or texted. Maybe she was waiting for me to. If that was the case, she’d be waiting for a while. Though I’d mostly been trying to stop myself from dwelling on thoughts of her, I had allowed myself to come to a couple conclusions. One was that we could see each other again. It just couldn’t be right away, and it couldn’t be all the time. Two was that I needed to remember who I was and what my long-term goals were. There was no room in my life for a girlfriend. I’d begun to forget that with Riley, and that’s when things became messy.
Nice and easy. Casual. Those were the keywords. I’d write them on the backs of my hands if that’s what it took to remember them.
The plane came to a full stop, and I unbuckled my seatbelt. Grabbing the one small bag I brought with me, I made my way past the other cream-white leather seats. The flight attendant waited for me with a smile. I gave her a nod and stomped my way down the steps. Just a few feet away from the last one, my driver waited for me, the back door to the SUV already open.
I climbed into my seat just as John called.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Mr. Fields, I thought you’d like to know about this weekend’s situation at the club.”
I switched the phone to my other ear so I could get my seatbelt on. “What situation?”
“There’s been a guy hanging around and bothering the younger girls. He came bo
th Friday and Saturday night.”
“Ah.”
A fight. That’s what Enigma’s security guard was calling about. He thought I might be in the mood to beat the shit out of somebody. Truthfully, I was always in the mood to do that. Especially if the guy deserved it.
But my last two fights hadn’t done anything for me. I walked away from both of them feeling even worse than I did before. Pounding my knuckles into some flesh had only served to double my frustrations.
“I have his address here,” John said. “I got one of the guys to follow him home last night, just in case you want to go over there and talk to him.”
I took my time formulating my response. “Thank you, but that won’t be necessary. You know what the guy looks like now, so ban him. He’s never to come into the club again.”
“Yes, sir.” John paused. “Do you want the address, just in case?”
I licked my dry lips. I was tempted to say yes. I wanted to believe there was a chance that going over to this random dick’s place was just what I needed. But it wasn’t. There was a time when beating up someone who deserved it calmed me, but for some reason, those days were long dead.
“No,” I finally answered. “Get rid of it.”
I hung up before I had the chance to change my mind. The car sped along, joining the rush of traffic pulsing toward the city. I’d never felt so unhappy about returning to New York. At this point, I only did so because there was no other option. My company was here, and it needed my attention.
I repeated it to myself for good measure. My company needs my attention. My company and no one else.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Riley
On Monday morning, I got up with the sun. It burst through the living room window, warming the worn floorboards and urging me to go outside and meet it. Since I had nowhere to be and nothing to do, I took it up on its offer. With my slippers on and a mug of fresh coffee in my hand, I climbed over the windowsill and settled down on the fire escape.
People rushed by on the sidewalk—kids on scooters, dogs tugging at leashes, and adults talking into their cell phones. I felt like I was in my own secret world up here, getting a sneak peek into the lives of those below me.
There was a noise in the living room, and Ann-Marie poked her head out the window. “What are you doing?”
“I’m seizing the day.”
That made her smile. “Oh. Okay, cool. I’m off to work. What’s your schedule later?”
“I’m free as a bird.”
Since I was originally scheduled to work at Crumbs that day, I was now without anything to do all day long. My next waitressing shift wasn’t until Wednesday night. I’d need to start looking for a second job soon, but one day off wouldn’t kill me.
“Let’s meet up. Maybe we can go to that new bar in Hell’s Kitchen and look for guys.”
The mention of men made my stomach drop. My reaction must have shown on my face because Ann-Marie frowned. “What?”
“I don’t want to go looking for guys.”
“Because you’re not ready or because...” She trailed off, gesturing for me to finish the sentence.
“I haven’t even talked to Xavier since Friday. I need to know what’s going on with us.” I took a deep breath and let it out slow. “I can’t just close the door, you know? Not without giving us a real shot.”
“Oh. I figured you’d probably had enough of his shitty attitude.”
“I can’t just stop seeing him, Ann-Marie, just because he’s acted in some ways I don’t like.”
She pursed her lips and slowly nodded. “All right. I get that.”
I didn’t know if she really did or not. In my best friend’s mind, things were pretty cut-and-dried. If someone did her wrong, she got rid of them. No questions asked.
“I’ll text you later,” she said, pulling her head back into the apartment. “Don’t go too crazy on your day off.”
“I’ll try not to.”
I waited until she was gone to pull out my phone. I spent all of the day before thinking long and hard about exactly what I needed to say to Xavier. Now that I had it figured out, it was time to make a move before I lost my nerve.
Do you have time to meet up today?
I sent the text and got back to my coffee and people watching. It wouldn’t do any good to sit around and wait for his response.
When my phone buzzed thirty seconds later, though, I flinched against the fire escape’s black bars.
Yes. We should talk.
That made my heart twist inside out. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with something to say. Was Xavier going to end things with me? If so, it would be better done sooner rather than later.
Before I could respond, he sent me another text with a suggested time and the name of a coffee shop. I recognized the place. It was about three blocks from Enigma. Since I had the time to go all the way over to Manhattan, and I didn’t want to wait any longer before seeing Xavier, I agreed to meet him there in a couple hours.
Rushing back inside, I dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder blouse. I put on a bit more makeup than usual and took my time fixing my hair. I was crossing my fingers and hoping everything went well between Xavier and me, but making myself look nice and reminding him of what was at stake couldn’t hurt.
I rehearsed what I would say on my trek to the coffee shop. I broke my specifics down into bullet points, which made my presentation both easier to remember and — hopefully — easier to digest. Still, my palms sweated as I got off the train and walked to the spot.
I was a few minutes early, which was good. This way, I’d get a little bit more time to breathe before Xavier arrived. The place swarmed with people. I ordered two black coffees and snagged a tiny table for two by the window.
Just as I sat down, Xavier appeared on the other side of the glass. He didn’t notice me watching him. I kept my eye on him as he walked along the sidewalk and entered the shop. Everything about him was strong and confident. The way he dressed. The way he carried himself. But was he really that way? Or was it all just a facade? Was there a secret dark side to Xavier Fields? A sad side? And if I asked, would he show it to me? Would he let me help him manage it?
Xavier came through the front door and looked around. Our eyes locked and the air in the whole place seemed to change. It was still there: that undeniable chemistry. And no matter what happened between us, I knew it would always be there.
He walked to me with his gaze still on mine. No words were said as he took the seat across from me. I gently nudged his coffee cup toward him. “You like it black, right?”
“Thank you.” He looked at the coffee but didn’t touch it. On my side of the table, my own coffee sat abandoned. I’d yet to take a drink.
Xavier pulled at the cuffs of his suit and sat up straighter. “How have you been?”
“Good,” I answered in a stilted voice. “You?”
It felt like we hadn’t seen each other in months. Xavier cleared his throat and adjusted his weight in the chair. I thought I was uncomfortable, but Xavier looked like he was about to tear his hair out.
Bullet points. I needed to remember my bullet points. A to B to C. I was assertive. I knew who I was and what I was doing. I needed to remember that.
“I quit my job at Crumbs.”
Xavier’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You did?”
I nodded, feeling a bit of excitement over getting to share the news with him. “Dan wanted me to work a double, and I couldn’t. He threatened to fire me—”
“That asshole,” Xavier seethed.
“So I just quit. I threw my apron down on the floor and walked out.”
“You’re kidding me.”
I shook my head and giggled. “Nope. It felt pretty good.”
Xavier’s eyes sparkled. “Wow. I’m proud of you. You’re better than that place.”
“Thanks. Anyway, that whole thing got me thinking… the reason I quit was partly because of you. Thanks to you, I mean.
You telling me that I need to stand up for myself and speak my mind more really influenced me.”
Xavier’s face softened. “Good. I’m glad. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment, Riley. To have people walking all over you...” He trailed off, his eyes glazing over.
“I know,” I agreed. “Which is also why I needed to talk to you.”
Xavier’s eyes came back into focus as he looked at me. “Yes. The last couple weeks have been… intense.”
“Agreed. It’s not what I’d been expecting.”
He nodded. “Me neither.”
“But I’ve liked it. I like being with you. But I can’t help but wonder… I mean, sometimes it seems like something’s going on with you. It seems like something is wrong.”
One corner of Xavier’s mouth twitched. “What are you suggesting?”
“I don’t know what I’m suggesting. It just seems like there are two sides to you.” I laid my palms flat on the table. Now that I was on a roll, talking about this was a lot easier than I had anticipated it would be. “Okay, for instance, the other night you showed up at Crumbs and basically acted like you had a right to step in and interfere with my job.”
Xavier opened his mouth to respond, but I quickly went on.
“Which is a whole other conversation. I’m not complaining about that. You were right about Dan, and you were right about that job. What I’m saying is, you took me home with you that night, and everything was great, but you were distant the next morning. Something must have happened. What were you doing up in the middle of the night? I heard your voice. Were you talking on the phone?”
Xavier’s features tightened more and more with each word I got out. He was becoming defensive. I could already tell he wasn’t going to reveal the full truth of whatever was going on with him. I needed to try a different tactic.
“You don’t have to tell me what’s up, of course, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need me. To talk. Or even just to listen. I don’t have to say anything if you don’t want me to.”