The List

by Alice Ward

  He finished the last bite and downed his glass of milk. “Ahh,” he breathed as though finishing a glass of bourbon. His movements were exaggerated, his posture rigid. Something was wrong.

  “Enjoy yourself, Auggie,” he said, setting his glass haphazardly on a nearby end table and giving me a sarcastic grin as he passed by on his way out the door.

  “Worth?” I called after him.

  He ignored me and slammed the door. The engine of his car roared to life, and I heard tires spinning in the gravel of the road’s shoulder.

  I made myself a cup of tea and sat down to take stock. I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by the dynamics of all the relationships around me. Dad was quickly aging, and I knew he couldn’t live alone forever — particularly in that huge condo. I would have to discuss that with Worth. Then there was Worth, himself. We’d had that falling out, but I was past it. I had long ago learned that there was no way I would ever convince him to change. I would just have to factor in his shortcomings and love him for who he was. He was being cold, however, and spending more and more time at the office. Or so he said.

  His hours had become erratic, and he appeared home at odd hours, almost as if he was trying to catch me off guard. We needed to resolve whatever was going on in his head and to have a talk about Marga. I had her under control at the moment, but she was bright and would figure a way to outwit me. At the very least, Worth and I had to be on the same page when it came to giving her permission and being consistent in her discipline.

  Then there was Mark. God bless him, he was the best of all of us. In a family where misbehavior drew the most attention, however, it was important to keep him feeling appreciated.

  Hawk. I sighed as I thought his name, as I found myself doing so often. I had no idea where that was going to go. I hoped that time would heal and that he would come by the house more and more often. That way we could get used to one another.

  That gave me an idea. I called to Letty, and when she came in, I asked her to make a special picnic with fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, biscuits, and an apple pie. “Pack it into a basket along with some of your ginger cookies, would you?”

  “How many people?” she wanted to know.

  “I don’t know. Just make enough for a half dozen,” I answered, and she muttered a bit under her breath. For Letty, that wasn’t a bad thing. It meant you had her attention.

  I busied myself in my office while Letty cooked. I’d recently installed a new computer and still had some bugs to work out. I made phone calls, including one to the owner of the new foal. They lived out of state and mentioned they’d be in town in a few weeks and would stop by. I wondered why some of these people even bothered to own horses. It was all about status — a reason to hang out with equine people. Many of them had never even ridden a horse before. I tried not to be too critical. After all, these were the people my business catered to.

  I looked up as I heard the front door close. Soon Mark was standing in my doorway, and I motioned him forward for a hug. “How are things?” I asked, wanting to share a little mother and son time.

  “Fine.”

  “That didn’t sound too enthusiastic. How’s that truck running?”

  “Fine.”

  I sighed. What does one talk about with a teenage son? “We had some excitement down in the barn this morning,” I told him and explained what happened. “You should have seen Liane. It was unbelievable. She certainly has a way with animals.”

  “Cool.”

  I wasn’t getting anywhere. “Would you like to ride over to Hawk’s with me later this afternoon? I’m taking him one of Letty’s famous picnics. Might be a good time to get re-acquainted.”

  “No!”

  I was struck by the vehemence of his response. “Mark! What on earth?”

  He looked abashed but then his bottom lip popped out a bit, and he looked straight into my eyes. “Mom, there’s something not right about him. I know that’s awful to say about your own brother, but he’s just hateful towards me. Like he wants to jump me. I’ve never done anything and hardly even said ten words to him. You think he’s jealous because he was gone so long? Did I take something that should’ve belonged to him?”

  Mark was acutely sensitive to other people’s feelings. “I guess I didn’t pick up on it like you did. He did grow up in another time and place, that much is certainly true. I can’t speak for his feelings because I’ve hardly spoken to him since he’s been back, either. That’s why I’m going by with the picnic. I thought it would be kind of an icebreaker, or maybe a peace offering, I don’t know. Sure you don’t want to go? You can protect me,” I teased but the look on his face wasn’t amusement.

  “Mom, just let me pass on this, okay? I don’t know what his problem is, but I’d rather avoid him. Okay?”

  “For now, but Mark, he is your brother and eventually I’m sure it will all settle down to normal. He’s getting married and will probably have children of his own. That tends to settle people down.”

  “It didn’t do that for Dad,” he pointed out with a smirk.

  I hugged him and could only shrug in return. He certainly did read people well. “Okay, then off with you and let me get my computer set up before I go. Do your homework.”

  Mark gave me a half wave as he left the office. He’d never been a problem and always gotten good grades. The last thing I had to do was remind him about his homework.

  Letty tapped on my door with word that the picnic would be ready in an hour. I took the opportunity to go upstairs, shower and change my clothes. I still smelled a bit like the birthing. I brushed my hair and tied it back in a ponytail. I looked out the window and saw that Brandon was just leaving, and Lily was waving goodbye with a huge smile on her face. I realized he’d been there over an hour and wondered about his being away from his law office for that length of time. It wouldn’t bother me a bit if they hit it off. It was about time Brandon found himself a wife, especially if he still wanted to have a family.

  I was soon armed with a giant basket filled with food and decided to ride my golf cart up to Hawk’s rather than the car. It was only next door, even if it was about a half mile down the road from where our house sat. I pulled in to his drive and realized then that he had fenced and gated his property. I don’t know why I never noticed this before. Had he just done this? Since he was west of us, I didn’t pass his place on my way into town.

  I pulled out my cell and realized I had no phone number for him. I called Worth, and he was in with a patient and couldn’t be disturbed. Then I thought to look for a number for Liane and this I found with no problem.

  “Liane, this is Auggie. I’m sitting outside Hawk’s house with a surprise picnic, and he’s got his whole place gated. I had no idea. I don’t have a phone number for him. Can you give it to me?”

  “Auggie, I can do better than that. He’s right here. Hang on.”

  Hawk came on the line. “Hello?”

  “Hawk, I’m sitting outside your house. I brought a picnic with me and thought we could spend some time together — just you and me. I thought to surprise you but the surprise is on me. I can’t get in.”

  “You should call first, Mother.”

  My heart sank at his harsh tone. “I only live next door, and I would certainly knock. You mean to tell me your own mother has to get permission to see her son?”

  “There was a time when the roles were reversed, as I recall.”

  The bitterness in his voice cut me to the core. I didn’t even know what to say. I was confused at first and then became angry. “May I at least have your phone number then? So I can call in the future.”

  There was a long pause at the other end and then he gave it to me, but I heard the immense reluctance in his voice.

  “Thank you. I don’t understand, Hawk, I really don’t. I wanted to talk with you, I think we need to go over some things from the past and get them out. It can’t be kept bottled up inside forever.”

  “Why not?”

&
nbsp; “Because you’re my son and I love you. I want us to be a complete family, not split apart like this. We need to be there for one another.”

  “You’ve already got two other kids to take care of you in your old age.”

  “Hawk! How can you say such things?” I began to cry. I tried not to but just couldn’t help myself. The tears were backed up and needed to flow. “Okay, have it your way, but I’m going to leave this picnic outside the gate. When you come home, it will be waiting for you. There’s nothing that has to be immediately refrigerated — it will keep here for at least a couple of hours.”

  He said nothing more, and then there was silence. My phone returned to its background screen, and I realized he’d hung up. Heartbroken, I clambered off the golf cart and put the massive basket on the pavement, just outside his unbreachable gate. I climbed back into the cart and started down the road, continuing to cry as I drove. At one point I became terribly angry and decided to go back to get the food. Why should I give in and support his resentment? I turned around, and that’s when my heart really broke.

  Hawk and Liane were standing outside the gate, picking up the food. They’d both been right there in the house the whole time I was locked outside.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Hawk

  “You’re mad at me,” I said to Liane as I picked up the heavy picnic basket, but she wasn’t listening, she was watching my mother driving the golf cart away. I turned to follow her gaze and froze when Mother stopped, turning to look back at us.

  “She’s hurting, Hawk,” Liane murmured, holding her stomach as if she felt ill herself.

  “Not my problem.” The words were harsh and I immediately knew I didn’t mean them. Well, not completely. Not as much as I once did. Seeing Mother the other day had been like applying ointment on an open wound. The wound was still raw, it still hurt, but the infection appeared to have stopped spreading.

  Liane turned on me, her hands fisted on her hips. “It absolutely is your problem because it’s also mine. And I’m telling you this minute, that I won’t be put in the middle like that again. It was despicable that you couldn’t give her five minutes of your time. Do you remember the look on her face when she saw you? The devastation? You have no idea what she’s gone through and you… you…” She whirled and headed up the hill.

  “Wait,” I called after her and tossed the picnic basket in the back bucket of the ATV. It roared to life and I chased after her. When I pulled beside her, I shut it off. “Come on, hop on.”

  “No, I’m perfectly fine walking, thank you very much.” She had never sounded more British to me than she did in that moment.

  “Liane, come on. Don’t be ridiculous.”

  That was the wrong thing to say, I quickly learned.

  “Ridiculous? I’m being ridiculous?” Her eyes had hell’s fire behind them. “Let’s define ridiculous, shall we? Ridiculous is making assumptions about people’s feelings and thinking you know what they’re going through. Ridiculous is hiding out behind a gated fence when what you really want, deeply want, is to be included in a family. Ridiculous is—”

  “Fighting on the side of a hill when we could be fighting in a climate controlled home.” I was careful to keep laughter from my tone even though she was truly adorable.

  She growled at me. Growled! Then turned and headed up the hill again.

  “Come on. Get on. I promise we’ll talk about it more when we get inside.”

  I waited for her to come to her senses, to stop and get on. Nope. She was practically jogging up the damn hill. I exhaled, but didn’t start the ATV right away. Damn. Her ass looked fucking amazing.

  “And stop staring at my butt,” she yelled back at me.

  I turned on the ATV and gave it a shot of gas. I sped by her before doing a U-turn, coming around to face her. Turning off the machine, I said, “And that’s another thing we need to talk about. If I wanted all of my thoughts read, I’d send you an e-mail of each one. Some things are private, Liane. Private. Do you understand the meaning of that?”

  She looked abashed for a moment, and her toe caught on a rock. She stumbled, but didn’t fall. “Are you accusing me of snooping into your thoughts?” Her hands were on her hips again.

  “Yes. No. Shit, I don’t know.”

  She narrowed her eyes and stalked right past me.

  I sighed and turned on the four-wheeler, then turned back up the hill, coming up along beside her.

  “I do not snoop on you,” she yelled over the noise of the engine. “I don’t need to. Nearly everything you feel shoots out at me like a bloody bullet.”

  I turned off the engine, but she didn’t stop, just picked up speed. Turning it back on, I pulled in front of her and shut it off. I jumped off and marched up to her, not stopping until I’d tossed her over my shoulder.

  “Hawk!” Her small fists wailed on my back, hurting more than I’d like to admit.

  Straddling the ATV, I started the engine again and smacked her bottom when she started kicking. “Be still!” I yelled at her. “Now, do you want to ride this way or in front of me like a normal person.”

  Wrong thing to say. Again.

  She began kicking like a caged animal and, to my amazement, pulled my hair. I never imagined in a million years this normally calm creature resorting to violence.

  Pulling her off my shoulder, I plopped her down facing me, her legs straddling my hips. I wrapped my hands around her thin wrists. “Stop it.”

  A second later, I was seeing stars. I lifted my hand to my nose. This she-cat had head butted me. I couldn’t believe it.

  Spotting the blood, she became immediately docile and horrified by her actions. “Oh no, I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

  She whipped her t-shirt over her head, leaving only a tank top underneath. Was she not wearing a bra? I didn’t have a chance for a second look because she was stuffing the shirt against my face.

  “Are you alright? I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that, but, oooh…”

  She lifted the shirt to check on the blood and I couldn’t remove the smile from my face in time. Her eyes narrowed and I quickly grabbed her wrists again, then move my head out of her reach.

  “It’s not funny,” she shouted. “I injured you. I’ve never even injured a mouse. I’m a catch and release kind of person.”

  I couldn’t hold it in any longer, a hoot of laughter came flying out of my mouth. Her lips grew thin, then curved a little at the corner. Then she was laughing too.

  My side hurt, my jaw ached, my temples even throbbed before I could make myself stop. Tears were spilling down my face. Just when I thought I’d gained control, I’d look at her and lose it all over again.

  “Is this our first fight?” she asked me, wiping the corner of her eyes. She had hiccups now from laughing so much.

  Each time she hiccupped, her breasts bounced up and down. She noticed my distraction and crossed her arms over her chest. Then her eyes dilated as she gazed up at me and she lowered her arms to her side.

  “I wish we were married already,” she said, her gaze falling to my lips.

  My cock swelled and she shifted on my lap, her cheeks turning the prettiest pink. “I wish that too, Liane, more than you could ever know. If we were, we could begin making up right about now.”

  Silence stretched between us.

  “I’m still mad at you,” she said after a while and lifted a hand to my cheek.

  I turned my face to press my lips into her warm palm. “I know. I don’t blame you. I’d be mad at me too.”

  “Will you try? With your mother? With your family?” Her thumb brushed across my lower lip.

  “Yes. I’ll do anything for you.”

  Her fingers slid around my neck and she pulled my face down to within millimeters of her own. “I love you, Hawk.”

  My heart squeezed. “I love you too.”

  She smiled against my lips. “Good. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to hit you again.”

  I kissed her all the way home.
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  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Auggie

  I felt staggered by the sight of Hawk and Liane; knowing that either one of them could have hit a button and welcomed me in. Instead, they chose to remain anonymously at home, Hawk heaving guilt upon me despite my attempt to heal with gifts in hand. I couldn’t say I was angry with Liane. She was siding with the man who was almost her husband. I suspected she wanted the rift healed as much as I did. I understood it was at her urging that Hawk had even contacted us in the first place. That said, I knew she felt her goal was furthered by staying close to Hawk — as a loyal mate should. I would stand by Worth in the same situation.

  There was one thing about anger, pain and tears. It forces you to resolution. That’s where I’d arrived. I was going to fix this even if that meant dragging every one of them behind me. That’s when I came up with an idea.

  I missed Dad and had promised myself to bring the family down to stay. I would take the kids out of school for two weeks and make Worth clear his schedule. I doubted Hawk and Liane would come, but I would definitely invite them. We would all fly down to the condo and spend some time with Dad. It would be a luxurious prison, and we needed to be away from our normal routines. People tended to hide in their routines.

  Worth was home when I got back. He was sitting in his study doing some kind of paperwork. I tapped on the door frame, and he looked up as I went in and sat in one of the chairs opposite his desk. “I’ve always wondered why you do that?”

  “What are you talking about?” He was impatient.

  “You have chairs facing your desk, as though clients are coming in.”

  He shrugged. “Call it shrink feng shui,” he said, and I laughed aloud. It helped to lighten the atmosphere.

  “Wanted to talk with you if you have a few minutes?”

  He nodded and laid down his pen. “What’s up?”

  “I tried a bit of a peace offering today, and it blew up in my face,” I began.

  “What did you do?”

  “I had Letty make me a huge picnic of Hawk’s favorite foods and took the golf cart up there to surprise him. He’s got the place surrounded by security fencing, including a huge gate that’s locked. I realized I didn’t even have a phone number for him. I tried calling you, but you were in conference. I finally found Liane’s number, and she was with him. He was rigid and bitter; very, very angry. I told him I’d leave the picnic, and when he came home, he could eat it. After I headed toward home, I turned around and saw them both at the gate, bringing in the food. They’d been inside all along and could have opened the gate with the push of a button. Do you have any idea how that feels as a mother?”